I Still Love You
Story of me through my only best friend My Dairy- Geet Handa
(OS)
First Part
September 17th, 2009
"When you love Someone despite of knowing that He can never be yours'."
We were in school when I first felt something unusual for him, though i couldn't name it then. It was all over a beautiful feeling which nobody else could understand. Nor I could discuss it with anyone. It was special and so I compelled my self to keep it with me... and because I was a very gossipy kind of girl so I thought to share it with my only best friend My Dairy.
It happened to be my new school. I was admitted there by my uncle-aunt. there daughter and my cousin Pinky also used to study there. it was best school in the city. I was elated that I was admitted there too. But on a certain condition. 'That I had to stay with my uncle and aunt at there house. As my aunt would drop us both there and it was a burden to pick me up from other place and drop us at school.' I knew she was right but i didn't want to leave my home, but I said nothing.
I started living there. Pinky and I were always good friends. I understood her... but she was to her extreme was hit by jealousy. Jealousy that i was brought to her house, that her father my uncle use to teach me, it was really upsetting her. We were sisters, though cousins but then at-least I felt for her. Her every action towards me was filled with anger and disdain. I knew it was normal, because according to children's psychology no child can see her/his parents leaning towards an outsider and not him. But all I could do was nothing. I wanted to runaway but that would only give problem to everyone. I was shattering within. I didn't had anyone to share my despondency. I was alone.
It severely affected my half-yearly result. I just got average marks in my result. I was depressed!
In our class our class-teacher called out the names of the students who had stood in top ten ranks. The one who came first was Varija, she was very spontaneous girl- but not very good in features. She was good in nature not at all proudy... if not for anyone but for me. She was friendly and my partner. she came forward and teacher gave her result. and rest of us clapped for her. Then the mate who came second was Avinash. and then so on and so forth the result distribution was done until the teacher called out Maan. I don't know why this name compelled me to look at its beholder.
He came forward. and with a slight smile he took the report card from her-the teacher. He had come ninth i came to know. then he went back and took his seat. It was for the first time that I came to know that he was my class mate.I never noticed him before I thought. It looked strange but then I let go of this thought.
The days passed and so my attention towards him became stronger. I didn't know what I felt for him but something was refreshing when I thought about him. At-least one thing was getting good. I was enjoying school. It was then after some months that I was back at home again. May be because my uncle-aunt came to know Pinky's behavior towards me was worsening. I was relieved.
In school I came to know as days passed that he actually was a brilliant guy. It was not that he came ninth in exam but it was that he knew much more than what Varija knew. he was like knew everything in every subject. and then i came to know he was way ahead of our class. We were in ninth class and he used to ask problems of tenth. I don't know if his intelligence was only attribute which made a mark of him in my heart or it was completely something else.
Days passed and I found myself drowning in his thoughts. We came in tenth and throughout it I fell for him every second. And at the end of it he got above ninety-five percent in boards. Everyone thought that Maan would take PCMC but astonishing everyone he took PCBB. It was known to some that he wanted to go for med. We came in eleventh. i was by now have become much confident. but not enough to initiate talk with him. I don't know why i was so scared to talk to him.
It was then that school took many new admissions for its PCM section. There was a big lot that was admitted. not only the once from other cities and school but also from other branches of our school.
It was when she joined our school. Samira Mishra. She was indeed beautiful. Every guy fell for her beauty and brains. And including Maan. My Maan.
It were an international event going on whose initiative was on Maan and his gang of friends when I came to know about Maan-Samira relationship through my class-mate and friend Eram. Eram was a girl who I hated at first sight but then she became my most wonderful friend. We had this extraordinary bond like that of sisters.
I felt broken. Like I had no strength left. It was whole week that I cried. And all my actions were named abnormal. But then one day I was as usual sulking when a thought came to my mind suddenly. And that was what if he is with someone else and loving her and this fact can't change that I love him and I will keep loving him. Thought gave me internal strength. I became jolly as ever. Though i had decided it but deep within i knew i was hurt and deep wound was still there. But I was not a girl who would go round telling my friends about my hurt and asking then for there sympathetic words. No i was not hungry for there sympathetic words.
My teacher made me class monitor. I said i couldn't take this responsibility but she compelled me to take it as according to her i had that leadership quality. but I had other problems. I thought staying away from is sight would do me good but now I was monitor and he was Head-boy of our school. It was me to report him every matter. And call it my response to stimuli that when ever he was near to me or i have to tell him anything then my voice turned out to be a mere whisper. And which always made him lean into me to hear what I was saying.
It was twelfth class i remember when when my maths teacher asked me to announce to students in assembly that those who had taken Maths as an option have an extra class in assembly time. so to initiate ma'ams' order i asked Maan who was standing on dice commanding students to stay quite to announce the same what teacher asked me to but I know I was loud but he seemed to not get what i was saying and he got down and came so close to me only inches apart that my voice stuck into my throat. I took few steps back I looked here and there where all children who were in our reach were eyeing on us and some teachers were also doing the same. I felt very embarrassed and then leaving him I myself stepped on dice in-spite of my fear of specking on mike and asked students to come for Maths extra class.
I chill still runs down when i think about that incidence.
My friends always knew that I liked someone and I told them about him. But i also told then that its only for a joke. I didn't want anything like sympathy. So i told them half truth. And they used to tease me in assembly for it. But i used to enjoy it. I was happy that at least for sometime my name is linked with his.
There happened many incidents which actually made me think if i Loved him? But it just couldn't be truth. Because love is something Extraordinary. And how can I fell in love? How? And above all with someone Who loved someone else.?
- Geet Handa
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Filling her dairy she kept it at side table and put out her specks and closed her eyes and slept with his dreams. Because she always thought that only dreams had ability to bring the most precious person or thing close to oneself even when reality is totally different.
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okay that's it.
hope u all liked it.
will update the next and last chap in evening Or may be tomorrow.
pls press the like button and comment to let me know you want the second part!
-Priya
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