OS: Daddy's Little Girl

"Higher Daddy!" the little girl squealed, "Higher!"

Her father obliged and pushed her harder from behind sending her nearly soaring into the sky. Her hair, tied in two pigtails, went wild as the wind went through them. The pink and white polka also flapped as she swung back and forth. Her knuckles turning white because of how hard the held onto the chain of the swing.

"Higher Daddy," the girl requested again.

"No honey, you're going high enough," her father said.

"But Daddy…" the girl began to complain.

The fun and joy that was in her voice only moments ago was now replaced by misery.

"You might fall," her father said adamantly.

That evoked a heartfelt giggle from the girl.

"Don't be silly Daddy," she said between her sweet giggles.

"How am I being silly young lady?" her father asked, in a mockingly stern voice.

"Daddy, don't you know?" the girl asked.

"No," her father answered.

The little girl turned her head back and looked at her father for a second before turning back and facing forward.

"If I fall, you'll catch me," she said. "Like you always catch me."

Since her back was to him, the little girl missed the swell of pride that was beaming on her fathers face. She also missed the tears that welled up in his eyes as he thought about his life with his little girl. She was only five years old but she was his entire world. He'd die before he let anything happen to his little girl.

"Right Daddy?" the little girl asked, jarring her father back to reality.

"What honey?" he asked because he didn't hear her question.

"I said, you'll catch me if I fall…right Daddy?" she repeated.

This time, she turned her head and saw the big smile that spread across her fathers face.

"Always honey. I'll always catch you," he said reassuringly.

As she soared like a bird into the sky, there was no stopping her joy or he excitement. She grinned and held her body out as she plummeted back towards the ground. She laughed and kicked her feet feverishly as she catapulted towards the sky.

In the midst of all the excitement, suddenly the little girl frowned as she heard a loud ringing. She tried to look around to see where the sound was coming from but she couldn't figure it out. The ringing stopped but started up only a second later. A frown played on her face because the ringing was getting to be too loud – she couldn't even hear herself think any more.

She was just about to call out to her father when, instead, she heard someone calling out to her.

"Geet," the voice called. "Geet."

She frowned again, this time because she couldn't place the voice. It wasn't her fathers voice.

"Geet," the voice called again.

This time, along with calling to her, she felt like she was being shaken. She could feel a hand on her arm but when she looked down, she didn't see one.

"Geet," it came again.

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Her eyes fluttered open at the sound of someone calling to her. As her eyes focused, she could see that the room was flooded with a dim light.

"Geet," she heard. "Wake up sweetheart."

She groaned as she turned slightly. As her eyes fell on the clock next to her bed, she saw that it read 3:30am.

"Geet sweetie. Wake up," she heard again.

Turning more, she looked up to see her husband looking down at her, his hand on her upper arm. It was then she realized that she'd been dreaming. A small smile played on her lips as she recalled the sweet dream she had just been having, but it was quickly replaced by a frown when her husband called to her again.

"Maan…let me sleep," she whined.

Taking his hand, she pulled it closer to her body and held on to it as she attempted to drift back to sleep.

"Sweetie…" he began, "The hospital just called. It's Dad."

Instantly, her eyes shot open as she fumbled to get herself into a sitting position. She looked at him as tears stung her eyes. Her whole body was suddenly cold, but she felt warmth when he placed his hand on hers.

"It's time," he said somberly.

Before she knew it, she was seated in their black Mercedes racing through the empty streets, headed towards the hospital where her father was. She sat silently, her head resting against the cold window as she remembered her life with her father.

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Her mother had died in a car accident when she was only two years old. So as far as Geet was concerned, she had only had one parent her whole life – her father. He's always been a bit over protective of her, and initially it had really annoyed her. Eventually, she found out about all the loss he'd suffered in his life, not just that of her mother, but his parents and siblings as well. He was just afraid of losing her too because she was all he had left. He'd move heaven and earth to keep her safe.

As she grew up, she realized his protectiveness was actually his love. And when she really thought about it, he was always there for her when he needed her. He had been every graduation, from kindergarten to college. He'd been there for every dance recital. He'd been there for every scrape, every cut, every bruise, ready to tend to her wounds. He'd been there to wipe away every tear and tie every shoelace. He'd been there for back-to-school shopping, for open houses, for award functions, and field trips. He'd been there for every first in her life – first time she'd lost a tooth, first time she'd gone to a dance, first time she'd driven her car, first time she'd been on a date. He'd even been there the first time she'd ridden a bike.

She was only five years old at the time. She'd gotten a bike from a close family friend/neighbor on her birthday. After weeks of begging and pleading, her father had finally agreed to put the bicycle together. It took another two weeks to convince him to let her ride it. It had been a warm Saturday afternoon when he'd finally agreed. The first thing they'd done was go buy a helmet, elbow pads and knee pads. Once they returned home, Geet was jumping with excitement as her father pulled out her pink bicycle with tassels on the handle bars.

He checked her gear at least five times before he finally let her onto the seat. After helping her up, he showed her how to break and how to be safe. After what seemed like an eternity, they were finally off. She held her breath as she felt like she was flying down the sidewalk, racing past every house. She turned to see him holding on to her, one hand on the seat and another on the handle, guiding her down the slope.

"I can do this Daddy," she said. "You can let go."

"Are you sure honey?" he asked, trepidation oozing from his voice.

"Yes Daddy, I can do it," she reassured.

You can let go now, Daddy

You can let go

Oh, I think I'm ready

To do this on my own

It's still a little bit scary

But I want you to know

I'll be ok now, Daddy

You can let go

Slowly, she felt him let go and she took over control of the bike. The wind hit her face like a refreshing awakening. As she looked down at her feet, she watched amazed as the pavement beneath her blurred into grey. The excitement that she was feeling was bubbling over as she giggled in happiness. Any twinge of fear she may have had was long gone. Turning back, she saw her father standing there, a serious look on his face as he focused all his attention on her.

"I told you I could do it Daddy," she called.

She saw her fathers lips move but she didn't hear anything. Then, before she knew it, she'd lost control of the bike and went crashing into a neighbors lawn. She braced herself for impact but was surprised when nothing happened. Slowly opening her eyes, she saw that she was safely in the arms of her father. Before she could gather her wits, she felt her father putting her down into a standing position.

"Geet honey," he called as he helped her stand. "Are you ok?"

The fear and worry were evident in his voice.

"You aren't hurt are you?" he asked as he inspected her arms and legs.

"Daddy…" she called to get his attention.

It didn't do any good because he was entirely focused on checking her for any injuries. It wasn't until she put a hand on his shoulder that he looked up at her.

"I'm fine Daddy," she said.

She was quickly enveloped into a bone crushing hug.

"If anything happened to you…" he began but died off.

Squeezing him back she said, "I'm ok Daddy. I'm ok. I knew you'd catch me, like you always do."

"I love you Geet, I love you so much," he cried.

"I love you too Daddy."

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She didn't realize that she'd been sobbing out loud until Maan called out to her.

"Geet," he said softly as he placed a hand on hers.

She smiled at him, her husband, Maan Singh Khurana. He was the love of her life, he was her soul mate, he was her companion, he was her heart. Above all else, he loved her father like she loved her father. And more importantly, her father loved him and trusted him.

Maan had come into her life when she had joined his family's law firm as an intern while still in law school. Khurana & Son's was the most prestigious law firm in town and Geet had worked her ass off to make sure she was one of only five students who were chosen to do their internship there. He had just passed the bar a few months before he joined his father and older brother at the firm.

What had started out as innocent flirting and expanded into something more meaningful in a matter of months. Maan had asked for her hand in marriage after only a few months of dating. At first, her father had said no because he didn't know anything about Maan or his family. However, after a few months of getting to know Maan and seeing how much Maan loved Geet, he finally gave in. He only had one condition, that they wait until after Geet graduates and passes the bar before getting married. Maan, ecstatic that he had received her fathers approval, had agreed right away.

They had gotten married about a year and a half later. It had been a small wedding of just family and friends. While Maan and his family had insisted on paying for the entire wedding, her father would not let them. He'd been saving for her wedding since the day she was born and he was determined to give Geet her dream wedding just like every father wanted.

Her wedding had been one of the most memorable nights in her life. It was exactly as she'd imagined it. It wasn't perfect because of the decorations or the flowers. It wasn't perfect because of the music of the cake. It was perfect because the man she'd loved all her life approved of the man that was going to be the rest of her life. That fact alone was enough to make her wedding the most perfect night of her life.

When they'd brought her down to the altar, Geet had butterflies in her stomach. She was about to commit herself to someone for the rest of her life. She was about to embark on a new journey for the first time by herself, without her father. As scary as it was and as unnerving as it was, she knew she could do it. Her father had taught her well, her father had raised her well.

She stood between the two most important men in her life – her father and her future husband. One had guided her from the beginning, one would guide her till the end.  One had held her hand since she'd been born, the other would hold her hand till the day she died. One had loved her since she'd first opened her eyes, one would love her till she took her last breath.

"Who gives this girl?" they asked.

Geet and everyone else waited for a few seconds for her father to give her over to Maan, but he stood silently. The question was repeated and Geet felt her fathers hold onto her hand harder than before. Turning to her father, she saw his eyes glistening with tears which he tried to blink away.

Geet leaned in slightly and pecked his cheek lightly.

"It's ok Daddy, you can let go now," she said as she looked from her father to Maan. "I can do this."

Her father smiled.

"I know you can, I just don't know if I can," he said.

This time it was Geet who smiled. Her father then leaned in and kissed her forehead before gently letting go of her arm.

You can let go now, Daddy

You can let go

Oh, I think I'm ready

To do this on my own

It's still a little bit scary

But I want you to know

I'll be ok now, Daddy

You can let go

The ceremony had gone beautifully and magically. At the reception, it was time for the father-daughter dance so Geet hunted her father down and dragged him to the dance floor.

"You look beautiful," her father said.

"Thank you Daddy," Geet replied with a smile.

She noticed her father become sad and distant for a moment.

"You're not daddy's little girl anymore," he commented.

"I will always be daddy's little girl," Geet said. "Always."

With that she hugged her father as they continued the dance.

Later, when it was time for them to leave, Geet watched as her father had a quick exchange with Maan.

"You better catch her," her father said.

Both Geet and Maan looked at him confused.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what that means," Maan said lost.

Her father took her hand into his before he spoke.

"I've always been the one to catch her, but now its your responsibility," her father said. "If she falls, you better catch her."

They finally understood what he was referring to.

"Of course," Maan said as he looked from her father to Geet, "I won't ever let her fall and if she does…I will catch her."

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They pulled up to the hospital and suddenly, Geet's legs felt like they were weighed down. She waited until Maan was at her side with the door open before she got out. Even when she did, she needed to hold onto him for support because her knees felt like jelly and she was afraid she'd crumble to the floor at any moment.

Together they entered the hospital through the emergency entrance and headed up to the seventh floor – the Oncology Unit. As she rode the elevator, she remembered when her world had come crashing down as a harsh reality threatened to take away her happiness.

It had been only a few months ago when she and Maan had returned from a much delayed honeymoon. They had just arrived home from the airport to see their phone blinking with messages. The first few were nothing important, but the fifth message took Geet's breath away.

"Hello this message is for Mr. Handa, this is Casey from Dr. Scott's office. We tried reaching you at your home number and cell but were unable to so we are trying you emergency contact person's number. Please calls us back as soon as possible. The results of you biopsy are in and the doctor needs to see you."

Biopsy.

That one single word carried so much weight that Geet had felt suffocated. She immediately tried calling her father but couldn't reach him. For three hours there was no sign of him, but then finally he'd come to the house with a beautiful bouquet of purple and blue orchids – Geet's favorite.

"Welcome home honey," he called as he entered.

The smile he'd wore on his face disappeared as soon as he saw the look on both Maan and her face.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "What happened?"

"How could you not tell me?" Geet asked, as her voice cracked.

She'd tried to hold it together all day and she had. But now, seeing her father, knowing that he was sick, it was killing her.

"Tell you what?" he asked. "What's she talking about Maan?"

"You're doctors office left a message on our phone Dad," Maan said quietly.

"So…" her father began but quickly became silent as he too realized what they were talking about.

"A biopsy Daddy!" Geet yelled. "Why didn't you tell me!?"

"You were on your honeymoon…I didn't want to ruin that," he said.

"So…you're more important Daddy," Geet said.

"But Geet…" he began.

"I called your doctor and set up an appointment for tomorrow afternoon, Maan and I are going with you," Geet said.

"Geet listen…" he started up again.

"No Daddy, I'm not taking chances with your health," she said before storming off.

The next day, the doctor had given them grave news with very little room for hope. Her father was diagnosed with a supratentorial glioma – a brain tumor. The prognosis was not good. Patients that were diagnosed had to immediately begin a heavy round of not only chemotherapy but also radiation, with the possibility of surgery as well. As the doctor explained the prognosis, the situation became more and more bleak. Only about half of the patients diagnosed were alive after one year, and only twenty-five percent after two years.

In the midst of trying to wrap her head around the crushing news she'd just received, she had to deal with another blow – her father had decided against treatment. The mortality wasn't the issue, it was also the loss of function that her father couldn't accept.

"Don't be ridiculous Daddy!" Geet yelled as she paced up and down the living room of her home with Maan.

"Geet…" her father said, "I don't want to live as a weak man who is dependent on others for his needs."

"Why don't we get a second opinion?" Maan suggested, "Look into other treatment options."

"Daddy you can't…" Geet began but was cut off.

"I've had a good life honey," he said as he got to his feet.

He walked over to where Geet stood and put his hands on her shoulder, causing her to stop. With tears pooling in her eyes, she couldn't dare to look at him.

"I've had a wonderful life…with your mother and with you," he said.

"Daddy please…" Geet started.

"You were always my concern, but now…now I know that no matter what happens, you'll be ok," he said as he looked back to Maan. "I'm ready to go…I'm ready to let go."

Geet could take no more as she burst into tears and hugged her father.

"I'm not ready for you to go Daddy…I'm not ready to let you go because I can't do this without you," she cried.

"Do what?" her father asked.

"Life…" she said. "You've been there always, how can I think of a life without you?"

"But honey, you have Maan now," her father reminded.

"I know, I know…but…" her voice cracked as she spoke, "You're my Daddy."

She sobbed as her father held her, stroking her hair like he used to when she was a child.

"For me Daddy…do the treatment…for me," she pleaded.

Her father pulled out of the embrace and looked at her for a few seconds as tears gathered in his own eyes.

"Alright," he finally agreed. "For you honey, anything…anything."

So, the very next day, they went to the doctors again to discuss treatment options. Additional scans revealed that surgery was not an option because the tumor had branched out and it was too risky. The only options left were radiation and chemo, so they started immediately. Geet accompanied her father to each and every treatment and doctors appointment and Maan joined them when he could. That had been seven months ago.

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In the past seven months, Geet had watched her father's health deteriorate and his spirit break. He returned from every treatment a little bit weaker, a little bit more lost and a little bit more broken. His physical abilities began to fade as he became more and more dependent on others for care. Geet had nearly begged him to come home and live with her, but Mohinder Handa was nothing if not a proud man; there was no way he would be staying with his daughter. Soon, his mental facilities began to fade as well. He was now at the point where he had to be reminded daily that she, Geet, was his daughter.

Geet approached the nurses station of the oncology unit where her fathers doctor stood.

"I'm so sorry, but there's just nothing else we can do," he said to her.

Geet knew her nails were digging into Maan's hands but she didn't care. She held onto him as if her life depended on it. She walked with him as he guided her to the room where her father was. As her father came into her line of view, Geet gasped as a hand went over her mouth.

There he lay, her father, fighting for his life. She'd known him to be a strong, independent and proud man. Yet here he lay, attached to machines that were keeping him alive. An IV pump attached to his arm giving him nutrition and hydration, a canula attached to his nose piped in oxygen for him to breathe. Each he breath he took was a battle in itself, like he had to use up every ounce of energy for each breath. His chest heaved up and down with great difficulty as he lay there with his eyes closed.

"He's only holding on for you," she heard Maan say as he drew her into his embrace.

Geet knew he was right. Her father was suffering because of her. Maybe it wouldn't have been this bad if he'd opted to not get any treatment. Maybe, if she hadn't pushed it, he'd have more dignity left. Maybe, if she hadn't pushed it…just maybe.

She felt Maan kiss her temple as they stepped into the hospital room. Walking over to the far side of the bed Geet took a seat in the chair. Taking her father's hand into her own, her tears spilled.

Her life with her father flashed before her eyes as she stroked his head gently. He was the person she called if she ever got into trouble whether it was because she had a flat tire or because she was lost and needed directions. She called him for everything and anything. She went to him now matter what she needed, whether it was tuition money, gas money or money so she could get a manicure. He'd been her hero for as long as she could remember. He'd been her father – he'd been the best father.

It was now that she realized just how selfish she'd been when asking him to fight the cancer for her. Her father would do anything for her, even if it was something that he didn't want to do himself.

With tears still brimming in her eyes, Geet kissed her father's hand.  

"You can let go now Daddy," she said in a whisper.

She felt Maan's hand on her shoulder reassuring her as he stood behind her.

"I'm sorry for putting you through this," Geet said as her voice cracked.

Her eyes fell on the machine that monitored her fathers heart beat beeping regularly.

"I was selfish and didn't take into consideration what you wanted," Geet said as her voice cracked. "I…I just couldn't imagine a life which you weren't in. You're my Daddy, the one person I could always count on no matter what."

Sobs broke her sentence as she tried to retain her composer but failed.

"I can't see you suffer like this. It's going to be hard and scary but…I think I'm ready to face life head on now. I think I can finally do it on my own because I know that you'll be looking out for me no matter what," Geet said.

Silently, Geet sent up a prayer to God thanking Him for giving her the best father in the world. She thanked God for the wonderful memories that she shared with her father. Then, she asked God to keep her father and his spirit safe – to keep them at peace.

With her prayer finished, Geet stood up and stroked her fathers head as tears fell from her eyes, some landing on the bed some on her fathers face.

"I'll always be your little girl…" she said. "…but its ok, you can let go now Daddy."

She leaned in and kissed his forehead gently.

"You can let go," she repeated.

You can let go now, Daddy

You can let go

Your little girl is ready

To do this on my own

It's gonna be a little bit scary

But I want you to know

I'll be ok now, Daddy

You can let go

Geet didn't know how much time passed but her heart broke when the heart monitor attached to her father's heart stopped beeping. Her father, her hero, her original knight in shining armor had left her. That was it, he was gone.

As Maan gathered her in his arms she wept. She wept for the loss of a remarkable man, she wept for the loss of a loving man, she wept for the loss of her father – she wept for the loss of her Daddy.

*~*~*~*~*~* 3 Years Later *~*~*~*~*~*

Geet treaded the ground carefully as she walked through the graveyard to the place where her father was buried. She made sure the bundle she carried was covered well in the chilly weather. She came to a stop in front of a tombstone she knew all to well.

Mohinder Handa

Loving Father to Geet

Though three years had passed, not a day went by that Geet didn't thing of her father or feel his loss. Though three years had gone by and he wasn't there, she was still Daddy's little girl – his little girl.

"Hi Daddy," she said. "Sorry I haven't been by lately…just been kind of busy."

She felt Maan join her as he leaned down and placed a bouquet of white roses on top of the grave.

"I have someone who wants to meet you," Geet said.

Slowly and carefully, she removed the blanket that covered the precious cargo that she held in her arms to reveal her two month old son.

"I want you to meet your grandson Daddy…" Geet said.

She ran a loving hand over her sons cheek causing him to stir and open his eyes. She looked at her son as Maan leaned down and kissed his baby soft cheeks.

"This is Mohit Singh Khurana," Geet introduced. "I named him after you Daddy."

Geet's eyes filled with tears because she knew her father would be touched by the gesture. However, she wept because she knew her son would never know her father, his grandfather, and it was a loss that was irreplaceable.

"Mohit…" Geet began, "This is your Grandpa…say hi."

As if on cue, Mohit moved his tiny little hand as if to greet his grandfather, causing both Maan and Geet to chuckle.

"You're little girl is a mom now," Geet said. "I wish you were here for this."

More tears flooded her eyes as her voice cracked. Geet handed of her soon to Maan as she stepped forward and ran a hand over her father's gravestone. 

"You'll look after him, won't you Daddy?" Geet asked.

Just then, like magic, the shadowy and gloomy clouds that darkened the sky seemed to disappear as sunlight streamed in illuminating the open field. A smile spread on her face because she knew that was her father's answer to her questions.

Behind her, Mohit began to fuss. Maan headed with him to the car telling Geet to take all the time she needed. She stood there silently reliving her happy moments with her father. She wiped her tears as she trailed a hand across the gravestone again.

"I miss you," she said.

It still amazed Geet as to how she'd managed these past three years without her father being at her side.

She brought two fingers to her lips and kissed them before placing that kiss on her father's gravestone.

"I love you Daddy," she said. "Your little girl loves you so much."

With that, Geet turned away and walked towards the car where Maan was with their son. She wiped the last of her tears knowing that she'd make this same trip next week.

Her father's wasn't with her now, but that didn't mean she couldn't be with her father because even in death a father-daughter bond didn't end. He'd always be her Daddy and she'd always be his little girl. Daddy's Little Girl.