Chapter 18

Even though Arnav had left Nikunja on the pretext that he was going to go to the office, as soon as he stepped in Shantivan, he started feeling so restless, that he immediately headed for the poolside garden beside his room. & as he started working in the garden methodically, his mind started whirling in a whirlpool of thoughts.

There was a reason why he was the way he was. There was a reason why he would never involve another living soul with his cursed life than the persons who were already in it. There was something called DNA. & Arnav shoved the trowel so hard in the pot he was holding, that he saw the roots of the plant became usurped. He stared at the uprooted plant for a while, & then grabbing the plant in his hand, he flung it against the wall beneath the stairs that led up from the poolside.

He can't usurp anyone else from their happy life like that. He, Arnav Singh Raizada, wasn't meant for lifetime commitments. He, who... "f**k." Arnav swore softly. He had f**king lying genes in his DNA. He had cheating genes in his DNA. He had suicidal genes in his DNA. He had weak, pathetic, betraying genes in DNA. & one couldn't escape DNA. It was embedded in everyone's core.

Arnav slowly sat down on one of lounge chairs put out on the poolside, & closed his eyes as he rested his head on the headrest. Fact was, he had had enough evidence in the ten years that he might just was like his father. That the fruit, in all probability, hadn't fallen too far from the tree. No matter how attractive he might have found someone initially, nobody held his attention for more than 3-4months, tops. He had no qualms discarding women after he thought their association had run its course. He even didn't have any prick of conscience during the frequent occasions he had been two-timing his girl-friends, & when he had been caught, to his immense disappointment in himself, he hadn't even felt necessarily shameful. But to his credit, he wasn't a hypocrite. He had never demanded nor offered exclusivity in his flings. He believed, the moment any one in an affair found their attentions wavering, it was time to move on. When he had found about his girlfriends' moments of shame, he had never reacted in any way, violent or otherwise. In fact, he hadn't reacted at all. None of the times. But that may be due to the fact, that he just wasn't the jealous type.

Abruptly, the small voice in Arnav's head became vocal again, "Really?? Not the jealous type? Then what was that all about in the party?? All the drinking & hurling insults at the girl?? That was being mean for the sake of it?" Arnav sat up with a jerk & said, "The boys were flocking around her like vultures. I was just trying to look out for her. Propriety & jealousy are two very different things." To his sheer outrage, the small voice again piped up immediately, "Sure. Keep saying that. If you repeat that enough times, maybe one of us will believe that."

Arnav stood up with such force, that the chair toppled over behind him, & he bit out in a harsh tone, "Whatever. Bottom line is, as far as jerks are concerned, I am the worst kind there is. & Khushi deserves better than that. So, from now on, priority number one is maintaining distance from Khushi Kumari Gupta." & he moved with determined steps towards the washroom for a shower. He felt really happy to have come to a constructive decision on the disturbing matter. Little did Arnav Singh Raizada remember that, thinking is much easier than doing.

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After Anajli & Akaash left for their home & Rohan left for his office, Payal & Khushi were finally left alone at home. & Khushi knew they wouldn't be alone for long, as when Bauji called up after breakfast to let them know that Buaji would be coming after 2-3days, as her arthritis pain was troubling her for some days, Anjali had said she'd stay over at Nikunja for as long as Buaji didn't arrive. So she'd be back by lunchtime with the clothes & essentials she had gone to bring over from Shantivan. Hence, if Khushi wanted a heart-to-heart with Payal, now was the time, Khushi decided, as she slowly walked up to Payal as she was dusting the bookshelf in Amma-Bauji's bedroom.

Khushi went & sat down on the edge of her parents' bed, & started swinging her legs in an irregular motion, not sure how to broach the subject of Akaash with Payal. Before she could say anything though, Payal looked over at her & smiled indulgently, "Why are you looking so worried, Khushi? Need something?" Khushi looked at her sister's smiling face for a while, & then she just straightened her spine as she told herself, 'This is ridiculous. This is Jiji. We can talk about everything under the sun, like we have always done.' Then she immediately corrected herself, 'Not everything. Not Arnavji. But that's another battle.' Khushi shrugged, & spoke in a hurry, "Jiji, I was hungry last night & was in the kitchen looking for food last night." & she waited for Payal's face to show any emotion & she was not disappointed. Immediately Payal's face turned beetroot red & she averted her eyes.

Khushi grabbed Payal's hand & made her sit beside herself, & said in a low voice, "Jiji, come on, tell me. What was that?" & when Payal looked at her helplessly, she held Payal's gaze with an unwavering look, & said slowly, "Jiji, remember, the Gupta sisters' code? Nothing you confess, could make me love you less?* I am Khushi, Jiji. Whatever it is, it's clearly troubling you a lot, & that's why I want to know. Jiji?" Khushi prompted Payal by briefly shaking her hand. & that made Payal to look up & meet her eyes.

Payal looked sadder than anything else. & then when she started speaking, there was such an underlying sadness in her voice that it almost broke Khushi's heart, "Akaash ji.. We always gelled so well, Khushi. All of us did, didn't we? You & I, NK & Akaash ji. & he would say these things, you know, about my eyes, or my smile, or my hands, or my bindi.. Insignificant comments really.. Randomly thrown in between some hanging out session, & you or NK or you both would be there. Even Anjali ji was there some of the times. & he almost always laughed it all away afterwards. & I was left confused as hell. & so.. I agreed to Karan's proposal. Why wouldn't I, huh Khushi? You tell me? Some off-the-hand compliments? Is that enough to say no to your Bauji when he asks for your permission for an alliance? NO!" & to Khushi's supreme astonishment, tears began to flow unchecked from Payal's eyes.

Khushi clutched Payal' s hand fiercely & held them to heart, but Payal was beyond noticing that, as she kept talking as if in a trance, "& then he.. After everything got fixed & Amma distributed Mithai in the neighborhood, including Shantivan, he called me up & asked me to meet him at Cafe Siesta. & I didn't want to go Khushi. But somehow, I just had to. Just this once I felt that I had to. & he proposed Khushi. I couldn't believe his gall! & I promise you, Khushi, I turned him down then & there." & Khushi cupped Payal's jaw as now she was crying in earnest. But Payal continued between hiccups, as if she had to finish it now that she had started, "I swear, Khushi, just because I was having these thoughts about Akaash ji that I shouldn't have, I gave it my all to feel something about Karan. I talked to him nights after nights. I didn't stop his advances, cos everytime he'd touch me I'd see Akaash ji's face & I'd feel so guilty.. Khushi, I even let him kiss me, because, I knew by then that I wanted Akaash ji to be my first kiss & that was just pure wrong when I was engaged to Karan." & Payal completely broke down in Khushi's lap, while Khushi hugged her securely & tried to calm her down.

& as sobs after sobs continued to rake Payal's body, Khushi remembered the couple of times she had caught Payal just holding her cell phone up to her ear, not saying anything, just listening to the other side, & as soon as Khushi would sneak up to her, she'd cut the call. & Khushi used to tease her mercilessly thinking it was Karan, although Payal used to look subdued & a little bit annoyed in those occasions.

After a while, as Payal's sobs died down, Khushi made her look up by cupping her cheek & said, "Jiji, what did Akaash ji say yesterday?"

Payal took a couple of deep breaths to steady herself, & said in a shaky voice, "He wants to.. He says he loves me, Khushi. & he insists that, I do too. He says he has always felt like this about me. Then why didn't he do something about it sooner, tell me Khushi?? Why did he let me get humiliated by that Karan the way I was?? & now, after only a week or so after my engagement broke, I am supposed to start dallying with him? Doesn't he see what that tells about me? & he's so adamant!" Payal put her hands up in a frustrated gesture & Khushi suddenly caught them in her own & brought their joined hands down in her lap.

Khushi looked straight into Payal's eyes, & said in an unwavering voice, "Forget Karan, forever. & I don't even care about Akaash ji when it comes to you. All that matters is you & your happiness." As Payal continued to look at her blankly, Khushi continued, "Tell me what your feelings are for him? Tell me what you want to do? What does your heart tell you? & Jiji," Khushi flashed Payal a warning look, "Don't think about the society! The society & everyone in it showed great support to your alliance with Karan, & now look at where that would have landed you! No one can see the future Jiji, so the best you can do is to follow your heart!" & as she finished, Khushi waited for Payal to say something.

& when Payal spoke, her voice was so hushed, that if Khushi hadn't been looking at her intently she'd have missed her words entirely, "Do you remember, how you always used to force us to play with you when you were little? You'd be the mistress of Nikunja, Akaash ji would be the servant you'd send to the market to buy the vegetables & I'd be the servant to cook it up, remember?" Khushi nodded, not sure where this was going. Payal blushed furiously, & continued as she lowered her head, "Well, you were so little, you had no way of knowing, but Akaash ji & I, we were more eager to play that game than we ever let you know. Cos, you see, we had a game of our own going on. When he'd bring the shopping bag full of leaves back, we'd pretend.. We'd pretend that we were.. you know, we were husband-wife. He'd sometimes even call me 'woman' as he said his father called his mother. & after I served you the leaves, we'd sit a bit far from you & I'd serve him as if we were.." & as Khushi suddenly started giggling uncontrollably, Payal glared at her indignantly & immediately defended her younger self, "We were so young Khushi! & as I grew older, I thought was only that! A game. Until the day Akaash ji told me that he loved me. & I realized it was never really a game, or I simply hadn't grown up at all."

Khushi suddenly jumped on Payal & hugged her tightly, making it almost difficult for Payal to breathe, & when she finally let Payal go, she screamed, "If you even try to screw this up again, Jiji, I am telling you, I'd tell' I'd tell.." she scrunched up her face, as she tried to think of a worthy threat, & then said hurriedly, "I'd tell everyone I found Akaash ji & you in a compromising situation last night, so that everyone would just tie you both dummies up & marry you off in the neighborhood mandir only!" When Payal's eyes rounded up with bewilderment, Khushi continued merrily, "I would!! This has all been messed up once due to Karan. Not again! Have you ever heard of anything called a third chance? No? Because there isn't! Now tell me! Tell me what Akaash ji was saying last night? Tell me! Hurry up!" Payal looked at Khushi as if she was looking at a lunatic, but when Khushi again opened her mouth, about to scream at the top of her voice, she hastily supplied, "He wanted to meet up to.. To talk about everything, in Cafe Siesta. Where he.. said that for the first time."

As Payal again blushed a cute shade of crimson, Khushi pulled her cheeks & teased her, "That, huh?? & today, you're gonna say that! Chalo, chalo, when's the meeting?" Payal narrowed her eyes & said, "Lunchtime, 1pm, why?" Khushi gasped dramatically as she jumped off the bed & started flapping her hands in a panic, "Jiji, only one & a half hour to go!! So many preparations! A hot, not-too-hot though, super cute, classy, not-too-flashy, casual, not-too-casual outfit," she started circling Payal repeatedly, as she blabbered on, "Hair, make-up, SHOES! Shoes are essential, Jiji!! Oh, so much to do, so little time. & your horrible wardrobe makes it all that much more difficult!" When Payal tried to slap her hand, she swiftly moved away, & almost warded Payal off to her own room in a flurry of excited motion.

When Payal left the house two hours later, it was established that she was going to be very late, although Khushi maintained it was Payal's own fault that she was late, as it took Khushi half an hour just to convince her to go, & Payal argued it was Khushi's fault as she spend too much time in polishing Payal up. Khushi went to Payal's room & had just finished tidying up the mess that she herself had created while getting Payal ready, that she heard the doorbell ring. Thinking it must be Payal, who had forgotten something, Khushi ran down hastily to open the door, but as she put her eye on the peep-hole, she gasped & debated not opening the door for a moment. Then as the doorbell rang again, she opened the door & let Rohan in.

Rohan looked at her concernedly & said as soon as he was in, "What took you so long to open the door? You guys fine?" Khushi nodded hesitantly as she said, "Umm.. You weren't supposed to come home for lunch today, Bhaiya.. Everything alright?" Rohan nodded absent-mindedly & said, "Anjali called & said, she wouldn't be able to come over till this evening. & I felt uneasy thinking you guys would be alone, so I said Abby to hold the fort while I came over. Where's Payal?" Khushi just stared blankly at her brother. Rohan furrowed his brows at her lack of response & asked again, "Bachchi, where's Payal?"

Khushi squeezed her eyes shut & started mumbling, "Devi Maiyaa, save us.. Devi Maiyaa, save us.."

"He never was the heart-to-heart kind, but we were practically shadows of each other at that time' & I saw. Life was very cruel to him! & now if he's repaying a bit of that cruelty.. Well, I won't say he's fully justified, but I won't blame him either."

Khushi looked at Rohan & she felt on the verge of tears, when he must've wanted Rohan's company for a bit of solace, she had made achieving even that difficult for him. & then she heard Rohan continue in a gentler tone, "& time & again since I have known him, I got glimpses of his golden heart. He is compassionate without being obvious about it, he's helpful without being public about it, and he's always there for you without making you feel conscious about it. How can I be any less fond of him?" & Khushi was instantly transported back to the night of the party, how he had helped her up, how he had carried her back to the guest house, never letting it on that he was indeed her savior in that moment. & how he had kissed her & that too only after making sure that the decision to stay there was entirely in her hand.

& suddenly Khushi felt hard-pressed for air as her lungs seemed to squeeze all the air out by shrinking in size & her heart seemed to inflate so much that she felt it would burst, & she got up from the kitchen chair, mumbling some excuse to Rohan, she felt her head swimming dangerously. She ran out of the kitchen blindly & a few seconds later found herself sitting in front of Devi Maiyya's idol in the living room. She stared at her favorite deity for several seconds & then, she blurted out, despite herself, in choking voice, "Devi Maiyya! I love him!"