What if Geet was written by a famous author?
JK Rowling -
Director of the series tries to explain to the author that the series is intended to be a romantic drama and not a fantasy one. The author assures that once you get past first five volumes, romance does creep in.
Maan, who is parent-less, has undergone a troubled childhood. He realizes that he is a wizard quite late in his life and meets Adi, Sasha and Geet (Adi's sister) who happened to be fellow magical people. Without much further ado, he realizes that he is the key to defeat Dark Lord - Daarji.
He spends first four years warming up to the thought of defeating Dark Lord one day and learning many new things. Adi and Sasha become his best friends and they mostly have silly fights and misunderstandings. Also Maan realizes that he is really good in some random sport, makes enemies with Dev, NT and Brij, has a god father, is hated by few people, meets the person who betrayed his parents, has his first crush, has his first dance where he sucks big time, becomes target for a psychotic stalker-Daarji's follower and of course has some fun by breaking few hundred rules. Director thinks that Daadima is super biased since she always ignores Maan's mistakes and awards him just so he is victorious. Yeah, Daadima is the mother of all knowledgeable people who knows everything about Maan, his parents and also is a fountain of useless knowledge (For example she knows the exact air date of "Behene De" sequence. Or any song sequence for that matter. Really, who cares a shit about that kind of info?)
By the end of fourth volume, the story is finally set. (Here director wonders if he can chuck first four books and start from fifth but the production house say that they have purchased copyrights for all seven books so he better direct all of them at which director simply mutters Avada Kedavra) After that Adi finds a new girl friend in Tasha while Maan and Geet hook up. Much melodrama later Adi and Sasha hook up. After pretty much useless sixth volume except that Maan finds out a lot about his mom and half blooded prince, Mr. Chopra who helps him a lot to get through the year. Daadima dies in the end of sixth volume right in front of Maan's eyes.
Maan and Sasha go on a hunt for something Daarji has kept hidden and they manage to find them all. Sasha gets captured and is tortured and is finally rescued. In the war, they lose a lot of their friends and family members but in the end they do win it. Director wonders how he can conjure (pun totally intended) up a war scene with the kind of budget he gets for the script written for production houses like Warner Brothers or Paramount Pictures. He only curses his bad luck and decides to meet Ramsey brothers and borrow their ideas. After all they did create and direct Zee Horror Show for eons.
Basically in the end (a much unwanted epilogue in fact), they all get married to their respective beaus and Dark Lord is defeated and is eliminated from the face of the earth.
Maan and Geet live happily ever after.
I think.
JRR Tolkien -
Director of the series has a minor panic attack when he sees one thousand pages of script only to realize that it's written for first one month of the telecast only.
Maan, Geet, Adi, Sasha, Tasha, Pinky, Dev, NT and Vicky all group together to defeat Dark Lord - Daarji. They all start walking towards Hoshiyarpur and on their adventure they meet many of Daarji's fledglings - Brij, for example. Maan realizes about Geet's pregnancy from NT's useless comments. He is disappointed that the entire truth was not laid out to him before they started their adventure. But when they reach Delhi outskirts, they get separated just before Dev dies protecting NT. NT in the very next nano second becomes all heroine-y and takes oath on her sword that she will avenge her husband.
Maan and Geet after getting separated meet a creature who was once human but now horribly mutated called Gurvinder. He has changed so much who and has become insane due to death of his lover who was killed for lame reasons by Brij under Daarji's orders. Gurvinder tells them that he can show the two of them the way to Hoshiyarpur and defeat Daarji. As they go towards Hoshiyarpur under Gurvinder's guidance, they have many adventures, betrayal, tests of loyalty, friendship and love. They finally arrive at Hoshiyarpur where Gurvinder has another bout of insanity.
The rest of the gang move through forest meets up Brij-resistance group and help them with their internal political coup. Sasha and Tasha get separated from each other which make them incomplete and broken.
Whatever.
After much more drama, except for Maan and Geet, everyone else face Brij's army and fight valiantly. Maan and Geet attack the core of evil - Geet's house. There is a confrontation between Geet and Daarji and words of philosophy, redundant screen dialogues and lots of tearful self pitying lines are exchanged. Finally Geet (yeah, she is the title role after all) comes victorious.
The story ends here, yet director sees that there at least three hundred pages left in the script. Director wonders why the hell all these people didn't take a bus to Hoshiyarpur from Delhi.
Maan and Geet bump to each other - twelve pages explaining the scene.
Maan says hello to Geet - eight pages here.
Geet looks at Maan and replies to his hello - five pages here.
Geet remembers Hoshiyarpur - seventy pages.
You get the point?
In first one thousand pages, Geet and Maan meet and have an argument. Director thinks that by the time he finishes reading first month's script, he will shoot himself before he can shoot a scene.
The script also constitutes of -
a) Map of Hoshiyarpur, layout of Geet's house, the land purchased by Maan and a topographical map with markers to indicate where all major events occurred.
b) Blue print of Maan's mansion in Delhi. (It's tremendously huge and the interior looks positively fake and impossible to remember.)
c) Detailed description of language of the eyes - translation provided for all major instances.
d) A treatise on MSK's eyes.
e) A social commentary on Brij's ideology
Stephanie Meyer -
Director stares at the author for full fifteen minutes and asks her again - "Are you for real?" Author is little miffed but ignores the director since she has already made truckloads of money. Director cries in front of executive producers but they don't budge. "Suck it", they say. (Pun highly intended)
Maan is a troubled vampire (director at one point thought that the author actually intended him to be a fairy since he sparkles, is super heroic and all but got confused with the word and wrote vampire instead) who shows mild stalker-ish tendencies (following, watching her sleep, looking at her as his next meal etc) with plain mere mortal - Geet. Geet is plain and ordinary (cast anyone to her role, even a petite cross dressing man, it will work variety) whose boring life is upturned when Maan saves her from car crashing down on her in Amritsar. Anyway without much logical reason they declare that they cannot live without one another. He saves her few more times here and there. Maan's entire family constitutes of super gorgeous vampires who if allowed in sunlight can blind few people due to their sparkling beauty.
Whatever.
Book one ends with Geet being rescued by Maan from another random bad vampire.
Director warily looks at three other books and wonders if he has the guts to read them. His heart shakes itself "Hell No!" He decides to ask his daughter who seems to be fantasizing about sparkling vampire to give him rough summary for next three books.
Now there is a second fantasy creature a werewolf - Adi. Maan leaves Geet in Hoshiyarpur and goes to Delhi to protect her from xyz things for 123 reasons. Not that anyone cares.
Adi and Geet become chums and Adi starts liking Geet. Maan comes back to Hoshiyarpur after NT sees a vision of Geet dying. NT saves Geet and they both go to Delhi to save Maan. Now Geet has to become vampire and she is very happy to hear. She was getting mildly jealous of sparkling people around her.
Director bribes his daughter with boxed set of novels, movie tickets and other merchandise just so that she can summarize the entire summary in ten minutes and not in three hours like she did for second book.
During summarization of third book, Director is fully confused about who loves who and wonders if the author simply wants the ordinary girl to be made extraordinary by having all mythical creatures fantasizing her. His daughter however preaches him about life, love and other blah. She finally spells it out for him.
Maan and Geet love each other. Always. Forever. Maan-Geet forever.
Whatever.
Maan and Geet profess their love for 12323423th time and decide to get married. Adi goes somewhere instead of facing problems but its cool since he is a werewolf and all.
They get married in a grand fashion, have a honeymoon and Geet is pregnant overnight. After a gory delivery scene, she too becomes a vampire. Her daughter all of one day old becomes betrothed to her ex, Adi. It's twisted and mildly disgusting but she fully approves after one minute of ranting. Director thinks that there will be one million petitions calling Adi pedophile of Indian television and most news channel may even cover it instead of discussing about inflation, increasing crime rates and other stuff which always took a back seat when a major movie got released.
Drama, drama and drama happens. Director decides to deviate from the original script and bring about jealousy between NT and Geet who play cheap kitchen politics and silly mind games. That sounded more fun than the redundant scenes in fourth book. He wondered if he can introduce some steamy song sequence between Maan and Geet after Geet turns into a vampire.
Anyway, in the end Geet convinces the elders of the clan that her daughter is all hunky dory so buzz off.
And they agree. Director thinks that this is totally anticlimactic so he decides to add few violent scenes where Maan gets to go shirtless and shows off his cool abs and Geet is all Lara Croft both protecting their kid. And after lots of bloody scenes (or as many budget can accommodate), it's a cheesy happily ever after.
Everything is fine and nice in vampire world.
Director estimates ten years to tell the entire story.
Ayn Rand -
Director visits production house and tells them that his script got misplaced. He has an essay on construction industry, Indian economical and political scenario and an ideal business case scenario with morally right characters instead of fluffy romantic characters with an overly done storyline. The executive producers tell the director that it IS the script. Director first buys a dictionary, aspirin, scotch and jots down phone numbers of academics in the field of economics, philosophy and political science.
Dev is a morally perfect industrialist who is into construction business. He has built his company on his own starting out as a poor architect and building his own business empire. He encounters Geet Handa who is yet another morally perfect woman who once had affair with Adi who was son of wealthy business man. Adi is currently the playboy of the Delhi social elite. NT is Dev's wife who dislikes Dev as a person but loves his image. Dev meets Geet in a party and they exchange a seven pages debate.
After fifty pages of explaining economics, Dev and Geet begin to have affair.
Geet's brother Brij is a total ass who wants to take over whatever his sister has built and take over all the profits. Basically he is yet another bad guy, immorally of course, of television.
There are whispers of people disappearing and of a man called "Maan" who has taken a vow of stopping construction business. Geet is secretly fantasizing about Maan but never lets anyone know. She and Dev go on a road trip making their sordid affair even more sordid and hear more whispers about Maan.
Back in city there is a party where Adi is back to his philandering ways and preaches for eighty pages things about money, status and importance of moral integrity. Not that anyone around them cares.
Brij marries a village girl where village girl threatens Geet. Director expects the typical confrontation as seen in Indian television but is disappointed to find that Geet ignores. He plans to change the script here, a little.
Dev and Adi fall in love in metaphorical sense and talk endlessly about random stuff. Geet finds it both disgusting and mildly stimulating. She blames too much of stress.
Geet gets absconded and is found by Maan who is actually a handsome human hunk and not some mythical creature. They talk about stuff for hundred pages where he preaches her about freewill. She practically becomes his slave and is in love with him.
She breaks up with Dev and Dev asks her if she is in love with Maan or the idea of Maan. Her reply constitutes of eighty pages. Let's move on.
Economical conditions worsen and there is a philosophical debate of one hundred and twenty pages and finally some stringent norms are made. Geet finds it difficult to maintain her business and once even Maan comes and has a tryst with her. She feels all nice and continues to slog herself to death.
Maan hijacks a radio station and gives a speech which lasts seventy two pages but at least two dozen episodes. After that it's practically over where economy fails, politics screws itself and society collapses.
Adi, Geet and Dev are taken to utopia which is built by Maan and other great minds of the century where all morally righteous people live with freewill and complete individuality.
Yeah, it's pretty much romanticized ending. Instead of fighting and fixing society they leave it and find solace in mountains.
Director decides to quit directing cheesy TV series and move to a business news channel since he has gained so much of insight about economy and politics after going through the script.
Sookie
Author's Notes: Disclaimer: No intention of hurting anyone or their preferences. I respect writers and their works (irrespective of whether I like them or not) and this post is not meant to offend them or their works or their fans.Just amusing myself on boring very gloomy Sunday morning.
Enjoy reading!
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