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Iktara
Orey manva tu to bavra hai
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai bavre
Kyun dikhaye sapne tu sote jaagte
Orey manva tu to bavra hai
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai bavre
Kyun dikhaye sapne tu sote jaagte
With my hand gripped tightly in his, he walks ahead of me. His pace gentle, so different from his usual charge ahead and straightforward walk. But then, I have seen this walk before, often only when we are walking side by side. I wonder if he even realizes that in these rare moments, he slows down and lets go, wanting more my company beside him than worry of the destination where we were going. I walk slowly now beside him, a pace behind him, staring at him at my hearts content. This man, what was I going to do with him. It's a good thing it's a secret from him yet, that his tenderness is always my undoing, one kind word from him, a few loving words and I would never part with him, thinking back now, if that day in the office, he had treated me with the same care that he has so many times, I am sure we probably would have been married by now. But it's a good thing that he did not then, I think we needed to know the limits to which our behaviors can got to when we are the puppets our emotions, we needed to know that about ourselves and each other. So, while I hate the hurt we have given each other, neither more to blame for the situation that the other, it was a necessary thing to learn, now before, at the beginning of our relationship rather than later.
Here we are again, walking thru the corridors of this hospital, holding hands again, together again, brought together so by us, by fate, by our baby. While even today we are in love with each other, our feelings so different yet, a mere 15 days after that first appointment. Then we were not encumbered by the weight of our knowledge, walking blindly in the blushes of a blooming love, now we walk in all our truth, whether the truth about our natures or my past, and still we are in love, maybe in some ways a little bit more in love. If the past 15 days of our life have not separated us, despite how much we or anyone has tried, then I feel no matter the challenges in the future we can handle them all. So I walk beside him, wherever he may lead me, caught in my dreams. We are too soon to arrive at the nurses station, but I think even an hour of walking with him like this would have been too soon for me, and he is speaking to the nurse, noting down my name on the queue for my appointment. Still gazing at him, it takes me a moment to note how he has written my name, on the forms it reads Mrs. Geet Maan Singh Khurana, the same name which was used the last time when we had come here. Turning red, I suddenly feel like smiling and giggling like a small girl who had just received her favorite gift, I bit down on my bottom lip and refrain my self lest my happiness overspill.
Too soon, the doctor is calling me back to the examination room, and I have to let go his hand, so that I can follow her. I think he sees in my eyes my reluctance to let go, even when the doctor has called my name numerous times. Finally leading again, still holding hands, he walks he up to the examination room and standing at the threshold of the door, he finally detangles our fingers, and slightly ushers me inside, pointing to the wall opposite the door, he assures me that he will remain standing right there. Finally I walk inside, still glancing at him behind my shoulder, unable to let go of his gaze. With the closing of the door, I concentrate on the doctor and her questions, her concerns, her recommendations, and get examined. She informs me that I am far along in my pregnancy to hear my babies heart beat. I don't think I have ever been more excited than that, finally I would listen to the pulse of the being growing inside me. I don't think I can go through this moment without him. So requesting the doctor, I change back into my clothes and wait for the Dr. to call him inside.
Jo barse sapne boond boond
Nainon ko moond moond
(Nainon ko moond moond)
Jo barse sapne boond boond
Nainon ko moond moond
Kaise main chaloon, dekh na sakoon
Anjaane raastein
Nainon ko moond moond
(Nainon ko moond moond)
Jo barse sapne boond boond
Nainon ko moond moond
Kaise main chaloon, dekh na sakoon
Anjaane raastein
I was waiting for her to come, to hear the verdict of the doctor as to how she and the baby were doing, as to damage my forgetfulness had caused. I lean against the wall and close my eyes, retreating in my mind to the beginning of this day. I did not think when I started this day that this would come as a result. I had expected to carry out my plan of avoiding Geet, keeping her out of my life. I had forgotten there was more than just our feelings that connected us, their was also our baby. I cant even fathom now, how this could have ever slipped my mind. Shunning and berating myself in mind will not help in this situation though. I had to get over myself and do what was best for her and our baby, I had to take care of her. Oh God, the moment that she fainted, it was one of the worst moments of my life, seeing her like that so lifeless and listless, my body was shaking with tremors. Even when she opened her beautiful eyes and assured that she was ok, the tremors were still racking through my body. I could feel her body shaking slightly with the force of them, and then hers around were around me, enveloping me in their warmth. Only then after long minutes of her warmth, did I stop shaking.
Another extra-ordinary event which happened after that, something that I will stay ever grateful for. The door was locked from the outside, seemingly someone had locked the door either deliberately or unknowingly, and we were stuck together in the room. Looking at the time, and knowing we had to reach the hospital on time, I wasted no time calling Adi and having him rush to open the room. While waiting, after assuring that Geet would remain seated and take rest with her head resting on the table, I moved forward to stand by the window. I needed to take time to think, take a few minutes to fully calm myself from the panic which had laced through me and to figure out plans for our future. As I was looking out the window, I heard the faint clinging of metal against metal and my eyes were immediately drawn back to her. To say that I was astonished and awed was an understatement. Before she had fainted, I had glimpsed the ring on the table but it had slipped my mind, as I turned I saw her just as she was closing the locket which now housed the ring. A faint thought of so that's where it was floated through in my mind. Looking back now, I know, she had never taken it off, yes the ring was not on her finger but it had not been parted from and forgotten, like I had assumed and feared. No, it had remained with her, close to her pulse inside her heart shaped locket. We really needed to communicate better, so many minor and major misunderstandings occurred between us due to assumptions and miscommunication.
As I am contemplating all this, I am knocked out of my reverie by the doctor calling out my name and telling me that I should come look at something. Hoping that nothing was wrong, I walk inside the room. There was geet dressed in her regular clothes, reclined back on the examination chair. My confusion must have shown thru because the doctor is quick to explain that the baby was old enough to listen to its heart beats, and so I was called inside so that I may share the experience with my wife. Looking towards Geet, she is staring intently at the sonogram machine next to her and blushing hard. The doctor is quick to have me stand next to Geet on the other side of the bed. The dr. soon starts explaining the procedure, and preparing to perform the sonogram. Before I can fully comprehend what is happening, the dr has already moved geet's dress so that her stomach is visible and is applying gel on the area to perform the exam.
Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara
Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara
Dheeme bole koi iktara iktara, dheeme bole koi iktara
Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara
Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara
Dheeme bole koi iktara iktara, dheeme bole koi iktara
Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara
Though I had asked for him to come in, be with me, share with me this experience. I still could not help the blush which crept up face when he strode into the room. I was unable to meet his eyes, explain to him my sentiments, even show him my eyes and let him see my wishes. Instead I keep my gaze focused on the machine which will shortly make it possible for me to hear my baby's heartbeat. I am broken off from my intense staring session at the screen when I feel the doctor apply the gel to my stomach. The cold sensation pulls me out of my thoughts and I am quick to look where the doctor is putting the gel. Turning my head also gives me a view of where he is standing, looking from the corner of my eye I see him looking intently at the motions of the doctor. Turning my face fully, I look at him as he looks on with awe. Catching me looking at him, his eyes move up and stare into mine. As we are looking at each other, suddenly the sound of rapid heart beats fill the room.
Breaking our gaze quickly, our eyes swing towards the monitor which is showing the movements of our baby, and from where the sounds are emanating. The doctor is pointing out for us, the heart of the baby from where the sound is coming. Our baby's heart. I am unable to hold in the tears of happiness from my face. I feel him grab my hand and hold it in both of his, as he too looks on in awe and with a love of intense love, at the screen. Holding my hand, he quickly kisses it and bending down kisses my forehead. I feel his tears fall onto my forehead as he bends down. Too soon, the doctor is pulling the scanner away from me and cleaning up the gel from my stomach. She moves away the equipment and telling us to come to the her office in a few minutes, she leaves us alone it the room. Closing my eyes, I send my prayers to God, Babaji, for sending this miracle to me in my life. With one of my hands still held in one of his, he moves his other hand and rests it on top of my stomach, over where the baby rested. Taking my hand I place it on top of his, just resting there, hoping that this gesture cast our love to our child.
Sun rahi hoon sudh budh khoke koi main kahani
Poori kahani hai kya kise hai pata
Main to kisiki hoke yeh bhi na jaani
Ruth hai ye do pal ki ya rehgi sada
(kise hai pata... kise hai pata)
Poori kahani hai kya kise hai pata
Main to kisiki hoke yeh bhi na jaani
Ruth hai ye do pal ki ya rehgi sada
(kise hai pata... kise hai pata)
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part 1 of 2 parts.
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comments are welcome and appreciated
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part 1 of 2 parts.
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comments are welcome and appreciated
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