Those lights that glowed around me were insufficient to show
the glow of the fire within me. The fire that threatened to engulf me, the fire
that was at its pinnacle of destruction, if I didn't find a cure for it. There
were people laughing around and all I could see darkness spread around me. I don't
know if there was any way out of it or if I was going deep into it. But I have
to come out of it, I couldn't let myself fall in that hole again. I took me
ages to come out of it again, but then I had found light which drew me to it
and now that light had abandoned me again. I heard an empty laugh, a painful
laugh and realized it was me.
Life had played its game on me again it showed me the path
to happiness only to take it away. It had showed me how to laugh only to give me
pain,it had taught me how to talk only to make me realize that I could never
speak what was going on and live with a feeling of incompleteness throughout.
I heard the rain outside talking to the winds and the nature
and here I was standing in between lights all alone with a tingling pain in my
hand, but it was nothing compared to the pain that my heart was going through.
I could hear someone approaching me. I knew who it was
immediately. I didn't need to look around, her mere presence that filled the
air would tell me of her approaching me. What
did she want now..she wanted to see how I lived or she wanted to see how I died
each and every moment without her.She will not see anything. She was my
weakness, hell yes she was but I wouldn't let her know it.She will never know
what I go through to live each second. No I had given her that right once and
she trampled over my feelings as if it made no difference to her, I will not
give her that right once again.
I composed myself again and stood there like a
stone..Stone..how ironic..i had been living my life like a machine past one
week and now I had to act like a statue to protect my feelings from her.
She approached me and stood next to me.
She said Maan..
How could she say that so easily..how could she sound so
calm and composed. How did she do it..how did she smile..did it really make no difference
to her..did it really not hurt her? Did she not feel the pain how how..my head
was going to burst with questions. I wanted the answer to all..but how do I ask
her..
I had seen tears in her eyes when that flame hurt my hand that
meant that somewhere deep within her she still loved me..but if she did why did
she say no'why did she say she didn't need me..why did she walk out..WHY?
The questions were too many and the answers I had to none..
I turned towards her my eyes full of hatred..hatred for the
pain she had given me, hatred for the man she had made me, hatred for those
questions that killed me each day hatred for the distance that lay between us
and none of us crossed it..i knew she loved me..she knew I loved her..then
where had the things gone wrong..where..
I saw that she was carrying a bottle of medicine in her
hand..What she came to apply medicine on that wound that made no difference to
me..if she wanted she could heal the wound on my heart that threatened to kill
me.
Wound..i remembered the time she had tied the handkerchief on
my hand..in the car on the way to Amritsar.
She was looking at me still. She took the medicine and opened
it but I was too angry.i took the bottle from her hand and flung it on the
ground. The bottle broke into a thousand pieces.
The sound scared her..she moved a step back from where she was standing. She looked
back at me and shook her head..
"Tum yahaan kya kar rahi ho..maine tumse jaane ko kaha tha.."
She said nothing but started to walk away..i wanted my
answers she couldn't walk away just like that. I held her hand from behind and
pulled her back to me..
She immediately buried her head in my chest..and now I flinched
back..No I couldn't let her near me..i
might break in my resolve.no this cannot happen I had to fill my ulterior
motive..she wanted something and I had always made sure she got it and today
too she will get it..she wanted to be alone she will get it..she wanted to be
away from me she will get it she wanted to be the head of company she will get
that too..
"geet tum yahaan kya kar rahi ho.."
' who main.."
"Kya dekhne aaye ho..mere zakhm ko..' and I raised my hand
to show her the physical that she was worried about..
She shook her head..
" nahin main toh aapse.."
"geet tumhe samajh nahi aata ki main tumhe yaahan se jaane
ko keh raha hoon.."
"aap merei baat.."
"tumne jo mujhe kehna tha who tum mujhe us din office mein
bol chuki ho.." he eyes widened in shock..her eyes were suddenly full of pain
and hurt..
Ahh so she was in pain too..but then I had given her pain
again..the more I tried to take away the tears from her life the more they
seemed to find her..
"maan aap.."
I was getting more angry by the minute..i don't know
why..might be it was due to my insecurity that I may lose control over myself
and then all my emotions will be out in open and I couldn't let that happen..
I held her shoulders..she flinched in pain my hold was
giving her but she didn't move from her place..
"Geet tumhe kya lagta hai ki tum meri zindagi mein bahut
ahmiyat rakhti ho..nahi geet tumhari ab meri is zindagi mein koi jagah nahi
hai..humare beech ab kuch nahi hai geet..main tumse nafrat karta hoon
geet..suna tumne..I hate u geet..tum meri zindagi ka hissa nahi ho ab..tum
meri.."
I turned away my face..i could see tears in her eyes..and
her tears made me weak I coudnt let that happen..i left her and she moved back
from me.
She didnt move from the place but stared at me in absolute
shock..
What seemed like after hours she spoke..
"maan aap jaante hain ki aapko jhoot bolna nahi aata.."
I turned to look at her..
She knew I was lying. She had read that , but then she couldn't
read that I loved her the day she threw so many charges at me.
She was still looking at me but her eyes looked like they
were thinking of something. I tried to gather what she was thinking but no her
eyes failed me..there were too many things on them right now..pain, love,
confusion ,hurt..
"Geet.."
"Maan aap jaante hain humare rishte mein yeh daraar kyun
aayi.."
So she was finally answering my questions..i knew I will get
my answers one day..but never knew it will be so soon..
Part 2 pg 3
part 3 pg 5
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