Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Tum hi ho…chaen bhi mera dard bhi

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‘Aap mere liye bilkul galat hai’…

‘Culture ki boundaries kya hai’….

‘I wouldn’t permit you’…

Fury vibrated through her being as his words spun in her mind. Something snapped inside her and she had to grip her hands together to prevent herself from wringing them.

“What did you just say to me? Permit? You wouldn’t permit me wearing clothes like that.” Her voice shook with barely repressed rage.

 “How dare you and who are you?” Zoya shouted “You don’t have the slightest right to make decisions about what I should and shouldn’t put on my body.

And clothes like what huh…clothes like what? It’s just a skirt for crying out loud. Hamara culture itna kamzor hai ki mere skirt pehne se khatam ho jayega”

Asad had just been ready to retort when he was warned by Zoya’s finger mid-air “Meri baat abhi khatam nahi hui”

“Why?... just why did you marry me then? If I am so characterless in your eyes”

“ZOYA” he reprimanded. Her tears tugged at something in his heart

“Maine kaha na meri baat khatam nahi hui hai” she yelled equally as loud, face red, eyes heavy with tears. Her words flowed freely. She’d had enough. Enough of everything.

“Just tell me why? I want answers from you today. Jab se hamari sagai hui hai, you have only been saying one thing. Jo faisla Ammi ka hai, who aapka hai. Bataiye Mr. Khan kya yeh aapka faisla nahi tha” she cried flashing him their wedding ring.

“You shouldn’t have married me Mr. Khan. You shouldn’t have made a galat ladki like me your wife. You shouldn’t have bought those tickets. You shouldn’t have come so close to me” she hollered helplessly, digging her finger in his chest with every sentence.

“Zoya” he said softly in hopes to calm her down. Her entire body was shaking with angry sobs.

“Don’t” she whispered her tears unstoppable. “Just don’t… you’ve said enough. I am very happy keeping my self-respect intact. You can jolly-well wallow on your high horse alone”

xx

It was madness what he had done, what he had said. And the need to apologize was fervent.

What was wrong with him? How could he say something like that to her? Yes, he was upset but half of it he had brought back from office.

‘Where is she?’ he found himself wondering for the umpteenth time. He had stepped out to talk but she was nowhere to be seen.

It was beginning to get dark and by the looks of the stormy gray sky about to rain.

“Urghh” he grunted “You are a moron of highest level Asad Ahmed Khan”

Her words rung in his ears, they stung him hard playing on a loop over and over.

‘You shouldn’t have married me… You shouldn’t have come so close to me…If I am so characterless…hamara culture itna kamzor hai’

He never learnt did he! After everything that had happened with Tanveer, how could he judge Zoya.

“Zoya” he called out. Not in the garden either? Where is she?

He circled back to the front and ran into the street looking for her. It would start pouring anytime now. The wind was wild around him– much like his heartbeat.

He pondered how would he explain himself, clarify that all he felt was…insecurity. Possessiveness and jealousy. Yes, modesty had been a concern, but the dismaying thought of men lusting after her had followed suit soon.

Just then lightning lit up the sky, and her walking figure.

Asad ran towards her as soon as he spotted her. He had meant to be gentle, wanted to tell her how sorry he was that he made her doubt herself. But watching her walk alone in the streets of Bhopal enveloped by darkness haunted his senses. Anger got the best of him.

“What is wrong with you?” her body jolted into his as he forcefully pulled at her arm. “Do you have any idea how unsafe this is. Why would you step out of the house at an hour like this?”

He should have expected her words, prepped himself for it but yet he didn’t.

“Questions, doubts and insolence, that’s all I get from you, do you know that?” Raw hurt flashed in her eyes and this time she didn’t make any effort to cover it up. Her voice was cold like the air around her. 

It was do or die. He wanted her or he didn’t. She was done hiding under a pretence. The weeks of silence had fried her brain, crumpled her sane senses into a mess.

“Zoya” his voice soft, he gazed meaningfully into her eyes. “I didn’t mean it.”

“You never do Mr. Khan and yet you never stop yourself from repeating it ” The storm whirled around her– inside her. It stirred the fallen leaves and Zoya felt she was one of them, swayed one side by his harsh words and the other by his sincere apologies.

Sincere? Were they?

His grip on her arm became loose, his hand moved in the direction of hers, holding it ever so softly.

She could have broken free – drew her hand away. But it wasn’t his hold that held her back, it was his gaze. The same look that often drained her – of any sense, sensibility, anger.

As the thunder rumbled around them, she felt all three slipping away yet again.

xx

It had become a precursor to his words and feelings, the whirlwind around him. Her sad eyes reflected by the dim streetlight were unbearable. But he understood their silent questions.

“I’m trying Zoya. I promise I am. To understand and change, for better, for you. And yes, I may be wrong about many things. But there is one thing, I am absolutely sure about”

Her heartbeat seized.

He took her face into his hands careful as if she was made of fine glass and whispered “That you belong with me. Now and forever. So, say what you have to, but I would marry you over and over again and mean it each time”

Then the sky opened, and rain poured. The gust of wind paused letting the leaves kiss the ground. The sudden drenching shocked her, but she couldn’t move. She stood there looking into his earnest eyes, her tears melting into the rain.

“Then what took you so long?” she managed to breath out.

Asad answered truthfully

“I was…scared. I would never be able to live with myself if I hurt you, just like my Ab…”

“You’re not your father. You never will be” Zoya interrupted

“I am sorry. I am so sorry” The raindrops veiled it, but she could somehow see his tears, feel them as her own. “For every wrong ever, for every tear ever.” He wiped her eyes clear of the water that ran over her.

“You’re not inadequate Zoya, I am incapable”

“Asad, shh…” She held a hand over his lips to stop him from berating himself.

No, he’d never make things easy for her. Just when she had solidified her heart not to yield to his apologies anymore, he had opened the door and offered himself. So, how could she refuse?

She shivered but not because of the storm outside. Her fingers moved to rest against his wet cheek. And when she looked into his dark eyes, she knew she wouldn’t ask for more answers. She didn’t need them.

Maybe it took the span of a heartbeat, maybe a lifetime – who knew. But in the middle of a stormy chaos, she was home.

xx

I was going to end the story with this chapter but I might be adding one more. Thoughts?