Hellooo everyoneeeeeee
I am here with an almost Long Update – of about 8K Words,
Thank you so much for your amazing feedback uptill now Guys.Will be Eager to know what you all think, as alwayssss.
Also, yes this is the First Draft. Please definitely ignore editing/common repition of words errors etc – since I have not proofread.
Also please note the Timelines from here on guys – we are now – 21 more Days(Three Weeks More) - forward into the Story.
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CHAPTER 28.1 – THE DOOR OF NO-RETURN
21 DAYS LATER (Three Weeks Later)
25th June, 2019
Women's Sports Hostel @Chandigarh
Khushi's POV
2:00 AM – at Night
ASTONISHING * INFINITY* INFINITY*INFINITY – INDEED.
I know, Guys – you all are wondering what – Astonishing Bit – am I referring to with this above statement of mine. So, I am totally going to get into revealing that bit – almost instantly – without much further ado.(Please know, that I am totally lying down and chilling in my bed right now, by gazing at the ceiling off my Sports Hostel – and Jess is obviously all deep in her sleep and everything after she finished talking to Vikram at around 1am, and we had a little chat,after as I went onto pull her leg a little on the way things are progressing in between the two, until she decided to get some sleep, about 30 minutes ago – and I decided to just lie down in bed and take off on a familiar Dreamy Flight into ArnavLand – grinning, happily to myself like an Idiot, all lost in his Thoughts)
Which is how, I came about to stating that – Statement mentioned in CAPSLOCK – above.
Anyways, coming straight back to that very Point.
So,What's Astonishing * Infinity*Infinity* Infinity – Indeed , is the fact that – I never even knew(before I met Arnav), that I was capable of feeling all these emotions within, that I have been feeling and more-so, the ever increasing accelerated mode off the intensity and magnitude of it as well.
Hence at the moment – You are All Co-ordially Invited – to Witness the Little Discussions, that are about to start within the Inner Courtrooms of my Being - as I do have about ten to fifteen minutes, until Arnav calls. I mean, I am sure you all figured out that the other reason as to why I am up right now, is that I am waiting up for Him, obviously. I mean – Duh – I obviously need to just be with him by the end of my day – no matter where he is, and only then close my eyes to a peaceful slumber.Since UK, is behind us in time right now – its 930 PM there, and right now, Arnav is just finishing up on Dinner with everyone and he's going to call the minute he is, in his room.
HENCE – WITHOUT FURTHER ADO – LET THE COURTROOM HEARING – BEGIN.
I hear The High Courts of the Mind, chip in almost Instantly now – Oh yes, dear K, I agree with you on that statement you just made, it's truly Astonishing for Real,as in I really had no Clue that we were capable of feeling the intensity of the emotion, that we are feeling with regards to My Dearest Stranger/ My Noise Cancelling Headphones/ My Skipper Blue, for Real.It just seems that – he's turning out to be that Focal Point – off Every-Freaking-thing.
My Heart chips in all happily, leaning back comfortably in it's Wing Chair labelled – This Chair in the Central Courtroom of the Being - stands reserved for the Supreme Court of the Heart. Well well well, dear mind – you may find this Astonishing, but I don't. As in I totally anticipated the tidal waves of vulnerable emotions, that we have been experiencing, these days.
My mind chuckles. OfCourse, Dear heart – it's obviously,obvious that you anticipated it all. We all know that,you are the one behind it all anyway.I hope you don't mind if I give you the nickname of - Organ-Know it All. I mean, K the heart just seems to astonish me again and again with always saying – oh why are you Surprised or astonished dear Mind? I was totally aware about this, and was anticipating it.And to think that the major job description of the Supreme Courts of The Heart, happens to be - Pumping out the Blood through our physical being.Tsk.Tsk – likeee really? Who are we kidding? Just look at how the heart, has all these extra powers with regards to feelings and emotions..it's freaking Insane. Or like you said Astonishing.
I chuckle to my Insides. Yes Guys – it's Astonishing Indeed.Oh Dear Mind – that last bit from you sounds like you are totally feeling a little envious of the Heart right now, perhaps?
The Rest of the Oragans, who are all like the Spectators in my Inner courtroom Drama, (just like you all are) - beam mischievously and collectively as they say in Unison.Ofcourse, K. The mind is jealous. T-O-T-A-L-L-Y-J-E-A-L-O-U-S.Because the Heart, seems to have more jurisdiction control with regards to your emotions and feelings right?? Also, we assume that, the mind will never really admit to it – though.
I chuckle.
My dear Mind scoffs and snorts and says to all. Oh, Cmon guys. I am not in favour of acting out like the Fox who is unable to reach the Grapes – just saying to itself – Oh the Grapes are Sour. Ok..on fair grounds, let's just admit, it does make me a tad bit uncomfortable at times that, dear Heart does seem to have like all this supreme power with regards to the emotions within, but it's only at times – alright. And in our Case, it mostly is never much of a problem K, since dear heart and me are often in sync mostly. I don't think- we'v ever had any major conflict anyway.
Oh yes, Dear Mind – You are totally right about that. It's great that the two of you co-operate and function in sync ya – or I'd just be Doomed in an Apocalypse of Inner Conflict. Thank You* Infinity – to you both – Indeed.
Dear Heart winks at me , from its Supreme Chair. You are most welcome K, I do have to say that -dear mind is totally right about this, and for that – we have to give the due credit, to it as well, for it it's really upto the mind to process all the data of emotions that I absorb and feed into the being right??so thank you Dear Mind for the valuable cooperation. So C'mon, let's hear you give out your Status Report with regards to all the emotional data, revolving around our Mr Stranger,that we'v been feeding in the system and you'v been busy processing these days....cm'on quick quick, before Arnav actually calls – for then we will just have to put a pause on this hearing.
Ok all of my Insides are collectively aware that I am more than eager to analyse the latest emotional reports.I grin to them as I say – Yes – cmon hurry up guys, we need to think this through, before Arnav calls.Off late – I just feel like I really need to pause and just analyse my emotions, for it seems like they are heading way too deep.
My Heart – gives me a knowing Smile now – leaving me Puzzled.
And what is that Smile, supposed to mean, dear Heart?
The Heart smiles in that similar mysterious manner again. Hold On, K. Let the Mind, talk about its Report First.
I gesture my Mind to go ahead now.
And right as my Dear Mind, is about to chip in, the rest of the organs chip in collectively.(My Dear eyes's + Lips thoughtful voice being the loudest in unison). Hey, K, before dear mind says anything, we just would like to point out our stand - as of now, currently, we are all just in a state of Collective Trans – roaming around in the Thought Mazes of ArnavLand, so its better if we just sit here and enjoy listening to the conversation in between dear Mind and Heart.Also , Disclaimer - Don't mind us – grinning and sighing dreamily amidst the conversation though.
I nod at my Insides and chuckle happily and gesture dear mind to go ahead with it's report, Now.
Dear Mind chips in with a happy Sigh. Ok so, yes , let's go ahead with it. I am more than happy to report, with the conclusion that – Mr Stranger seems to have tiptoed his way into You, K, so very consistently as if he were like that only batsman playing test cricket at the moment – the only difference being that he isn't really batting for India, but instead playing for our Channel 3+4/App 2122 connection and let me also point out that he's totally playing the most consistent game of Test Cricket, like ever – like all calculatively paced out and consistent .Look at how cleverly he's batted and paced out his innings. He's totally taken up a lot of neuron storage within my walls – as all these neurons are only just interested in, just stocking up all of Arnav's memories into fancy storage rooms which have like a projector screen running up against it walls – you know since the Neurons like to have the moments spent with him,in virtual time or real time- being replayed on the setting of like a permanent repeat,always.Also please note – this isn't me complaining or something ok? I seem to have an extreme soft corner for all the -Thought Storage Rooms which have his name tagged on the entry door. So yeah – that's my Report.He's totally Consumed – A Lot Off Me.
I chuckle to my Mind as I say. Oh yes Dear Mind -I know that. I know what you mean by what you just said. And yes – he's totally like that most consistent Test Batsmen as well.Also, I know you would never complain about Arnav, taking up any amount of Storage Space in your Neurons Department.
My mind grins and nods – Oh Yes,K. Please note – There's always an Infinite amount of Storage Space available for our Mr Stranger – Indeed.
Dear Heart Chips In – grinning now, handing out its current status report to me. K,this is why, I must choose this exact moment to let you know that the construction off Dynasty2122 – as per the Blueprint provided by the architect + real estate cardio cells within our walls stands completed, which technically means, that even though there is an infinite amount of space available for the neuron storage with Arnav's thoughts in it within the walls of dear Mind...apparently the space within my walls, seems to be filling up faster...I mean you know K, I am only the size of the fist pump so I have some space constraints. Although, please note – this isn't like me complaining or anything because I have obviously never felt happier and fuller with emotion and at peace as well.Also, I am sure both you and dear mind would agree on this that, whilst Arnav is all busy playing his test cricket on the pitch in between me and his heart – it seems like the ball that keeps getting bowled to him is like a No Ball, followed by consecutive Free Hits, which technically means – that I have almost perceived and analysed this fact – that there's a high probability off the fact that he is never ever going to Loose – His Wicket. You know, because a Batter can never really technically get out on a No- Ball – Delivery.
My Mind chips in.What an observation Dear Heart – and once again, I pretty much have to agree with you on this in alignment. Also, are you really sure that you are running out of Space in there, dear Heart? Because, well to be honest – I do think you need to figure out a way to make some more space in there, for sure...all exclusively for Arnav. I mean this magnificent dynasty is like awesome and everything – but maybe, I think it isn't going to be like enough. You know what I mean don't you??
I grin to myself as I say to Dear Heart. Oh yes, dear Heart – you really need to figure out a way to make more Space yaaa...I agree with the Mind, completely. The Dynasty is all like SuperDuperKool and everything, but it most surely isn't enough. Are you sure, there isn't anything else that you can do??
Dear Mind, sends out amazing Motivational Look and nudge in the moment as well. Oh Cmon, Heart – you surely can think of something. Look at all that power you have up your sleeve. You even over-write me and my programs at times, and here when I am totally cooperating and working with you in sync, you are reminding me about Space Constraints.Jeez...are you like for Real? Reminder : you are the one that gets all these Supreme powers, you are the Supreme Court right? With great power come great responsibililty, dear Heart, which basically means you can't shy away from taking the responsibility for making More Space for Arnav.k?
Oh yes Dear Heart – you most definitely cannot shy away from the Responsibility. There's surely something you can do.
My Mind winks. Or hey K- How about we ask dear heart to transfer the Tag Supreme to me for a while? You know just in Case.
Dear Heart chips in now deep in thought . Hmmm...you can dream all you want dear Mind, but that tag is destined to be with Me, ok? so now that I'v made that clear, I do want to say that, this is not me shying away from taking responsibility. I am more than eager to take it on, actually. Look K, there's obviously something that I can do. But Its like unlocking a secret backdoor off access to endless amount of Storage, k? But it's tricky in the sense, that it will be the first time that I shall be unlocking this door anyway and also I am aware that once you unlock this particular backdoor, then you most definitely have a situation which kind of equals to the point of No Return as well. As in – you most surely will not be able to take a step back in terms of emotions, it's like there's no erase, backspace, button here alright? As in in terms of thoughts that consume me or the mind. Consider this some sort of a Permanent Storage Access. And No matter what point or turn life takes eventually – I shall always remember.
I look at my Heart – Puzzled. Where is it going with this?
The Mind chuckles and winks. I like that statement, you just implied though, dear Heart. K, lets totally title that bit as - The Heart Remember's.You all know exactly where, I picked on that one. Flash News - The Game of Thrones.(You know how they had this thing – The North Remember's after that gruesome Red Wedding, episode.P.S I still can't believe Danny died, Jon got exiled and Bran became the King of the Seven Freaking Kingdoms. I mean Dudeeeeeee – what the hell was that?Still can't get over it. I think, at the least, Arya should co-rule the Seven Kingdoms alongside Brandon Stark. Also one good thing came out of it though – Sansa Stark crowned as Queen in the North. I mean Helll Yaaaaa – Women Powerrrr!! Ohh Sigh My Bloody Gods- Why did Danny have to Die?
Me and my Heart say in unison now, chuckling – Dear mind, this is not the point you go into Your Game Of Thrones Fan mode – alright? There will be time for that Later.Lets return our attention to Arnav – please? He is about to call in five to seven minutes now.
My Mind nods and smiles and gestures the Heart to go on.
Dear Heart Continues – So, K, as you know the mind can at times, block out certain things, as in it does have that power, but please know that in some cases I just can't use the Block Function, alright? and this is one of those things. Hence, I obviously need to confirm with you , that - Are you sure, you want me to unlock the Backdoor?But actually to be honest – I can't really Unlock it yet, I mean not until Dear Mind, cooperates a little bit more on this and becomes more mindful of the situation at hand – emotionally.
Dear Mind asks puzzled now. What do you mean – by the fact that you want me to co-operate a little more now, dear Heart? I mean are you just implying that , there is a situation I haven't really processed with the magnitude it should have been processed with?
I look at my Heart – Puzzled. What are you trying to Imply, dear Heart?
My Heart sighs and smiles at the same time. Yes dear mind, you understood exactly what I wanted to Imply. You haven't processed something, very vital in its truest magnitude, for sure.Ok, K, hear me out, how about the two of you just reanalyse every emotion we'v experienced off late, also dear mind, please pay special emphasis on replaying a couple off moments off recently – 1.How Arnav's eyes wont stop beaming with Happiness, every time we talk about how are parents are continuing to bond so well as they have gotten onto with their discreet planning about Rahul+ Anjali's destination wedding.2)How he makes that conscious effort along with Akash to speak to Mom and Dad, atleast once a week , to be in touch, and how he literally gets on a little chat with Dad, every now and then as well. 3)He's also been very consistent in building more than just a brilliant equation with Rahul and also Jess(because he knows they are so important to you) 4) Remember, how we were engulfed with intense feelings, when even though he has been super busy on this World Cup Tour, he literally took out the time, on the day right before their first official game, to go through the Western Storm Contract, with you, line by line – before you actually signed it the next day and confirmed your participation with them in the Kia Super League, this year. He made sure, he was there to guide you through the process of legal contracts with domestic foreign leagues, since he knew this was your first time out and not just this, please focus on how it felt like in those moments weeks ago when the development actually happened, that he was as happy in your Success and opportunities, as if it were something happening to Him, in his Life? It's so precious to have the one you are with, celebrate in your Success, at the same emotional magnitude as you. 5) Remember, how he always makes sure to tell you that he believes in your Dreams, especially when you feel low? Like on the 22rd just three days ago – when our team Delhi lost out to Railways, in our domestic tournament, by 5 runs, he made sure, that he was with you, as you were wading your way out that disappointment off it, for getting out at a duck for the first time ever??? And he made sure you were okay, even though in his head he was preparing for the High pressure – World Cup game in between India Vs Pakistan, the next Day??.6) Also, basically,please just reanalyse every bit of the magnitude of the emotional peace and happiness, he just makes us feel in General. Just give some re-attention to every moment spent with him, as the two of you got officially together.Okay?
I nod my head, deep in thought.You are right, perhaps? Dear heart?? As in dear mind – Can we just reanalyse it all, with a fresh outlook , so that maybe, we can pick up on what we'v missed out here?
My Mind nods as well. Ok K , and dear heart – I am on - collecting all the thoughts and memories. Give me a couple of seconds.Let's reanalyse it all.
Now that My Heart just brought that last point up, and my mind is getting ready to go into its reanalysis mode, I do want to take a couple of seconds to give you all a brief context of our respective tournaments. My domestic tournament is going decent – as in we (Delhi's domestic team)are heading towards the end of the Round Robin format in our group stages, and as of now we are on the third spot on the table.We reached Chandigarh, this afternoon, as we have a match with the Punjab team, day after tomorrow, morning and then we do have a couple of matches more, before the knock out stages begin. Also, pleaseeeeee note – that I am extremely delighted to report that our Men In Blue are having an Amazinggg World Cup Tour. They all reached England on the 5th of June, and in between 6-9th June, were some warm up friendly matches, in between the Ten teams, qualifies to playing the World Cup. The World Cup officially began on the 10th of June.And this time, in the World Cup, all the ten countries are grouped into one Table as the format has switched to Single Round Robin, which basically means that each of the country will be playing the other once , and play out atleast 9 matches, before the tournament enters into the Knockout stages.(The Top four teams will make it to the Knock Out Stages)And uptil now India has won all the three games that it played. Like Yippeeeee * Infinity to that. They had their first WC game against South Africa on the 15th June( India won by 6 wickets), and they had their second game against Australia ,(Which they won by 36 runs) and their third game was the super high pressure game against Pakistan on the 23rd, just like two days ago, which they won by 89 runs on account of the DLS Method). All the gaming venues have been different – ofcourse, which means there's a lot of internal travel involved as well.
And guys, I don't think I even have the words to explain the happiness I felt, at the sight of Arnav celebrating with the rest of the unit, after each of these big wins! The entire men in blue unit, is working and training very hard – in the middle gap on the days when they are not playing.They have their next game tomorrow with New Zealand at Edgbaston, which is the name of the International cricket stadium in Birmingham, UK.
Right then, I hear My Mind say. Ok, K, we are all set to reanalyse it all. Just close your eyes, and place your hand over your heart, and wait for me to just press the button that's going to make you – revisit all of these moments with its emotions.k? Lets see, if we can figure out something that we missed out.
My Hearts Smiling and Grinning – just like the Rest of my Insides.Dear Heart says – K, you can ask me for Help to figure this out, if need be. I am right here.
I close my eyes, and keep my hand over my Heart, and just like that in the next couple of minutes that follow – I feel myself relive every bit of those moments and the emotions that I felt along with it and a couple of minutes more later, whilst I am in the middle of this sweet, overwhelming reanalysis of all my memories with Arnav, until this very point.I feel my hand clutch on my heart on its own accord as I feel something within me, go in a Dazed Haze - as I hear My Mind Say now.Holly Hell....pause pause pause, K. How could I miss processing this out? I feel like I'v just been struck by sudden lightening perhaps?? Yup. Just Like that. Apologies, dear Heart – how could I not figure this out? You'v been feeding this intense emotional data since a while now, and I think it started the minute Arnav was applying the muscular pain relief ointment, caressing and aiding to K's, elbow injury in his room? Right? am I right???And it's all insanely Heightened in intensity since then- nonetheless, within your walls, even though I wasn't able to pick on it.
I look on Puzzled, as Dear Heart Grins. Bingo That – Mind. That's when I sent you the first bits of the emotional data on this accord, and have been continuously feeding you in with hints on the same over what I have been feeling ever since. But since you couldn't process it in its right magnitude yet, until this very point – I just thought that the best way for you to get your finger on it would be to just ask you to reanalyse it all.Thankfully – It Worked.
I am still looking in between the Two – Puzzled and my Dear Heart and Mind nod at each other mischeviously and ask in Unsion – Do you really need us to voice this out to you, K?
I nod.
They wink at one another now and say in Unison now , chuckling – Always knew it, that we'd literally have to Scream this out to you,K. But now that we are both aware about this, it's only fair that we do not delay this further. This Realization needs to come to Your Acknowledgement – ASAP! So here we go – YOU LOVE HIM. YOU ARE IN LOVE, K !
I open my eyes in an instant now, as I clutch on my Heart, tight.
Wait? What? SAY THAT AGAIN – WILL YOU PLEASE?
I hear my the Mind and Heart – say in Unison – again. YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH YOUR MR.STRANGER,K.
And just like that, I feel like I am engulfed and consumed with an intensity of a familiar intense emotion – that I cannot explain.
My Heart smiles. Exactly K. This emotion that you feel like you cannot explain, the one you'v been feeling all this while. It's got a Name to it. And we call it - Love. You understand now, don't you? The minute you say that you do – you give me that power to unlock that secret backdoor which has all the infinite storage access, for all that Space you want to create for Arnav within our walls, like even beyond this Magnificient Dynasty that we have already constructed, for Him.
Dear Mind Chips in with a Wink – I think its apt to call that Secret Backdoor -The Door of No Return, K? what Say?
OH MY GOD.
GUYS.
THIS IS HUGE!
HOW COULD I NOT FIGURE THIS OUT – EARLIER?
I feel overwhelmed with so much happiness as a smile curves up my lips on its own accord, AS THIS REALISATION CEMENTS WITHIN THE WALLS OF MY HEAD,as I say to my Mind. That's a name I do like, dear Mind. I mean in all its fairest sense – this Realisation of Love – does feel like, it's opened up that Door of No Return – for sure! I understand what you mean dear Heart – I totally understand Now. You can go ahead and Unlock that Door – please. Let there always and only be Infinite Space for Arnav within your walls as well – Always.
My Heart beams at me happily and says. Exactly what I have been dying to do, dear K. You know since he's touched deep chords within me, for real – you know the one's I didn't even know existed Myself,until I felt them come alive, all because of him. So it' was only apt that you realise the Magnitude of what you feel, K. About Time- fir sure. I shall now do the Needful, Indeed and it winks at the mind, and goes on to do the needful – just as my Mind +All the rest of my Insides go into a Collective Hurrah !!
JUST HAVE TO SAY THIS AGAIN – EVERYONE.
LIKE DID YOU HEAR THAT?
I am in Love.
I am in love with Arnav.
My Skipper Blue.My Mr.Stranger. My Noise Cancelling Headphones. My Mr.India.
I Love him.
I LOVE HIM.
Ok, I know exactly what this Moment needs – it needs me to get off the bed in my Hostel, rush to the bathroom and engage in a Happy Euphoric Dance.(Guys, please note – I wouldn't really mind, jumping up on the Bed, actually – but I have to be a little considerate also na – since its almost going to be 2:15 am for us, here in India, and Jess is obviously deep asleep next to me)
I yank my blanket out, and rush to the bathroom attached, to our room and lock it up – and first thing out, I stand in front of the mirror and find myself looking at my very own grinning+ beaming in Happiness reflection.
I DO FEEL LIKE – MY GRIN RIGHT NOW – BEATS THE HUGE GRIN OF A CHIMPAZEEEEEE, FOR REAL GUYS.
My Cheeks just went all Like. Whoaaaa, K.... that's some huge muscle expansion happeining around us. Dude, we didn't know we could grin this wide!!
I chuckle at my Reflection in the mirror. I can totally see my eyes reflecting out a different emotion all togetherrr – everyone.
TIME FOR THAT CRAZY DANCE.
I AM TOTALLY THE VERSION OF A CRAZY JUMPING JACK, WITH A IMAGINARY GUITAR IN MY HAND AS WELL. AM GOING TO KEEP AT IT, FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES.
About Two minutes, into my Crazy Personal Crazy Moment – My Phone Beeps.
I quickly pause in my charade and pick it up, from the ledge, knowing for sure, that it's going to be Arnav, My Love.
Oh my god- Guys.
This freaking feels amazing. You know just to even think that.
Arnav, My Love
I hear my Mind+ Heart, chuckle out at me, as it says now. Yes,K. we know it feels amazing and everything, but can we please go on to read his text message? We are obviously eager. You see, we are totally clear about our priorities.
I chuckle and sit on the bathroom floor now, and open my Whtsapp.
Him : Sparkle, its going to take me another five to seven minutes to get to my room. We have finished dinner, but are in the middle of a strategic discussion with matters pertaining to the game with NZ tomorrow. I know you are waiting up. But also,almost 2:15 am for you now. I hate to keep you up, so late, since I am obviously aware that you have an intense practice session tomorrow, as well. I am sorry to keep you waiting. Please do wait up for me, though. I know this is me being Selfish, but you know I won't be able to get any sleep, if I am not able to be with Just you for a couple of minutes at the least.
I grin to myself as I reply.
Me : I knowwwww yaa...and when can I get any sleep myself without OUR TIME huh?don't worry about it at all Arnav, please. I am anyway lying down in bed only, physically relaxing anyway, just not sleeping Yet. Will be waiting for you ok? Just text me a minute before we can connect so that I rush to the bathroom, and plug my earphones in my ears, so that we can talk – you know since Jess is sleeping and everything, I obviously do not want to disturb her, even though she anyway sleeps like a log, but still...acha thike...you carry on winding up with everyone and everything. I am waiting...no worries...(hearts).
I tap send and resume my Happy Gleeful Dance, grinning like a total Chimpazee. Guys, I obviously had to tell Arnav, that I am lying down in bed and everything ,for now – as in if I tell him that I was dancing in glee in the bathroom then he will ask, Why No? and then I obviously cannot tell him about this realisation Yet.
Main Reason?
One – I do not want to do this in Virtual Time ya everyone. As in, I really want to be able to kiss him madly, before I tell him – that I Love Him, Obviously. About a little over three weeks, until I see him next, which means that I will tell him about this – when I meet Him, in Real TIMeeee, Next!
Right then I hear My Mind Say. Hey, K – I do not want to spoil your moment and everything, obviously because I love you, but I just had this thought – we don't know how deep Arnav's emotions are yet? As in, he's never really mentioned the word- LoVE- ever yet...so, are you sure you want to be the first one to confess this out to him?? I mean, please don't take me wrong in the sense, I do not believe in being old school and be like – that the man needs to confess first and everything, as in you know I am all out for transparency and everything, but what I mean to point out at this point is, that – what if he hasn't reached that point of emotional realisation yet, and you saying this out to him, makes him feel some sort of an emotional pressure in anyway? Dear Heart ,what's your take on this? What have you perceived?
Ok. My Grin Shortens a Little at that.Holy Shit. In My Happiness, I didn't think of this at all. As in, I obviously know that I mean lot to him, and I do have a lot of emotional significance in his life and everything, but does he feel like – That He Loves Me??? Dear Heart – you really need to start telling me, what you've perceived on this accord?
I sit down on the bathroom floor, deep in thought.
I hear My Heart say now. Hmm, so K, to be honest – on the basis of the vibes, that I get from his heart, I think it's safe to presume that he is already at that emotional State as in he might have already realised that he love's you deeply. You know just like I do, truly, madly and deeply? I think, it's totally You – who has come to this Realisation much later than him.
I am back to grinning like the Chimpanzee – Guys.
Dear Mind Chips in now, frowning. But wait, dear Heart, if you are like so sure of this, then you wouldn't really use the word Pressume there, right? so this means – that you are talking on the basiss of your perceptions, obviously. Please elaborate as to How Confident are you about your Perceptions now? Like if you were to rate it at the scale off between 1- 10?
My heart frowns. Oh please,dear Mind. Now don't you ask me for rating on that scale of Yours? Ordinal derivates come in your job description, not mine. But yes, if I were to say it in plain words. I'd just say that I am pretty confident about this, K. He is in love with you too.
Bingo.Bingo.That.
Dang.Dang.Disco.Disco.
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo.
My Mind chips in looking at the Heart. Yes, I also think that he does feel the same way, but my point of concern here is, that does he realise that he is? As in you know this shit happens, as in like for example, even with me and K here, that's what happened, right? even though you were feeling all that you were, and we were in love with him all this while, but we didn't kind of realise it until now, right? That's what I am saying, we just need to rethink a zillion times, before admitting this out first, as in only because we must not pressurise him emotionally. Ok? that won't be fair, as in if there's a tiny miny chance that he hasn't realised it yet.And even a tiny one that what if he doesn't feel the same way yet. Like for example, we know he dated Pia before, but he never was in love with her or something too right?
Both me and My Heart scowl at my Mind as we say in unison now. Oh No no no no,Mind you just didn't bring that up right now. Please, like are you even hearing yourself? We all know this given fact, that he is a lot more emotionally invested in OUR relationship, than he ever was with anyone earlier – alright? He says that I am his Sparkle. He says, that I light up his Life which kind off means and equates into = You are The Real Deal, Sparkle. So,you just gotta stop Channelising on that Crazy Doubt Mode, right now. We Hate IT.
We hear the Mind say now. Oops, guys, no, don't hate me for this. I am not Channelising the Doubt Mode here, I am channelising the – Lets SafeGuard the Heart, mode. Like all I am saying is that – let's Not take any risk here, alright? As in we need to safeguard our heavy duty emotions. Ok hear this out - Sometimes you make a risky move, and it doesn't pay off the way you think/perceive it would/could right K? remember how you tried to reverse sweep on that first tricky ball bowled to you, in that last match and got out on account of LBW at a DUCK, for the first time ever? You obviously do not want to get OUT here, right? Dearest Heart surely, doesn't want to risk losing Its Wicket here, right? for Arnav is the One for Us. He is The Real Deal. The hearts already opened up that door of no return, which means that we cannot go back on this – anyway. C'mon guyssss...all I am saying is that we need to think this through – that's all.
My Heart and me ask in Unison, deep in thought. Ok dear mind,fair enough, we get you, so what do you suggest now? You surely have thought off something? Please tell us you have.
Dear Mind grins. Oh yes, I have. It's a mindful strategy, for which I am going to take the help of both Eyes and the Heart.
Dear Eyes, joins in the active discussion now saying worriedly to the Mind. Ok, see I am all consumed with worry right now, dear Mind, please tell us, how can we help you on this?
My Mind says now chuckling – You gotta take down some perception notes, that's all dear eyes, instead of being all dazed and lost in your scuba diving trips into Arnav's eyes everytime his gaze locks with your's. You just need to SWITCH ON YOUR PERCEPTION METRE, AS WELL, just like dear Heart, alright?See until this point, I was clueless about this realisation, but now that I am mindful about it, I have this plan. Until we see him next in real time,both the eyes and the Heart are going to get on a job of taking down emotional notes – and they gotta be a lot more detailed in their perception notes on this accord, K? and then obviously they just feed in the perception notes, back to me, so that I can process it through – and I think by then,K - I shall be able to present a more thought out calculated accurate probability decision on the same, that Whether you actually telling him, you love him the next time you see him, will result in a Killer Cheeky Sixer or a Catch Out on the Fine Leg.And You just act in accordance, then, okay – K? tell me everyone, are we on a consensus on this??
We obviously are with you on this Dear Mind.
Right then my phone beeps in my hand.
Its Arnav,my Love.
Him : Sparkle, just got into the room, am good to connect now. I am so sorry for the little delay once again. It's almost 2:30 am now, for you – you haven't fallen asleep waiting up, have you?
I say to my Heart and eyes now. Ok Guys – you better get ready to get to all that note taking, from this very minute on. We are short on time. Just a little over three weeks until we see Arnav again, in real time. We have to have this figured out, by then – alright?
Mind+ Heart+ Eyes + rest of the Organs nod in unison – Yup,K.We most definitely have to have this figured out by Then.
Ok then – off you all Go.My Love's just texted. Need to be with him, right now.
Hearing Adjourned.
My Insides beam at me in Collective Happiness – obviously.
I quickly relax back against the wall on the bathroom floor, and plug in my earphones in my ears now and text Arnav – happily, taking deep breathes, as I send out a Silent – I LOVE YOU, ARNAV,to him before texting him back.
Me : nooo yaaa Arnav...I told you, I will be waiting up na, so I am obviously awake. Just got into the bathroom – with my earphones plugged in my ears now.
My phone Buzzes with the Video Call immediately.
I swipe Up – instantly and just as Arnav's smiling face fills up my screen, I feel myself Bask in the Warmth of Realisation of my Love for him – almost instantly, and he says now, locking his gaze with mine, grinning – " hey you Sparkle, ok I know this is me being super selfish when I say this but I am glad to see you not looking sleepy at all, as in I would have felt really guilty if I spotted you all sleepy just now, for its obviously late, for you...but wait? How are you not sleepy? You had a superlong day as well right??" He goes onto rest against the Headrest of his Bed – all relaxed.
GODAAMIT – I LOVE HIM.
Only if I could tell him that all the Crazy Dance Session – got me all powered Up. (Haha )
I chuckle at that as I say, brushing my hand through my hair, flipping them to one side – " see yes, I told you na, I was not sleepy at all...I know, it was along day for me as well...but let's just say I am all relaxed ya....you see my dear Stranger, about five hours of sleep, after talking to you for a while, is surely going to work more wonders for me, like much more than what an eight hour of sleep would, without talking to you...soo yeahhh..."
He chuckles happily – " godammit, I miss you...Sparkle...how many days until I see you again??"
I wink at him happily – " I miss you too, so freaking much, and well technically you are seeing me, right very now yaa..."
He narrows his eyes at me mischievously – " very funny Sparkle, you know what I mean. alright??"
I grin – " oh yes I do..so the answer to that would be just a little over three weeks...and these little over three weeks have some extra magnetic super power thike?"
Arnav grins happily – "oh yes, indeed...godammit..i just can't wait to take your breath away...you know what that equates to don't you Sparkle.."
I wink at him – " yes ofcourse ya Arnav, that actually means – you cannot wait to ravage my lips with yours...and hey guesss what my dear lips just reported that they can't freaking wait too??"
We share a happy warm laugh now and he says now – "ok but why don't you go back to the bed na Sparkle? as in you are actually sitting down on the bathroom floor..."
I grin and wink– " don't worry about it na, I am very comfortableeee...like comfortable* infinity.." and the very next second I ask – " how did the strategy and preps go? Im sure you were all discussing about the probable pitch condition at Edgbaston, tomorrow??"
And it's almost at the same time he asks – "so tell me what's been up after we last spoke, before I went into dinner with everyone??"
We share another warm laugh now and I say a couple of seconds amidst giggles – " ok, we have to stop asking each other stuff at the same time ya Arnav...like it happens so often with us these days..."
He pauses amidst his laugh as well now and says – " yeahh I know, Sparkle, you go on first, then I will talk, because I haven't heard your voice in over two hours plus, which means that is what exactly I need right now, to hear you talking , first...also I do not want to keep you up for more than 30 minutes from now, for I know you do have a hardcore practise session starting at 930 am tomorrow.."
I nod happily – " and that timing works great, because by the time we break for lunch it will be time for you to wake up..."
Arnav winks – " which means, that I am going to wake up with your call...perfect start to my day already then, Sparkle..."
I stick out my tongue at him playfully – " and well, my day will have the perfect start too, because even though you will still be sleeping when I wake up...I know I will have a string of texts from you, waiting to be read by then..as usual..."
Arnav chuckles – " true that, you know I need to write to you, before I actually crash out for the day...right??"
I nod happily and our eyes lock intently and we both touch our screen at the same time and I say – " I think this is the point, where we do need to pause to say..."and we both wink at one another and say in unison – " thank god for the evolution off technology and Whtsapp..."
For a second, I just pause on saying anything and just take the moment to take in the sight of him smiling at me and his eyes filled with sincere heartfelt emotions. Just looking at him right now – is making my being swim with so much Intensity that I can't really word. Or maybe not Swim - Drown would be the better word.
Yup.
Guys.
I am in love with him.
All Mad, Bad and Deep.
Dear God – pleaseeeee – I hope he loves me Too. I just hope so bad that he feels the Same way.
Arnav says now, waving his hand in front of the screen – " Sparkle, why are you all silent? Has the connection frozen in on us? Can you hear me??"
I pull myself out of the little Hope Trans , I had gone into and I say, with a smile, flipping my hand through my hair again, nervously – " yes, yes, I am right here...no the connection is okay now, I think it just froze for a couple of seconds...acha but listen na...how about you tell me how it all went for you first, like today na, I just feel like I want to hear you first...so you talk, pehle na..like special request..i always go first.."
Arnav nods and brushes his hand through his hair, grinning– " ok then..you know I can't say No to that Look on your face..Just stop being so adorable up on screen Dammit, Sparkle – can't even freaking kiss you through it, what are all these scientists upto? Why haven't they invented the teleportal yet?"
I chuckle now as I wink – " I know right...too bad technology hasn't advanced that much yet no Skipper Blue.."
Arnav nods and sulks – " too bad , indeed..."
I grin – " acha..cmon go on now...you shoot first, now.."
And as he Begins to talk and tell me about how the dinner with the unit and everything after went, I feel my Being get Consumed with the familiar warm and fuzzy and happy, and insanely intense yet serene emotion. Emotions that I had been feeling all this while – but was just not able to acknowledge them in it's truest Magnitude of those emotions being, the one off – Love.
But now that I am aware off it – I can say this with Great Conviction everyone.
Say what?
The fact that – THAT DOOR OF NO RETURN WITHIN MY HEART, TRULY STANDS ALL WIDE AND OPEN, For Arnav - Indeed.
I just know it so surely that it, Just won't - Ever Shut/ Or Find its way to being Closed Back, Like Ever.
How am I so Freaking Sure?
Because, I am Sure * Infinity, that I was not going to Let It.
.....................................
TADAAAAA!!!!!
How was the Update Guysssss?? (wink winkkkkk.....)
Let me know what you guys think as always, you all know I love reading your feedback and comments.
Next Update : Shall now be on Monday/Tuesday evening(
Thanks, guys, for all the Love and Support.
Much Love Guys.
Always.
......................
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