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I turned my face towards him and put my lips on his neck nuzzling and kissing him.
'thank you' he said.
' mein tumhara bharosa kabhi bhi nahi torunga, aur main hamara ek duje pe bharosa dobara lane ke liye kuch bhi karoonga.' he murmurmed
' maan sir, me aap par poora bharosa karti hoon' she said 'mujhe apne aap par bharosa nahin hai.'
'kya matlab?'
She thought for a while and then replied. ' mein khudko… apne aap ko aapke layak nahi samajhti, kyunki mere paas aisa kuch khaas nahi hai jispe aap ka dil aaye ya phir app mujhse pyar karo. Mein sirf ek aam ladki hoon.
He stopped walking and enfolded me in a tight hug.pulling me to his chest.
' Geet tumhara pyar atoot hai, aur hamesha qayam rahega, is pe kabhi bhi shaq mat karna'
But how could I not – geet thought.
' tumne abhi tak mujhe apne sabse bare problem ke bare me nahi bataya.
I sighed and touched the tip of his nose with my index finger.
' mein tumhare bhaiya ke gundo se bhi bura hoon.' He said grimly. ' main jaanta hoon, yeh meine khud pe laya hai'
I rolled my eyes. ' brij veerji ke gunde mujhe maar sakte hai, app mujhe chor ke jaa sakte hai, who gunde, brij veerji, NT yeh sub iske saamne kuch nahi hai, kuch bhi nahi hai.'
Even in the darkness I could see the twist in his face. It made me sick and I regretted speaking the truth.
' nahi' I whispered. ' aap please udaas mat hoiye'
He pulled the corner of his mouth up half-heartedly.
' agar mein tumhe kisi bhi tarha se yeh yakin dila sakoon ke mein tumhe chor ke nahi jaa sakta, mujhme aisi takat nahi hai ke mein tumse door ja paon.'
His face was still tormented and I tried to cheer him up
' to agar aap mujhse door nahi jaa rahe hai, to kya mujhe apni cheeze dobara se mil sakti hai?'
Despite the sorrow, he laughed. 'maine kabhi bhi wo cheezen wapas nahin lee, who taveez, wo jhumke, wo green dress, who saree, wo khat, sab kuch tumhare niche ki cupboard mein rakhe the.'
'ACHA?'
He smiled, slightly cheered by my obvious pleasure.
'mujhe… mujhe lagta hai… shayad lekin.. mujhe lagta hai ke mujhe pata tha.'
'Kya pata tha?'
I only wanted to remove the agony from his eyes, but as I spoke the words, they sounded truer than I expected they would.
' mujhe hamesha lag raha tha, ke aap meri parwah karte hai, chahe mein jiyu ya phir nahi. Isliye mujhe sab awazen aarahi thi'
'awazen?' – he asked flatly.
' haan lakin sirf ek hi awaaz, mujhe pata chala ke jab bhi mein kuch galat ya phir khatre wala kaam karne jaa rahi thi, mujhe aapki yaad achi tarha se ati thi, aapki awaaz mein bilkul achi tarha se sun sak ti thi, jaise aap abhi mere saath hai, jaise aap meri raksha karna chahte the, jaise aap mujhe dard mein nahin dekh sakte.
'aur mein yeh sochti gayi, ke shayad.. shayad main aapki awaaz isliye itni achi tarha se sun sakti thi, kyunki in sab ke ander mujhe pata tha, ke aap mujhse abhi bhi pyar karte hain. As I spoke the words they again brought me a sense of conviction. Some place deep inside me recognized the truth.
When he spoke, his words came out half strangled, ' tum meri awaz ke liye, khud ko jaan buj kar khatre mein daal rahi thi?'
'..shh.. mujhe soch ne dijiye..' maan loved me. The bond forged between us was not the one that could easily be broken by distance, absence or time. And no matter how much better, brilliant, special and strong than me he might be, he was irreversibly altered as I was. As I would always belong to him, so he would always be mine.
Was that what I had been trying to tell myself?
'babaji'
'geet?'
'aap mujhse pyar karte hai' I marveled. The sense of rightness washed through me.
Though his eyes were still anxious, he still gave me that crooked smile which had my heart accelerating.
' haan mein tumse bohot pyaar karta hoon, jaan'
My heart inflated like it was going to crack. He truly did want me the way I wanted him- forever. It was only the circumstances that had made him necessary to move away from my life, compared to the fear that he didn't want me. This compulsory act had seemed so insignificant.
He took my face tightly between his two hands and kissed me till I was dizzy. Then he leaned his forehead against mine, and I was not the only one breathing harder than usual.
I was deeply relieved that he understood what I meant. he wasn't looking at me as if I was crazy, he was looking at me as if… as if he loved me. And then I knew that I could never forget this moment, not even one bit of it. It was like it was jammed inside my head to the core of my soul.
I repeated to myself, I loved maan and he loved me. I had finally found and understood what true love meant, for that moment and forever we were connected.
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