Chapter 14

-Archi-

@-Archi-

Hello hello,

First off, a big maafi for the delay - the semester is wrapping up, so i was drowning with tests and assignments. But thank you for all the comments and endless patience! Hope this extra long chapter made up for the long wait

Silent Whispers

-CHAPTER TWELVE-

Hammered

A ten-year-old Khushi hummed to herself as she coloured in her favourite sketchbook, trying to pass the still evening without complaining. She knew she was to stay in her room until dinnertime, even though her legs were itching to take a run in the park nearby her house.

The park was perhaps her most favourite thing in the entire world, simply because it involved her father, who made it a routine to take here there as soon as he arrived home from work. What followed on those days were the father-daughter duo spending endless hours on the swings, soaring high into the setting sky.

It used to be the best part of Khushi's day. Of course it was another thing that it had been ages since she last visited the park. Her father mysteriously disappeared without a warning and she was locked inside her house without an explanation.

Khushi put down her sketchbook, the memory of her father bringing back a heaviness in her heart she couldn't explain. She wished he were at home. She wished she could hug him and complain about all the bad things that happened to her since his departure. She wished she could tell him how lonely she felt without him.

It was as if she lived in a different world altogether now. Her brother stopped playing with her, saying he had "grown up" stuff to do. Her mother too was no different, distancing herself with some excuse or the other. And the worst of all, Khushi was confined to her room most, if not all, of the time.

"You are too little to come out into the hall Meeti," her brother had told her. "But I promise, it will get better. You just have to be patient."

She believed him. After all, her brother was older and smarter than her... He knew it was wrong to lie.

So, she patiently waited for the day when everything would be alright. For the day when he father would come home, and her mother would make jalebis in celebration and her brother would take her to the ice cream parlour near her house.

Khushi looked longingly out into the sky. The sun was setting, casting the entire world in varying hues of red. She had always admired the evening sky - it mesmerized her to see so many colours dancing together in perfect harmony. But that evening, she couldn't enjoy it. The colours looked all wrong for some reason she couldn't pinpoint.

Turning away, she was almost glad to hear her stomach let out a hungry growl. It was dinnertime, which meant her brother would soon be making an appearance.

But he didn't.

With each passing minute, the room steadily got darker and Khushi, hungrier. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she decided to step out. She was done waiting for the day.

Opening her door, she confidently crept out of her room and swiftly walked down the narrow hallway towards the kitchen. She let out a small sigh of relief when she noticed her brother sprawled out on the sofa in the hall, fast asleep.

Grinning to herself - there was no way she was going to get into trouble now - she entered the kitchen to find her mother. She paled upon seeing the sight that followed:

Garima was staring aimlessly ahead, while one of her hands clasped a knife. And suddenly, without a warning whatsoever, she slashed the dagger across her wrist, not even flinching when a spurt of red fluid burst from her arm in response.

Khushi stood rooted to the spot as she stared transfixed at her mother. She knew the liquid was blood and seeing how it sprayed all over the floor, she knew it was causing her a lot of pain.

But she couldn't move.

No matter how much she wished to run inside and help Garima, her legs just refused to budge. So, she watched.

She watched her mother slowly slide to the floor, her light pink salwar kameez staining horribly with blood. She watched her brother running into the room a few minutes later, yelling at her to go inside, away from the gruesome sight in front of her. She watched the ambulance rush to their small house and carry away a then limp Garima on a stretcher. She watched her brother frantically beg the neighbors to babysit her, while he went to the hospital.

She watched it all in utter silence.

When she went to bed that night, all hunger vanished, her eyes didn't see the darkness that meant sleep. Instead she saw her pale mother, lying like a broken doll. And that's when the nightmares began.

Khushi woke up with a start, her face sweating with fear. She was once again the ten-year-old girl, who witnessed her mother commit suicide. The same girl who

had braced herself to never see her mother again... and also considered following her, should that be ever the case.

It was the worst memory she ever had, and it was a scar that refused to fade.

She learned years later the reasons behind her mother's actions. The doctors proudly claimed it was clinical depression, but her brother offered different reasons that night:

"Maa is sick," he had said. "Very sick... so, she wasn't herself. It was all a big mistake. But Meeti? Promise me something, okay? Promise me you will never do that. Promise me you will never get sick like that. Do you understand?"

She promised him, simply because she didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want her brother to watch over her like a hawk, knowing what her mind said even before she processed it herself.

But she was never the same from that day on.

She enjoyed staying alone. She looked for ways to be locked up in her room. She avoided any plans Shyam made, even turning down trips to her favourite ice cream parlour down the street. And the biggest change of all was that she never looked back at her mother.

Call it resentment, anger or plain sadness... whatever it was, Khushi didn't want to look at the woman who abandoned her, the woman who became the living representation of her nightmares.

To the ten-year-old Khushi, Garima's sucide had brought guilt. She didn't understand why her mom would decide to leave forever - was she, her Meeti, that bad of a child? Had she unknowingly committed a crime that drove not only her father, but her mother away as well? These endless questions haunted her.

But by the time she reached her teens, guilt turned into contempt. And no matter how much she yelled at her mother, she just couldn't wipe away the feeling of helplessness that caged her in the kitchen that night. It was as if her heart had squeezed itself into a bag that was clearly too small for it.

Khushi took deep breaths, trying to rid her head of all thoughts. She didn't want to think about those days... she didn't relish the taste of alcohol for the high it carried, but rather for the mind-numbing peace it brought. For some odd reason, it didn't seem to work this time around.

It was then that she suddenly realized the warmth of bed was not hers. She blindly looked around and realized she was in a hotel room. The soft bed, the elegant furniture and the promotional cards all screamed elegance.

But how did she end up there?

Khushi tried to retrace her steps as her hands automatically began searching for her phone. She saw it lying innocently on the table next to the bed, underneath a folded piece of paper that said only one thing:

Call me

She didn't have to think hard to know who left it there. She recognized that writing instantly and there really was only one person arrogant enough to not leave a name. However, when she turned on her phone, there were fifty missed calls, and some sixty odd text messages.

Alarmed, she scrolled through the incoming calls, praying it wasn't her brother. Fortunately, they weren't. All of the notifications belonged to Lavanya, the first of the text messages reading:

OH SHITT! I JUST REALIZED YOUR CAR IS AT MY HOUSE! IM SOO SORRY! Tell me where you are... Im on my way!

Khushi skimmed through the messages, almost shaking her head at her best friend's insanity.

Khush, seriously - text me. Im worried!

Okay, I just drove to the club and you aren't here... WHERE ARE YOU?!

PLEASE TELL ME YOU TOOK A TAXI HOMEE?!

KHUSHI?? Why aren't you picking up? Please please please call me... Im seriously freaking out!!

Khushi Kumari Gupta, this is not the time to joke with me.

The last one was only a few minutes ago. It said:

Okay, if I dont hear from you in the next hour, Im sending out a search party.

Khushi couldn't help but roll her eyes. She didn't understand what the big deal was - she was just absent for a few hours, not a few days. However, she hastily replied, not trusting Lavanya enough to not call Shyam.

Then, having no other choice, she grudgingly called the man she wanted to avoid.

He picked up on the first ring. "So she rises," Arnav said.

Khushi could almost see the smirk on his face. "I'm not a phoenix to rise from the ashes."

"No, you aren't. But nonetheless, you were very close to ashes last night."

"How did I get here?"

"The ever so smart Khushi Kumari Gupta doesn't know the answer to a question so simple?"

"Funny... but I'm in no mood to play hangman with you."

"Well, if I had to get into the nitty gritty details, then let me tell you that we are not playing hangman."

"Look-"

"I can't - I'm more than twenty kilometers away sweety. They do teach you simple physics at FMS, don't they?"

"Will you stop being so difficult and tell me how I got there?"

Arnav laughed. "Think. You managed to figure out that you had to call me, so a little more effort and you will figure out how you ended up in the hotel room."

"I recognized your writing."

"Should I feel honored that you put in the effort to memorize my handwriting?"

"Yes, you should," she snapped, annoyed.

"Evidently your hangover makes you more irritable than usual. But I'm surprised to see it has no impact on your intelligence."

Khushi rolled her eyes. "A hangover doesn't make anyone dumber... people just refuse to work when they have-"

"A crushing headache. I have been told multiple times. But my point still stands - you appear to be as far from embarrassment as the earth is from the sky."

"Of course I'm not embarrassed! This is not the first time I got drunk... I know how to handle myself."

"I'm sure you do. But your situation last night was worse than being drunk... I believe the word for it is hammered."

Khushi was surprised. "No, I wasn't... was I? I only had a couple tequila shots."

"I'm glad to see you agree with me, even though it is hours later."

"Agree with what?"

"Join the dots sweetheart... someone spiked your drink last night."

"What?! I-I wasn't drugged! I didn't drink anything weird or out of the ordinary! I was with Lavanya-"

"I'm afraid your hangover does have side effects, the primary one being temporary amnesia."

"I don't have memory loss! I remember exactly what happened last night. I was with Lavs, when she suddenly disappeared. So, I was about to go too when-"

She stopped, recollecting Gaurav's entrance and his forceful request for a drink. A stream of fuzzy memories followed, pounding against her already sensitive head.

"You drank something you shouldn't have," Arnav finished calmly. "And for your kind information, the fact that you can't remember how you are in the hotel room is prime evidence for your amnesia."

She ignored his jibe, instead trying to piece together the blurry images in her head. "Yes, I had a drink, but it was completely safe. What I don't get is how you found me?"

"Now that is an interesting question."

She didn't reply, waiting patiently for him to answer properly.

"You drunk-dialed," he explained after a short pause. "Primarily to rant about your undying hatred for me... It was actually quite amusing, until I heard a stranger. So, I came looking."

She closed her eyes in mortification, his words reminding her of the disastrous phone conversation.

But you know what's not good? The fact that you don't understand your brother. And what's even worse than that? The fact that your brother thinks he is in love with me.

Khushi vaguely wondered how on earth she made such a big blunder. She had meant to call Lavanya, but somehow, ended up misdialing. She hoped beyond hope that he dismissed her rant without much thought.

"By the time I arrived," Arnav continued. "You were merrily drinking something a complete stranger offered you. I assumed you knew better than-"

"I wasn't with a stranger-" she interrupted defensively, but quickly stopped when the truth suddenly dawned.

Of course Gaurav would, she thought. It was so easy to spike my drink... I wouldn't even have noticed. I didn't notice.

It was Arnav who spoke. "That, to me, seems like a silence of epiphany."

Khushi didn't know what to say. She had a good idea of what transpired next, but had no intention whatsoever, to hear his recount of it. It would sound much, much worse.

It was Arnav who spoke. "I believe the word you are looking for at the moment, starts with the letter T."

"No one asks to be thanked."

"Well, this isn't the first exception concerning you."

"And what about all the exceptions about you?"

"You mean the fact that I don't understand my brother?"

Khushi knew she shouldn't be surprised to hear him quote her, but she still was. Nevertheless, she didn't let her it colour her voice, as she said, "I was heavily intoxicated. You can't hold me for anything I said last night."

"And with that, you have proven to be your brother's sister, birthday girl. However, you can't fool me."

"I don't need to. You know nothing about my life to even make sense of my mutterings last night."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I was tipsy, not hallucinating. I'm perfectly aware of everything I said."

"Then please, do elaborate on what you meant when you said, quote on quote, Parents? What parents?'"

"Well, I was under the impression that you were smart Mr. Raizada," she said, coldly. She knew he was purposefully poking her with topics she wanted to avoid, but as always he appeared to forget that she was tough shell to break. "So, how come you don't know the answer to that?"

He snorted. "Who said I didn't? I merely asked you to defend your point."

"A point that is completely void."

"I don't think you are in a position make that claim."

"And you are?"

"Yes, because at the end of the day, I was sober and you weren't."

Khushi gritted her teeth. "Fine. So, when should I collect my letter of termination?"

"Excuse me?"

"I agree I was drunk yesterday, but I'm not anymore. So why deny the fact that there is no way I'm still working for you after all that I said and did last night?"

Arnav took a moment to answer. "Is that all you understood of me?"

She didn't reply.

"Well, sorry to break your heart, but I'm not firing you. I told you this before and I'm saying it once more, I keep my personal life separate from my professional one."

"Then why did you come looking for me?"

If Arnav was taken back to hear her question, he didn't let it show. "I hope that's not regret I hear."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Well, I'm not entitled to answer anything."

"If you are expecting me to say please', then-"

"I'm not," he interrupted. "I'm knowledgeable enough to know you will never say please'."

She bit her lip, not wanting to accept he was right.

"And your silence right now, does nothing but prove my point."

Her retort was instantaneous. "I already congratulated you on your guessing abilities. Is there anything else I should do to make you feel better?"

Arnav paused, before saying calmly, "No Khushi, there is nothing you should do for me, because I'm not the one who needs to feel better."

Her hands curled into fists in response.

The truth was, she hated it. She hated being weak and that too in front of Arnav Singh Raizada, the man she downright admired before disastrously meeting him on her birthday.

And no matter how many doors she placed in between him and her, he always managed to come through everyone single one of them with the same amount of ease. Of all the people in the world, ironically it was only he, who seemed to see right through her flawless facade.

"And to answer your question," he said in the same tone, when she made no effort to talk. "I came looking for you because I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in guilt should anything have happened."

"What if that person you heard on the phone was a friend?" she asked, jumping on the opportunity to change the topic.

"Then I would have happily gone back to bed, satisfied to know you are safe."

"Are you kidding me? No one comes all that way just to check on a random person!"

He snorted. "Come on birthday girl, you know better than that! You are the reason the sun shines, the birds sing, the clouds drift. I could hardly let you wander off intoxicated, not when the alternative was as simple as getting out of bed."

Khushi let out a small sigh of relief upon hearing his sarcastic tone. He was back to his annoying self. "Okay, but why bring me here?"

"Well, after you blatantly refused to go home, I didn't have much choice. Shantivaan was out of question, given err - your history with my brother, so I settled for a hotel. I would have stayed, simply to see your distress when you awoke, but I had to leave."

Khushi was thankful. She didn't even want to think what would have happened, if Arnav witnessed her waking up to a nightmare.

"And before you accuse me of being inconsiderate," he continued. "Let me just say, I tipped the waiters in the hotel to watch over you."

She shook her head in exasperation as her retort flew out promptly, "Since this is a personal conversation, can I just say, it is very stalker-ish of you to a) trace my call and b) have the hotel staff watch me."

"Can't be too careful around you now, can we? Besides, you hardly have a reason to complain. Imagine if you dialed my little brother by accident."

"Well, your little brother is a lot more reasonable than you are. So, I'm sure things would have worked out fine."

"Do I hear a tint of doubt in that?"

"You wish. Anyway, I have to go."

Arnav chuckled. "If you say so birthday girl. We can continue this conversation another time. As for now, I already paid for the room and have a car ready for your departure... if you want it, that is."

"I do know how to use a taxi."

"Well then, I will see you Monday morning, bright and early."

And with that, he was about to hang up, when he heard her voice suddenly echo through the phone.

"Mr. Raizada?" she said, hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for last night... I know any logical person would have hung up and gone to bed. But you didn't. I really do appreciate it."

It was a moment before Arnav answered. "Don't mention it."

She was relieved. Relieved to not hear mockery of her moment of weakness, relieved to listen to his humble reply and most of all, relieved to not feel indebted to him, because she hated owing anyone anything. Even if it was as simple as saying "thank you".

Satisfied, she hung up the phone and checked out of the hotel. It was once she reached home and dealt with her worried, but unsuspecting brother that she remembered her best friend.

Lavanya picked up on the first ring. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, Lavs. What was the big deal? Do you even know how many missed calls you gave me last night?!"

"I was worried."

"Well, I'm not a kid to get lost."

"I know," she answered, her voice sounding off. "But I just wanted to make sure."

"Are you crying?"

Lavanya sniffed. "No... I'm glad you are okay."

"Lavs, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?"

"Nothing-"

"Don't lie to me!"

Lavanya gulped. "D-dad found out about Aman."

Khushi was stunned. Despite meeting Mr. Kashyap, Lavanya's Dad, only a few times, she knew he was a stern man with a no nonsense attitude. She could only imagine the state of her best friend.

So, all she said in answer was, "I'm on my way."

______________________________________________________________________________

And thats why Khushi is the way she is. She saw her mother try to kill herself when she was only ten, and ever since then, has been haunted by it. I know it seems very illogical to see Khushi be obsessed with Shashi and hate Garima, but thats only because she witnessed the whole suicide with her own two eyes. She was never able to move on from the thought that her mother tried to abandon her. And in contrast, Shashi never attempted that (at least to her knowledge). Her memories of Shashi have not been tarnished (largely due to Shyam keeping her away from the whole divorce mess), so she craves for his love.

So, let me know what you think - this story is only going to get deeper!