FF: Jaane Doh Naa Th# 2 Ch 31 Pg 143 [Jun 10,'13] - Page 59

She was stunned to see it was none other than Khushi, who hesitantly waited to be welcomed inside.

 

"Is everything alright?!" asked Anjali worriedly.

 

"Ofcourse Di… I just wanted to talk to you. Is it okay if I come in?"

 

The apprehension escaped Anjali's face, as she stepped back to let the latter enter. "Sit," she said, nodding to the armchairs beside the enormous window, which Arnav had adamantly ordered to be built when the house was under construction years ago.

 

She could still hear her brother's explanations echoing through her ears as she protested to obnoxious luxury. Ofcourse, it was another matter that all her objections fell to deaf ears, especially when they revolved around the degree of her comfort and pleasure.

 

Slightly shaking her head, Anjali let her eyes focus on her visitor, who had obeyed her command and was sitting quietly in the chair in deep contemplation. Her eyes occasionally flickered to the ceiling, as a murmur would accidently escape her mouth.

 

"What is it?" Anjali finally asked her patience diminished.

 

If there was anything she learned in the past two years, it was how to read people. And the uncertain expression on Khushi's face, which she often saw plastered on her family, screamed caution in every direction. She knew what was about to follow was not a topic she'd like to discuss.

 

"I-I'm," Khushi stuttered. "I'm… sorry Di. I-"

 

"Khushiji!" Anjali exclaimed, her blank mask falling away to reveal surprise. "Why are you saying sorry?!"

 

 "I should have told you about Shyam the minute I found out!" Khushi ranted at top speed. "I shouldn't have hid it and tried to fix it by myself! You had a right to know and I-"

 

Anjali pressed her lips tightly, the mention of her ex-husband bringing back memories she didn't want to face. She continued to gaze at the girl she admired, her mind engulfed in thoughts.

 

It was the same girl, who her brother stubbornly tried to ignore and her husband, to pursue. Surely she was important and yet, she appeared nothing more than ordinary as she sat infront of her, mumbling an apology for crimes she didn't commit. It was truly a strange sight.

 

"Please," Khushi said, having received no response to her outburst. "Say something…"

 

Anjali snorted, the request reminding her of her conversation with Karan that evening. "It's funny how everyone is telling me to do the same thing over and over again today..."

 

"Because we care… and we know how bad it is for you to just lock everything away and-"

 

"and suffer," she interrupted sarcastically. "On the contrary Khushiji, not talking makes this house and my mind a lot more peaceful than it should be."

 

"But Di," Khushi objected, completely missing the tone. "You can't keep doing this! You can't keep punishing yourself for what happened!"

 

Anjali didn't reply, knowing that anything she said would be pointless.

 

"Everything that happened… it was fate. No matter what we change, the ending would still be the same!"

 

"I know that."

 

"Then why are you taking responsibility for what happened? Why are you blaming yourself for ruining everyone's lives?!"

 

"What if I asked you the same thing?"

 

A line appeared on Khushi's forehead.

 

Knowing she got her attention, Anjali continued, "If everything that happened was because of fate, then why are you angry at this family?"

 

And after a pause, added, "Or should I say Arnav?"

 

Khushi froze, the question catching her off guard. However, the mention of Arnav brought anger as she bit her lip, not wanting to say something harsh about the matter. She heard enough of him from her sister and her best friend to last a lifetime. She didn't need one more ambassador to advocate for the man.

 

Her emotions seem to reflect on her face, for Anjali said, "Come on! Do you really not see the grief on his face or are you just pretending not to?"

 

Khushi narrowed her eyes. This was not the topic she wanted to discuss.

 

"Don't lie to yourself Khushi," Anjali said matter-of-factly. "I did that all my life and I am paying dearly for it. Don't make the same mistake."

 

"Arnav Singh Raizada is not capable of grief, because he can never get over himself or his needs. He married me to keep his family happy and now, he wants my forgiveness to keep his guilt at bay. He doesn't like being wrong you see, so he can rewrite fate and fight the world to prove that he is right. To prove that he is the most important person in his life and nothing and no one else matters."

 

 If Anjali was shocked to hear Khushi's words, she didn't let it show on her face. She simply watched the latter, a hollow smile working its way up her gaunt features. She shook her head, and stood up with a sigh.

 

"I am not asking you to listen to Arnav Singh Raizada," she said. "I am asking you to listen to my brother."

 

"They-"

 

"I know Arnav from the time he took his first breath," she interrupted. "I know him at his best and his worst."

 

Khushi watched Anjali slowly walk towards her wall-sized window, overlooking the now darkened lawns of the Raizada Mansion. She had to admit, it was a beautiful sight to behold with the moon twinkling along with the stars, but it appeared that the peace of the night was far from the walls of the house.

 

"I knew Chote," Anjali began. "When he could look at a rose and call it beautiful. When he could look at the stars and believe there was a heaven in them somewhere. When he understood relationships and more so, the love each one carried with it. A mother's adoration, a father's attention, a sister's tease… everything.

 

What you see now is the result of all the beatings he took from this world. Yes, he is arrogant. Yes, he is egoistic. But how many times can you poke the same wound before it learns and becomes as tough as stone?"

 

Khushi listened intently, the mention of the younger Arnav raising many curiosities. But what really caught her attention was Anjali's tone, which until that point seemed indifferent. Now, the quiet voice echoing through the room held affection and endurance, with the slightest touch of sorrow.

 

"He was fourteen when he saw his mother die because the man she loved chose someone else over her. And in the same night, watched his father die with the guilt of killing his wife. How do you even hope for a child to overcome that?"

 

A gasp escaped Khushi's mouth as she remained rooted to the spot, horrified at what she heard. Anjali had put her past so simply and yet, it knocked her breathless as dreadful images began to fill her mind. Her heart seized, not being able to even comprehend the pain that must have torn apart the family.

 

"I had faith in my brother though. I knew my Chote could overcome it… and I thought he did for a very long time. But it wasn't that he recovered, it was just that he stopped caring and believing… in people, in relations, inlove... The stories I used to tell him became just that – stories. Even now, after so many years, he still won't allow anyone to come near him in the fear that they will betray him, just like my parents. He won't let himself feel, because he is scared that someone will break his heart like how my father broke my mother's."

 

Anjali turned around, her eyes in deep pits of anguish and asked, "So now tell me - can you blame him for not being able to trust?"

 

Khushi didn't speak, her eyes threatening to brim with tears.

 

"Yes, he is complicated. But so is everything in life. Even your fairytales have them – evil witches, jealous stepmothers, ugly beasts… but did of any of them give up without fighting?"

 

Khushi was still, her mind buzzing with questions. How was it that she missed this all these days? How had she not known that the man she loved was haunted by a nightmare every single second of the day?

 

She felt ashamed of herself as she recollected the many strange behaviors of Arnav. While she told him about the dreadful night she lost her parents, how had she failed to ask how he lost his? For all the time she spent with him, it was a disgrace that she knew nothing about him.

 

"Why doesn't he ever talk about this?" she whispered, trying to make sense of the new information. "Not even to you?!"

 

"Because he is Arnav," Anjali said simply. "And he doesn't like to share his pain."

 

Khushi didn't know what to say.

 

"I won't lie Khushiji," Anjali said after a few minutes. "My brother is not nice. He is selfish and arrogant… he likes to control everything, always have an upper hand in every situation. He calls the shots, whether people like it or not. And yes, he definitely tries to rewrite fate every single second of the day… but he does it out of spite, anger for what it stole from him.  Not because he is a bad person.

 

And as sad as it sounds, those things are not going to change. Whether it be now or fifty years later, he will still say he doesn't like roses and grow them preciously in his garden. He will flaunt around this wealth and throw it all away in less than a second if it can earn a smile on my face. He won't believe in god, but will still hope that's where my mother is. He is just. Like. That."

 

Silence followed Anjali's words, plunging the room once again into a soundless well. Khushi stared out the window, seeing truth in every single thing that was uttered. How did she conclude that a man, who tended to his plants so tenderly, didn't have a heart? Didn't she herself see it on many occasions? Whether it was a bangle stuck in her wrist or goons threatening her life, Arnav never failed to help her.

 

She trailed back to Anjali's explanation, seeing the dichotomy in everything Arnav Singh Raizada said and did. It really did seem that there were two people living in the same body. She just didn't understand it.

 

However, what was even more shocking than knowing the other side of the story, was the one explaining it. Khushi watched Anjali stare out into the night, awed by how well she understood Arnav. And as the clock ticked away, she couldn't help but feel foolish for believing she could help. It was obvious that as long as her brother was in pain, Anjali Singh Raizada wouldn't even entertain the thought of happiness.

 

"You know," Khushi said, with a sigh. "Everyone says that Arnav is the best brother ever… come what may, he won't ever leave your side. But today, I finally know why. You are-" 

 

Anjali didn't let her finish. "I failed… I failed to be his sister. So please don't tell me how perfect I am, because I am not."

 

"No! You didn't fail… you know him better than he knows himself!"

 

"And yet, I couldn't teach him how to love. I couldn't help him fight his fears or learn the difference between right and wrong."

 

"Is that why you are mad at him then? That he didn't learn what life is?"

 

Anjali's forehead furrowed. "Why would I be mad?"

 

"You are cold towards him… he notices it and worries."

 

"I'm not mad… It's just…" Anjali sighed, struggling to find words to phrase her thoughts. "When a mother raises her hand on her child, the world will say many things. But when the child grows up to be a good human being, the same world will agree that she did the right thing."

 

"But-"

 

"You will understand when you become a mother Khushiji," Anjali said a small smile on her lips. "There is no point dwelling on these things so late at night."

 

"No, I get it," Khushi objected. "He is your responsibility, just like Varun. But you can't forget that taking care of you is his responsibility too. We all made mistakes Di… you trusted that man, your brother his lie and I, his humanity. But you are making another mistake by isolating yourself. Everyone in this house needs you."

 

"Everyone or my brother?"

 

Khushi averted her eyes.

 

"I am not what he needs. Surely you know that."

 

When Khushi didn't reply, Anjali said, "You don't even want to consider the possibility that you care for him and yet, you stand here fighting for him."

 

"Yes, I stand here," Khushi snapped, displeased to hear the latter speak truths as if passing a comment regarding the weather. "Because I am humanand I can't walk away from things and forget they ever existed. Yes, I am angry at him and probably hate him more than anyone in this world, but I am not going to be inhumane about it."

 

"And that is precisely the only thing that is different about you two. Everything else is pretty much the same."

 

"Don't compare-"

 

"I am not," Anjali interrupted. "I am just pointing out the facts which you want to ignore. He goes out of his way to save his family, and you, yours. He threatened you into a contract to save his sister's marriage, and you agreed to save your sister's. Tell me, what is the difference?"

 

"The difference is that I didn't threaten him or make his life miserable or feel proud about it. I regret my mistakes, and he is no where close to it."

 

"Do you know that?"

 

Khushi gritted her teeth.

 

"I am not trying to be rude… I am just telling you what I see."

 

Khushi chose to be quiet.

 

"Well," Anjali said, knowing that conversation was far from over. "It's late… we should sleep."

 

So bidding goodbye, Khushi turned to the door when a new thought struck. "Can I ask you something?"

 

"Of course."

 

"Why did you tell him to stop looking for me?  You want me to forgive him, right?"

 

Anjali took her time to reply. "Because you can never love something without knowing how much it costs to lose it. He needed to learn that, so I told him to stop."