I was at the station..
I heard him calling my name "geet..ruk jao.."
NO..he can't be here..nobody knew where I was going..Or
where I was headed to..Yes even myself..
I knew I had walked into the railway station but what ticket
had I purchased from the counter I knew not. I knew I was going away from this
town, that was the only thought that mattered to me right now. Nothing else
did..OR it did..i don't know..i knew I had to go away from him..I loved
him..that was the only thing I was sure about. He loved me..I knew not.. I had
seen it in his eyes .. I had seen it everyday but there was something else in
them when I told him the truth. The past of my life. He didn't believe me..
Funny..life had again brought me to the place from where I
had started few months back,Yes at the railway station. But then I was alone
and today I was not there.. MY body was there but my soul, I had left it
behind. I had left it at the outhouse. I
had left myself at the office I had left myself with the ring that I placed on
the table.
But I knew the only right thing to do was to go away..To go
away from him so that he has no more pain in his life coz of me. I had told him that he will not be able to
live the burden of my truth but he was sure that he will stand by me. That
confidence had made me confess my life's bitterest truth to him.And I won..he
could not take it.I wanted to lose..but life made me win. Once when I wanted to
lose life gave me success.. How bitter this success was ..I wish he had been
furious I wish he had shouted..but all he said was" mujhe laga tha tum sirf
meri ho geet"..those words were still ringing in my ears.He thought that
someone else in my life had the place I had given to him. No he didn't
understand. That man, my husband never had a place in my heart. He was to be my
life partner but he never touched my heart the way he did.
I saw him running into the station looking frantically for
me..A part of me told me geet he will
find u..he always knows where u are.. u cant deny that..he feels ur presence..U
saw it today in the office..he walked towards the pillar where u were hiding as
if he knew that he will be able to find u there.. and my brain agreed to
that notion.. but no I could not let him find me not now. I had to go away. I
knew if he will find me he will take me back .. How I don't know he always
found a way. He was stronger than me.. he could even just drag me to the car..
but no he would not do that.. he will never do that.. whatever may happen he
would not hurt me.. he could hurt himself, physically, mentally, morally..But
even a tear in my eye drove him insane.. he had told me" main tumhari aankon
mein aansoon nahi dekh sakta geet..I hate u geet"..But even then I had seen
love for myself in those eyes.. behind the pain he was going through, behind
the anger I could see the love.. But today in the office when I had told him
everything all I could see was distrust
and hatred. I could not stand
that and I walked away from him.
I had walked away and even when he had come to me in the
outhouse I didn't wanna see him. I knew he would make me weak by dadi's health
or something.. but no I could not live not now , not after I had seen distrust
in his eyes.Not after the hatred that I had seen..
I saw him running towards and I ran as fast my legs could
carry me. No I didn't want to face him again. I paused to look behind and saw
he was not there.. I breathed a sigh of relief. He had gone back.But..
I looked at my ticket and saw that it was some train to
AHMEDABAD . I saw the train in front of me and I noticed it was the same train
. I kept my foot on the first stair and someone pulled me aside..
I knew who that someone was. I knew that touch. I didn't
have to look at him to tell who it was.He was looking at me..or rather
analyzing me like I was some runaway kid and he had just caught me red handed
in that. I didn't understand what was going in that eyes. He looked happy, his
eyes seem to be relaxed as if he had a found a lost treasure and his touch told
me that he is not gonna let me go. His grip was strong but he made sure it
didn't hurt me. I was staring at me transfixed when his hand came to my cheek
and came down wet. I didn't know when I had started crying, I didn't know why I
was crying but I knew that I was happy seeing him there holding me to him..
But no I can't be with him I can't give him more pain and I
knew that being with me he will get nothing but pain and hurt and according to
him I had deceived him .. But if he believed that then why was he here.. why
was he holding me to him why could I see love in his eyes again.. there were
too many questions in my head and I could not come with the answer to any.. not
till he was holding me. My brain always seem to stop working when he was
around, so I needed to move.
I moved but his hold was so strong that I couldn't move a inch. But he saw that I wanted to move."
Kaahan jaa rahi ho geet" he asked me.. I looked into his eyes and there was a
smile in his eyes that I had never seen before. "who main..aapse door" I closed
my eyes and said that.
"mujhse door..par kahaan tak jaoogi geet main toh hamesha
tumhare saath rahoonga..saaya banke maine waada kiya hai tumse ki main zindagi
ke har mod par tumhara saath doonga.."
I was shocked. He was going to be with me but then at the
office..
"ghar chalein geet"..
No..i shook my head..he smiled to me..Maan and smiling I had
rarely seen him doing that ..
"Kyun geet aaj hum yahin rahenge"..he looked around.." geet
yeh jagah bahut unhygeinc hai..wahhan dekho kitni makhiyaan hai.."
I was staring at him..was he ok..i mean I was telling him
that I am leaving and he in talking about flies..how could he come up with
something like that..
"Nahin hum yaahan nahi rehne waale hai..aap apne ghar waapis
jaa rahein aur main yahaan se door.."
"nahin geet hum ghar ja rahein hai.." his jaw was set as if
he knew what he wanted and was not gonna give up.. he was sure I will go with
him..BUT today no I was not gonna give it to him..
"Nahin.." he was still holding me and I couldn't move but I
turned my face away..
He closed his eyes..i noticed that from the corner of my
eye..
"accha ghar mat chalo yaahan se chalo..meri baat sun lo ek
baar uske baad tumhara jo faisla ho who he hum karenge..agar tum jaana chaho
toh main khud tumhe yaahan chodne aaonga"
"aapne meri baat suni thi.." I retorted back at him..
Oh god what had I said. I
shouldn't have said tht..i didn't mean to but it was so instantaneous
"Geet..jaanta hoon maine galati kit hi par.."
I was never so taken aback…Maan singh khurana and sorry. I
smiled..I remembered the last time he had tried to say sorry to me .
He was not looking at me now..not at my face atleast. His
eyes were fixed somewhere on my left cheek.He raised his hand and moved it
towards me but I turned my face away.
He stopped and dropped his hand and he released me too.
I was not prepared for it and stumbled but he held me again
and made me stand straight and dropped his hand immediately.He had never done
that before.. He never left me..But now he did..
There suddenly seemed to be an uncomfortable silence between
the two of us. His eyes ..they showed me hurt, pain.. BUT pain..he looked happy
few minutes back..Why pain now…I broke the silence. I couldn't take it
anymore..
"Aap kya kehna chahte hain.."
He opened his eye to look at me..They showed me he was
hurt..BUT what had I done now.. I was going away from him what else did he
want..
"yahaan se chale.."..he said his voice low.It was like a
plea not a command..I couldn't say no to him .
He took my bag and we walked in silence into the car and
then drove onto the streets of delhi. It took us about more than 45 min to
reach the destination. I didn't recognize it at first. But it didn't take me
long to do it..
It was the dargah.. The place where I had ran to see him
just once, the place where I had first realized my feelings for him. I didn't
say anything and he didn't look like he was in a mood to break the silence
either.
He got down and opened the door for me. I had no other
option except to get down and walk with him. He walked beside me all along into
the dargah .
He didn't go to the place of worship but took me to the
place where there was no one..It looked like an empty room. He knew the place
well..I could make that out by the way he made me walk to the room.
There was no one there and there was no exit except the door
through which we had walked in and a small window through which the rays of the
evening sun were streaming in.I looked at him. He seemed determined over
something but stil didn't say anything.
I was not going to break the silece this time. He will have
to do it.
"Geet..ek baat poonchu.."
"Ji.."
"Tumhe yaad yeh kaunsi jagah hai.."
This question was not what I was expecting.
I nodded my head though still not sure what he meant by it..
" us din jab un babaji ne kaha tha ki maula tumhari Jodi banaye
rakhe…"
"Unhone galat kaha tha..main jaanti hoon.."
He looked at me..He was mad at me..But why..he had never
confused me this much..not even when I met him first..
"GEET..tum kabhi bolne se pehle sochti nahi ho kya"..
"JI.."
"Geet..Tum jaanti ho main do din tumse door kyon bhagta
raha.."
I nodded my head..
He stood there waiting for my answer.."Kyunki maine kisi aur
ke saath.."
Nahi geet..mujhe us baat se koi farak nahi padta.woh tumhara
kal tha..aur main tumhe tumhare kal ke saath apna sakta hoon..
Par phir…
Shh geet..mujhe bolno do..
I just looked at him..He knew that I would not interrupt again..
"Tumne mujse itni badi chupaye..mujhe is baat ka dukh
tha..haan dard bhi tha ki tumne apni zindagi mein mujse pehle kisi ki aur ko
jagah di..par shayad who itna bada nahi tha.. is baat se mujhe zayada dard
hua ki who jagah tumne use bhagwaan se
bhi upar di..Mujhe laga tha ki shayd ek
galti thi jiski wajha se tumhari aaj yeh haalat hai…par kisi ki tumhari zinadgi
mein itni ahyemiad thi.."
Geet:Par..
Maan:Geet..mujhe..
GEET:Nahi aap galat samajh rahein hain..
Maan:Toh phir tum he samjha do..
Geet:Nahi pehle aap batayee aapko laga ki kisi ne meri zindagi
mein koi that jisne who jagah li thi jo aapki hai..
Maan:Par tumne he to..
Geet:Nahi ab koi sawaal nahi..aap sirf meri baat ka jawaab
dejiye..
Maan: Haan..mujhe laga ki tumhari zindagi mein koi tha…aur
maine tumhari zindagi mein kisi aur ki jagah par hoon..Mujhe laga ki tumhari
zindagi mein yeh ehsaas lana wala main pehla insaan tha..par main galat tha…
Geet: Ji aap galat the..aapki jagah meri zindagi mein koi
nahi le sakta..aur nahi aapne kisi aur ki jagah li hai..
I clenched my fists.. I hate that I could even relate him to
the man standing in front of me, no these two people can never be realted.
Maan: main jaanta hoon geet..shayad is baat ki chot ki
tumhari zindagi mein koi aur tha..usne mujhe itna andha kar diya ki main dekh
he nahi paaya ki tum kya kehna chahti thi..aur maine tumhe dard nahi pahunchana
chaha tha..par jaante hoon ki meri ek baat ne tumhe bahut dard diya hai..Kya
tum mujhe uske liye kabhi maaf kar sakti ho..
I was crying now.. he had told me what hurt him..It was not
my past but the thought, the mere thought that someone else had a place in my
heart hurt him. He didn't care I was carrying someones elses child he cared
that I didn't share my pain with him before..but I couldn't..and he had
accepted that too..He knew what I had gone through..
Was it true.. That he loved me so much that he was ready to
accept me with all my past..
He saw tears in my eyes.."geet tum ro kyon rahi ho.."
I just shook my head and he encircled me in his arms..I
stood there I don't know how long but it was heaven. I think I felt a tear on
my hair but I didn't wanna look up..I wanted him to shed his pain too..
After some time he said..
"geet chalein.."
I didn't care where he was taking me.. the only thing that
mattered was that I was with him
He took me to the shrine..and he faced me..and went down on
his knees.. I was shocked what was he doing..
" Main Maan Singh khurana aaj is pak jagah par..khuda ko
saakshi maante hue..geet, tumhare jeevan ke har mod par saath dena chahata hoon..sukh
mein, dukh mein, dhoop mein tumhari chaav banker, bearish mein tumhara saya banker..har
mod par tumhara saath nibhane ka waada karta hoon..kya tum is jeevan ke safar
mein mujhe apna humsafar chunogi.."
I couldn't say anything.. I just nodded my head and with
tears in my eyes again..
He took out the ring and placed it on my finger..
"aaj se us wade ki nishani hai jo maine tumse kiya hai..na
koi majboori na koi dikhawa bas sirf woh saache wade jo humne kiye hain.."
"Main waada karti hoon ki main aapka saaya banoogi, agar koi
mushkil aayi toh main aapki dhal banoogi, agar maut bhi aayi toh use pehle
mujhse hoke jaana padega..har mod par main aapka vishwaas kaayam rakhoongi..Humare
rishte ki neev imaandari aur sacchayi hogi..Kisi bhi baat par hum ek doosre se
parda nahi daalnege.."
I had nothing but my bag .. I remembered something..
I ran out of the dargah..even before he could understand
what was happeing I came back and stood next to him..
I opened my palm and he saw what I had.. I had brought the
TAAVEEZ with me..
I tied it around his neck..But his shirt was wet..
Maan: geet tum isliye ro rahi ho kyunki ab tumhe saari
zindagi das saaron wale raavan ke saath guzaarne padegi.
I blushed deep red at that..he remembered it..
Geet ghar chalein..
And this time I knew I was going to my home..forever..
comment:
p_commentcount