Previously On...
The
aftermath of Billy's visit.
Track 40 You're My Best Friend, Queen
The one
thing that Nikita Modi, nee Malhotra, prided herself in, was being the best,
the most supportive friend anyone could ever have. Ever since she was a kid,
she'd always felt that she was a good friend, and she had been. There weren't
many people who had the privilege of saying that they were friends with her,
but the few that did, had always sung praises, never shutting up about how good
a friend she was. Now though, she was doubting all herself. Was she a good
friend?
She
hadn't been there for Riddhima when she should have been, she'd been so curt
with Anjali, and now she was finding out that she didn't know anything about
what Jaanhavi and Armaan, who had inarguably been her best friends for almost a
decade, had gone through, especially Jaanhavi.
How could
this have been possible? How? These thoughts haunted her the entire night and
her sleep was littered with nightmares where all her friends took great
pleasure in telling her what a shitty friend she was.
So, she
decided the first thing she'd do the next morning would be talking to Armaan.
She knew that it wouldn't be a particularly happy conversation, but she thought
it was about time they had one. Sure, Armaan was her best friend, and she never
doubted that, but this friendship had been through too many lows and both of
them had swept things under the rug countless times when in fact they should
have talked about all of it. They never talked about how Armaan's changed
behaviour after Jaanhavi leaving had affected Nikki, or how Nikki leaving overnight
had affected Armaan. Since she'd come to New York, they hadn't even talked
about how the other coped all these years. Only now was she realizing that
Armaan may have been her best friend for 25 years, but they hadn't even been in
touch with each other for almost 14 years of those 25. That sent her into a
tailspin and she really needed to speak to Armaan about it.
At 5 in
the morning, she gave up on trying to sleep and made her way downstairs. She
was surprised to see Armaan in the living room, sprawled on the couch, holding
a photograph close to his chest, but she shouldn't have been. Of course he
wouldn't have gotten any sleep the previous night either.
She
walked over to him to check if he was awake or not and Armaan sprung up when he
felt someone's presence in the room. As he sat up, completely startled, the
frame fell from his hands and onto the sofa. Nikki smiled when she saw a
picture of Shalini Aunty smiling up at her.
"Oh! It's
you!" Armaan mumbled, rubbing his eyes.
"Were you
expecting someone else?" Nikki joked.
Armaan
rolled his eyes at her, which made Nikki chuckle. She sat beside him and picked
the frame up.
"She was
so gorgeous," Nikki whispered, caressing the picture.
"The
most," Armaan replied, taking the frame from Nikki. "Gods, I miss her!"
Nikki
rubbed his arm in a comforting gesture. "I miss her, too," she said. "But,
she's looking out for us, wherever she is, and I'm sure she's absolutely happy
to see how far you've come."
"Thanks,
Nik," Armaan replied, smiling at her. "I like to think so as well."
"I don't
think," Nikki countered. "I know. I know she's happy. I know she's proud of
you. And of Jaanhavi. Maybe she's proud of me also. She's making the most
beautiful music and wowing everyone with her voice, wherever she is."
"She
really was the best musician ever, wasn't she?" Armaan asked.
"She
was," Nikki agreed. "I've never heard someone sing like that."
The two
of them sat quietly for a few minutes, lost in memories.
"Are you
okay?" Nikki asked, breaking the silence.
"I'm
fine," Armaan replied.
"Seriously?" Nikki questioned. "That's what you're going with? I'm fine'?"
"What do
you want me to say?" Armaan countered. "I am fine, Nikki."
"You're
fine? Of course you are! My whole world shifted last night... But you're just
f**king fine, even after you threw your father and uncle, who abused your
sister, by the way, out of the house and called cops on them! Yes. Of course.
Fine! Nothing happened, did it? Just another day in the life of Armaan Mallik!" Nikki ranted.
Armaan
sighed and got up to leave. "Exactly. Just another day in my life," he said
sarcastically.
"Armaan!" Nikki exclaimed, holding his arm. "You can't just behave as if everything is
dandy when we both know it's not."
"Watch
me," Armaan replied, jerking her hand away. He started walking, but Nikki
stopped him again.
"I just
want to help, Armaan," Nikki insisted.
"I don't
need your help, Nikita. Or your sympathy. I said I'm fine. And I am," Armaan
said brusquely. "Now please, let me get on with my day."
"Maani!" Nikki cried. "I want to be there for you! For Jaanhavi. Please! You're my best
friend, my family. And I want to share your pain. Why are you behaving like
this?"
"Of
course. Now you want to help? Now we're family. So, what? I'm only your best
friend when it's convenient to you? We're only family when it doesn't come in
the way of your real family, yes? That's... that's not how this works,
Nikki. I'm not some toy that you can play with and then discard and then pick
up again, as and when you please. And... We both know you've made your choice
years ago, so just stick to that and leave me alone," Armaan told her.
"What...
what are you talking about? What decision? What choice?" Nikki asked, confused.
"You've always been my best friend, Maani! That's never changed. Not for one
second. And... of course you're my family, my real family! You always have
been."
Armaan
scoffed in disgust. "Really? You're just... this is how you're gonna behave?
Don't act so confused, Nik. You know exactly well what I'm talking about. You
cut me out back then, and now you're just... you're behaving as if that never
happened."
"Cut you
out? You? Are you drunk, Armaan? What the f**k are you talking about?" Nikki questioned. "You know I'd never do that to you!"
"You
know, I thought so, too, Dr. Nikita Modi. But... I've come to realize,
that what we think isn't always correct. Assuming does make an ass out of you
and me," Armaan told her.
"Can you
please stop talking in riddles and just tell me what I've done that has
offended you so much?" Nikki asked him, exasperated.
"Fine!" Armaan conceded. "If you want me to say it out loud, I'll do it."
"Finally!
Yes. Tell me," Nikki demanded.
"I think
you made that choice when you never replied to any of the letters I sent you.
For months, might I add. Letter after letter after letter. All unanswered,
unacknowledged," Armaan replied.
"You...
You... you wrote to me?" Nikki asked, extremely flabbergasted.
"Okay,
Nikki. Please, drop the act now. I've said it. You don't need to look so
shocked!" Armaan said.
"Armaan...
I... I never... I never got any letters!" Nikki told him.
Armaan
looked at her disbelievingly. "Come on, now! I mailed them to Abhi's address!
And I kept a return to sender' address, just in case you'd moved. It's been
years and I've never gotten any of the letters back, nor have I gotten any
intimation that they've been marked for return. But, I did receive
acknowledgements stating that the letters had been delivered! In fact, I even
added an email address on them, in case it was cumbersome to use snail mail,
especially if some random stranger got the letter and couldn't be bothered to
mail it back. But, I have not received any. Which, of course, leads me to
believe that you were the one who got the letters, but didn't have the time to,
or didn't want to, reply to them.
You
chose, very clearly, Nikki. You chose your new life over your old. You chose to
be Nikita Modi, sister - in - law to Siddhanth Modi & Riddhima Modi
instead of being Nikita Malhotra, best friend to Armaan Mallik. You
chose your family then, Nikki. And I wasn't a part of it. I don't need you to
suddenly wake up and realize I'm a part of your family now. So, please, don't."
All the
while, Nikki stood there, absolutely gobsmacked, not knowing what to say, to
do. She hadn't received any letters, she was sure. She would have wasted no
time in replying had she gotten one. She'd have moved heaven and earth to get
back to him. But, how could she, when she hadn't gotten a letter?
She'd
lived the past 7 years of her life, not knowing where Armaan was. Not knowing
if he was okay or not. She had tried to make herself believe that he was fine,
that he was doing great, and had convinced herself that he wouldn't want her in
his life. She was a Modi afterall. And Modi's had only ever brought him pain.
Be it Abhi or Sid or even Riddhima. So, why would he want her to be a part of
his life when she was constantly surrounded by people who had hurt him? That
had been her excuse to never look for him, when in reality, it had been her
guilt that had stopped her from seeking him out. Guilt for leaving him, again,
when he needed her. Guilt for not being able to stop Riddhima's marriage when
she should have. Guilt for being so wrapped up in her new life that she didn't
even know what kind of hell he was going through. That guilt had stopped her
from reaching out to him, too. It wasn't that she hadn't tried to do it, she
just wasn't able to. How many times had she punched his numbers into her phone
and pressed send, only to disconnect the call before even one ring? How many
times had she sat in front of her computer, typing out an email to him, but
then had never sent it because she was afraid? She still had those drafts saved
in her gmail account - all 84 of them, one for each month Armaan had been away
(Oct 2010 to Oct 2017, aka exactly 7 years). Yes, she hadn't started writing
those emails immediately, but she still wrote all of those 84 emails, hoping
one day to have the courage to send them to him. And, she had planned to
continue writing them after she got back home from the wedding.
"You
always were the braver one of the both of us," Nikki commented. And, he had
been. He'd always been brave. He was the one who was alway convincing Nikki to
try new things and get out of her comfort zone. Geeky, nerdy, not having many
friends Maani Mallik had actually always been an adventurous boy. He was such a
walking contradiction, Nikki remembered fondly. Shy, soft spoken, and somewhat
nervous in front of the world, but when it was just them, when he was with the
few people he trusted, he was boisterously loud.
Armaan
looked at her disbelievingly. "What does that mean?" he asked her, confused. A
flick of hope arose in his chest, but he quashed it. He couldn't think that
way. He didn't want to. He didn't want to think that maybe Nikki had made an
effort too, because if she hadn't, it would crush him.
"I... I
wrote emails to you," Nikki admitted. "Lots of them. Monthly emails. But... well...
I never had the courage to actually send them to you, because I didn't know if
you'd want me in your life after everything that had happened... and because... um...
because... I... Uh... I felt guilty. For... um... For everything that had happened."
"You... You
wrote to me?" Armaan asked, delirious. He couldn't believe it. His best friend
hadn't just forgotten him and moved on. She'd missed him. Just like he'd missed
her.
"Every
month," Nikki replied. "I swear."
Armaan
pulled her into a tight hug, not knowing what else to say or do after she said
that. He'd missed her, and he'd been dying to hug her like this - tight and
cozy - like he always did before. Not like the couple hugs they'd shared in the
past few days that had been more of those formal hugs between old acquaintances
than between two best friends basking in the happiness of meeting after years
and celebrating the happiness of someone very important in both their lives.
As the
two friends tried to make sense of it all, finally coming together after years
of missing each other, the warmth that this embrace provided both of them was
something they would never be able to put into words for the rest of their
lives. It was most certainly overwhelming and neither of them could stop the
tears from spilling.
They
hugged for a few minutes, muffled sobs echoing across the room before pulling
back. Armaan wiped Nikki's tears before wiping his own, and said, "You really
do look a like a witch after you cry! Look at all that mascara on your cheeks!"
"Maani!" Nikki cried, swatting his arm. "Shut up!"
"Okay,
okay. No more teasing. Come with me," he instructed. Without waiting for a
reply, he took Nikki's hand in his own and pulled her along with him towards
the garden. He walked towards the back of the house, where there was a cozy,
small sitting area, obviously not meant for many people.
"What is
this?" Nikki asked. She didn't remember him showing them this place when they'd
toured the house.
"This is...
well, this is my lone spot," Armaan told her.
"Lone?" Nikki questioned, confused.
"Yes," Armaan replied. "I come here when I want to be alone, when I don't want anyone
to disturb me."
"Ohhh," Nikki
nodded in understanding. Old habits die hard, she supposed. Armaan always had
been particularly good at finding such secluded, quiet places for when he
wanted to be alone, for as long as she could remember. Be it school, or
college, or even Sanjeevani. He always found a place to get away from it all.
"What are
we doing here?" She asked.
"We're
here because I want to talk to you, and I absolutely do not want to get
interrupted by anyone," he told her, matter of factly.
The two
of them sat down on the ledge, with Armaan sitting sideways and resting his
back on one end of the ledge while Nikki sat straight with her back to the
walls.
"So..." Nikki started. "These letters that you wrote."
"What
about them?" He asked.
"When did
you start sending them? Do you remember?" She countered.
"Of
course, I do!" Armaan told her. "You think I'd forget that?"
"So?
Batane ke liye alag se invitation dena padega?" Nikki questioned sarcastically.
Armaan
barked out a laugh. "Same old, haan? You haven't changed."
"Never," Nikki replied. "But that is not the answer to my question."
"Hmmm...
Letters. I remember vividly. The first ever letter that I posted to you was on
25th May, 2012," Armaan told her.
Of -
freaking - course! Nikki thought. Of course, Armaan sent her a letter for the
first time the day Riddhima's annulment was finalized. Could she have expected
anything else from these two? Even when they weren't together, they still were.
"Nikki," Armaan called, shaking her shoulders gently. "Kya hua?" he asked.
"Ku...
kuch... kuch nahi," she said, shrugging off the memories of that day. The
annulment had been rough on both Riddhima and Sid, for hugely different
reasons. While Sid had mourning a love lost (or so he thought), Riddhima had
been mourning the loss of a friendship and her family, while also regretting
letting Armaan go. At the time, Nikki's solidarity had lain with Sid, not only
because he was family, but Nikki understood what he was going through. She had
gone through similar motions with Armaan before. There had been a time when she
was disillusioned enough to think she had been in love with him, and it had
hurt her to see that he didn't love her back. It was because of this that she
understood Sid on a deeper level than his other friends, and also why he had
turned to her for support during that time.
"Ek baat
bata... Why did you resort to snail mail? Email nahi kar sakta tha kya? Ya
phone?" She asked.
"Of
course, Nikki. I could have called you," Armaan replied sarcastically, "but the
issue is that someone else was using that number!"
"Oh!" Nikki said, biting her tongue. "Haan. Woh, when Abhi & I had to move to
Delhi for that project, I changed my number. Then on coming back to Mumbai, I
didn't activate the old one again."
Armaan
moved his hands in a see, that's why I couldn't' gesture. Then, he
continued, "And, don't even get me started on emails. All the email IDs of
yours that I had were from school and college. Those embarrassing ones like princessnikki,
nikkirox, nikkiisthebest etc that I know for a fact you deactivated ages
ago!"
"You're
such an idiot, Armaan! When we were working together at Sanjeevani, couldn't
you have asked for my new email?" She questioned, exasperatedly.
"Arre... I
never needed it, so didn't think about it!" Armaan whined. "Mujhe kya sapna
aata ki someday I'll need your email to contact you?"
"Yeh baat
bhi sahi hai," Nikki agreed.
"Aur kya!
And you had my email na?" Armaan questioned. "I never changed it! You could
have emailed!"
"I told
you na!" Nikki complained.
"Haan,
haan. Theek hai!" Armaan replied.
"25th
May, 2012?" Nikki confirmed. Armaan nodded.
"Why did
you wait so long?" Nikki asked, genuinely curious.
Armaan
sighed. "I didn't want to drag you down again, Nik," he told her.
"What do
you mean, drag me down again?" She asked him.
"Woh...
woh... woh..." Armaan trailed off, not saying anything.
"Kya
woh?" Nikki questioned. "Seedhe seedhe bolna!"
"Nik... I...
I wasn't in the best place when I left Mumbai, okay? It was... It was like when
Bua Maa passed away," Armaan told her.
"Toh?" Nikki asked, confused.
"Nik, it
was exactly like how it was back then. The nightmares, anxiety attacks, the
depression. I lost my appetite, rarely ate. Some days I didn't even get out of
bed. Showers had become a luxury and not a necessity. And... I... I didn't want you
to see me like that. Again," he said.
"Maani!" Nikki cried, hugging him. "You're an idiot."
"Nahi,
Nik. It's true. Pehle bhi... you gave up almost everything to look after me, make
me feel better. I saw how it affected you. I know that I kept you from doing
lots of things you wanted to - be it studying or hanging out with friends or
participating in some extracurricular activity. Your social life turned into i
have to make sure armaan is doing okay' and I hated that. I couldn't... I
didn't want you to go through that again. So, I didn't reach out before.
It took
me sometime to find semblance and control and happiness in this life. And only
when I was sure that I could see you without breaking down into a million
pieces did I try to get back in touch," Armaan told her.
"How
could you do that, Maani?" Nikki blubbered, hitting his chest. "You're my best
friend! I would have been there for you!"
"I know," Armaan replied. "Which is exactly why I couldn't. You've already given up a lot
for me, Nik. I couldn't let you sacrifice anything else for me, especially not
when you were just settling down in your new marriage. Abhi deserve to have all
of your free time so that the two of you could understand each other better, so
that you could get to know each other more intimately. I know ki teri love
marriage hui thi, and Abhi is a very understanding guy, and had I called you
then, he would have definitely supported you if you decided to come be with me,
but I didn't want that for either of you. I know that you knew Abhi pretty
well. I mean, you guys did date for almost a year before getting married, but
that doesn't mean you knew everything about him na. Aur waise bhi, things
change when you start living together. It must have been a difficult transition
anyway. I did not want to add to your complications with my troubles,
especially when most of them stemmed from your new sister - in - law. That
would have put all of you in a very difficult position and I didn't want my
issues to colour your married life."
[PSA! There was no Jiya debacle in this story. Abhi was never married and he never lied to Nikki. They dated and got engaged around the same time they did on the show, when Riddhima came back, and then moved to Delhi to handle a project. They came back a couple months after Armaan left and were married in a quiet ceremony with only the gang present as witnesses. (Hope this pleases you, Your Highness. You know who you are.)]
"f**king
idiot, Armaan Mallik!" Nikki scolded, hitting him again.
"Forget
about that," Armaan instructed. "Why did you not get my letters?" He thought.
"You said
that you mailed the first one in May 2012, haina?" Nikki confirmed. Armaan
nodded.
"So,
because, of course, it was travelling all the way from the US to India, and
given just how fast these postal services are, I should have gotten the letter
by mid - July at the latest, right?" Nikki thought out loud.
Armaan
nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Mid July. That was around the time I got an
acknowledgement of receipt too," he told her.
July
2012. That's when it hit Nikki. She hadn't been living at Abhi's house then.
The one Armaan had the address to anyway. Her and Abhi had moved to another,
more spacious flat because they were planning on starting a family. And then...
instead of selling the old flat, they'd given it to Sid. He had been complaining
about how his old house had been haunting him with memories of Riddhima. He had
been looking for a new flat anyway, and when the couple had officially moved
into their new by the 3rd week of June, they'd given the keys to their old
house to Sid.
But...
could Sid have been so petty to hide the fact that Armaan had been trying to
reach her from Nikki? Nikki knew that Sid had still been carrying a torch for
Riddhima, despite the annulment being a mutual decision, but she didn't think
he would stoop so low as to keep Armaan out of anyone's life because he was
afraid that maybe it would mean that Armaan would come back in Riddhima's life
as well.
"Nik! Kya
hua?" Armaan asked, noticing the change in her expressions. "Is everything
okay?"
"No. No,
it's not. But it will be. Soon," Nikki vowed to herself.
"What?
Kya bol rahi hai? Is this about the letters? Chod woh sab! It was just a big
misunderstanding. Important baat yeh hai ki things are fine between us and that
is all that matters, okay?" Armaan told her, pulling her into hug. He was curious about what had happened with the letters and who had them, but he did not want to get into it if this was the reaction he got from Nikki about the whole thing. What was important was that he knew that Nikki hadn't unceremoniously cut him out of his life, despite his efforts to reach out to her. That was enough for him. He had his best friend back. He didn't need anything else, not even those letters that had been the cause of this rift between him and Nikki.
When she
didn't respond, Armaan repeated, "Everything is okay and that's what matters.
Okay, Jaani?"
Nikki
pushed him away instantly and looked at him, wide eyed. "Say it again," she
demanded.
Armaan
grinned. Really. Same old Nikki. His best friend. The Jaani to his Maani.
He'd given her that silly nickname in school. They couldn't have been older
than 11 when he'd done it. Nikki had been a very special person in his life,
and he wanted her to have a special nickname, to tell her just how important
she was to him. He had his Bua Maa & his Jaan and he
wanted something equally as special for Nikki to tell her that he loved her
just as much as he loved them. Thus, Jaani was born. And, it was even
more special than any other name in the world, because no one, absolutely no
one, was allowed to call Nikki that except for Armaan. And, he did.
Religiously. For 9 years. But, things changed after Nikki left college. When
they met at Sanjeevani, Armaan didn't feel comfortable calling her that, not
only because he didn't want to give anyone the wrong impression, especially
Riddhima who was already a little insecure about his friendship with Nikki in
the first few days that they'd been introduced, but mostly because he didn't
have the heart to call her that when she didn't call him Maani. So, they went
from Maani & Jaani to Ammy & Nik and then Armaan & Nikki and made
their peace with that. But, things had changed now.
Nikki was
calling him Maani again. He was feeling like Maani again. The cute,
nerdy boy who did not talk much, who preferred to play the piano instead of
playing basketball, even though he was so good at it. It wasn't like he had
completely reverted to his old ways, but he had found a way to imbibe his old
self in the person he had become and he loved it.
Ever
since he'd first heard Nikki call him Maani, outside Jaan's hospital room, he
had been dying to call her Jaani, too, but had held off, thinking she wouldn't
like it, especially after the whole letter fiasco. But now, finding that it had
been a huge miscommunication, he couldn't help himself. He had to call her
that.
"Maani!" Nikki whined. "I'm getting impatient here!"
She'd
waited for this for almost 16 years. She did not want to wait any longer.
Earlier, they seemed to have an unspoken understanding to not call these names
out, but since coming to New York, she had been hoping Armaan would call her
Jaani, especially when she had started referring to him as Maani, but he
hadn't, not before now. She had been hurt by his reluctance, but hadn't said
anything because she didn't want to put him on the spot, but now she was
realizing that Armaan's refusal to refer to her with that name may have stemmed
from the fact that he thought that she had ignored his letters. Now, with that
hurdle out of the way, and having heard it once, she wanted to hear it again.
"Jaani!" Armaan repeated, a huge smile on his face, which was rivalled by Nikki's.
A
delirious laugh escaped Nikki as she hugged Armaan tight, promising herself
that she would talk to Sid, and if she found out that he was behind this mess,
nothing in the world would be able to save him from her wrath.
----------------------------------------
It had
been a couple hours since her talk with Armaan, but all Nikki could think about
was their conversation. He'd written to her! He'd written to her. That
made all the difference in the world. He hadn't moved on. He hadn't forget them,
he hadn't forgotten her.
But, she
hadn't gotten to read them. Any of them. And, it wad because of Sid. She'd
supported him, understood him, been there for him in anyway she could, and this
was how he repayed her? By stealing her mail? Did have not have any feelings of
affection, much less gratitude towards her for all that she'd done for him? Did
he ever think about what he was keeping from her? Of course, he did! She
realized.
Sid knew
exactly how important Armaan was to her, to all of her friends. They all loved
him, they all cared about him. They'd all been immensely worried about him when
he'd just took off without telling anyone, but mostly, her. She'd spent so much
time praying that he was okay, that he was doing better, that he was happy. And,
Sid knew that. He knew that Armaan was Nikki's best friend, that she loved him.
And yet, he didn't think twice before intercepting her letters. Letters that
her best friend had sent her.
She could
only imagine what Armaan had written in them. Had he told her about Jaanhavi?
About Sona? Did he talk about Rahul and his family? Did he ever say something
about Tamanna, seeking Nikki's support to help her? Had he written about
Sanjeevani? Had he ever mentioned how happy he was?
She
wanted to know all of it. And so much more. She wanted to know about everything
that had happened during their time apart. She deserved to know.
Determined,
she set out in search of Sid, and found him on the terrace, goofing around with
Riddhima and Abhi. The three of them had a bond that Nikki wouldn't ever
understand. But then, she shared something similar with Atul. Maybe, some
friendships could never be named. Or understood.
Normally,
seeing the three of them together made her somewhat happy and content. But
today, all she could think about were her missing letters and how Sid might be
responsible.
"Hey,
Nikki," Abhi was the first one to greet her. He hugged her and kissed the side
of her head, making Nikki smile despite herself. Abhi really was such an
amazing husband. She'd never imagined he'd be so good. But, he was. They had
their differences, like any other normal couple, but when it mattered, Abhi
always had her back, no questions asked. He supported her in everything she
did, he understood her when she didn't understand herself, he was always full
of life around her - laughing, talking, playing. Having him around made her
days a thousand times better. She really couldn't have asked for a better life
partner.
"Before
you ask," Abhi continued, "tumhaara beta theek hai. He's downstairs, playing in
the garden with Samrat. Aaj baby-sitting duty Dr. Shubhankar ki hai."
Nikumbh
and Samrat were really good friends, being so close in age and such. Ever since
they were toddlers, Dr. Keerti and Nikki had been organizing little play dates
for them that had grown into full babysitting jobs for the other, to help both
couples out as they all had such busy schedules. It worked flawlessly for the 4
of them and both the boys had someone to look after them at any given point. It
seemed, today was Shubhankar's turn.
"Good," Nikki replied, kissing his cheek.
Riddhima
watched them interact with a wistful smile. In another life, this could have
been her and Armaan. Just casually talking about their kid, being affectionate
with the other, and just enjoying each other's company. If only she hadn't been
such an idiot.
"Bhabhi!" Sid cried playfully. "Control! There are others present here, too, in case you
hadn't noticed."
On
hearing Sid's voice, whatever fleeting pleasantness that Nikki was feeling due
to Abhi's presence vanished. She glared at Sid, confusing Riddhima and Abhi.
Nikki always took Sid's teasing in complete stride, giving back as much to Sid.
She rarely ever lost her temper at him. Especially for such mild teasing.
"Riddhima," Nikki said, not even deeming it proper to address Sid directly. "Can you please
ask your best friend why he thought it was okay to not give me the letters that
my best friend sent to me at my old house where he was living?"
All the
colour drained from Sid's face as he looked at Nikki, completely taken aback. How
had she found out?
When Armaan had not uttered a word about those blasted letters in the few weeks they'd been here, Sid thought that that chapter was closed and Armaan wasn't going to bring it up again. But, he had been wrong. He'd just gotten too hopeful, too soon. He should have known that this would come back to bite him in the ass, one day or another.
It had
been a moment of desperate longing. That was all. Him and Riddhima had
officially separated only a few weeks ago, and he had moved into Abhi &
Nikki's old house to escape the demons of his past. Though he had been the one
to suggest the separation, and even though everything had been decided on
mutually, it didn't negate the fact that at the time, Sid believed he was in
love with Riddhima. And, parting ways from her hurt him. Deeply. He missed
Riddhima so much. Granted, theirs had been a very tumultuous relationship, but
he still missed having her around. He missed seeing her clothes racked neatly
beside his haphazard pile in their closet, he missed seeing her toothbrush
sitting next to his at the bathroom sink. He missed hearing her shout at him
when threw his wet towel on the floor and left his shoes anywhere he pleased in
the house. He missed the indistinct chatter as he heard her talking to her
sister and her mother, and he missed the silly movies she'd make him watch.
What he really missed was having her company. The loneliness was getting to
him.
He had
somewhat started regretting his suggestion of the annulment, and he had even started
blaming Armaan for the whole thing, though it was subconsciously and he didn't
actively seek reasons to think that way. But, he couldn't deny that he had.
And, in the middle of all this upheavel in his life, Armaan's first letter had
arrived.
The
letter was addressed to Nikki and even though the only sender information was a
PO Box number and a zip code, Sid recognized Armaan's neat cursive adorning the
envelope. It had been instinctual.
He just
knew that if he let Nikki read the letter, Armaan would come back in Nikki's
life, in all their lives, but most importantly, his and Riddhima's life. And,
he couldn't let that happen. He wasn't Riddhima's husband anymore, but Sid
couldn't deny that he hoped that one day, Riddhima would give their relationship
another chance, and that would never happen if Armaan was back. He knew that if
Riddhima found Armaan again, she would never let him go, never let that
relationship go.
He
couldn't have that. He was biding his time, waiting for the opportune moment to
become Riddhima's knight in shining armour again and prove to her that they
could have something more than friendship. So, he his the letter, and the ones
that came after that. He never opened any of them, didn't read a single word of
what they said. At one point, he tried to burn the letters but he couldn't
bring himself to do so. So, he hid them all in the back of his closet, hoping
no one would ever find them.
He didn't
do anything with the letters, because he was afraid that if he sent them back,
Armaan would think that Nikki had moved and maybe he'd try to look for her in
some other way. There were several times that he toyed with the idea of
impersonating Nikki and sending back a note saying that she didn't want Armaan
to be a part of her life anymore, and demand that the letters stop, but then
decided against it. He didn't want to stoop any lower than he had.
So, he just
kept collecting the letters, hoping that a lack of response would be enough for
Armaan to stop writing. And, it was. As the months passed, the frequency of
Armaan's letters decreased till one fine day, Sid realized that there had not
been a letter in almost a year. There hadn't been one in all these years still.
"What?" Riddhima asked, completely shocked. "What did you just say, Nikki?"
"Why
don't you ask him yourself?" Nikki countered.
Riddhima
turned her gaze to Sid and looked at him quizzically, demanding answers. "What
is Nikki saying, Sid?"
Ashamed,
Sid just lowered his head, not knowing what to say. He realized now, having
completely moved on from Riddhima, that he shouldn't have done what he had.
But, what was done was done and he couldn't undo it.
It had
taken Sid sometime, but by the time he'd understood that what he felt for
Riddhima hadn't been love, that he didn't want her to be in his life as
anything other than a friend, it had been too late. Armaan's letters had
stopped. He'd toyed with the idea of giving the old letters to Nikki, but
didn't have the courage to own up to his mistake. It did make him feel guilty,
because he was keeping Armaan from so many people who loved him, but he
couldn't do it. He knew that if he gave the letters back, he'd have to come
clean about everything, and he couldn't have his friends and family loath him
for what he'd done, what he'd destroyed. It killed him, but Sid decided to keep
his mouth shut and not say anything.
"I'm
sorry," he mumbled, not knowing what else to say. "I'm sorry, Bhabhi!"
"Sorry
doesn't make it okay, Sid!" Nikki blasted. "You ruined everything!"
She fell
to the ground, sobbing. Riddhima immediately rushed to her and wrapped her arms
around her. Abhi was so gobsmacked that he couldn't even process what was
happening around him. Nikki hadn't wanted to believe it. But, it was true. Sid
had intercepted the letters. He'd kept her from Armaan.
"Didn't
you... didn't you think about me for even a second?" She asked him. "Did you ever
think how I'd feel? What... what did I ever do to you, Sid? Why did you think
doing this to me, to Armaan, to all of us was okay? You... you knew. You knew
everything. You knew how worried we all were, how worried I was. You knew just
how much I missed him. And yet, you kept this from me! For more than 5 years!
Didn't you feel the least bit guilty?"
"I... I...
I..." Sid fumbled, not knowing what to say.
"I loved
you like my brother, Siddhant Modi. I was there for you when your life fell
apart. I helped you pick yourself up. I was there for you when your own mother
wasn't. I was there... Every step of the way. I supported you, helped you, loved
you. You were my family, Sid. And you... you didn't even think before you did
this to me. Before you thought that keeping this from me was okay! Armaan is my
best friend, Siddhant. He's been my family for as long as I can remember. And
you took that from me!" Nikki told him.
"Bhabhi..." Sid started.
"Don't!" Nikki intervened. "Don't call me that. You lost the right to call me that the
day you hid that first letter from me."
"I..." Sid
tried again. "I'm sorry. I know... I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have.
I'm sorry!"
"Why?" Riddhima asked him, shaken to the core, as Nikki cried on her shoulder. "Why
did you do it?"
Sid
didn't say anything. He didn't have an answer to this question. No, that was
incorrect. He did have an answer. It just wasn't something he had the guts to
say out loud. He was so ashamed of himself.
When he
didn't utter a single word, Abhi stepped up. "Riddhima asked you something,
Sid. Why did you do it?"
"Main... I...
I'm sorry... I..." Sid hicupped.
"Sid... jab
tumne karte waqt nahi socha toh ab bolne se kyu hichkicha rahe ho?" Riddhima
asked snidely. "Tell us!"
"I
didn't... I didn't want Armaan to... I didn't... He... I didn't want him to come back
into your life, Riddhima," Sid finally admitted.
"What?
What did you just say?" Riddhima asked, hoping to all the almighty powers that
she'd heard incorrectly. Sid couldn't have done that for her. No way.
"I didn't
want Armaan to come back into your life, Riddhima," Sid repeated, looking away.
At this,
Riddhima couldn't stop herself. She walked over to Sid and slapped him right
across his face as both Nikki and Abhi looked at her in shock.
"How dare
you?" She spat venomously. "Tumhe zara si bhi sharam nahi aayi, Sid?"
"I'm
sorry!" Sid repeated. "I... I thought I was in love with you, Riddhima. I
thought... agar Armaan waapas aa gaya... you'd be with him, and then I'd never have
a chance with you. I just... I was holding on to the hope that someday you'd
realize that we could be a good couple and you'd come back to me."
Riddhima's
face turned ashen at Sid's words. Her fault. It was all her fault. She was the reason
Nikki and the others had had to stay away from Armaan for so long. If not for
her, they could've all found Armaan years ago. Maybe by now, everything would
have been back to the way it had been before.
Not only
was she a hindrance in Armaan's life when she was actually in it, but also when
she was obliviously thousands of miles away. How would she ever forgive herself
for this?
Her knees
gave out as these thoughts encompassed her mind and she fell to the ground, her
hands on her head. She started sobbing in earnest as she processed Sid's words,
as she heard them echo in her mind, again and again and again.
Nikki,
though, had just about heard enough when Sid said that. She walked up to Sid
and slapped his other cheek.
"I never
thought you'd ever stoop so low, Siddhant!" Nikki told him. "Tum... yeh sab... tum
aisa bhi kar sakte ho? Chee! I... mujhe ghinn aa rahi hai tumpe."
"Main...
I'm sorry!" Sid said, yet again.
"It's too
late for apologies now, Sid. Too f**king late," Nikki told him. "You're a
shitty asshole and I never expected this from you. Today, you've broken my
trust. I won't ever forgive you for this. Ever, ever, ever."
"Bhabhi!" Sid exclaimed.
Nikki
pulled his collar. "I told you! I told you, Siddhant. Don't call me that. Mera
tumse koi rishta nahi raha ab. You've hurt me, you've hurt my family, you've
hurt my friends. You've hurt everyone I care about, only because of your
selfishness. I can't... I can't ever let this go, Sid. I can't ever forget. I
won't. Never. I hate you, Siddhant Modi. I hate you so much, I've never thought
I could hate someone so much. Get out of my sight. Right the f**k now."
Saying
so, Nikki pushed him away. Sid stood there, as if made of stone, not moving an
inch. Nikki glared at him and repeated, "What are you waiting for? Get out,
right now, Sid! I don't want to look at you. Not now."
Defeated,
Sid turned around and walked away. Once she was sure that Sid wasn't around,
Nikki turned to Riddhima, who was still sitting on the floor in a daze as she
sobbed loudly.
"Abhi,
please leave us alone for sometime," she told her husband softly.
"But...
Nikki..." Abhi protested.
"Nahi,
Abhi. Abhi nahi. Riddhima and I need some time alone. Please," she insisted.
Abhi
sighed defeatedly and left them alone.
Nikki
walked to Riddhima, a storm brewing in her own being, similar to Riddhima's.
They'd both trusted Sid so implicitly, and he'd broken both their trust in the
worst way possible. It would take them a long time to come to terms with this
betrayal.
She sat
down beside Riddhima and kept a hand on her shoulder. "Ridzy?" she called
softly.
Riddhima
looked up, still crying, and wrapped herself around Nikki, hugging her tight.
"I'm sorry, Nikki! This is all my fault!" Riddhima kept repeating in between
sobs.
Nikki
didn't say anything, just hugged Riddhima tightly, letting her own sobs loose.
There were no words that could decrease the pain they felt right now, nothing
that could make them feel better. So, Nikki didn't even try. She just sat
there, hugging the woman who had, once upon a time, been her closest friend,
and sobbed her heart out, knowing that no one would understand her pain better
than Riddhima.
xxx
Another heavy chapter! Aisa lagta hai khatam hi nahi ho rahe, right? I know, I'm sorry! But, we're nearing the end of the heavy stuff. Ab lots of exciting stuff is gonna happen. Shaadi hai bhai, ab mazze bhi toh karenge. :p
So, stay tuned for that!
I'm a little skeptical about how you guys will react to this, but it felt like something Sid would do, and I wanted so more drama, so here we have it. :p
This update is brought to you on occasion of K's birthday, and because Sheena bet me to update it ASAP. I did it! So, yay! :D
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