Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

At Deshmukh Saree Emporium, Raghav was standing still, unwilling to leave Pallavi's presence and unable to tell her the secret that would have changed everything between them, if there could have been anything between them.

Pallavi said, "Raghav, thank you for trying to shield me, but this video has brought out the truth, and I will have to face whatever people say about me. The reporters are gone, and Mandar is on his way with Nikhil. You should go. Goodbye, Damayanti." She knelt and kissed Damayanti's forehead.

Raghav envied Damayanti; he had been close enough to inhale Pallavi's scent many times, but never again. With Damayanti's leash in his hand, he said, "I'm going, Pallavi, but if anyone gives you trouble, you call me, artham ainadā?"

Raghav stepped out of the shop, led by Damayanti, with Luṅgīvālā Raghav following them dejectedly. He turned back, and seeing that Pallavi and Krishna were out of sight, he told Madan to go and buy him some biscuits, and call Harish and Johnny to make sure that the reporters weren't bothering Amma and Celli.

Alone with Luṅgīvālā Raghav and Damayanti, Raghav snapped, "Nēnu piccivāḍinā?" Am I crazy? "Why should I tell Pallavi that secret, now that it doesn't affect her?"

Luṅgīvālā Raghav rolled his eyes. "Damayanti said, show Pallavi that you know how it feels to be vulnerable. And your idea of vulnerability was everyone watching as a woman dared to slap Raghav Rao. That's old news. Your real vulnerable moment will be when you tell Pallavi our sexual history and face her reaction, whatever it is: disgust, horror, pity ..."

"That's my sexual history. I'm not a good boy like you." Raghav looked defiantly into the eyes of his alter ego.

Luṅgīvālā Raghav shook his head. "I have all of your experiences, Raghav Rao. I am the part of you that awakened to Pallavi, because you haven't forgotten how to be a good boy. Let her understand you."

Raghav closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his temples. "No! Pallavi is already paying for what I did to her. If I tell her now, she'll think I was hiding her death sentence!"

"Are you all right, Raghav?" It was Mandar's voice.

Raghav opened his eyes and saw Mandar and Nikhil standing right next to him. Apprehension and confusion were plain on Nikhil's face, but he kept his resolve to stay out of trouble with Raghav. Mandar's face showed curiosity and concern.

Raghav realized that they had heard him talking to himself. Out of all the people in Hyderabad, it had to be these two who found out that he wasn't honest with Pallavi!

"Nikhil, tū puḍhe zā āṇi Pallavi-lā sāṅga kī mī kāhī miniṭāṃta yetoya." Nikhil, you go ahead and tell Pallavi that I'm coming in a few minutes, Mandar said, and Nikhil obeyed.

Damayanti moved to sit next to Mandar, while Raghav scowled at him.

"Mandar Deshmukh! You caught me off-guard, just like when you twisted my arm, or when I had a panic attack. That's dumb luck. Don't count on it. I am still Raghav Rao. No one wins a fight with me."

Mandar smiled. "I don't think talking to Damayanti is a sign of weakness. It's healthy." He reached down and stroked Damayanti's head.

Raghav stared at his enemy. Was Mandar being friendly?

Mandar continued, "But what were you saying? Your sexual history and a death sentence for Pallavi?"

How do I shut him up? Raghav thought furiously. I can't punch him or threaten him; Pallavi would find out. What should I say? None of your business? I was just muttering nonsense? I'm losing my mind over Pallavi?

"No matter what you say to him, he'll take this to Pallavi," Luṅgīvālā Raghav advised. "He knows you're hiding something serious from her. Promise him that you'll tell Pallavi."

"You're talking about something like HIV," Mandar guessed.

Raghav shut his eyes. He couldn't look at Mandar anymore, to see his utter humiliation reflected on Pallavi's husband's triumphant face. Mandar would tell Pallavi, and she might never speak to Raghav again.

"I don't believe it," Mandar said. "You want me to think that you have HIV, and you gave it to Pallavi. Why? You expect that I'll reject Pallavi, and then she'll come back to you."

What? Raghav's eyes flew open. He had been burning up internally with embarrassment, but what Mandar was thinking about him was even worse. Well-behaved, healthy, chaste, middle-class Mandar with his decorous arranged marriage and Marathi courtship of Pallavi! How dare he think that I would play such a trick on my Pallavi!

"It won't work," Mandar spoke firmly. "I won't listen to you; Pallavi told me what sort of relationship you had, and I believe her because she's honest. And you? You said it yourself: you are still Raghav Rao! You enjoy making women look bad, and when a woman did the same to you, you blamed Pallavi and became obsessed with her. You lied about her character to convince my Bābā to reject her; then you forced her to marry you. And now, to get me out of the way, you're lying about her health! No, Raghav, Pallavi won't pay the price for your dishonesty this time. Never again."

"Tell him you just want to take care of Pallavi!" Luṅgīvālā Raghav pleaded. "For once in your life, Raghav Rao, ask someone to understand!"

"Mandar, I told you yesterday, Pallavi cares what people think, and I won't let anyone talk bad about her. I meant that," Raghav began. "I didn't know you were listening, but since you got the wrong idea, listen. I never took a chance with Pallavi's health. I have HIV, and Pallavi doesn't know. ... I was waiting for her to want me to say I love her, and then I would tell, and we would be careful, ... but you came and took ..."

Raghav was perspiring, and breathing with difficulty by now. He knew the feeling of constriction in his chest; he was having a panic attack. Mandar held his secret; Pallavi would find out; and that would be the end for Raghav. Pallavi would remember him as a deceitful, impure lover.

Mandar helped Raghav to lie down on the hood of the car, loosened his vest, and lifted Damayanti in his arms so that Raghav could see her.

"You're under the wide sky, Raghav. Breathe in ... and out. I know you're telling the truth. Breathe in ... and out. It will be all right. Breathe in ... and out. Damayanti is right here, look! Breathe in ... and out."

Raghav was able to take a few breaths. "Mandar, now that you know ..." He couldn't finish.

"It makes no difference," Mandar reassured him. "Pallavi says you kept your distance, and I believe her. Whatever you want to say to Pallavi is your decision."

"Thanks." Raghav almost never said this word to anyone, but he said it sincerely to Mandar. He felt comforted that his enemy understood.

Mandar couldn't help smiling. "You're welcome. And thank you for telling Farhad about what happened to me at the hospital, with Dr. Janaki."

As Raghav was still lying on his back and trying to breathe, Mandar decided to keep talking to him. "Raghav, I know you're not always the Rākṣasa that you were to Pallavi and my family. You don't exploit women who give you the chance; those photos of you and that woman weren't your fault; and having HIV isn't a crime. The world is full of ordinary people living with HIV. I'm not the only person who was lying unconscious in the road and rescued by you; there was that old lady, and there was Pallavi. And you didn't send those fake police to kidnap Pallavi."

Raghav looked at Mandar with astonishment. When Pallavi had accused him of that kidnapping, even Farhad had thought that he must have been responsible. "You believe I didn't do it?"

"Nikhil says that it was his online gambling creditors. He let out the secret yesterday, after drinking the Long Island Iced Tea that you left behind in your car. You should be more responsible, Raghav!"

Ghaṭotkaca is breathing normally; I can be honest about his faults now, Mandar thought, as his fingers stroked under Damayanti's chin. "I will make sure that Nikhil tells Pallavi the truth, although one less kidnapping hardly helps your record. My little brother made mistakes, but he didn't deserve to spend a night in jail for your purpose. You did that to him, and saying you're sorry won't undo the harm."

Raghav reflected that he had never said to Nikhil that he was sorry. Nikhil avoided talking to him, and Raghav didn't care. Maybe he should have made the effort; Nikhil was important to Pallavi.

"I am sorry, Raghav," Mandar said softly.

"No one gets to feel sorry for Raghav Rao," Raghav warned, sitting up and giving Mandar a fierce look. He had felt his strength returning as Mandar was speaking to him. If Mandar, the man whom Pallavi preferred, could find the good in Raghav to weigh against his sins, and expect him to do better, then Raghav's future life wouldn't be totally empty. Raghav didn't hate Mandar, he knew that now, but if Mandar was being friendly out of pity, if Mandar's belief in him wasn't true ...

"Not because you're HIV positive," Mandar clarified, placing Damayanti on Raghav's lap. "You can live a long and healthy life even with HIV. You take antiretroviral drugs regularly, right?"

Raghav nodded. Mandar's reaction to this part of his secret gave him hope. Maybe Pallavi will forgive me, whenever I tell her, I'm HIV positive and I will always want you to love me anyway. The rest of my secret is so hideous, though! Even Amma couldn't look at me ... I can't expect anyone to understand, not Mandar and especially not my idealistic Pallavi.

Mandar resumed what he wanted to say. "I am sorry that Amruta helped Sulochana Kākū to slander you regarding that abortion. My baby sister wasn't like that a few years ago; she didn't hate anybody. The way she talked to you yesterday caught me by surprise."

Raghav laughed at that. "All little girls are sweet, and then they grow up and think that men who don't jump them must be gay."

Mandar didn't like the crude way that Raghav spoke of Amruta's interest in him, but he wondered if he would be able to "jump" Pallavi convincingly, or even lean in to kiss as he had with Farhad last night. He shouldn't think about that; he couldn't afford to be off-guard with Raghav!

"Amruta may have deserved to be exposed for falsely accusing you, but she is just a teenager," Mandar argued. "The thought of you making her face ridicule infuriates me. And Manasi was innocent - why did she have to pay the price for you to play hero to Pallavi? They're my baby sisters, and their bruises affect me more than yours; I can't help that."

"Should I worry about Amruta and Manasi, or should their own mother, that Bindī Vālā Aunty?" Raghav demanded. A thought came to him: would Pallavi have learned to love me if I had treated Mandar's sisters the same as Celli?

"I have my own Celli, meaning Kirti," Raghav said, as Damayanti licked his face.

"I know," Mandar replied. "When Kirti was accused of the hit-and-run, you confessed because you couldn't stand by and see her life ruined. If I had been here to protect Amruta and Manasi, I don't know what I would have done to you."

It occurred to Mandar that he hadn't said everything. "When Sulochana Kākū got Bābā arrested, you found a way to get him out of jail. Thank you for doing that."

"Of course, Mandar; I couldn't let the wrong person pay for the crime. It was almost the first time something went missing from Jayati Jewels." Raghav cuddled Damayanti and tried to joke about the unpleasant affair. That Sanakī Buḍḍhā had insisted on believing that Raghav had framed him; Raghav had felt helpless to win him over for Pallavi.

"Almost the first time?" Mandar was intrigued by Raghav's choice of words.

"It happened once before, but not really. I was walking around a Jayati Jewels showroom, and I bumped into a woman who was hurrying out, covering her face with the end of her saree."

"That's suspicious behaviour," Mandar remarked. Who would dare to shoplift from Raghav's showroom?

"The head of security had heard a saleswoman shouting that this woman had lifted a necklace in her saree. He deployed the security cage. It came down around me and the woman, just as she lost her balance and I caught her. I was looking into her terrified eyes."

"Did she recognize you?" Mandar asked, thinking, if this woman had heard of Raghav Rao's destructive nature, she would have thought her life was over.

"That was what her eyes were telling me. She knew me, and if I kept looking into her reflective green eyes, I would see myself for real. I didn't have enough time, though. She stood upright and I let her out of my arms. She turned her back to me, and said that she hadn't stolen the necklace, it was stuck on her saree just behind her shoulder, where she couldn't reach it. I had to take it off for her."

"So, she was innocent, but caught in the cage with you," Mandar said. "She must have felt totally unprepared for what was happening to her."

"She was moving around, grasping the bars of the cage, as if she could get it to open and she would escape from me. And I just stood there until the manager let us out, thinking how wrong it was that she was afraid of me. I was sure that she was honest. I wasn't going to let anyone blame her. When she was finally free, I think I felt as relieved as she did."

"Raghav, you are talking as if this woman was important to you. Wasn't she a stranger?"

"I thought I might never meet this mysterious woman again, but our lives were linked. That same day, I met Pallavi in the evening, and she was still wearing that same saree. Pallavi had catered dinner for my guests and me to earn some extra money. I recognized her large green eyes right away."

These were Raghav's feelings for Pallavi! Mandar thought of how it felt to look into Farhad's eyes; Raghav was speaking as if Pallavi had affected him equally deeply. Then Mandar remembered what Farhad had told him: Raghav had passed out after eating food prepared by Pallavi. "Was that the food that you thought Pallavi had drugged? After that dinner, you began tormenting Pallavi to drive her out of business and force her to leave Hyderabad, right?"

Raghav sighed. "It took me a whole day to misunderstand her. And in those hours of clarity, I felt like my younger self, before I had to watch out for people trying to use me. Pallavi's disrespect for my power didn't matter anymore. I let go of my need to dominate her. When I took Pallavi at her word, when I watched her as she talked to my guests and moved about the room, when I savoured the food that she had cooked, and the next morning, when I answered her Marathi insults with my Telugu charm, so that we made nonsense together ... all of that made it seem possible that we would be friends."

Could Raghav sincerely love Pallavi? Mandar wondered. Farhad said so this morning. But Farhad was worried that Raghav would plan a trick against me. Abusive husbands can be very eloquent to prove how deeply they care for their wives. Raghav may act like he loves Pallavi, but his obsession could turn dangerous again.

Raghav was watching Mandar's face intently. It was incredible, but real; he was sharing the story of his love with Pallavi's husband, as if they were friends. Of course, they were enemies; Raghav wished that Mandar hadn't come in his way, and Mandar hated Raghav's cruelty to Pallavi and his family, but they couldn't deny what they owed to each other.

"Farhad told me that Pallavi was in police custody once, and you got her out. Who got her in trouble that time?" Mandar asked.

"It was Ved Pillai, my former business partner," Raghav answered, and Mandar's skin crawled, hearing that name. "Do you remember Ved? He recognized you when I was lifting you into my car after the hit-and-run. A few weeks ago, on the Vaṭa-Sāvitrī day, Ved told me that the man he thought I had hit with my car was Pallavi's first husband."

"Ved was my classmate in college," Mandar said, hoping that Raghav could not see apprehension on his face. Mandar was thinking, Farhad said that Ved is out of prison again. Ved didn't leave Pallavi alone. At any time, he could tell her, or Raghav, or all of Hyderabad why he called me to meet him that night.

"Ved must have been following me that night," Raghav mused, and Mandar felt slightly relieved that Raghav didn't suspect the truth. "Ved had escaped from prison, and he was caught, but four months ago, when he was released, he called himself Lion and sent death threats to me. He caused an accident of the taxi that Pallavi was supposed to take, and the taxi driver was seriously hurt. Ved told Pallavi that he was Krishna's cousin Abhijit, and he came to work at the shop with her. Ved parked a car full of gunpowder in front of my house, and he registered it in Pallavi's name; that's why she was arrested. I claimed responsibility for the fake registration, and told the police to let Pallavi go."

Ved is a killer! Mandar, who had just recovered his memory of calling the police to arrest Ved for blackmail and extortion, did not know how he would face Ved the escaped prisoner, Ved who smuggled drugs, Ved who had tried to murder Pallavi and Raghav.

"I was almost too late to figure out that Lion was Ved and in disguise as Abhijit," Raghav said. "He was holding a gun to Pallavi's head, but she and I together managed to overpower him and get him arrested. I thought Ved would spend the rest of his life in prison, but he must have a judge in his pocket, because he was released for good behaviour already. I know he'll come after me, and I have security, but he could go after Pallavi or any of you. Who knows? He could even be responsible for this video being leaked."

As Mandar tried to absorb what Raghav was telling him, Raghav's phone rang. It was Kirti.

"Raghav, I talked to Akshay. We remembered that while he was clipping the CCTV footage for me two days ago, a furniture vendor came to the door to deliver the new couch that Akshay had bought. The vendor overheard me saying, Raghav wants this footage destroyed, so I want it preserved. Yesterday morning, Akshay called the vendor to demand that he take back the couch because it was damaged and painted over, obviously not new. The vendor agreed right away, and Akshay thinks that when the vendor came to pick up the couch, he deliberately distracted Akshay so that his assistant could copy the video from Akshay's computer."

Raghav asked Kirti to tell him the furniture vendor's name, and Mandar saw his expression changing from curiosity to contempt.