Part 2: It's always been you

Peeplika seemed to have re-entered her life through her children this time. If Aru had liked Peeplika, Akki worshipped the ground she walked on.

 "Peeplika mam can sketch," " Peeplika mam is into pottery," "Her fashion sense is so good!" 

Sometimes she doubted whether her son had a crush on the woman.

"Yes, Akki, the vanilla cake from Uncle George's bakery, I know," she said to her son on the call as she corrected the answer papers.

"No, Maa, can I invite Peeplika mam to the party?" 

She could sense him biting his lip, something he did when he expected her to shout at him, and which usually made her scold him. She sighed and shook her head. Her son was incorrigible. 

"It won't look good, Akki. Teachers and students shouldn't have any relation outside school."

"But Maa..." he whined on the call. 

"We'll talk about this when I get back. Bye, love you." She disconnected the call. Her son was eight. He wasn't supposed to be affected by her denial. She was supposed to give him everything, even the sun, and the moon if he asked for it. 

The blush that would creep up her neck three years ago, every time Peeplika would step closer to her,  crept in again as she dialed the old number that she still had. Astha knew that she couldn't deny her feelings or run away. She couldn't deny how much her son respected Peepli, and how much she had always loved Peepli. She wasn't sure if the call would go through, but it was worth a shot.

"Hello," Peeplika's lazy voice drawled across the line.

"Hi, umm, this is Astha." She fidgeted with the pen in her hand.

"Before you hang up, I called you to invite you for Akki's birthday, this Sunday. He wanted to have you at the party, and I understand if you don't show up, but I can't let him down,"

"Like you let me down?"

It hurt, it fu*king hurt so much! There was no malice or bitterness in the question, yet it hurt.

"I'll talk to you later." She hung up as her breath became heavy in her chest. She tossed her Nokia phone aside and threw her head on the table, breathing heavily.

On the day of the party, Astha felt her heartbeats increase rapidly as Peepli entered her small apartment, filled with children and their parents, with a huge gift box in her hand. Aru practically ran across the room and jumped into her arms, followed by Akki.

"Happy birthday, kiddo," she smiled warmly at him and then looked at Astha. The twinkle in her eyes diminished but didn't disappear. They didn't interact throughout the party. Hemant, his family, and her mother had come for the party too and seeing Peepli there spoiled Hemant's mood, but he stayed, nonetheless. She thanked him for that when he left and promised to drop off the children at his place for their weekly visits. She also explained that it was Akki who had invited Peepli and didn't know why felt the need to tell him that.

Peepli didn't leave, even when everyone had left. She had entertained the kids, making silly sketches of animals the whole while.

A part of Astha was waiting for her to leave, to come and say goodbye, something that they didn't get to do the last time, but Peepli did not budge even when she started cleaning after the last guests had left.

"Are you waiting for me to leave?" She heard Peepli from behind her and jumped.

"No, nothing like that." Astha turned to look at her ex, who was just a few inches away, her hands ghosting around her waist.

"Then? Waiting for me to talk to you, ask you why you stayed, and then kiss you?"

"No." Yes, a part of her screamed. Yes, please ask me. Please tell me I was stupid to wait.

"Liar," Peepli smirked. Damn her for knowing Astha so well. Astha huffed and turned to clean the juice off the table with more vigor than required.

"I get it," Peepli said, making her curious.

"Your kids, they didn't deserve you leaving them. They are beautiful, and nothing should scare them. Not even their mother banging another woman and leaving them for the said woman." 

Astha's eyes went wide, and she looked at Peepli and then at the bedroom where Aru and Akki were currently playing.

"Shh!" she said, despite herself.

"And for what it is worth, I am sorry for making you choose. I always knew I wasn't your first choice, yet had hoped."

"I am sorry for making you wait, making you hope,"

"It's nothing. I am over it," Peepli shrugged.

"Are you, though?" Astha asked before she could shut the question down.

Peepli looked at her. Her eyes were dark. Dark like the abyss, dark with a passion that made her weak in her knees.

"I have been with women and men in Paris, but they never made me feel like you made me feel, what Eijaaz made me feel,"

Astha felt smug, despite herself.

"I am sorry," she simply said, not finding any words.

"Why did you divorce him? Aru said that you guys fought a lot. Was it because of me?"

"Among other things." she replied, her attention now on the party caps that were across the floor.

"He cheated on you, didn't he? Was it before me or after me?"

"Before you." 

Somehow, the court proceedings had made her immune to the pain that one should feel while speaking of one partner's betrayal.

"I am sorry," Peepli said, and Astha knew she meant it.

"Not your fault," she shrugged and looked at her. "Why are you here?" 

"Waiting for you to talk to me, tell me why you stayed, and then kiss you," Peepli said with a rasp in her voice.

"I..." Astha choked.

"Please, give me closure. I can't go around like this. I want to come back to you, but I knew you cannot because your children don't deserve it. But please, don't just throw me away, or if you want to, at least do it by giving me closure." 

Tears trickled down Peepli's cheeks. Astha dropped the hats on the floor and hugged her. She shouldn't, the rational part in her screamed, but she did anyway.

"I want to come back to you, I swear," she whispered in Peepli's hair and broke the hug, kissing her tears, like the night she had kissed them away.

"No, you shouldn't. It will complicate shit for you."

"But I want to," she replied and kissed her lips tentatively. Peeplika gently shook her head and gave Astha a lingering look. She thought she detected a trace of sadness in the other woman's eyes. Then Peepli left, leaving Astha feeling strangely empty.

Beta read by: LizzieBennett

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