Posted:
Have written something after soo long..
Bear with me..😆
Its an os..will probably have another part depending on the response😳😳
Enjoy..😃
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IF ONLY..
I tried to block my ears from my dads lecture over my decreasing grades. I can rehearse the lines he speaks now, for i have heard the same lecture for past 10 days. Imagine my plight.. my dad may miss out on his meals for the day but would never forget to remind me that i have barely passed in my exams. I took the pillow covering my head to sleep for sometime and ignoring all of it, though his words were still audible, making me feel all the more sad.
I did try all for it, now it isn't my mistake that i don't understand what bullshit they write in these books. The carbon families, and what not chains..the chinese and russia's history as if i have nothing to do with my own life. And then the great mathematics who could never solve its problems on its own. with all equations always floating around.. i could just die thinking of all these things. But for sure, my dad won't let me die without giving hundreds of lectures..
"Nisha, see now along with marks, he has lost his manners too. Here I am advising him for his benefits and he dares to shut the door on my face. As if am saying something wrong. Don't know what will he do in his life. Its just 10th class and see his grades, he's barely passing and if he doesn't gets to good college, what will he do.." my eyes drifted shut and i slipped a world away from grades and the base of your life 10th class..
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I woke up after nearly two hours with my mum caressing my forehead. ohh, moms are the sweeetest people god has made.. i closed my eyes again trying to get away from another boring study or lecture session.
Maan, get up she carressed my head with a small smile.
Your dad has talked to a tutor to help you in studies.. I opened my eyes shocked, not again..this will be 10th tutor for me i guess..how can i make dad understand that no tutor in this world can handle me for more then few days.. tutors and maan aren't a combination.
Maaa.. I tried to melt her with my puppy dog eyes..and they do work well with moms at times..but yeh! never try them with dads..you may be in for another lecture..
You know na, i don't understand how they teach me..i will work myself..please..
Maan beta..just try this tutor for once..your dad said he is quite good, our neighbour has recomendded him to your dad..
Yeah, if that stupid sharma has advised how could dad not agree..after all his son gets the highest marks always.
I stood up grumpily from my bed, not wanting to argue with mum and make my day any worse.
Okay ma, i'll go but if i don't like it, then..i started pointing a finger towards her..
Yeh..if u don't like him, i'll ask your dad not to send you there, but just go for few days..
Yeah..i sighed, at times i was amazed at my mother's tendency to read through me..i thought as i moved to freshen up and make the day bad for the new tutor..at the end it isn't easy to teach msk..
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I moved through the lanes towards the new tutor's house. It was just few lanes away from mine so i just came after mum gave me the address walking so that i can waste a little time from the 2 hours my dad wants me to spend at the tutor's house.
I thought of how the tutor would be like. Even imagined an old man with large specatcles..with oiled hairs or something else. But he has to be someone very serious for my dads liking. How old would he be..40s, 50s or even more.. would he be married.. but hey why do i care.. am not going to elope with his daughter, But if he has a hot and happening daughter..then may be.. i thought and laughed at my stupid thoughts.
I looked at the address at all the houses and then entered the one which resembled my mum's description trying to take as much time as possible. At time my steps may give a complex to snails. I rang the bell, waiting for same old man to open the door and then eat my head for 2 hours, with boring chemistry, physics and what not rubbish, i yawned from the tought of it only.
I was just checking the surrounding of my tutor's house.. Must say old man has built quite a beautiful house..may be i can own something of this type later.. For owning something, you need to study first and earn..i remembered dads frequent line from his speeches.
My attention was turned to the door when a sweet voice asked me something..
yes..who you want to meet.. i looked at her clueless of what to say, as i didn't hear what she said. I was just looking at her face continuously.She looked down embaressed by my continuous stare..
She asked once again, and the sensible part of me answered, she acknowledged and asked me to come inside making me sit in one of the many rooms and went inside with my eyes following her until she disappeared from my sight..
And suddenly i remembered why was i here.. am here to have a wrestling competition with the old tutor, but this girl, may be his daughter or something.
but she is hot and se..stop it maan, the sensible part of my brain shouted at me, this old tutor her father or anything knows your dad..my whole body jolted with the thought.. and if he tells your dad you were shamelessly ogling over his daughter.. then consider your self dead.
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That was the day i first saw her and today after 10 years to that day.. not exactly as i don't know the date obviously. one thing that boys seriously suck at is remembering dates, don't know how girls remember these.
Okay back to what i was thinking, yeah nearly 10 years to the day i joined that tution and though i don't want to admit, the tutor mr. handa was truly good at something i terrible failed back then.. He helped me from barely passing in 10th mid terms to the topper in school in 12th class. And now to the point where dad wanted me to be.. having the appointment letter to one of India's leading companies, i feel so proud of myself. I could never think 10 years back that i can become a paav bhaji seller, forget a job and the postion dad wanted me to be.. and some of its credit goes to the old tutor as i called him before i met him. But as much am i successful in my professional life am equally stuck up in my personal life..
Though i did develop an interest in the carbon chains and those life sucking equations later on, what drived me through the initial days of the tutions was his daughter Geet Handa..as beautiful as her name..
Though i did meet her 10 years back but though it may be hard to believe, i have never talked to her.. now there were many reasons why she was off limits..firstly she was my tutor's daughter, and i didn't want to take risks with having my tutor's daughter as my girlfriend..
secondly, her dad knowing my dad, comeon..i didn't wanted to be chopped off so early in life..and thirdly she was so beautiful, so intelligent..near perfect and i was basically nothing without this job i got just today..
She has always been helpful to me and at times, she did drop the hints in the last year that she liked me..like smiling at me when her dad wasn't looking, trying to be more helpful when i would be stuck up at any question being in the same course as mine..and i purposefully avoided her advances, trying to be ignorant, for i never wanted her to be just a passing by fling.. i had noticed her from when she was 15 years, for 9 years to be presice, and she was someone i could love my whole life..i knew..
I laugh as i think of the last month, she did become little bold as she sat with me in the study room, both of us sitting in front of mr. handa as he briefed us how to face the interview panel, how to answer their questions..what to say and what not to..
Though my eyes were at mr handa, my full attention on his cute masterpiece who was trying to do something else. She touched my hand deliberately trying to search for her pen.. I took my hand away not wanting to lose my attention and to show that i 'really' didn't notice her attempts.. and then she said sorry as her leg touched me under the table, i moved little away from her, not to make anyone notice..
Though i pretended to ignore, i even didn't miss her pouted expression as she thought once again i missed her attempts. Her eyes saddned down, she concentrated on what mr. handa was telling as he asked her too..
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Today once again i stood in front of handa house as i stood 10 years back. Once again nervous as today am going to propose his daughter. Its a time, am sure mr. and mrs. handa wouldn't be at home, when both will be at their respective offices and if my calculations are right, geet would be home alone..
I knocked at the door, expecting geet to open the door, in a vibrant color dress with that smile on her face, Smiling to myself for being so stupidly in love.
Contrary to my expectations, mrs. handa opened the door with a big smile as if she has just won a lottery.
Aunty aap..i asked shocked as everything i planned would go wrong now..
hmm..come beta..thank god, she didn't ask much, otherwise what would i have told her.. yeah mam, i didn't expect you to be home and am here to meet your daughter alone..not meet but propose her..now kill me for that..
But still i smiled as She welcomed me inside and i like an obedient student, followed her inside. The situation in the hall was not an apt one for me as i was there to propose their daughter, with the number of people present in the hall. Geet stood there blushing making me feel jealous..would she be that happy when i'll propose her..but f**k happy..would she even agree.
I got worried thinking of this, because before coming here i was sure that she will say yes, but her looking at all this, so many doubts came to my mind, making me feel miserable as i looked at her laughing relatives, i looked down as if they all were laughing at me..
Mr. handa came to me and introduced me to geet's relatives and bragged about my achievements..okay that was something that made me happy at the tense situation i was in..He was another man apart from dad whom i loved and felt proud when he talked of my achievements. All of the relatives looked at me as if i have won gold medal in olympics.. I gave them all a boring glance and looked at my object of attraction as she laughed with her cousins. Her smile just lighting up my day and everything just faded away. Her twinkling eyes and those lips curved up in smile making me forget that all my plans for the day has terribly failed.
I looked at uncle shifting my attention from my cutie to him as the relatives talked of something, all of them in a festive mood. I tried to listen to their talks to find the reason of such festivity and the blood left my body as i learned of the reason. I moved to the kitchen trying to control my erratic heartbeats, This can't be..after all this, this is what i have waited for. This is not what i have dreamt of.
Till the time i reached kitchen to talk to aunty, almost in tears, i asked her the reason of all these, and she affirmed what i have heard outside
"Maan, geet ka rishta pakka ho gya hai..we are so happy about it. You know the boy's parents came today and.."
I didn't listen to whatever she has to say afterwards, I moved outside and mr. handa called me but i ignored all and moved towards the door. I could feel some weird galnces at me, but my eyes were grounded not to let anyone see the small tears i had, come on i just lost my first love and am not there to entertain some fools. I looked at geet for one last time, She was still blushing at something that her friends said, making me rethink was she the same who made those advances.
I looked at her for one glance, the way she looked at me all those years, but it never came..I came out wiping my eyes, am not going up to screw my professional happiness for sure i lost the only girl i liked.
I sat at the park outside sulking, if only i had acknowledged her advances, if only i had talked to her a bit earlier, if only i haven't respected mr. handa so much, if only i haven't thought of dad.. If only...
right now, my life seemed a big question mark to me with a "If Only..".
To be continued..😉 if u all want..
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