Why?
"Jaane to aapko de sakta hoon, lekin jaane dena nahi chahta," he mumbled, burying his face in his palms, drawing knees closer to his chest as he sat on the floor with his back against the wall. He had completed six months with her after their marriage and the six months had changed a lot in his life. Was he allowed to be honest and confess that those six months were some of the best months of his life? He would be always grateful for every single thing that she did for him. She had done what nobody could do in the past long years.
If his daughter was able to talk today, if he was able to hear her voice today that he had always longed for, if his daughter was living her life, smiling from the start of every day to the end of every day then it was solely and solely because of Prerna and the efforts that she had taken for Cookie.
The six months in the marriage had changed things for good in his life but he doubted if he could say the same for her.
Prerna Sharma Bajaj had burnt herself to make sure that her people don't reduce to ashes. He had thought that he knew all about her before he married her and he was proven so absolutely wrong. There was so much more to the woman that he had thought he had all the information about.
His past had shaped him into the kind of a human he was. He had suffered. His family had suffered. His closest had suffered. With no fault of theirs. The chilling sight of her mother dying right in front of his eyes and being helpless enough to do nothing for her still sent shivers down his spine.
Don't do to them what they did to us, Rishu. Stay away from them and live in peace. I love you.
His mother's last words were the sole reason, he had suppressed his hurt, his pain and his anger that he had because of and for the Basus. He would never do what his mother did not want him to do but staying under the same roof with the very same people who were responsible for his shattered early life and the loneliness he had to embrace, had been hard but the very fact that Anurag Basu took away his home that meant so much to his little girl had infuriated him enough, forcing him to let the other man know, what could be the consequences of hurting his daughter even if it wasn't his intention.
Facing Moloy Basu, Moloy and Mohini Basu and yet just clenching his heart and fists both and keeping it all inside hadn't been a rosy affair at all. It used to ignite every bit of his hatred that he had locked in some corner of his heart to see the happy Basus. These were the very same people who had snatched his happiness. Did he deserve it? Did his mother deserve it? Was he supposed to smile at their joyous souls? He was a human and not an angel on the earth to do that. His mother's sobs still echoed in his ears. The sight of his mother, putting him to sleep every night and then walking up to terrace when she would feel that her little boy was asleep, little did she know that her little son, understood his mother's plight despite his tender age and would pretend to be in slumber so that his mother could let her pain out freely. It still shuddered him whenever memories took him back to witnessing that scene again.
Mr. Bajaj, your mother would be proud of her son. She is watching you and she would be very upset if she catches you crying.
Prerna. The woman who still did not know anything about his past except for the fact that he had a mother who was no longer alive, which he had spoken to her about in one of his weakest moments and the woman did not make him regret the same.
That night, had changed a lot between them. That night, after a really long time, he had someone beside him in his low and unstable emotional state. That night, he had someone who had told him that his mother was proud of him. That night, someone had helped him restore himself. That night, someone had sat with him for the whole time and the silent assurance and the support of someone actually being there for him wasn't something that he experienced every other day and that someone was, Prerna who, perhaps, herself had no idea what it meant to him.
He was still weighed down with the guilt of taking her away from the man she loved. He admitted that he hadn't been fair to her but it didn't bother him much, earlier but now that his heart held her so preciously in it, everything about her began mattering him to the extent that nothing ever had.
Six months, even though, changed the dynamics of their relationship and he could feel how comfortable she had become around him, did not change the fact that she loved Anurag and not him. His heart ached at the mere realization.
I wish, I didn't have to do what I did. Watching her cry in the morning, clutching Anurag's photo frame had reminded him the reality that he had almost forgotten for he was a fool to actually believe that they - she was leading a normal life, having her around, always smiling. He had been a fool to think that she was over Anurag. How did he even get to think that? True love stays, no matter what comes its way. How utterly ridiculous he had been to dream a life with her! To desire her companionship until he was alive. To crave her attention that had him forget the years of loneliness and years in the darkness.
She loved him and it wasn't him and his heart adored her a little too much to not cry knowing that she longed to be in the arms of the man she loved.
No matter how hard it would be, no matter how painful the anguish would be, no matter how many slow deaths his heart would die and revive itself again to make sure everything would stay smooth in her life - he would let her go. He would have to.
"Jaane to aapko dena hoga lekin jaane dena nahi chahta. Main mila hi kyu aapse? Why did I even meet you? Why? Itna dard, fir ek baar... Pehle Maa aur ab aap..."
*
To be extremely frank and honest, I felt that I could never write on these two, especially him again. The accident bit was unnecessary and it -ah I don't know what to write. I tried getting over him and these two. I really did and it should have been easy for me considering the fact that I've never rooted for grey characters but have always had inclination towards perfect characters, yes the ones that exist only in dreams but well, the attempt failed miserably and even though I, am no longer watching the show, Rishabh Bajaj would always stay a character that I've liked the most in this show. There is something really special about him and I can't exactly pinpoint what it is but something surely is! I am going to keep the RB before the accident bit with me, for I don't know how long! I might never watch it again if I find it unacceptable but I can't let go of him and these two. Something pulls me back every time I try to move ahead.
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