Chapter 11
Arnav Singh Raizada, previously Arnav Malik, was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. The only heir of the Malik family gave him access to endless wealth and luxury. But it all came at a price. The Sheesh Mahal that all of his friends were in awe of hid many secrets. Under the facade of the happy family, no one saw the cracks behind closed doors. No one saw that unintentional flinch of his mother whenever someone told her how lucky she was. No one seemed to question his father's late-night 'meetings' and long 'business trips'. No one but him.
At the age of 9, Arnav had witnessed his mother crying alone after his father went out banging their bedroom door shut. He had tiptoed inside and had seen his mother muffling her cries in the pillow. He had felt an unknown rage at whatsoever made her cry. His mother was the most important person in his life who loved him unconditionally; who appreciated his love for gardening, who understood his silence and anger, who protected him from his Dadi's wrath. His mother was his world. Ratna had looked up feeling Arnav's tiny hands and he had seen the immediate transformation in front of his eyes. It was the same fake smile she gave to her friends who gushed at her romantic husband for gifting her a diamond necklace. She took a deep breath and took him in his arms, murmuring that everything would be alright. Arnav's naive mind had believed her.
From then onwards, Arnav had a habit of sneaking to his parent's room in his father's absence to make sure his mother was fine. Many times, he had seen the same scene where his father would shout at his mother terming her as crazy and leave her crying. At a young age, Arnav had come to know the meaning of the servant's sniggers, his father's business associates stuttering at being asked how the international conference was, his secretary's blushing face whenever she looked at Arvind and the hushed whispers around the office. He had tried talking to his Di but she had not only refuted his claims but had made sure that their Dadi admonish him. They are a perfect family, she had declared proudly.
Arnav had learnt to keep things to himself from thereon. He silently wiped his mother's tears, held her hand, and gave her a charming smile whenever she looked forlorn. He had told her that he would take her far away from everyone who hurt her and she had cried but with happy tears this time. At the time of Di's wedding, Arnav saw his mother transform into a beautiful version of herself. She had started laughing more, humming to herself and was often caught daydreaming. Previously, Arnav had never bothered about his father's absence but his father's presence and affectionate behaviour towards them made him uncomfortable now. It seemed like they were putting on a show. It seemed like a fantasy that could end anytime.
At 14, reality caught up to him. The dreams that his mother was weaving with her husband's changed attitude came crashing down on Anjali's wedding day when a woman claimed to be Arvind Malik's love. He was running to the screaming voices but right when he had opened the door, his mother had looked at him with a ghost of a smile and whispered an 'I'm sorry, Chotte' and the gunshot had resounded that shook the walls of Sheesh Mahal. He had seen the blood seeping in the carpet, his mother lying lifelessly on the floor, but failed to see his father reaching for the gun. Another gunshot later, he had gone to his Maa, held her hand and murmured that everything will be alright; the same way he had done in these five years.
Everyone had come rushing in, screaming at the horror but he had held on to his mother not caring about the blood staining his favourite ivory sherwani. His Nani had forced him to leave his mother and the next thing he knew, he was lighting the pyre of both his parents. He was numb. He didn't cry, didn't react and turned away from anyone who came up to him to offer condolences. It was all fake, just like their 'perfect' lives.
His Di's wedding had broken amidst the scandal of Maliks, their Chacha had kicked them out, and their maternal family had taken them in. He was praised for being strong, for holding everything together, but no one had witnessed the nightmares he had woken up to. Hiding secrets was in his genes. No one had understood then and no one did now. Nani was busy preaching to him why God wasn't to be blamed. She had missed seeing the tears of betrayal he shed at the God that her mother prayed reverently to. Mama ji was busy juggling the additional financial burden of two emotionally broken children. He had failed to notice Arnav's need for assurance. Mami was busy picking up the pieces of their shattered reputation. She had overlooked Arnav's need for someone to hold onto. His Di was busy nursing her broken heart and their parent's death. His Di had claimed to understand him, praying for his health, for his restlessness. She didn't understand the fire burning inside him. He wasn't stupid. He was grateful that his maternal family had taken in two orphans and treated them like family, even given them their names. He acknowledged everyone's loss too but in these years, no one had seen what he had. And now, it was too late.
He had instead diverted his attention to getting everything back together: Sheesh Mahal, money, their former glory; in short, becoming so big that no one noticed the broken child hidden inside him. He had studied hard, gotten scholarships, worked part-time and even washed the dishes to reach where he was today. He had seen what love and marriage did to people like his mother and had vowed to never make that mistake. Running away from emotions and affections, he had chosen to shower his family with all the expensive things in the world. And he was successful. He had created a barrier around him so strong that nobody dared to cross. No one except her.
Khushi was like a breath of fresh air. She didn't know his past, she didn't see him as ASR, she didn't see him as a broken man, she saw him as an equal. Despite him pushing her away, with his cutting words reminding her again and again that they weren't the same, she had refused to bow down. He had accused her, manhandled her, called her worst things but she gave back as good. It was different with her. If anything, he admired her. He respected her. Her belief in Devi Maiyya, her morals, her righteousness. He actually enjoyed challenging her. His heart was overpowering his mind for the first time and this conflict was unbearable. The distance seemed impossible and getting closer meant opening himself to the possibility of getting hurt. Amidst all this, one thing had always been his weakness: her tears.
Sangeet was the time when he had finally accepted her presence in his life. The way he had deliberately lost the bet and danced with her showed him that it wasn't that bad to lose sometimes. The feel of her body pressed close to his, he had realized the impossibility of letting her go. He had flirted with her, his heart soaring seeing her flustered. He had finally realized his feelings when he had been madly chasing that ambulance. He knew why his heart beat faster in her presence. He was in love. He was on his way to confess his feelings when he had witnessed his Di hurling accusations at Khushi. For a second, he had thought what if it was true? But the next second, he knew the answer. Khushi could never harm someone like this. Her family's silence, Di's words, Mami's taunts; he trusted her.
He was almost thankful to God that he didn't see Shyam till now because he was sure to kill him. Having experienced it beforehand, he knew that no one could 'manipulate' or 'seduce' people into cheating. It was his fault. Period. The game that he had played with both his Di's and Khushi's lives, he was surely going to pay. The only two times he had trusted someone outside their family was Aman and Shyam. Shyam had come like a ray of hope with his sweet words and promises charming all of them, especially Di. He had refused to back down from a background check and only after a year of observing them together, given his blessings. The pattern was repeating. Absences, business trips, impromptu meetings, but Di covered it well. He had tried talking to her and she had declared him paranoid. But why wouldn't Di trust him, her own brother? A memory about her delusion in their perfect family flashed in front of his eyes. So obsessed with making her world perfect, his sister was ready to sacrifice everyone else's lives in the way.
For the first time, Arnav Singh Raizada felt defeated. He had never felt so weak in his life after his parent's death. He was always in control. His Di was his life. He had fulfilled her every demand without question but would he be able to leave Khushi? The minute he had accepted his love towards her, his heart had felt at peace. He didn't have to pretend with her, she saw right through him. Was it fair to ask him of this? He knew what his Di was doing, keeping constant tabs on him, calling him, pleading him to stay with her. She was making sure that he didn't run off to Khushi. Khushi was a threat to her married life and no matter what, his sister wanted to eliminate her presence from all of their lives. Why couldn't he have a happy life with the person he loves? Why couldn't he just stand with Khushi under the stars and forget everything?
Di or Khushi? How could he choose between them? Arnav looked at the rose plant in his mother's garden and felt his entire life flash before his eyes. This was the first time his heart and mind agreed on the same thing. It was clear.
The decision was made.
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