OS: For better, or for Worse? - Page 2

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White-Lies thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
For Better, or for Worse?

Love. That flimsy little thing. Slippery. What is it? Can anyone define it?

 

Love, she says. A trap. Meaningless. Happy hopelessness, it is.

 

Maybe it is like air. Necessary, but no fist can grasp it. No mind can fathom love, only feel it.

 

It is her weapon. To confuse, to derail, and to degrade me. She is ready to strike with her beauty- a snake, poised. Has she struck, already? Perhaps.

 

He calls me beautiful. He is strange- why does he slap me with that "praise"? It hurts. Always. This is not how it was supposed to be.

 

Beautiful women are a creed, like those mermaids Ma spo- that woman spoke about. Made to lure and ruin.

 

Yet. Yet, he pauses when my gaze meets his, he fumbles. Those eyes, they assess, burn a hole through me, but never cease, in their piercing inquiry, to arrest my soul.

 

Her eyes spell innocence. All innocence is but deceit. But, when those eyes shed those big, fat tears. Why is it- mesmerising, and painful then? Is it guilt?

 

Are his eyes like his mother's? Bapu-sa's gruffness is all in his speech. The moments of vulnerability, the pain, the anguish in his soul- those two windows lay all bare. Open. What's missing? Words?

 

Those honey dripping words of hers. Can one tread so carefully? Plan so meticulously? Does she mean what she sa- no. It's an agenda. She wants something. But is it the money? The haveli? Why do her words betray just as much as her eyes convey, in muted speech?

 

Love. What does it mean? The laced hands that first night? The shield before me at the face of every danger? The concern for a drop of blood? Or... the quiet company?

 

Love is a lie. A lesson in life. A lustrous lure. Disastrous.

 

Is love a new beginning? Words can be unsaid. But this experience can never be undone. Maybe... those eight promises were just words? Absurdly spearheaded, aimed only to hurt?

 

Tonight will be the last. All of these emotions must die- I will kill them, because I can, and I must. They are fickle. She may claim my bed. The moonlight may befriend her, and conspire against me. There will be no more entwined hands, much less entwined destinies. I will show her darkness, with the first rays of the sun. Tomorrow will be worse.

 

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow, I shall try again- to win his heart, to earn his love. Whatever that may be. I should finally sleep. But him- Major Sahab. He's distracting. Is he comfortable on the floor? Maybe I should... No. but if I do sleep in Sunehri's room, what shall I say? Let him be. He deserves as much for all of that hate speech.

 

This floor is hard. She shouldn't have slept here that ni- whatever. She deserves it. For all her cunning craft, and that artifice of beauty.

 

Must sleep be so hard to find, after all?

 

She was lying about the rats- wasn't she?


***


A/N- Hello, hello, forum. This is my very first post. A shorty, short one, but it's a start. The forum is as inspiring as the show has been. The wonderful creativity at work has finally inspired me to join the forum, after a couple of months of quiet stalking of posts. It is a whole culture, of which I hope to be a part. Rangrasiya not only has great scope, but I can see the vibrancy and confluence of diversity here. All thoughts- flaws, and all- on this piece are welcome, and will keep me going for long! Let's see if this experiment works! :)


Please, please do comment. Nothing better than a few words, kind, or otherwise, to keep a creative mind on the run.

Edited by White-Lies - 10 years ago
Jaz1990 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
Welcome to te forum, a brilliant start.
milinda.shreyz thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
Wow !! fantastic...and your writing style is so much like me yaar !
read any of them and u will believe what I am saying. I have actually never seen such similarities .😃
My attempts of writing fanfics :
My first rangrasiya OS --- A Boy's Tale

The moon rise --- A rangrasiya OS

Piya bawari ----- A rangrasiya TS.

and yes, welcome to the RR forum.
Edited by shreya_rc - 10 years ago
binimoti thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
This a nice piece, thanks for writing, I liked it.
sparikh thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
nice one - loved both of their POV; Paro is taking one day at a time;
-Sona
Directional. thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
omg. u r a damn good writer. plz keep writing.. 😊
What_the thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
Hi white-lies,
 I liked how you described what is running through both their heads in alternate stanzas.
Your writing style is new and refreshing and i would love to read more from you...may be a piece of fiction, like as OS?

Welcome to the forum - we are all quite mad here about paro and rudra - and welcome you to join the madness!

Cheers
What_the
napstermonster thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
White Lies:

I will tell you something as a senior, pompous member of the forum. I claim to be your senior per my 1000 posts. Yes that's right. I'm totally internet-bullying you. You need to flesh this out. And you need to actually go ahead and write every damn thing that comes to you, on this, and on anything else, too. Please--create something out of this free flow of images, of beautiful lines that you have strung together here. Because? well, this is incredible.

This is however, also teasing, Baisa. For those of us who love to read, and enjoy "new" talent when they come to the forum, its pure hell to see such promise hide its light underneath a bush. I found the flow brilliant, like a game almost, one image following the next. Each building off of the previous concept.

Honestly, I cannot imagine what brilliance you'll use to  move this into a story format, because as it is right now, it feels stream of consciousness like, as if two people are emoting, standing very close to each other. I almost think, should it just be like this? A perfect few moments of feeling? But then I'm greedy. I say, no. I'm sure, when you penned this down, you had a glimpse of a body within which you'd be able to inject this heart. The heart is beautiful, moving and evocative, Baisa. Abb body bhi deh doh!

Thank you for this. Welcome.
Navin
Edited by napstermonster - 10 years ago
chotidesi thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
Resing.

Unres:
I must start with a major criticism: You used a sans serif font. ðŸ˜† Serif fonts, at least for me, are easier to read- would you mind using one next time? It will never deter me from reading though ðŸ˜†


For someone who says this is their first attempt at writing, I will have to bow down to you. And then smack you for being so awesome. This was amazing- the double perspective, the contrast in their viewpoints- everything was just so well done. I love the innocence you give Paro, and the ruthlessness Rudra has. 

I really liked this line: He calls me beautiful. He is strange- why does he slap me with that "praise"? It hurts. Always. This is not how it was supposed to be.

I've always wondered what her reaction to his "khoobsurat" insult would be- mainly because it's usually a compliment. I would be incredibly confused if I was her- and that's something you've embodied beautifully. I am definitely stalking this- you're a fabulous writer, and I completely mean that.

Oh, and welcome to the forum- I'm glad to have writers like you here! 
Edited by chotidesi - 10 years ago
White-Lies thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago

Originally posted by: Jaz1990

Welcome to te forum, a brilliant start.


Originally posted by: binimoti

This a nice piece, thanks for writing, I liked it.


Originally posted by: sparikh

nice one - loved both of their POV; Paro is taking one day at a time;

-Sona


Originally posted by: arshi_r_da_bst.

omg. u r a damn good writer. plz keep writing.. 


Thank you so much for the warm welcome, guys, means a lot! It does!

Yes. Paro, I believe is indeed taking a day at a time. She does different things everyday. That surprise package of a baisa is quite an enigma with her myriad characteristics.

Shreya_rc, I can't quote you, coz newbie rules. But I will most certainly read your works, they sound very interesting! Especially so, because you claim this resemble your style. Thanks:)