Chapter 19

A/N: Thank you tonnes for your patience. 

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Chapter 19

Khushi did not regret it.

As she hurried out of that car, her heart ready to break out of its cage because of the sheer force with which it was beating, she did not regret her words and action.

But as minutes turned into hours and hours into evening, she began to feel a dread.

And now, as she lay on her bed, she could feel tears rising at the back of her eyes.

Arnav hadn’t followed after her.

He hadn’t called.

He hadn’t texted.

And the wall clock on the front wall read 11:45 pm.

Did he really leave? Even after what she told him?

The weight of the pendant that Arnav had gifted on her birthday and she had worn ever since was now like a rock on her chest.

She did not realize when the first tear drop fell. And the next. Then next.

Everything was ruined forever.

She shouldn’t have said anything.

He did provide her a list of the girls he had dated in the past.

And Shilpa! She was a model, he said?

How can she even compare to these girls. Of course he left!

It was utterly stupid of her to think that he would want to do anything with her. It was stupid to think that all those moments where she felt like the center of his attention meant anything.

Maybe he acted so angry because she hadn’t told him about Akash and her feelings for him and he was hurt as a friend. His anger doesn’t have to mean that he was hurt by the idea of Akash and her being together.

As more minutes ticked by, Khushi began to question everything. Maybe he opened up to her because he pitied that she too doesn’t have a mother.

It was past midnight and sleep still looked far-fetched when her cell phone vibrated in the silence of the room.

Abandoning the haunting thoughts, Khushi immediately picked up the phone.

“Hello” She said.

“I need to see you”

Her clutch on the phone tightened and her heartbeat quickened. It was Arnav’s voice.

“Arnav, I meant what I said. I had no intention to keep you in the dark about this thing with Akash. I wanted to tell you. Remember? On my birthday? I told you there was something I needed to tell you? I wanted to tell you about this. About what I used to feel for Akash and how I don’t anymore, but I couldn’t..”

Khushi stopped the rant that she didn’t know how and why she began. There was a tapping sound against her window.

“Open the window, Khushi” Arnav said.

“What?” Khushi immediately got down her bed and reached the window.

She pushed open the wooden window doors and there he was! Standing right outside, between the planted pots, holding a phone to his ear!

A soft surprise noise left her mouth.

“Arnav? What are you..”

Her eyes widened further when Arnav slipped the phone in his front pocket and jumped inside the room in one quick move.

Khushi gasped as he landed and shut the windows behind him.

“What do you think you’re doing, Arnav? What if someone saw you? And where did you disappear? Why didn’t you call? Why didn’t you text? I thou..”

Khushi was surprised to silence when he stepped up to her and caught her face between his hands, fixing his eyes upon hers.

So much intensity in them!

“You kissed me” He said.

Khushi’s face instantly bloomed with colour and she couldn’t hold his gaze. She started staring at her feet, mumbling.

“Oh!..Umm..well..that..that was..in spur of the moment…sorry..silly..it was silly”

“Improper” She looked up when he said the word.

His eyes were still boring holes in her sanity.

“It was improper” He repeated, and she blinked.

She realized he was still cupping her face. She tried to pull back but he didn’t let go.

“You can’t do things like that. Do you know what it did to me?” He continued, holding her face, her eyes, and her existence. She was lost in this moment, amazed by it.

“What?” She asked, looking into his eyes.

“This” He said, and Khushi’s heart thudded all but one time, before his lips were upon her.

It cracked open her heart and filled it with sunshine.

She forgot to breathe as his lips softly felt her lips, and then pressed urgently. She became a live wire, current coursing through her body and her knees growing weak.

She all but whimpered when he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into him.

“You electrified me” He whispered upon her lips before taking in her bottom lip and quickly running his tongue over it.

Khushi knew it was only his arm around her that was holding her upright. So, she collected her hands and placed them around him.

A few seconds passed before Arnav pulled away from her lips and hid her face in the crook of his neck.

Khushi realized that she was slightly shaking, but her nose was filled the scent of him.

Woodsy and something she couldn’t quite name.

“How could I leave?” He said softly.

Khushi pulled back slightly and looked at his face. It looked mystified.

“Why not?” She asked him.

He looked at her, locking eyes.

“I felt that something of great value was being left behind” He replied.

Khushi nodded her head.

“I felt something of great value was being taken from me” She admitted and dared to bring a palm to his face, placing it softly against his cheeks.

Arnav closed his eyes and breathed in.

When he opened his eyes, his eyes were apologetic.

“I was lying in the afternoon. About almost everything. There is no girlfriend. I mean…there was. But I broke up with her before coming here. And…I, most certainly, was not happy to hear about Akash and..you. I was…disappointed, angry and, hopeless. I was lashing out” He said, voice dropping with guilt.

Khushi walked to her bed and made him sit.

Then she smiled softly.

“I didn’t really believe you when you said all those things, Arnav” She said to him.

Arnav looked at her with questioning eyes.

“You didn’t?”

“No! I thought why you were telling me all this suddenly and out of nowhere. And though you sounded so convincing, I just..I couldn’t make myself believe that you really were happy. You were saying it but your eyes were saying something else. And another reason I quite didn’t believe you is because I didn’t want to. There is something that I wanted to tell you today where we met for lunch. But, I couldn’t due to all that..misunderstanding” Khushi said.

Arnav was looking at her, listening to her carefully. There was a whirlpool of emotions running rampant in his eyes. Khushi wondered where he had been all evening.

“Yes, I loved Akash” She said, looking away from him. She watched as his breath sharpened one more time.

“He was my best friend. Kind, caring and helpful! It was easy for me to imagine a fairy-tale life where he and I would get married and always be together. But, that’s not what life is! Life is not a fairy-tale. At least, not for me. Over the years, I have changed, Arnav. I have seen what love should be like and my love for Akash was not like that. Once I realized that, I don’t know how and when my feelings for Akash began to fade. However, a few years after that, I learned something else. It was when Akash was with you in Delhi. I was looking for something in his room and I stumbled upon his prized box. You know? He keeps a box. It had always made me curious. When I opened it, I found it filled with love-letters for the girl he often ranted about. Some crush. It was then I realized that I didn’t feel one bit of hurt or disappointment. In fact, I was happy for him. I found it amusing and silly that he had kept the letters from me even though he ranted about the girl so often. I think he was too embarrassed to share the romantic fantasies he had written down for the girl. Anyway, that was when I realized I really had no feelings for him. I had moved on from being in love with my best friend to just being friends” Khushi said.

“You didn’t ever tell him you saw the box?” Arnav asked.

“No. I thought I wouldn’t until he showed it to me himself. But he didn’t. So, I didn’t tell him” Khushi replied.

She watched as Arnav reached for her hand and held it between his.

“This whole marriage thing..” He began.

“is meaningless” Khushi finished and smiled.

Arnav swallowed thickly and Khushi watched his eyes become glassy.

“Hey” She said softly, pressing his hand.

“I instantly believed it when I heard it from Akash” He said, clearing his throat.

“Why?” Khushi said. She wanted to hear what was going on in his head.

Arnav looked at her for a second.

“Because I always lose the people I love the most” He said.

This time, Khushi’s breath sharpened.

“For the longest time I can remember, I have wanted you in my life. The girl who could teach me not to be unjust and hateful! At first, I thought I just needed your friendship. I kept trying to slip into your life. From phone calls and birthday wishes to helping Akash choose your presents. Even if remotely, I wanted to be attached to your life. And when you lost Garima aunty, I remember wanting to be by your side, to hug you and tell you that it gets easier. Not the pain, but living with it. I think that was the first time I felt scared by the intensity of what I felt. And even then, I knew I was nowhere in your thoughts. It was only Akash. I think I always knew somewhere. I envied it, even hated it some extent. That’s why when I first came here, I planned to stay miles away from you. I did not want to wish for something I knew I could never have. But…it happened anyway. I tried to stay away, Khushi. But, I failed. When I saw you reaching out to me, my desperate, unloved heart just couldn’t refuse it. I don’t know if this is too much for you. I don’t know what you feel. But, I feel. I feel so much many things I cannot put them in words, Khushi. But today when you said you didn’t love Akash and you kissed me, I cannot tell you how long I sat there convincing myself that I wasn’t dreaming. That all of this was real. That, there is finally someone who might want me even after knowing who I really am. Someone who might want me choose me instead of being stuck with me..” By the time Arnav finished, his voice was choked with emotions.

It made Khushi’s eyes burn, but she held back her tears.

A man who loved her! For years! And she had no idea about it? But, she saw the hints, picked them when he was finally before her. Khushi didn’t know how to put in words that she felt the same about him. That she too was scared by what she felt for him. But not anymore. She is not scared anymore.

She moved and hugged him, placing her head on his shoulder.

“I choose you. And that means I will never let you leave” She said.

They sat hugging for only a minute when the clock chimed. Both of them looked at the wall clock. It was one in the night.

“I am sorry for coming so late” Arnav said, pulling away from the hug.

“You should be” Khushi said, getting down the bed.

Arnav’s lips twitched into a smile and he watched she put slippers on.

“Where are you going?” He asked her.

“I don’t think you have eaten. I will heat some food for you” She said.

“I knew it” She said when Arnav’s face turned sheepish and he scratched his head.

“Wait here”

Arnav nodded and Khushi left.

When she came back ten minutes later, she found Arnav still sitting on the bed, legs dangling and reading her copy of Oliver Twist.

Arnav opened his mouth when he saw her but Khushi shook her head.

“I don’t think we should talk about Akash right now. So, put the book away. I brought Kheer. That is all that was left” She said.

Arnav considered her words and put the book back on the nightstand.

Then he took hold of the bowl Khushi handed and began eating.

She watched him eat and Arnav raised a brow at her.

“Hungry?” He asked, turning the spoon towards her.

He watched as she shook her head but still put the spoon in her mouth, eating the Kheer.

Her cheeks turned red when Arnav took the spoon back and starting eating again with it.

“I would like to know what is going on in your head at the moment” He said with a slight smirk.

“Sure you would! But, all I am thinking is that it is very late and I should be sleeping” She said and signaling towards the water bottle, lay down on the bed on the other side of the bed.

“Good Night” She said and Arnav chuckled softly.

He finished the Kheer and drank from the bottle.

Then he stood up and walked to her side of the bed. Her eyes were closed but he knew she was awake.

“Good night” He leaned down and whispered softly.

Khushi held in her breath because she could feel him lingering.

“I love you” Khushi’s eyes flew open but Arnav was already kissing her, his lips softly brushing against hers. It was gentle and quick.

Exactly how she had done it in the afternoon.

Her heart thudded violently when he pulled away.

She looked at him but he was already moving.

She lay on the bed, still caught upon his three words.

She heard when he opened the windows softly, jumped out and then closed them again.

A few more seconds passed and Khushi heard herself speak.

“I love you too, Arnav”

She smiled and slept peacefully thereafter.

~~**~~

When Arnav reached the Mahal and found his way into his bed, the smile on his face refused to leave. He felt million times lighter.

Maybe it was a good thing that Khushi stopped him from talking about Akash. He can deal with it tomorrow morning. Because, he knew it was going to be one hell of a morning.

He will go up to his father and tell him that he loved Khushi.

And he will talk to Akash too.

Arnav could only wonder what that conversation will be like.

What would Akash say? Because his was the only opinion that mattered to Arnav in this whole damned house!

Tomorrow, he decided. 

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