CHAPTER 41.1 – I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN..LEAVE YOU ALONE!

Helloooo everyoneeeee..

HAPPY MAKARSAKRANTI/PONGAL TO ALL.

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Also, yes this is the First Draft. Please definitely ignore editing/common repition of words errors etc – since I have not proofread.

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CHAPTER 41.1 – I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN..LEAVE YOU ALONE!

THE NEXT DAY

6TH FEB, 2020

AT THE HOSPITAL - SYDNEY

NOON

ARNAV'S POV

One.

Thud.

Two.

Thud.

Three.

Thud.

Hold On Guys.

I know you all are wondering what this Counting and Thud is all about. And I will surely get to that.

At the Moment – I just need to Dump down this next entire glass of water down my systems – first.

Ok.

Wait.

Done That.

Nope.

Not Working.

I think I need another One.

All that counting is obviously about the number of glasses of water I am dunking down at the moment.

I gesture Anj to pour out more water in the glass in my hand and I am clutching on it so freaking hard that the glass is on the verge of cracking and breaking in my hand at the moment.

Why?

Because I am Freaking Boiling in a state of Disturbance + Anger - like Never before so much so that – I could be the version of an AK47 Blazing Gun at the Moment – Indeed. Which is why I need all this water to help calm and compose my Head that's sort of gone into an insane zone of Anger+ Distress+ Disbelief.

And the fact that this state has been triggered by none other than My Sparkle at the moment is another fact that my Head is failing to comprehend.

I have never felt this Angry at her.

Ever.

And Yet at this moment of time – even though she is the one in the Hospital bed, I have been pushed into feeling a tsunami off overwhelming anger by Her.An anger which is also directed At Her.

She's Lost It.

She's Lost her Freaking Mind.

Which was why- a minute ago - I had to walk out away from her(from the side of her bed to this living space on the opposite side of the suite divided by a wall within) in a stunned angry dazed disbelieved silence, because no matter how shocked and angered state I am in at the moment within – I do not yet have it in my heart to unleash that anger or yell at her when she is confined to a Hospital bed. Or wait, to be Honest – I don't think I'd ever have it in me to unleash this level of anger at her – ever.

Come What May.

Because I Love Her Insane.(which is Not News to you all). But because I love her Insane – and she knows that I do – is surely also the reason why this is Hurting so much too within.

I cannot believe the words + theories - I Just Heard from her mouth. (And I am well aware that you all know exactly what I am hinting at. You heard this before me – didn't You?)

I just can't believe the freaking fact that her Dear Mind+ Dear Heart that are like my perpetual best buddies - are standing at this Point far across the point from where I am at the moment – acting pretty much like as if they were my best buddies that had momentarily decided to turn into my enemies – overnight.

I dunk down the entire glass of water Anj had just filled out for me.And I gesture her to fill on some more immediately after.

I think I'd need Ten Freaking glasses to even get myself to start thinking through this Straight. I clutch on the glass harder this time around in my hand.

Akash sighs now as he takes the glass of water from hand forcefully and says – " bhai...relax...please??? you will break the glass in your hand if you hold It that tight..,"and he pauses and adds to Anj as they were both standing behind me as I was seated on this chair around the little round table in the living space with my burning with anger eyes statued to the wall. " Anj..i think it's better if you hand the entire bottle of water to bhai at the moment rather than pouring it out for him.Its plastic. It won't crack in his hands and Injure him..."

I see the plastic water bottle now get shoved from the side of my face upfront me and Anj says softly – " bhai...please...just calm down...please...drink some more water if you want.."

I do not answer.

Obviously.

I just take the Bottle in My Hand and Gulp it Down Straight In.

Bottoms Freaking Up.

And once I was done I finally turn around in my seat to look at Anj and Akash in disbelief – " the two of you heard what she said right?? you all heard her right???ofcourse you heard...you are hearing it the second time..how did you all even process the thought in your head haan??since yesterday late afternoon??and I can't freaking believe it that none of you gave me a heads up about this even late last night after I arrived, or all morning prior until minutes from now...after Ravi, Rohan, and Cap left for the hotel to just relax...I mean when she told me that she wanted to talk to me about something important, I couldn't even in my godforsaken nightmares imagine – she'd say what she did....she's lost it..she's freaking lost her mind.."

Anj sighs as she rubs on my arm and we all see Rahul walk from across to this side now as he sighs and admits dejected – " which was exactly what I first said to her too Arnav.....,"and he pauses and comes to stand by my side as he says locking his gaze with mine – " junior won't stop crying...because of the way you walked away..out of there Arnav without saying a word. And even though I gestured Anj, and Akash to get to your side too and me, Mom, dad, Abhi uncle, Reva aunty were with her trying to get her to stop crying, she wouldn't just stop. She is way too disturbed at the moment because she sensed your anger in your body language as you walked away obviously....and she just broke down..infact the nurse,"and I don't wait for him to complete as I get up from my seat like a spring.

The News of My Sparkle Crying Hysterically always breaks my Heart.

And it does so at the moment too even though it seemed that my Heart was breaking within nonetheless – because of everything she just said.

My feet act on their own accord now as I take a deep breathe to contain myself and stride to the other side of the room with Rahul, Akash, Anj behind me too and I am shaken beyond words yet again as I spot the Nurse injecting something into My Sparkle's IV cannula and I hear her say to our parents – " please...make sure that there is no further distress to her for a while, it's not good for her to cry that way given the fact that she is recovering from that significant concussion too...her vitals are stable but we do not want that to fluctuate right? and this injection should put her to an immediate sleep for about 90 minutes or so...it's what she needs.. ,"and she pauses and nods at us all and then leaves.

And I stand completely heartbroken at the sight of my Sparkle's eyes heaving close into an immediate slumber and our mother's are wiping the remainder of fresh tears from her cheeks.

Godammit Me.

I can't believe the Nurse had to inject Khushi back to sleep momentarily. I know My Sparkle cannot take my Anger. I know that very well and yet I couldn't control it from reflecting in my body language.

Dammit.

I walk upto all and I just hug on Sagar Dad and Dad first as I say sincerely sure that they could sense the guilt in my voice – " I'm sorry Dad's..i should have been able to control my anger from reflecting in my body language...I hate the fact that Khushi broke down this way because of me in this already vulnerable state of her's..but I couldn't help it...the minute I heard what she wants from us all...I just lost it myself too. Momentarily..."

Sagar Dad and Dad hug me back in support and they pull back and Sagar dad pats on my arm in support as he says overwhelmed himself – " it isn't your fault son...we all knew very well that this was exactly how you would react when you heard her...and I know you walked away because you didn't want to say anything to her in your anger...don't worry..she'll be asleep for a while..and that would give you the time to think things through too..."

Dad pats on my arm too as he says – " I know you are shocked Arnav..we all have been..too.."

I hug them both again and turn around after gesturing to Nisha Mom and Mom to give me the space to sit next to my sleeping Sparkle and they both nod at me in unison and get up and I take my seat next to the sleeping love of my life and just bend forward to kiss her forehead first before I just keep my forhead on her's as I whisper even though I know she is injected to sleep – " please...don't...don't ask me for what you just did...Sparkle...I can't leave you all alone to be here by yourself..i just freaking can't..none of us can..i don't have it in me too, I just don't have it in me too ,"and I pause as all my anger gets converted into immense vulnerable emotion on its own accord and my eyes well up.

I hear Nisha Mom's broken voice fall in my ears – "I couldn't sleep the night beta...even Sagar couldn't..for even though we are proud of her fighting spirit...for wanting to take this on independently..I can't get my heart to agree to act upon what she wants...I just can't...I can't leave my baby here..in a foreign land in a sports rehabilitation centre for six months..i just can't...I just can't..,"and she pauses and chokes.

That makes me turn around obviously for I know what she is feeling as a mother within and I see Mom pull Nisha Mom into an instant hug as she says emotionally worried too – " no Nisha...don't cry this way...Arnav is here na now. He can convince Khushi...I am sure he can...he will figure out a way to come up with a middle ground perhaps??,"and Mom pauses at that as she looks up at me in sincere hope all worried too – "Arnav..beta...you will talk to her na?? about this??please?? there surely has to be a middle ground out there..that we can work on.."

I sigh as I wipe my overwhelmed tear from the corner of my eye and walk up to hug both our mother's as I say gulping down my broken emotions – " yes..mom...Nisha mom...I will talk to her...there surely is a middle ground out there...and I just need to get around to finding it..."

I hear Rahul say now from behind – " please. We have to coax her out of this crazy thought...please..Arnav..there surely has to be way.."

Akash and Anj say in unison next – " bhai...please just think of something...please..."

I turn around from hugging our Moms and walk upto hug Rahul and Anj from either of my sides and I nod at Akash and our Moms and Dad's in a promise as I say – "don't worry guys....I will figure it out...be rest assured..I will figure this out..we are not going to leave My Sparkle here in a foreign freaking land all by herself at all..nope..not happening...not even for a single day let alone six months and I promise you that I will find out a way to convince her..I most surely shall...we always talk through our differences in opinions and disagreements to come to that common ground..its always been that way...either she convinces me or I convince her or we reach that win win point...and I will convince her to walk with me to that win win point...,"and I pause as I admit sighing closing my eyes momentarily before opening them again – "I just need to think this through which I will be able to now that the anger isn't clouding my mind and is starting to slip away..I am going to find that middle ground...so that we are also able to respect her wish of handling her rehabilitation bit independently for that's what's important for her as an individual fighter within for her self- growth and at the same time we will also get what we want..."

Everyone looks at me disturbed as they ask in unison – " how?? Just how?? How would that be possible??"

I fight back my dejected sigh as I admit to all sure that they could sense the emotion in my voice – "I have to make something possible... I have too and I will..even if I have to be the one to pull out my emotional guns at her this time around..."

They all nod at me in a collective unison with a look of relief and hope and I walk up now to sit by my Sparkle's side again and I bend forward to kiss her Head again, before I keep my forehead on her's again in intense emotion sure that everyone in the room behind me had their eyes welled up in emotion because of the scene in front of them at the moment too.

Think.

Raizada.

Rake Your Freaking Brains from the lanes of Your Consciousness Mind to Your Subconscious One. There surely has to be something that can be possible and will work as the perfect Middle Ground for the situation at Hand.

I also ask My Heart to join in the Thinking Spree along with My Mind at the Moment – obviously. For My Hearts directly tuned in with the Supreme Courts of her Hearts, right? My Heart Knows fer Heart's Vibe through and through.

And so It's in the vibe of My Very Own Heart that I entrust this Task too – as well.

All is Fair in Love and War they say? Right?

The Emotional Banter Coming Up Ahead in between of My Sparkle and me was surely going to be like a Tug of War through this massive disagreement driven by our intense Love and Emotions for one another.

But Guys – know one thing for sure. Surely.

What thing?

That – I'd Be Dammed – if I didn't find that way to Check Mate her Dear Mind + Heart with a Logic + Emotion off My Own this time around.

Indeed.

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90 Minutes Later – 1:30PM

Khushi's POV

I stir in my Sleep.

Ok.

Wait.

Correction to that.

Guys,Since I am not allowed to move much as in physically even while lying down in bed, I think it isn't apt to imply that I am stirring in my sleep like physically or something.

For I am Not.

I can't.

What I mean by that bit is that – Dear Mind Stirs up from the Sleep it was In. From the sleep I was kind of put into with an injection because of the way I had broken down hysterically after seeing Arnav walk away from my side in that intense Shocked Angry Silence.

Even though he did not even utter a word to me as he walked away the intensity of the disbelief and anger that I had spotted in his taut and staunch body language as he stomped off from my side was enough to make me lose it.

I have seen his Shades of Anger, right? Here and there? And you all know very well that I can't take it- well.

And Yet.

I don't think I have ever seen him This Angry at me ever before. It was almost like as if he had converted into a Stoned Statue of Anger + Disbelief within.

Yup.

That would be the right way to put it. And the fact, that I am aware that it was my point of view that triggered him into it in the first place – is still somewhat making me nervous within at the moment as I continue to keep my eyes closed even though I am sort of like shifting towards being awake.

I mean – what if he is still Boiling in that Intense Stony Anger?

Dear Heart chips in now. Oh but c'mon K, we knew that he is going to react just the way he did right? We anticipated it remember? So wasn't really like a surprise to Dear Mind and Me at all. But yes the fact that when we actually saw the intensity of it all in the moment – it was natural for it to led us to those vulnerable doors of emotion leading too a flood of tears from Dear eyes on it's own accord.

Dear Mind adds in next. I think it was really good that the Nurse put you to sleep for a while – K. I needed it to just contain the thoughts within.And oh wait – wait – wait – now that I am getting more mindful and awake – I think I feel Arnav's hand over your free one.K.

That obviously shifts my focus from within to the external environment around me.

Yup.

Dear Mind is Right.

This is totally Arnav's hand engulfing my free left one.The one that does not have any IV cannula on it. I peek-a -bo my left eye a little from the side to take in the sight off him first to observe if he is like still all like AK47 blazing Guns, because you know just in case he still is in that zone – I am totally going to pretend to still be Asleep and just wait for him to be in a calmer mood so that we can finally talk things out in between of us.

But, when I see the sight off him seated on this stool next to the bed with his hand closed over mine completely with his head rested down on the bed next to me sideways in a heads down resting position in a total calm and composed mode – I feel Dear Heart get Stumped immediately with Intense Emotion and I do not have it in me to keep my eyes closed further.

I open them now slowly and I pull out my hand from under his and entwin it in his hair and I just start to brush them tenderly – which obviously makes him look up from his position and sit up straight in the stool too immeidiately – as his intense emotional eyes lock with my equally emotional ones and he kisses on my hand and asks softly giving me a heartfelt smile – " hey you...Sparkle. You okay??"

I nod at him at that and I ask next softly giving him a heartfelt smile too – " hey you...skipper blue...you okay??"

He nods at me at that and says now kissing on my hand again – "now that you are awake Sparkle..love..I will be okay. I will be..."

I look around the room and I ask next softly – "where's everyone love??"

Arnav kisses on my hand again and answer's locking his gaze with mine again – " I just sent our Dad's, Mom's , Akash and Rahul to get some lunch five minutes ago..Anj is on the other side though on the sofa cum bed taking a power nap with her music on in her ears, and Ravi, Cap, and Rohan are still at the Hotel...they will be back here around 4ish I think...and I was just waiting for you to wake up...,"and he laces his hand through mine and kisses on it- again.

I can also sense the aching intensity in his body language obviously.

Dear Heart – Swells. Oh – K. Just look at that aching intensity in his body language at the moment. It's moving me immense. Something tells me that while you were asleep – he's surely spent his time here by your side deep in thought over everything you said.

Yup. Dear Heart. I think you are right.Maybe..just maybe...He's beginning to process it through????

I ask next softly keeping my left hand now over his left cheek brushing it tenderly – " aapko bhuk nai lagi?(aren't you hungry love??) why didn't you go for lunch with everyone??"

Arnav shakes his head in a negative leaning his cheek in my left hand and he answers softly – " nai..Sparkle..i am not hungry...not yet...are you hungry?? your lunch is here..as in they brought it in five minutes prior..some sandwiches and iced coffee.....know what?? eat your lunch first...okay??"

Yeah.

As – if.

He knew very well – that I wouldn't be able to Gulp a morsel of food down my throat before we had talked and sorted our way through our disagreement this time around. Just like I knew – that's the reason why he hasn't eaten too.

I shake my head in a negative as I say softly brushing his cheek tenderly – " nai..i don't want to eat now..maybe later..in a while??thike?? I won't be able to eat right now waise bhi..just like I know you won't be able to eat too...,"and I pause and I gesture him silently to come sit closer to my side now - on the bed.

He nods and Does. And then he takes my left hand and just closes his eyes for a second before showering five more soft kisses on my hand back to back.

My eyes well up on their own accord a little because of the intense emotional vibe in between of us and I keep my left palm over his left cheek again and I ask softly sure that he could sense the overwhelmed emotion in my voice – " abhi bhi gussa ho??"(are you still angry with me??

Arnav shakes his head in a negative immediately his other hand coming to brush my forehead tenderly too as he locks his sincere loving gaze with mine – " nai Sparkle...main gusaa nai hun ab..pehle tha..ab nai.."( no Sparkle...I am not angry anymore..I surely was prior..but I am not now)

Ok.

Yipeeeeeeeeeee!!

His eyes tell Dear Eyes that he literally means it – for Real.

PHEWWWWWWWWWW.

Dear Heart and Mind in Unison jumping up within in Glee. Omg – Phewww*Infinity K. That feels like a Hugeeeee Relief.

And even before I can say anything to him – he bends forwards and kisses my forehead with an intense emotion and whispers softly – " and I am sorry Sparkle..i shouldn't have walked away from you like that angrily given the vulnerable state you are already in...I know you can't take my anger and especially right now..I should have known better than to go into a fit of immense rage...I hated myself when I saw the Nurse inject you back to sleep..forgive me..for that...please??you cried that way because of me..,"and he pauses and before I can even say anything to him at that – he bends forward and I feel his Lips close over mine in an intense emotionally vulnerable poignant – slow Kiss.

UFF YA.

This Man.

I kiss him back softly mirroring the same intense emotional vulnerable poignant emotions back to him for a couple of seconds as I clutch on his collar too and I whisper into his lips sincerely sure that my whisper was like a trembling with emotion one – " I love you...Mr. Stranger..."

He continues to kiss me softly and poignantly and slowly as he whispers back into my lips – "and I love you..Sparkle..,"and he takes my lower lip into his upper one in a super emotional gesture + vibe and he whispers back into my lips again – " sorry..sorry...I am so so sorry..."

I whisper back softly two lone tears now almost leaving my eyes as I keep them closed still– " why are you sorry ya love..it's not your fault ya thike?? actually na I anticipated your reaction for real...like you didn't even say a word to me in your AK47 angry blazing gun mode when you surely could have..,"and I pause from kissing him as I add in a soft intense breathe which was mingling with his intensely – "and to be honest..dear mind was kind off expecting you to react like the version of AK56 angry blazing gun mode..but see...you weren't in the AK56 mode...you were just in the AK47 one momentarily...,"and I pause at that as we both actually end up sharing a warm emotional chuckle and he says softly – " goddamit you...Sparkle..only you can make me chuckle at the moment....,"and he kisses me again for about ten seconds or so and I just whisper back into his lips after pausing on our emotional kiss again –" and the AK47 version is understandable of course...given my point of view..because I know you weren't expecting me to say any of what I did na..haina??"

Arnav whisper's softly now keeping his forehead on mine – " open your eyes..please...Sparkle.."

I do.

And just as I look into his achingly welled up eyes – the ache and agony I spot in them – feels like a whoosh of a Sharp Dart within.

Dear Heart winces on Impact. Ouch – K. He isn't angry anymore. He looks more like he is Super Hurt.And the look of ache in his eyes right now – Hurts Me Immense, knowing that It was us who triggered it.

I admit now sincerely cupping his face in my hands – " I'm sorry...Arnav... I didn't mean to hurt you love...I didn't..that wasn't my intention..that was not my intention at a..,"and I am unable to complete the word – All – because I was kissed again very emotionally and vulnerably yet again.

Two minutes later into our brief, emotional intense kiss he whispers back into my lips – " never be sorry for voicing out your mind and heart to me Sparkle...please...I don't want you to be sorry about that...please...even if we are at a point of a massive disagreement..i always want you to speak what's in your mind and heart ,"and he pauses and adds kissing the side of my lips now – " but yes the context of what you said...surely quite surely caught me off-guard...for never in my worst nightmares had I imagined you to say what you did...which now makes me wonder if..,"and he pauses and I feel him pull back up from me suddenly.

That makes me open my eyes suddenly too and as I take in the sight off him walking across to the little cabinet where in my reports are kept – a little puzzlement takes over me obviously.

What was he Up To?

Why did he just move there – so suddenly? And Just as I see him start looking through my Scans and reports again I ask softly from behind him totally puzzled(hating the fact that I can't even walk to him) – " love..what's wrong?? Why are you looking through my reports and scans??"

Arnav turns back to look at me momentarily and he says with the files open in his hand in a matter-of-fact tone. -" Sparkle..I just need to see for myself once more..if your Brain MRI scan reports says exactly what it does for it most surely seems to me that the concussion seems to have impacted a wiring within in there somewhere.....you know..because your dear mind which is like my perpetual best friend has decided to turn into an enemy on point..,"and he shoots me a narrowed eyed look of momentary disbelief yet again before he turns around to continue shoving through my files.

Dear Mind chips in.Oh wait – did he just say that K? Me ?? his Enemy?? No...bloody No. Never. C'mon say that to him out Loud.Now.

That makes me chuckle a little of course but I say softly nonetheless – "please ya love...what are you saying?? Dear mind can never be your enemy thike??"

I hear him say with his back to me still as he continues to skim through my reports – " ahaaan? Really? well it isn't just dear mind's change of state from my best friend to enemy that I am talking about actually Sparkle...its Dear Heart's too..."

That Makes Dear Heart revolt on it's own Accord too.Hey No – K. You better clear this out to him right very now. We are his best buddies as always. Not his Enemies.How can I ever be his enemy?

I say softly immediately – " no..love..please..don't say that na...please...dear mind or heart are revolting at the thought thike? they want you to know that they are like your best buds still ya..they always will be.."

Arnav finally puts the files and reports back in the cabinet and walks back to me now as his sincere gaze locks with mine and he adds now coming to sit on the right side of the bed in front of me close – " ahhaan?? Really?? is that what they say Sparkle??"

I nod at him sincerely.

He shakes his head in a Negative – " nope..Sparkle..tell them I don't agree...they surely are like frenemies then at the moment at the least...I mean that's the only suitable explanation as to why would they even come up with this thought process they have...,"and he pauses as he picks up my left hand with the IV cannula and kisses on the side off it and says after in a matter of fact tone yet again – " Sparkle...please tell dear heart and mind that I want to open this disagreement out to banter right here..right now...because I know you won't eat anything until we talk this through...so is it okay If we begin now??"

I nod at him sincerely as I say – " yes..please...lets talk this through na please love..as in I don't want to shift our discussion beyond too..,"and I pause as I add – " why don't you come lie down here next to me on my right side love? there's more than enough space on the bed and since I can't move much..it will be more comfortable for me to just feel closer to you at the moment...for I just want to feel you by my side.."

He nods at me at that silently and then walks over to the right side again and then lies down next to me sideways and wedges up on his elbow too so that he is looking down upon me and he cups my right cheek and asks – " so for starters now Sparkle...I'd like to make this very clear...that I just don't have it in me to agree to what you want this time around..my love...none of us do..do you have any idea how disturbed and worried everyone is at the moment?? Please note – that even though we are all immensely proud of your fighter's spirit within for wanting to take this on independently – we don't have it our hearts to leave you alone right here in Sydney, we just don't.."

I gulp down my emotions as I say kissing his hand – " love...I know..what I am asking off everyone is very difficult which is why it's like a discussion with everyone I wanted to have..with you too...its not like I am going to take a decision on it alone na...because no matter what..i do want to convince everyone on this before I take this on..,"and I pause as I say sincerely – "look love...its just really important for me within to just take my rehabilitation on independently ya..."

Arnav nods as he says – " yes..i know that bit off it Sparkle..and I respect that wish off your's..I truly do..infact I am way beyond moved by your inner grit and self- belief but..there are only few ways that we can go about this Sparkle..now can't we? Either you convince us...or we convince you...or we find that middle ground.."

I sigh as I ask – " middle ground to this scenario at hand?? Is there any?? I thought this through quite a bit thike? even before voicing this to you all...there seems to be no middle ground coming to my mind..ya...,"and I add admitting another one off my vulnerable thought further – " look love..please understand where I am coming from..this situation with the bed rest is freaking frustrating too ya to just be in like there's obviously a part of me within that's insanely frustrated confined to this situation and no matter how positive I stay there are going to be lows and frustrations coming through naturally for its just been what Nine days right now and I have to stay this way for months..in such a situation...I do not want any of you to just see me in my frustrated lows...I know it will ache you all, it will pain you all immense but I can't even supress my frustration na? I have to give it its due..the only way I can cope and fight through it too...so then I think maybe if I am really just by myself away from all of yours day to day sight it would be better perhaps?? that way my situation won't end up aching anyone else.."

Arnav shakes his head with that expression of disbelief back as he says softly – " no Sparkle...you are holding onto the wrong end off this..you know what's going to ache and frustrate each of us more?? It's the fact that you don't even want any of us to be by your side at the moment that you just want to shut us all out and go back to resuming our normal lives as if nothing has happened at all.I am sorry to say this Sparkle...but I think you aren't considering any of our emotions in here...at the moment your mind is just focused on seeing the point that how can I just save everybody from witnessing my pain and struggles because it will pain them and you are absolutely not realising that in the process of doing that you are anyway doing exactly what you don't want to do...causing each of us immense pain and ache within..do you have any idea what we are all going through at the moment? What I am going through at the moment??Nisha Mom won't stop crying, she hasn't slept the night.Sagar Dad is too shaken himself within no matter how proud he is off your fighting spirit within too..let me not even begin to tell you the disturbed state of mind Rahul&Anj are in or how disturbed Mom, Dad, and Akash are too...at just the mere thought that you want to lock yourself up here away from us all for the next so many months and no matter what Sparkle..you cannot control what we will feel right?? for we will feel it anyway and at the moment all each of us are feeling is this immense ache within at just the thought off everything you have proposed to us....and no Sparkle this is not about protection at all..this is about Love...only love..do you really want to just ignore all our feelings??????????????do you really want to go ahead with this?? at the cost of all our feelings??????"

THAT FROM HIM – SHAKES DEAR MIND AND HEART.

Wait.Am I doing Just That??? Have I ended up Hurting everyone so much in the Process unknowingly???

Have I been really ignorant of everyone's Feelings in my Mission to Save them from witnessing My Struggle's?

Dear Heart and Mind are obviously stunned within as they process this thought.Hey- K. Holy Crap.We didn't want to Hurt anyone at all.But we guess we Have...we never want to ignore everyone's feelings..

I admit honestly my eyes welling up on its own accord – " but I didn't want to hurt anyone Arnav..no..never..my intention was not such at all...I didn't want to cause any ache to anyone...godaamit me..I..I...,"and I pause as I close my eyes.

IS THERE ANY WAY OUT OF THIS MAZE?

I hear Arnav say softly – " and you have to understand one thing in here Sparkle...this struggle at the moment is within you independent nonetheless irrespective of where you are be it here or back at home..for no matter how much any of us want..or I want for that matter...life is not going to allow us to trade places...so...this means that this is something you are facing independently anyway in your head and being love...all we want darling is just for you to allow us to be a part of your journey...in support in the background...that's pretty much all..."

Dear Mind sighs. K – well he did just make a Fair point There- K. I didn't see it that way. He is right – this struggle is your's in all its independence for its happening within Us – irrespective of the place we are in.

I hear him ask me again softly as I feel his thumb caress my cheek – " ok...tell me something Sparkle..just for once imagine...if it were me in your place and you were in mine...how would you feel? If I asked the same off you?? haan??that just leave me alone Sparkle in a foreign land for six months...would you have??ask dear Heart? What does it say to that????what does Dear Mind say?? How would you react if I asked the same of what you'v asked off me..of us all???"

Dear Heart winces on its own accord.Oh No- K. He didn't just ask us that. For I cannot even imagine the sight of him in the spot you are In.No.No.No. I just Can't even Imagine.*Tsunami of Vulnerable emotions Alert** Yup. I am drowning. It seems Arnav's come prepped to make us change course in our thoughts.K.

Dear Mind sighs. Smarty Skipper Blue. He is pulling out the emotional AK47's + Ak56's+ War Tankers at us all at once- K. Apologies – K. I have no answer to this. I just don't. I am too stunned. And I agree with Dear Heart – if he keeps up with this emotionally this way – I will just drown too.

I admit outright shunning the thought aside blatantly keeping my eyes forcefully shut – " No..Arnav..please...godaamit...no...don't freaking ask me too even imagine such a sight..please...please...for I can't..i just can't.."

I feel him keep his palm in the center of my chest over My Heart emotionally as he asks softly – " why?? Why must I not ask you to not imagine such a scene Sparkle? it Hurts?? Right?? it's hurting dear heart immense I guess? Even the thought of having to imagine the same????"

I nod helplessly just keeping my hand over his over my Heart and I clutch on it tight – " yes..it hurts immense thike?? dear heart's drowning in ache..it surely is...please just don't ask me to imagine a situation vice versa..i just don't have it in me too..,"and I pause helplessly as my hand moves from over his and I place it over the supportive belt front over my midriff – " love..please...aise mat bolo..aap...aise mat bolo na please..."( love please...don't say this..please...just don't say this)

He whispers softly keeping his hand over mine over my hand over my belt now – " open your eyes to me..Sparkle..please??"

I can't open my eyes right Now.

I just freaking Can't.

I shake my head in a Negative – " I can't..thike?? I just can't.."

He says further kissing my tears away – " you aren't able to even imagine Sparkle...so think..just think for once what I am actually going through at the moment...?? Just think..please...,"and he pauses and adds – "you know what?? it would be better if you were to give me a glass of freaking poison to gulp down instead..I would do so happily at the moment..for know this..Sparkle..I'd rather Die than to leave you alone here...I'd rather freaking just Die...just the thought off the same is withering me within at a rate I cannot explain anyway..."

Dear Heart and Mind Tremble at that in Unison.K - He Shouldn't Have Said That.No.No.He Shouldn't Freaking Have.He's freaking Numbed all of us within with That. Sorry K – you might not hear from us momentarily.

Yup.

My Insides are in the state of Collective Numbness.

I flash open my eyes angrily as I say to him sure that my eyes were bloodshot and blaring in anger – " shut you up...Arnav..just what the hell did you just say????haan?? are you crazy..just take your freaking words back right here right now..please...dammit...please....don't..please..don't say this to me..at least..please..,"and I pause as I close my eyes yet again as fresh line of helpless tears fall of my eyes as I admit trembling – "please...just don't say that... I am helpless love..I am helpless... kya karun main??(what should I do) I just can't seem to find a way out of this maze as I am in at the moment..I do not want to hurt you or anyone in our families too..and..i know one thing for sure thike? that it's super important for me to get around my rehab independently for if I don't do that I feel like I won't be able to face myself in the mirror...too..and..and...,"and I pause as I finally open my eyes again to look into his welled up ones too – "and you know very well that I just don't have it in me to have my low's overshadow your high's thike? I'd hate to be your weakness ever or a potential sense of conflict in your head...I just thought if I am here in Sydney away from India..there won't be any sense of conflict in your head ever...,"and I pause as I add – " you know everything...you heard me first time around na?? please...aap ko sab pata hai...(you know it all already),pleaseeee...then why are you saying the stuff you just did??? Haan?? You'v pushed me into a state of collective numbness..now..I just don't know..what to do..I just don't know what to do...,"and I pause because I feel his lips close over mine very emotionally yet again and I can only whisper back brokenly into his lips by just hitting on his shoulder in knocks – " why..just why did you have to say what you just did...Arnav...just why...."

I feel Arnav hold onto my hand over his shoulder and he continues to engulf my lower lip with his over and over again in an emotional kiss and he whisper's softly into my lips ten seconds later – "and I know that a lot part of why you want to do this is also because of the way you love me Sparkle...for my sake...I know that very well..but do you actually think? That I will be even be able to play with my head in its right place??if you were here in this foreign land all by your freaking self????you are crazy to think the same Sparkle...I won't  be able to pick up my bat even dammmit...you know I am an emotional man...my game is linked with my heart and if my heart is withered and dead within at the thought off you being alone here...kaise khelunga main??(how wil l play haan??) I won't be able to play at all my love...out ho jaunga...zero pe..duck pe..har match mein...( I will get out on zero/duck at ever freaking match),"and he pauses and kisses the side of my lips again.

OH GODAAMIT HIM.

HE'S DECIDED TO STILL CONTINUE FIRING HIS EMOTIONAL GUNS AT ME.

WHY DID HE HAVE TO PUT IT THAT WAY?

I AM TREMBLING IN HIS ARMS NOW – CLUTCHING ONTO HIS ARM.

I whisper brokenly – " please...aap..aise mat bolo na....aise nai bolo please..."(please...you...don't say this..pleasee...)

He kisses my cheeks again , and kisses my tears away too and then kisses the side of my lips and whispers after – " the only reason I was able to go play In NZ was because I was secured in my heart Sparkle..that you aren't alone here..that everyone is with you...on my behalf...too..look...you want me to play on your behalf too right? until you can't?? than please help me sustain that peace within my heart Sparkle...please... just freaking shun this godaamit thought of wanting to be alone here aside in the first place...please...mar jaunga main andar se sach mein bol raha hun tumhe..tumne aise kiya toh...marna better hai Sparkle isse...I told you..I'd rather die than to leave you alone dammit...I'd rather die....,"and he pauses and I open my eyes again instantly in a flash unable to believe that he just said that to me again and I say locking my angry blaring gaze with his emotional one – "one more time..dammit...Arnav...aapne ek baar aur bola na yeh(you say this one more time)..I swear to god...I'll never talk to you..again..I am telling you...I won't talk to you..thike??pleaseee just stop pulling all these emotional AK47's +AK56's + Tankers at me..please..."

Arnav nods and he says kissing away my tears further – "reallyy?? Haan?? Baat nai karogi mujhse?(you won't talk to me?)You know very well that you can't stay without talking to me love..just like you know I can't..too..."

I whisper hoarsely clutching onto his collar – "then when you know exactly how it is..then please...just stop.. please...just stop...just stop...just stop saying all of this...please..."

Arnav kisses my forhead softly as he says – " you want me to stop? Fine..i will...then do I take it in my head that you are now ready to shun the thought aside of being here all alone by yourself Sparkle???"

I nod Helpless as I whisper – " thike..fine..if that's what it will take for you to stop numbing me emotionally right now...thike...ill shun this thought aside Skipper Blue...but..,"and I pause because I don't know how to say this to him yet again that it really was super important for me to take on my rehabilitation independently for I felt strongly that it would make me rise out stronger as an individual within.

Arnav kisses my forehead next and he whispers – "don't close your eyes to me Sparkle...please..just open your eyes please...look into mine...please?? I know what you are thinking.Sparkle..my love..do you ever think that I'd coax you into doing something at the cost of supressing your views completely or your not giving your fighting spirit within its due and respect that it deserves??no dammit no..i'v thought off a middle ground my love..which will suit the scenario both ways...we will all be equally content..you will be too...I greatly do respect the fact that you want to fight out your rehabilitation independently...my love..."

That from him makes me flash open Dear Eyes on its own accord as I ask softly locking my gaze with his emotional ones too – " you mean you really have thought off a middle ground Skipper Blue?? A solution that could work both ways???is there really a win – win possible in here too???sach mein??"

Dear Mind comes out of it Numbness momentarily as it says.K – if Arnav's able to figure out this Win – win – that I haven't been able to even though iv been raking my neurons left right centre all this while. Then please know - I'd like to award him the Oscar for being a Genius in his head for sure! I am sure Dear Heart would agree too. It's just still quite Numb. Never Mind. You carry on. Focus On Him.

I ask him again to reconfirm – " really?? pakka se*infinity love ?? sach mein? You figured out a middle ground?????

Arnav smiles now and nods as he says – " yes Sparkle..sach mein..your pakka se*infinity wala sach mein..i figured out a middle ground indeed..."

I ask giving him a sincere heartfelt smile – " then tell me na..please...what is it that could work both ways..??"

Arnav nods at me as he says – " I will get around to that ofcourse my love...but first I need you to now eat something..before we talk further...okay?? Its way past your lunch time darling...and you'v cried so much yet again..i'm sure you want some water too now..love.."

I nod at him at that as I admit– " yeah..i'd like some water...dear throats all parched obviously...."

Arnav nods immediately and he kisses my forhead and then gets up from the spot next to me and then fills me a glass of water and helps me drink the same by supporting the back of my neck up a little and once I am done drinking that he says – " okay the seven minute timer to wedge up begins because we need you to eat love...,"and his hands start to work up the remote to wedge me up a little.

I hold onto his hand as he wedges me up a little in bed now and I kiss his hand as I ask softly – " eat with me ..please??? they sent two sandwiches na?? I will have one..you have one..thike?? we can also share the iced coffee??"

Arnav nods at me lovingly as he says – " ofcourse love..provided...you let me feed you ...and I'd like you to feed me too..."

I nod at him at that overwhelmed and I see him walk over to the little centre coffee table in front of the single long sofa by the window to my right where my lunch was placed and he picks up the tray and walks back to me and then helps adjust the other table trolley up in front off me too putting the tray on it and he takes a seat in front off me and gives me a warm loving smile as he unwraps a sandwich and picks it up to feed it to me and I pick up on the other one to feed it to him too and we both take the first bite of our respective sandwiches together and just as I am munching mine and taking it in – I feel Dear Heart get out of It's numbness and it nudges a vulnerable thought to me that it wants me too voice out Arnav immediately.

And so I do.

I hold onto his wrist momentarily gently and I whisper hoarsely and softly – " before you feed me another bite..love...dear heart wants you to know something.."

Arnav nods and asks bending forward to wipe the tear out of the corner out off my right eye – "what is it Sparkle??"

I admit honestly – " only because you nudged Dear Heart + Mind down the lanes of these thoughts nonetheless...dear heart now says that god forbid...if the situations had been reversed and if it were you in my place here and had asked me and us all for what I did..i'd probably be the one to say the same to you too – that – I'd rather Die...than to leave you alone...too...,"and I pause because emotions choke my voice.

His eyes well up at that emotionally too as he says softly – " I know...Sparkle..I know..why do you think I had my Heart guide me to question the Supreme Courts of Your Heart the very same in the first place???haan?? my hearts knows the vibe of yours through and through right??you aren't the only one who can pull out emotional trump cards at me alright?? I can too..."

I nod at him at that as I gesture him to come in for an immediate hug and he keeps the sandwich down on the plate and gets up instantly and he engulfs me into a warm hug and he says kissing my head lovingly – " just leave all your worries to me Sparkle..just freaking surrender all your worries to me my love..i am right here..for you..always...I have figured a way out my love... I have...I most surely have..."

And just as he says that to me - I just hold him tighter in our emotional vulnerable embrace – and I feel Dear Mind+ Heart do just That within.

THEY SURRENDER.

THEY SURRENDER ALL MY WORRIES TO HIM.

...............

TADAAAA.

How was the Update Guysssss?? Emotional Much???Was super intense + emotional for me pen down for Sure. Which was why I just wanted this to just stand apart on its own as a Chapter because I just felt that anything more beyond this would be too Intense to absorb in all at once.

Next Chapter : Ok guys since I did not write about that Middle Ground Solution in this Chapter it now means that I will be doing my best to give a Medium Length 5K word update on Saturday Evening with regards to the Same - as I did plan it in my Plot to finish writing that bit off it by this week's end.

Also - Next Chapter Title 41.2 – The Middle Ground

Happy Makarsakranti /Pongal to you all once again.

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Much Love.

Always.

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