Because I Love You
***
"Because I love you."
The words left him before he could catch hold of them and lock them deep inside him. But he was too late, leaving both Prerna and him in a breathless state of stun. His heart had won over his mind, something it was doing often these days. It could no longer carry the weight of loving her in secrecy. It grew tired and withered, no longer wanting to live in a state of constant darkness he wanted her light. He needed her to know and be done with it. He pinched his eyes shut and as he reopened them, he repeated the words, this time emphasising each word and the depth they held.
"Because I love you," he admitted, defeated and relieved all at once. It was the first time he had said the words out loud for her to hear, for him to hear. He had always whispered them to her through his eyes but her eyes they were always turned to a different direction, to another to ever notice he held her in them.
“You can't,” Prerna said, her face paled from his blatant confession. It was a lie. It had to be. “You can’t. This isn’t a part of our deal. You can’t love,” she shook her head in denial, “It’s not possible.”
"But, I already have Mrs Bajaj. I am absolutely, incoherently, quintessentially in love with you," he said with a slight tilt of his lips, his heart feeling liberated. He could declare his love to her forever and never grow weary. "I have no damn idea when it happened. I just woke one morning and everything was different. The world was different, I was different and I looked at you, you were the same. Strange. I think somewhere between dusk and twilight, I fell in love. Crazy how it works."
“Mr Bajaj, I don’t love you. I can’t love anyone but Anurag.”
“I know,” he laughed amused. “I know. Trust me, I know. There isn't a day that goes by where I'm not aware of this. And no matter how much I try or how much you continue to rip my heart out I can’t undo falling in love with you. I can’t do it I just can’t. Not even after knowing my wife is in love with another man. A man who doesn't deserve her. He doesn't deserve you," he spat out the last words like venom.
"And you do?" She rebutted with flooded arms and accusing eyes.
"No," he said without skipping a beat, catching her off guard. "I don't. I don't think anyone could ever truly deserve you. You see, you're too good, too kind, too pure. I'm...I’m nothing but broken leftovers, abandoned in a world of scares and darkness and you’re all light...But,” he paused, the gentleness on his face fell as he pointed at the door, his voice turned hard with each word, “I sure as hell know that he doesn't deserve you. Not a glance, not a word, not a touch, that you give him so willing. Nothing. All he's ever done is take take take and take from you and left you with nothing but tears and emptiness. That isn’t love. That can’t be love. Because all I ever want to do is give and give and give everything I am to you until there is nothing left inside me but you. Just you.
You know, I never understood why you kept crying for him. Why you kept protecting him even after all the hurt he gave you. Not until my heart started to beat with your name on it. There are no whys and hows in love. It just is. Ah," he said pushing his hands into his hair in frustration and paced, "this is not how it was supposed to be. You weren't supposed to fall in love with the mother of your daughter Rishab. Bad bad bad Rishabh. You know Mrs Bajaj,” he halted and looked at her, “the only value you had in my life was that of being Kuki's mother. Nothing more nothing less. But you, you just had to claw your way under my skin and into my veins and flow into every inch of me. The Rishabh Bajaj who keeps tabs on the world has every detail resting on his fingertips was blind-sided by you. You became the other half of my existence and I didn't even know it."
“Please stop. I don't want to hear it. Please, just stop."
"Don' stop me today Mrs Bajaj. I don't think I can even if I want to. See this is the one time I can’t do what you’re asking of me. I've fought so long and hard with myself. I love you,” he broke out into a grin, suddenly looking 10 years younger, looking like a boy experiencing his first love. “I love everything about you and I mean everything. Even when you’re giving me those deadly glares when you're angry at me. I love you even when you spend hours talking about Mr Basu. I love everything inch of you. I love the baby growing inside you,” he said softly catching his breath, “I love it so much that I wish it was mine.
It was only after I fell in love with you that I realized just how empty of a person I am. How cruel and vile I am and how truly beautiful you are. How can you still stand here and bare to look at me without disgust, to treat me with kindness and not hate after all I’ve done. How can you not hate me, Mrs Bajaj, after what I've done? When I am the very reason for you infliction? After I tore you apart front the man you love from the father of your child.”
He stood staring at her, waiting for an answer but all he saw were tears ever so slowly streaming down her face. She made no attempts to wipe them away instead she stood still, her arms wrapped around her stomach, her eyes deprived.
"Ssshhh,” he whispered stepping towards her. Tenderly wiping her tears with his thumb. For the first time, since she crossed paths with him, Prerna saw her reflection accompanied by the shadow of lingering anguish in Rishabh Bajaj's eyes. “You know, when you cry, I feel a tug here,” he placed his hand on his chest. “I feel like, I can’t breath when I see them in your eyes. It hurts and in return, all I want to do is turn the world inside out...
I don't want to be the reason for these tears,” he breathed tugging her Mangalsut off. The fragile chain fell from her neck and wrapped itself around his fingers.
“I've tried so hard to make you love me. Tried and failed. And in the battle of trying to win your love I've learnt something, something only you could teach me. Love can't be forced nor can it be caged. I can't force you to love me neither can I stop you from loving Mr.Basu, just like I can’t stop myself from loving you. I want to love you like no one has, like no one ever could. I'll love you to infinity and wait till infinity for you. I want to love you selflessly not selfishly. So, you're free,” he took a step back from her, his arms spread wide and dropped to his side. “Am setting you free, from all deals, from me, from this,” he raised the Mangalsut, “this marriage is over."
“Kuki?”
“Kuki,” he said with a new ache finding it’s way into him. How was it possible to live with so much hurt. “Our daughter. She’ll be okay. I’ll make her understand. I’ll tell her you were a beautiful dream. An angel, that flew away to heal more hearts. With time, eventually, you’ll fade away from her memories.”
He took a step back from her, then another, and clutched his fists shut. He feared he would grow weak and reach out to her and beg her to stay, to not leave them. A part of him screamed at him to do so but he didn’t.
“Go,” he commanded.
“Mr Bajaj,” Prerna reached for him.
“No,” he said harshly, his body stiff with restraint. One touch from her and he would break.
“Thank you,” she quivered. “Thank you,” and with that she ran towards the door, her heart thumping in her chest as she ran towards her destination.
“Mrs Ba -Prerna” Mr Bajaj called out. She halted at the door, turning their eyes locked. Rishabh watched her beguiled his words forgotten, lost in the wind. She waited for him to say something instead he shook his head. Giving him one last glance she turned and walked out the door and from his life.
Rishabh stared at the black and golden beaded chain resting on his palm. His fingers tenderly tracing over each sacred bead. Each bead attached to a vow, to a memory, to the life they had lived and were to live and grow together. But his moment of reminiscing was short-lived when the room suddenly echoed with clapping. Each clap drawn out loud followed with the jingles of bangles and clicking of heels.
“I'm so touched,” a woman said appearing from the dark corners of the room where light didn’t shine. Mockingly, she wiped tears off her face that were never there. “What a performance. Damn good.”
Mr Bajaj tucked the chain inside the left pocket of his black coat and gently patted over it. He raised his piercingly gaze, they were stone- cold as he looked a the open door. Paying no heed to the woman he walked to the lounge area of his room. Where a bottle of his favourite poison and a pack of cigars waited for him. Fetching out his lighter from his jacket he lit a cigar and pulled a deep draw from it and puffed out white smoke, the perfect contrast to his hollow black eyes. Filling his glass with whiskey, he took he usual seat, his right leg crossed over his left, he took a quaffed of his drink and leaned further into the cough, resting his head on soft feathers his lips tilted. Looking nothing like the vulnerable man that stood in the middle of the room only moments ago the verge of a breakdown. No, this was a different man. A man who resonated calm and power, who could call upon storms with the flicker of his fingers.
The woman took a seat next to him, twirling a strand of hair, she took in his appearance. Breathing in the smoke that gloriously danced around him. She reminded herself to proceed with caution. This man was the devil reincarnated, one wrong move and he would burn her to the ground with his gaze.
“Who would have thought, the great Rishabh Bajaj, cold, stone-hearted, machine, would fall in love. And that too with Prerna Sharma,” she said half amused half bitter.
“Mrs– Prerna – Bajaj.”
“Soon to be Mrs Prerna Basu, you did free her after all. I don’t get it. Why would you hand her over to Anurag? Why take the risk. What if Anurag files for divorce on her behalf.”
“She will always be Mrs Bajaj. Mrs Prerna Rishabh Bajaj. No other name could ever join with hers but mine. She will never become Mrs Bad Basu. That’s your title,” he said looking at her for the first time since she entered the room. “You’ve got 2 weeks. 2 weeks is all I’m willing to stay apart from her.”
“Why did you let her go Mr Bajaj? Why go through all of this trouble just for her to return.”
“There are something’s that your tiny little head won’t understand. So, don’t bother. I’ll be flying out of the country tomorrow. But I’ll be here when you break her. Waiting. So, I suggest you get on with work. You've got a deadline to meet."
“1 week. That’s all I need.”
“I like your confidence. It’s good to see your failures haven’t derailed you.” He suddenly pushed himself forward to the edge of his seat and leaned into her. He drew in a long breath of his cigar, it’s flame burning bright red. He blew out smoke bathing her in it. “If you fail, I’ll burn so many holes into your face with this," he pointed his cigar to her, "until every inch of your face turns to ashes,” he said in a low manic voice, spending shivers down her body.“Because I own this million-dollar face. I own you, Komolika Basu. Every inch of your existence belongs to Rishabh Bajaj.”
“I won't fail. I failed the first time because I was weak. Because I loved him. Now, there is nothing but hate. I want him to suffer, to inflict the same pain he caused me,” she said furiously as she touched her face.
“TicTok Tic Tok. You’re wasting your time,” he said reeking with arrogance. Komolika and Anurag Basu's lovestory was the last thing he ever wanted to hear. God, he'd rather have his ears fall off. He was fed up of him, he wanted to put a bullet to his head every time he heard Basu's name. Not his head of course, Basu's head.
Taking the hint, an enraged Komolika keeping herself in check stood up, she poured herself a glass of Mr Bajaj’s whiskey and quaffed it down.
“I won't fail,” she said confidently and stormed towards the door.“ And no one fcuking owns me. No one,” she muttered under her breath when she knew he couldn't hear her.
Rishabh Bajaj smirked pouring himself another glass. He’d leave Komolika breadcrumbs along the way. At every step, because the universe knew the woman was useless without guidance. Beauty? Perhaps, he never cared enough to take notice. Brains? Nada. He would have never spent a dime on her if he didn't need her. She was an investment he paid a hefty price for an investment he knew would guarantee him success. He needed her face. This time around, she would be the face and he the mind. He would be the puppet master and she the puppet. Pulling out the chain from his coat and he stared at it once again. It was only a matter a few days, it would be with her again because that's where it belonged.
You’re leaving Mrs Bajaj only to return to me again. This time, willingly, without conditions, without restrains. Because I am your path, your street, your road, your every destination. Because I Rishabh Bajaj willed you to me.
- Fin-
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