The rest of Raizada clan watched anxiously as they waited for some news about the health of the baby and more importantly of Anjali. It wasn't a secret that she had a difficult pregnancy; the doctors warned them all at the beginning of the second trimester itself that the fetus was attached too deeply into the mother's uterine wall, putting both at risk. While Arnav ordered for an immediate termination, Anjali adamantly refused, somehow managing to convince the rest of the women in the house of the same.
Ofcourse, it didn't mean Arnav gave up. He hired the chief obstetrician of Delhi to look after the most precious thing of his life and he was promised a safe delievery ever since. And yet, the doctor's words of reassurance, which seemed comforting a day ago, didn't stop the thunder of his heart. He may not have gotten a docrate in medicine, but he definitely wasn't dumb enough to know that Anjali collapsing in middle of the day without any cause whatsoever was bad. And the fact the surgery was taking so long didn't help matters.
"Did someone call Damadji?"
The worried tone of Devyani broke through Arnav's wall of fear, bringing yet another issue at hand.
It was Akash who answered. "Yes Nani," he replied. "He is on the way!"
Arnav snorted to himself. For two hours? Yeah right!
It appeared that everyone was ignoring the fact that Shyam's office was only thirty minutes away, which led to only one conclusion – he wasn't coming or rather, he didn't care that his wife was in labour and his baby at risk.
It was another matter, however, that no one in the family would arrive at that answer, for they were too naive to understand just exactly how cruel the world was. And Arnav couldn't blame them for it – they didn't face the harsh realities of life like him. No, they were always shielded from the atrocities, first by him and then by the walls of Shantivaan.
Finally, after what felt like endless waiting, the doors of the operation theatre opened to reveal the tired face of Dr. Rai. As the family watched in silence, sending out their last prayers to the heavens, the doctor's face split into a wide smile.
"Congratulations Mr. Raizada," she told a frozen Arnav. "It's a boy!"
It was as if someone suddenly opened the blinds to reveal the blazing sun outside, such was the happiness seen on each and everyone's face. But to Arnav, it wasn't enough.
"And Di?" he timidly asked.
"I gave my word Mr. Raizada," the doctor answered. "That your sister will be fine. And she is."
Arnav ran a hand through his dishevelled hair, the doctor's words echoing in his ears. The elation he felt at the moment was beyond words.
"Ofcourse," Dr. Rai added. "It was a premature delievery, a lot sooner than what I predicted. Did something happen after I talked to you on the phone yesterday?"
Arnav exchanged a look with Payal, beforing saying, "I am not sure doc…"
Dr. Rai seemed to consider that for a moment. "It might be some emotional stress then. Whatever it is, fix it. It was bad enough that she was refusing to cooperate during the delievery. I hate to think about what will happen now that she needs to take extra care of herself and the baby."
Arnav shuffled his feet uneasily as his mind raced with the new information. It appeared that his worst fears were coming true.
"Well then, I have to get going. Anjali can leave tomorrow morning, but we have to keep the baby in the NICU for a few days untill I know for sure he can breathe by himself."
Arnav nodded, gratefully. "Can I see her?"
"Oh yes! She has been pestering the nurses to send you in ever since she regained consciousness."
Arnav gulped and slowly made his way into the room. The Raizada family made to follow, but were thankfully stopped by the nurse at the door, who informed them that Anjali wanted to only see her brother and no one else. Arnav didn't know if that was a good thing or bad, and for the first time in his life, he was hesitant to see his sister.
The theatre appeared dim as Arnav looked at the various machines lined up against the wall. Some of them were beeping loudly, while others stood quietly, their screens blank. In the center of the large room was Anjali proped up against numerous pillows. While the delievery did seem to take a toll on her fragile body, her expression was far from tired. She was looking straight ahead at the wall infront, when Arnav carefully entered.
"How are you feeling Di?"
Arnav's voice was blank, devoid of any of the panic he felt inside. Whether Anjali heard his conversation with Payal or not was something he wanted to confirm before planning his next mode of action.
However, Anjali wasn't a Raizada and more importantly, his sister for nothing. Keeping her eyes trained on the wall, she said in a very calm voice, "I heard everything. You don't have to pretend anymore."
The ground beneath Arnav slipped, as he understood the implications at the sudden change. He edged closer, not failing to notice that Anjali wasn't crying. No, the emotion that her eyes spoke of was that of anger, not grief.
"Di, it's not what you think…"
"No it isn't," she agreed. "You are nothing like what I thought you were. You are much, much worse."
Her words were like a whisplash through the still air, hitting Arnav with a wave of pain. "I know you love Shyam, and I knows it's hard to believe me-"
"Its not about him," she interrupted. "Its about you. How could you lie to me?"
Arnav felt a little sense of relief that he was understood. He didn't expect her to believe him without any proofs. However, it was quickly overridden by doubt for Anjali didn't reveal how she felt about it. "I didn't lie Di… I just didn't tell you the truth."
"Which is the same as lying," she clarified. "Don't sugar coat it."
From years of experience, Arnav could tell he was trouble – this was Anjali's way of scolding him. So, he quietly sat down on the stool beside the bed and took her hand in his. Surprisingly, she didn't react to his touch.
"I did lie," he accepted, knowing full well how to please his Di. "And I am very, very sorry for it… but I didn't have a choice. You were pregnant and-"
"So being pregnant makes me deaf?"
He didn't miss the sarcasm. "You were happy Di," he said, his voice becoming vulnerable with every passing moment. "I didn't see you that happy since the day Maa left. For years, I tried to bring back the same smile on your face as when you were a kid, teaching me how to walk or ride a bike or whatever else it was… but I couldn't. I saw the shadow of pain in your eyes everytime you smiled, because the truth was we were completely alone!"
Anjali didn't reply.
"And finally, after all those days, you were happy again. You were happy because of that man and his child. How could I take that away that away from you?"
If it were a few hours ago, Anjali would have melted upon hearing his words. But as they say, becoming a mother changes every woman's life. It was no different for Anjali, who didn't as much blink when her brother finished explaining. She merely said, in the same hollow voice, "You had no right to keep the truth from me. My brother would have told me the day he found out, not hide it like you did."
Her words found their mark. "Please don't say that!" Arnav begged. "Please Di… please, just look at me."
And no matter how hard she tried, Anjali couldn't stop herself from answering to his plea. She slowly turned her head to see the hysterical face of her brother.
"I am sorry," Arnav continued, panic-stricken. "I tried to tell you… the day of the wedding. But I just couldn't get myself to break your heart!"
"But it was truth! And I have to accept it!"
Arnav shook his head. "But you don't deserve it! You deserve to be happy and nothing else."
"And you think hiding it will make it any better?!"
"I was just trying to protect you…"
"WELL, I DON'T NEED YOUR PROTECTION!"
Anjali's outburst echoed through the room, bouncing off the silent walls as Arnav stared wordlessly, all sound wiped from his mouth.
"I had enough with your protection," she continued in a raging tone. "I am not a five year old whose heart is more delicate than a piece of glass."
"I know Di, but-"
"But what?! What excuse do you possibly have to explain the fact you treat me like a doll, who is just supposed to sit there on the shelf, pretending that the world is happy a place?"
"I love you Di!"
Like the many things Arnav did, his answer was simple and to the point and once again Anjali lapsed into silence. His explanations were throwing her off more than she anticipated.
Having gotten her attention, Arnav continued. "I can't even bear the thought of losing you…"
Anjali gazed at her brother, seeing not the twenty-seven year old Arnav Singh Raizada, but the guilty looking six year old Chote, who she once caught playing video games late into the night.
A sigh escaped her lips. "Why Chote?" she whispered. "Why do you love me some much? I did nothing to deserve this!"
Arnav shook his head. "You took care of me when no one else did… even Maa left me, but you stayed. No matter what happens, you always stand by me."
"Because that's what older siblings do!" she exclaimed, exasperated. "They are supposed to take care of the younger ones… help them, teach them,protect them. Not the other way around!"
"You have protected me all your life Di," Arnav answered quietly. "Now itsmy turn. It's my turn to take care of you. I will make sure you will always be happy even if that means-"
"You have have ruin your life in the process, right?"
"My life is you… how can I be happy if it takes the smile off your face?"
"So to keep the smile on my face, you can take away someone else's?"
"Di-"
"Is this what I taught you Chote?"
Arnav lowered his eyes, but his silence only angered Anjali more. "What answer am I supposed to give Maa when she asks me why I let her only son become heartless?"
"No!" Arnav fired angrily. "I won't let you leave me! I may have been helpless thirteen years ago, but I am not now!"
"Wrong," she answered, shaking her head. "I have accepted every single thing you did until today… but I am done with making excuses for your behavior. What you have done is wrong and it is completely my fault that I let it get this far!"
"Its not your fault. If anyone is to blame, its Shyam."
"I am not talking about him! I am talking about Khushiji. How could you do this to her?"
Arnav stared blankly in response.
"How can you punish that innocent girl for a crime she never committed?"
"I…" he began. "I didn't know… I thought she was trying to ruin your life…"
"Thought?" Anjali repeated incredulously. "How could you think that? Don't you know what kind of a person she is?"
"But all the evidence-"
"How many times Chote?" she asked, cutting him off. "How many times do I have to tell you to listen to your heart? This evidence, proof… all these things are not important, because they don't form relationships. They only make contracts, like the one you made."
"You don't understand," Arnav said. He may have been wrong about not trusting Khushi, but he did it for a good cause. His sister of all people should know that! "Trusting Khushi was not a risk I could take. I did what I had to at that time!"
"For what exactly? You did all this for what Chote?"
Arnav was stumped, not knowing if Anjali was indeed asking a serious question or was simply being sarcastic.
And it was precisely that innocence reflected in his eyes that caused her to soften her tone and say. "Sometimes things are out of our control… and we need to accept it and move on."
"But I am done with sitting down and shutting up!" he fired. "I am tired to people pushing us around first because we didn't have parents and then because we didn't have money… I am tired of the advantage every single person takes of us. I am tired of letting other people run our lives, when they have no right!"
"And did taking revenge satisfy you? Did locking away your feelings help?"
"It will. It has to."
"No," Anjali objected. "No it won't. Because even after making sure the people who hurt you are punished, you are still scared to trust. Closing all the doors to your heart didn't stop her from making a place in it."
"I don't have a heart Di… I lost it sixteen years ago."
"Look at me and say that Chote. Look at me say that you are not worried for Khushiji right now. That you aren't feeling so guilty that its giving you physical pain… tell me that you aren't going to put everything you have into finding her!"
He didn't answer. Every word his sister uttered was true, and yet, it didn't change his beliefs one bit. He may love Khushi more than he could put into words, but that didn't mean he would give the world a chance to use it against him.
"Don't do this Chote," Anjali finally said. "Don't do this to yourself. Stop making it hard for others to understand you… stop pretending that you don't have feelings. Just let it go."
Arnav sighed. "And what is the point Di? You let go of it… you tried to find peace in love. What happened?"
Anjali didn't reply.
"It doesn't matter if you believe in love or not, because this world will be just as harsh. Maa loved that man, you loved Shyam… no matter how many times you try to forget and move on, someone will always come and remind you all over again."
"So then what good does lashing out on the world do?" Anjali asked. "You lost the one thing which can make you forget."
Arnav pressed his lips, refusing to answer. They were evenly matched, each right in their own way. And yet neither was willing to call it quits.
It was Anjali who spoke again. "You love her Chote," she said. "And the only way you can ever be with her is if you are at peace with yourself."
Arnav protested. "I am fine! I have learned to live through everything."
Anjali shook her head. "What you need to learn is that you can't live through anything without her. And until you do that, I have nothing to say to you."
"Di-"
The doors were suddenly thrown open flooding light into darkened room. It was a worried-looking Shyam, who rushed to Anjali.
"Rani Saheba!"
Arnav glanced at his sister, who didn't even flinch upon seeing the man who ruined her life. He grasped her hand even more tightly.
Shyam on the other hand, appeared oblivious of his wife's emotions, for he continued in the same panic-filled voice, "Are you okay? I am-"
However, he never finished his apology of arriving late or the reasons for his delay, for at that moment Anjali had daringly raised her hand and slapped him hard across his face.
"ARNAV!!"
Arnav jerked out of his thoughts to see Ayesha waving her hand, trying to catch his attention. "Huh?"
"What happened?" she asked. "Did she tell you what was wrong?"
He slowly shook his head, causing Ayesha to let out a sigh and beginning talking at top speed. He merely nodded his head and gazed at the door through which Khushi disappeared not too long ago. After two whole years, he finally understood what his sister said to him in that hospital room.
What you need to learn is that you can't live through anything without her.
Because if he could, it would mean that he didn't love her enough. It would mean that the two years he spent without her were no different from the twenty-seven years he spent with himself.
It's the reason why you and me can't be together.
And if didn't understand her value, what was the point of living together? Ifshe has to be the one reminding him of their marriage, then why be married at all? Isn't it better to be apart if he couldn't make himself commit to her?
She still was in every sense his wife, while he came nowhere close to being her husband.
So why blame her for running away and hiding her feelings, when he was the one at fault? Why accuse her of keeping his name, when he didn't want to make himself weak by accepting his love?
She always was Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada.
And ironically, though he never left a chance to blame her for walking away, the reason their marriage survived this long was only because she held on to him. Not the other way around. Even after loosing everything, she tied herself only to Arnav Singh Raizada.
And that, right there, was precisely why they could never be just Arnav and Khushi.
The same Arnav Singh Raizada who accused her of being a low-class, not once or twice, but every single time he could. The same Arnav Singh Raizada who was so proud of his name that he was convinced she was only capable of taking his wealth and nothing else. The same Arnav Singh Raizada, who never looked past his life, his family or his needs to reach out to her.
It was precisely that arrogance of being the mighty ASR that can never let him love her unconditionally; because as his sister rightly pointed out, he could only make contracts, not relationships. Afterall, a husband and wife stay together not because their last names are the same, but simply because they can't bear to be apart.
And that really was, all she asked for. Unflinching love without any of the complexities he carried first with his name, then his ego and now his pain.
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