Vicky Kaushal's father Sham Kaushal once thought of ending life post cancer diagnosis: 'Have to die..'

The journey of Sham Kaushal in the Indian film industry spans decades. Known today as a senior action director and as the father of actors Vicky Kaushal and Sunny Kaushal, his personal story carries a chapter not many are familiar with, a chapter marked by illness, silence, and ultimately, resilience.

In the early 2000s, Kaushal was at a busy point in his career. He had been steadily working across big film sets and was in Ladakh shooting for Lakshya when he began to feel an unusual pain in his stomach. At first, he was admitted to an army hospital, but work commitments pulled him back to set quickly. Without fully understanding the seriousness of his condition, he continued working, moving on to Shyam Benegal’s Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose.

The diagnosis came in 2003. What had initially been just discomfort turned out to be cancer. “The doctor said I won’t live for long,” Kaushal said during a recent podcast interview with Aman Aujla.

Recalling those days, Kaushal admitted that the news hit him hard. His first reaction was not just fear, it was a moment of despair so deep that he considered ending his life. “They informed me in the evening, and at night, I had this wild thought of jumping from the third floor of the hospital where my room was situated. I didn’t make the decision out of weakness, but thought when I have to die anyway, why not now? But I couldn’t move due to the pain post surgery.”

He also remembered the medical process that followed. “After examining me, the doctor said, ‘You will have to undergo a surgery.’ I said, ‘Do it, if that’s the only option.’ He gave me some medications, and the next morning, he operated me. The operation went on for about three hours. In the evening, it took me some time to gain consciousness. It was only three days later that I regained my senses.”

They informed me in the evening, and at night, I had this wild thought of jumping from the third floor of the hospital where my room was situated. I didn’t make the decision out of weakness, but thought when I have to die anyway, why not now? But I couldn’t move due to the pain post surgery.

- Sham Kaushal

By then, the mood around him had shifted. “I noticed that people’s reaction towards me had changed. They all seemed extremely worried.” What followed was confirmation from the medical team. “Apparently, after operating me, they removed something from my stomach which they further sent for testing to check whether it was cancerous. Apparently, it was. After the report came, the doctor shared that I won’t survive.” It was during this difficult time that Kaushal turned inward. He described speaking to God, asking not for survival, but for understanding and peace. “I told him, ‘I don’t want to live a life where I am weak. If you want to take me away, do it now. I have no complaints. I have lived a full life. And if possible, then just spare me 10 more years as my kids are really young.’'

That internal conversation became a source of strength. “After the conversation, I overcame the fear of death. The next morning, I gained the hope that it is matter of a couple of surgeries and I shall be alright. After this incident, my outlook towards life changed. It strengthened my willpower.” Over the next year, Kaushal went through further treatment and surgeries. “They did several tests and surgeries for the next one year. I stayed strong. Luckily, the cancer had not spread in my body.”

Looking back now, he finds perspective in what once seemed like a dead end. “I had asked God to bless me with 10 more years, but today it has been 22 years. That phase changed my life. I met several good people. I received good work. My kids have been doing well. I grew in life.”

Kaushal’s account is a reminder that behind the success stories and public image, there often lies a personal battle, quiet, painful, and transformative.