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Jaaniya Ve
band aankhon se tumhe aankh bharke dekh le - 2
dil jo kehta hain chalo aaj karke dekh le
katra katra apni khusbu saans main ghul jaane de
band aankhon se tumhe aankh bharke dekh le - 2
dil jo kehta hain chalo aaj karke dekh le
katra katra apni khusbu saans main ghul jaane de
I know I have to tell him the truth, I know the truth needs to come out soon but my hearts and soul wish for a short reprieve, I want just a few more moments with him. The past day was so blessed, with us together, a day full of so much love and fun. I wanted to have a few more days with him like that before we were plunged back into the abyss of choices, having to decided between so many things. Family, love, future, present, hate, forgiveness, so many things which we have to think of. I dresses in a red and white saree, for him and for me, to show and see how well we blended together, true counterparts, true mates. Even with the edges of truth seeping into our lives, I wanted to steal time with him. My heart, was it weak for wanting to stave off the inevitable for a few more hours. For me, my courage is very important, but at the moment I cant bring myself to care, I just want him. I want him all to myself, to love him, to give him love before I have to hand him back to this world, his family, his responsibility. My heart keeps whispering to me its desire for his love, his closeness, him, and so I organize this night for us, to show him my hearts desire. Actions have always spoken so loudly for us and so have words, today I will give him both, I will show him even more today with my actions and my words what he is to me. As I finish getting ready, I hear his approach, his calling. With my heart beating rapidly in my chest, I leave my note and the taveez on the bed for him to find, and take a deep breath before going to meet him.
Picking up the taveez from the bed, I read the note which she has left for me. How could I not have realized that it was missing. I had been so caught up in my pain, my love, and these questions, that I had not realized that the one memento, the one token she had given me of our love and commitment to one another was missing. I am happy to realize that while it was not with me, she had held onto it and without blame, was giving it back to me. It tells me a lot of our relationship, makes me happy to know that whatever the issue between us, no matter how I let go, even unknowingly, that she will hold on and wait for me. I know we have both made mistakes in our journey together but the end was what mattered. In the end, we were still together. Despite these reassurances from her and from fate about our love, my mind keeps on questioning so many things. What is she hiding from me? What has she not told me? Who was this Yash and what job was he talking about? Why was she leaving Khurana Constructions? Why is she leaving Me? My heart and soul are happy and content with this love which she is showing me and telling me, but my mind it does not let me enjoy this moment. It does not let me register the fact that this is the first time she is doing something like this for me, it does not let me enjoy her love and her beauty. This gift she was giving to me is wasted in front of my questions. At times I wish I had not been burned by the demons of my past, maybe then my mind would not question her so. It is never my heart, always my mind which again and again ask so many questions. I follow her to the room which she has decorated for me and I wait as she approaches and gently touches my cheek. She is touching me with such a air of love and possessiveness but I don't notice it, at the back of my mind I wonder was it just yesterday that I was so happy and amazed that she was touching me so freely and holding me so closely, and today, I don't find it in me to react as lovingly as I did yesterday. At this thought, I allow myself to soften for a moment but this treacherous mind does not stop, for only a moment later I am again filled with questions. I cannot rest until I know the answers to my questions. As she turns around in her shyness, I pull her around to face me. Catching the quick look of surprise, followed by the look of wariness on her face, I know that she can read my emotions on my face. She makes a motion to look away from me, to shield her eyes from me but I hold on to her, keeping her eyes level on mine and I ask her, the questions which were running in my mind, "Geet what happened, kya hua, why are you leaving Khurana Construction, why did you take another job?" By the look in her eyes, I know she heard the, why are you leaving me?, which I had left unspoken.
band aankhon se tumhe aankh bharke dekh le
dil jo kehta hain chalo aaj karke dekh le
katra katra apni khusbu saans main ghul jaane de
jaaniya ve.. jaaniya ve..
jaaniya ve
jaaniya ve.. jaaniya ve..
jaaniya ve
dil jo kehta hain chalo aaj karke dekh le
katra katra apni khusbu saans main ghul jaane de
jaaniya ve.. jaaniya ve..
jaaniya ve
jaaniya ve.. jaaniya ve..
jaaniya ve
He's holding my face in his hand, cupped at the cheek, so that it was tilted up, not letting my eyes look away from his. He was asking me questions, wanting to know what had occurred in the days when we were separated. Closing my eyes, I reprimand this fate, I guess we were not meant to have these few moments between us before our lives were complicated by reality. Oh how I wished differently, but I guess It was not meant. Quietly my mind laughs at myself, having known him as well as I did, I should not have expected it differently, I should have known he would want to know what happened, I knew he must have sensed my emotions from my eyes. As his full list of questions registers in my mind, my eyes fly open at the last question, "Leaving KC? Another job? Maan?". I know he can read my surprise at the question. When he tells me he ran into Yash, I am quick to reassure him that I refused the job and I was not leaving ( I would never leave him unless that was what he wanted). "but he said you promised". Registering this statement and remembering the bargain which I had made to him in order to reach Maan, all I that I utter is an exclaimed, 'Oh1". seeing his look of confusing, I fumble but quickly explain, "Naintara had moved your room and she would not tell me where you were. I could not find you, he knew where you were but he asked for a promise from me in return. I did not realize he wanted me to work for him". Using his slight surprise at that statement, I gently move away from him and go to sit on the wide ledge of the bay window. Taking a deep breath, I wait for him to follow me, It was time. I had to tell him everything which happened, the reason why I sat down because I did not know if my knees would hold up much longer. I feel him behind me, feel him slowly ease down on the ledge beside me, as I am looking at the night and the moon, he sits and looks at me. I guess he can see on my face that I was in a state of preparation, so he waits. Taking my hand into his hands, he simply lets them rest between us, as I sit there waiting for the night to give me courage. Taking a last deep breath, I begin. I tell him first about how what I had told him was true that I wanted to move on from my past, that I was sorry I had asked him not to search for that man but that I had wanted to spare him the pain of having to do this for me, I told him I had planned on bringing justice to that man but that I would look for him myself. I told him about how that past came in front of me the day of our engagement and that was why I had run. I told him how I came back and was subsequently thrown out by Daadimaa, how I went looking for him, what happened in the office, how again that man was there in front of me and how I had revealed my truth in front of everyone, I go on to tell him all which happened in the hospital, the meetings with yash and his niece and nephew, Naintara's behavior, how I had decided to not pursue the law in order to punish that man because I did not want to harm my baby. Finally winding my tale, I snap out of my narrative as I feel him griping my fingers tightly, finally looking over, I see his eyes are filled with understanding, pain, anger, and love. Resisting the urge to hug him, to try and take away those emotion from him, I wait until his eyes become less clouded and focus on me. Finally looking into his eyes, seeing the love there, I tell him, "Maan the man responsible for this, the one who is my culprit is the same man whose number you threw away that night, the man I met at the party, and the man who was at the office, the man whose true identity I did not know until the day of our engagement" Feeling his hands grip my hand into an even tighter hold, I stop the last sentence before I say it. From the widening of his eyes and the utter look of shock in his eyes I knew he had connected the dots of his memory together, how he knows now, I did not need to tell him that it was his brother Dev, he had figured it out from those incidences and from my words.
yeh ksiliye in ankhon main sisak rahi hain baarishe - 2
pighal rahi hain arzooo baras rahi hain khwaahishe
guzarte waqt ne chode kayi dhundhale lamhe bhi
pighal rahi hain arzooo baras rahi hain khwaahishe
guzarte waqt ne chode kayi dhundhale lamhe bhi
I stagger back from the force of her words, the truth of her words, this was something I had not expected, I don't think I could have ever expected this. My brother, Dev, Dev did this. Closing my eyes, I try to stave off the feeling of nauseas which is suddenly rising within. Even after all that had happened in the past, I could never have believed that my brother committed such actions, I would never have suspected him. As far as I knew him, this was not within his nature. But then how much do I really know him. Especially after the last few years, I had thought what happened few years ago was the worst but this, oh god, how could he do something like this. I scoff at myself, for not seeing this, not even reading the hints that something was seriously going on with my brother. But this explained so much, thinking back on everything, Dev behavior since he came home, the problems between Dev and NT, why NT was looking at Geet's files, her leaving and coming back, why Dev was unable to look at Geet, Geet's reaction to seeing them. Oh, now he remembers so clearly the look of shock and pain in her eyes when she had pulled him aside on their engagement day to tell him she had seen Dev. He realizes she had meant to tell him then before she had found out that he was his brother. So brave she is, to come back, to take care of me, to apologize to Daadimaa about leaving, it made him happy that her love for him was stronger than her hatred for Dev. But he could not force himself to open his eyes, could not make himself look at her, how was he suppose to look at her, knowing his own brother was responsible for her condition. I know I cannot keep my eyes closed forever but I feel the moisture gathering at the corner of eyes and slipping down my cheeks. Taking comfort at the fact that though my hands have a vice like grip on her hand, she has made no motion to pull it away, I take the chance to open my eyes. The sight that greets me, I know I will never forget it. She was looking at me, with eyes full of pain and love, waiting for my words, waiting for me to say something, to do something, and there are rivers of tears streaming down her face slightly running her kajal as they flow. I know I cant say anything yet, I need to think, I need, I need her but I need to go away. I knew I was panicking at the truth which I now knew, this truth which would affect the lives of Geet and my family so severely once it came out. I have to get away. Without thinking of anything else, I release her hand. How am I suppose to explain my love to her now, to give her everything now, to give her a family when my own brother was the one who ruined her life and snatched her away from the love of her family and siblings, tken her innocence. She is still looking at me with those eyes, holding her pain so clearly for me to see. I had to get away and think before saying anything. Quick to stand up, I catch the look of deepening pain in her eyes. To my horror I realize what my actions might look like to her. Taking a breath, I take a moment, I cannot leave her like this, I kneel down beside her and lean my head forward. As she too leans forward, our foreheads meet as we rest against each other for a moment. How I wished now that I had taken some more time, a few more moments to enjoy the love between us before I had asked those questions, before I was plagued by the harsh truths of this situation. Sighing, I once again feel the tears gather in my eyes. As they flow down, the mingle with her tears as they fall from her eyes onto my cheek. Taking a breath again, I release our hold on each other and with quick steps move away, leaving that place behind without a backwards glance. I knew I could not think, would not be able to leave if I saw her even for a moment.
gamo ke saaye main gunje kayi khushiyo ke nagme bhi
jaha khoyi thi neende bhi wahi bikhrey hain sapne bhi
wahi bikhrey hain sapne bhi
shabnami si in labo ki aag mein jal jaane de
jaaniya ve.. jaaniya ve..
jaaniya ve
jaaniya ve.. jaaniya ve..
jaaniya ve
jaha khoyi thi neende bhi wahi bikhrey hain sapne bhi
wahi bikhrey hain sapne bhi
shabnami si in labo ki aag mein jal jaane de
jaaniya ve.. jaaniya ve..
jaaniya ve
jaaniya ve.. jaaniya ve..
jaaniya ve
I am not able to go far, just till my garage, getting into my car, I start the engine but am unable to go any further than that. My body was finally feeling the strains of its injuries making movement painful but more than that my heart was hurting so badly. Running a hand over my heart, wishing the pain to lessen, I finally just bang my fists against the dashboard of my car. Laying my head back against my seat, I wait for my breath and heartbeat to calm down. And I drift my eyes shut and think. I think through all that has occurred in the past several years and especially all which has occurred in the past few months. My mind now knows all the facts, knows all which happened, and yet despite knowing everything cannot reconcile itself. I don't understand how things could have gone so wrong that Dev had needed to act this way, why did he not come to me? I knew he was in trouble but I had not realized how much, I had certainly not realized the extent to which he was wiling to go to not ask for my help, why did he not come to me, or at least Daadimaa for help? The money aside, how could he ruin the life of an innocent girl? On my fathers deathbed I was asked to promise that I would take care of my younger brothers as a father, and it was a promise which I had given willingly, I never regretted my decision to do so, not even with what had happened a few years ago. Where had we as a family gone wrong? What am I going to do. From geet's words and actions, I know she has left the decision up to me. She has given me the choice, she has chosen my happiness above all else, she has told me that she will abide by whatever will make me the happiest. From the moment I learned of what she had gone through all I wanted to do was find the person who did this to her and demand retribution. Is my heart strong enough to met out justice to my own brother, I know I have told him before that I cannot abide by lies and deception, and I know what I have to do, but can I do it? For I have said, I am human and I love my brother. I love him, and I love her. How will I give proper justice to her, if I don't punish him? How do I handle this?
I don't know how much time passes with these thoughts circling my head, I don't even register the passing of time, I am so lost in my mind. By the time I finally open eyes, exhausted from all this, feeling bone deep wariness, I look down to my watch and note that more than a couple of hours have passed. I still don't have the answer as what to do but my body and mind are tired, I know I cant continue any more tonight. All I want to do is go back home, hold her in my arms, and go to sleep holding her. Will she still be there? I know I must look a mess, I don't think I have cried as much since I little. I cant walk back into the house into the house looking like this, if Daadimaa by any chance sees me, I don't think I could explain this to her. She deserves to know the truth but if I was worried about how to properly inform her of Geet's pregnancy then how am I ever going to figure out how to tell her about all this. Pulling down the mirror on my seat, I make sure I look presentable. There was nothing I could do about the red eyes but I was looking ok otherwise. As I am about to close the mirror, my eyes fall onto the Taveez which was once again resting near my heart. Staring at it for minutes, I recall all the incidents which have joined Geet and I together because of this taveez. The ones which stand out the most were the last two where she has given it to me with such love and trust. This last time being so significant because this time she knew that Dev is my brother, yet she gave this to me, binding us together forever. Clutching it in my hand, she binds us together knowing all this and she trusts me. Suddenly all I want to do is see her, hold her, just feel her.
Bund bund chalke tapke barse mera mann
bheej bheej jaye bheeje hothon se sawan
main hothon pe tere rakh du kai chehre gulabo ke
main palkon se tere chun lu hazarkhwab aankhon ke
bheej bheej jaye bheeje hothon se sawan
main hothon pe tere rakh du kai chehre gulabo ke
main palkon se tere chun lu hazarkhwab aankhon ke
I stay sitting at the ledge where he last held me. I have told him everything, and now I wait for him, for his decision, his course of action. As I have told him the most important thing now is his happiness. I will follow what he wants, even if that means leaving this life behind. I don't think that's what he wants though, if that was what he wanted he would not have kneeled before me and would not have held me, would not have caught my tears, especially with so many of his own flowing. All I can do now is wait, wait for him to come back home, come back to me. Wiping any remaining traces of tears on my eyes, I get up from where I was sitting and move about the room. Finally after pacing for a long time, I decide to go and sit on the swing to wait for his return. I don't know why I was so sure that he would be back and tonight, but I knew I just had to wait. Last time one of us had run, we had ended up chasing each other for days before we could meet again, I was not about to let that happen ever again. So I sit on the swing, swaying slightly and I wait for him to come back to me. Closing my eyes, I lean against the back of the swing and lose my self in the quiet sounds of the night and the ringing of my payal as I moved the swing.
As I quickly come inside the house, I make my way towards the place where she was last sitting. I expected to see her there, I wanted to see her there, I could still feel her essence so strongly, I could smell the heady scent of her perfume so strongly. But she's not sitting there. For a moment, all that rings in mind are her words that if I ever left her again, she would leave and go far away. For a moment, I lose my soul, my balance. Grabbing onto the ledge of the window, I feel my knees go weak. For that fraction of a second, I lose my soul. Could she have really left? No, came the answer from my soul and my heart. No she would never do that to me, to us. As I hear the faint ringing of her payal, my faith is rewarded. Following the sound quickly, I find her sitting not far away, resting on the swing, she was moving the swing with lazy movements of her feet every once in a while. Walking towards her, I see her stop all movement as she feels my presence. For a moment she just goes very still and just as I about to reach her, she resumes her slow movements again. Smiling at her, and humbled by the fact that even in such circumstances she gives me reasons to smile about, I lean forward and stop the slow movements of the swing with my hand. As she stops, I give in to my urge and sink beside her feet. As I make myself comfortable on the floor, I lay my head down on her lap and close my eyes. I was so tired. Soon I feel her hands running through my hair, skimming down my face, rubbing my back every now and then. Giving in to my tiredness, I drift off, secure and happy knowing that she was still here and so was I, above all else she wanted my happiness and I wanted hers, she was mine and I am hers. Everything else could wait.
na mere bin tu jee paye na tere bin main reh pau
na tere bin main reh pau
apni dhadkan ke hasi har saaz main dhal jaane de
band aankhon se tumhe aankh bharke dekh le
dil jo kehta hain chalo aaj karke dekh le
katra katra apni khusbu saans main ghul jaane de
jaaniya ve.. jaaniya ve..
jaaniya ve
jaaniya ve.. jaaniya ve..
jaaniya ve
na tere bin main reh pau
apni dhadkan ke hasi har saaz main dhal jaane de
band aankhon se tumhe aankh bharke dekh le
dil jo kehta hain chalo aaj karke dekh le
katra katra apni khusbu saans main ghul jaane de
jaaniya ve.. jaaniya ve..
jaaniya ve
jaaniya ve.. jaaniya ve..
jaaniya ve
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Fin.
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comments welcome and appreciated.
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