Chapter 76

NoeticLife

@NoeticLife

CHAPTER 76

TRYING

Monami stared at her open suitcase and then at the check list in her hand. "Done, done and done", she muttered, keeping the check list aside. She closed the suitcase, zipping it up.

"Packing done?" A voice asked.

She whirled around. Koel. She smiled, nodding slightly. "T-Tum yahan?"

"Just wanted to say bye", she said, walking in. "Yeh suddenly beech mein jaana kyun? Everything okay ghar par?"

She hesitated. "M-Mumma ka b-birthday hai k-kal. And..." Koel nodded her understanding. "T-Tuesday ko aa j-jaungi."

"Main achhe se notes banaa kar rakhungi tumhaare liye", she promised. The younger girl smiled at her brightly. "Waise... are you okay?"

Monami nodded. "Of course."

"Pakka, na? You seem disturbed. Kuchh baat hai, toh you should talk about it."

She sighed a little. "I am p-pretty sure gh-ghar j-jaakar jh-jhagdha hoga P-Papa ke s-saath. But I c-can't j-just a-avoid b-because he n-needs me h-home." She sighed again. "Main j-jab bhi Papa se b-baat karti h-hoon, he j-just... he just g-goes off and d-doesn't let me sp-speak."

Koel sat down on the bed, tilting her head. "Then make him hear you", she insisted. "Monami... fights ka koi point nahi hota agar uss fight se aap ek doosre ki feelings better naa jaano. I don't know kya situation par try to understand his point of view. Woh shayad apni jagah galat naa ho. Par iska yeh matlab nahi hai ki tu galat hai. Tell him your point of view. Explain it to him."

"He d-doesn't want to u-understand", she said. But even as she said it, conversations flooded back.

'Army hi kyun?'

'Naa tum samajh sakti ho, naa tum samjha sakti ho.'

She shook her head. When had she clearly stated her feelings? She had always said she wanted to be in the army. But when had she explained it to her father why exactly she wanted that? She exhaled. If this comes up, she will tell him. She will explain. And he will have to understand.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"Parakaram makes the most sense to attack", Karan said, leaning back in his chair. "Jo original inka plan tha, it would made sense. They had a spy inside."

"That would mean inke paas considerable forces hain Deolali mein", Faizi continued. He reached over, glancing over the list of the dates. "Next date 20th February. Enough time to move forces."

"They might have changed plans", Param said, sighing.

"Par Sir ji, jo bhi unke plans the, woh isse pehle attack toh naa hi karenge", Sanju said. "Sayed unka hukum ka ikka tha."

"Unless they are desperate", Param countered. "We made a blow jab Sayed ko maara. But Sayed unke boss ka beta tha, if sources are to be trusted. They might be angry." He glanced at the three. "Tum teenon thoda dhyaan rakhna apna academy ke bahar. Main Raghav se baat karke families ki security arrange karwaa dunga. And Faizi, Sanju, academy ke bahar thoda apna relationship naa dikhao, toh behtar hoga." The two nodded their agreement.

"Abhi pehle toh information chahiye", Karan said after a moment of contemplative silence. "Let's try and find some information on the bases. Intelligence agencies ko bhi contact karte hain. Agar humaara andaaza sahi hai, there must be a base in Deolali ya at most, the neighboring cities. Police ko bolo bars par nazar rakhenge. Tell them to keep an eye out. Poore Naashik district mein security strict kara do. Kahin se toh koi lead milegi."

"Sir ji... agar unhe pata chalega ki hum base dhoond raho hain, woh bhaag naa jaayenge?"

Param shook his head. "Sanju, agar unhe sach mein nahi lagta ki hum security strict kardenge iss sab ke baad, toh woh bewakoof hain. And EFR is not stupid." He looked at Faizi. "Tumhaare team ki cadets ki weapon training kaisi chal rahi hai?"

Faizi tilted his head. "Pick up achhi hai", he said. "They are excited, passionate. Practice chahiye par they will all be decent shots soon." He paused. "Except Monami, of course. Usko humne do teen pehle hi sikhaana shuru kara hai. She'll need thoda time. And use gunshots se darr lagta hai, toh..."

He waved his hand. "She'll catch up once she gets over her fear", he said firmly. "Sanju, yeh physical fighting mein kaise hain?"

"Bure naa hain, Sir ji", she said. "Technique aa chuki hogo inhe. Thoda samay lagego itna achha banne ke laane ki yeh apne aap ko toh kam se kam aantankwaadiyon se defend kar paaye. Dheere dheere inhe fight ke dauraan sochna aur strategize karna bhi aa raho hai."

"We need these cadets ready", he said. "Hopefully, we can take them to the field soon. Sanju, ek team bana from the special agents. Make a list. We'll use them jab hume bases ki information mil jaayegi."

"Ji, Sir ji", she said.

"I was thinking, cadets ko jungle mein training ke liye lekar chalna hai?" Karan asked. "Abhi new year aa raha hai. Maybe first ya second week of Jan mein. Janwar bhi kam hoyenge jungle mein iss time par."

The other two trainers tilted their heads in agreement. "Ek din pehle outdoor shooting training ke liye bhi lekar chal sakte hain", Faizi said.

"I'll smooth out the details", Karan agreed.

Sanju smirked. "Sir ji, hum cadets ke liye ek jaal bichhaye?" The three men raised an inquisitive eyebrow in near sync. "Inko bahar lekar chale, kisi kaaran ke laane inhe akela chhode. Aur phir, gunde aa jaaye. Dekhenge inhe asal zinadgi mein kitna ladhna aato hai."

"Kaunsi film dekhkar aayi hai tu?" Karan asked. Her smirk dropped. "Siddharth ke saath rehne ka asar dikh raha hai."

"Sir ji", she protested.

"Sanju, galti se bhi kuchh ho gaya inhe toh jawaab nahi diye jaayenge. Aur agar inhone galti se gundon ko zyaada maar diya toh bhi nahi", Faizi explained. "Par ek naya mock mission diya jaa sakta hai. Hum iss par kaam karte hain."

"Chalo phir", Param said. "Sabko kaam mil gaya hai." He stood up, wincing slightly. Karan's eyes dropped to his prosthetics, visibly noticeable for a change and for a brief second, the memories flashed back. He exhaled, pushing them away.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Deepak sat on the long dinner table. Alone. He sipped the coffee, trying not to let the silence bother him. It used to be lively. Shouting, screaming, running. There wasn't a lonely moment in the house. But the walls that had witnessed the happiness now only stared at the long, silent hours which merged into each other.

There was a faint noise from the entrance, and he glanced up, finding Avinash walking in. "Tu toh New York jaa raha tha?" He asked, sipping his tea.

He hummed. "Do ghante mein flight hai", he said. He pulled back a chair, sitting down. "Socha tujhse pehle mil loon. Monami aa rahi hai?"

Deepak shrugged. "Kaha toh tha. Maybe uski precious academy ne use kuchh kaam de diya ho", he said bitterly.

"She will come", Avinash assured. "Agar usne kaha hai toh woh zaroor aayegi, Deepak." He glared at him lightly. "Jhagdha mat karna usse."

"Main kaunsa uske saath jhagdha karke khush hoon", he snapped. "I... I don't like it either. I just... want her back."

He sighed. "Agar woh waapas teri baat maan kar aa bhi gayi toh woh tujhse door hi rahegi. Woh yeh bhoolegi nahi."

"Toh kya karoon main? Bas... accept kar loon? Yeh jaante hue there is a possible path which will end up with her death?" He let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair.

Avinash fell quiet for a long moment. "Meri wife toh army mein nahi thi", he said quietly. Deepak paused, looking up. "Do you see her around? And don't you tell me that she hasn't had a bad death. Main compare nahi kar raha hoon. Humaari situation bahut alag hai. Main bas itna keh raha hoon ki you never know what's going to happen. I had all the money to spend on her, par... sometimes, you just can't do anything. And jitna bhi kos lo, yeh cheez accept karni hi padhti hai. Monami bacchi nahi hai. Tu samjha le use jitna chaahe par agar woh yeh sab chhodna nahi chahti hai, toh you need to focus on what you are going to do. Use poori zindagi bas army chhodne ke liye convince karta reh yaa phir try to accept and have a good relationship with her."

He let out a breath, shaking his head. "Utna asaan nahi hai."

"Try, maybe? I have come to realize trying is enough."

Try. He exhaled, looking down at his tea. Can he bring himself to try and accept her decision?

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Deepak read the report on his laptop quietly, his eyes darting rapidly across the screen. A dull knock made him call out and the door was pushed open. "Sir", a helper said. "Monami ma'am aaye hain."

His head snapped up and he blinked. "Monami... aayi hai?"

He nodded. "Ji, Sir. Upar bhej doon?"

"Nahi. Ruko." He stood up, closing the lid of his laptop. "Main chala jaunga. Tum bhi jao, kaam karo." The helper left obediently, and Deepak took a deep breath, walking out into the corridor. He glanced down, finding her talking to another helper.

She was... talking to a helper she wasn't particularly close to. The helper was in the job for over 5 years but there wasn't much friendship between the two- mostly professional. She was... talking to a practical stranger.

"Monami", he said, barely loud enough, but the girl's hand snapped up. Her eyes were different too. They lifted a little bit more now, the gaze actually boring into his rather than avoiding just the eyes. She was fitter- some muscles visible that he was sure weren't as developed before, some baby fat lost and her posture straighter. Her mouth spread into a wide smile. Even the smile was a tad bit wider, a tad bit bigger, a tad bit brighter.

"Papa", she greeted back happily. Her voice... it was louder. He would have been barely able to register even the slightest bit of voice before, now even the words were clear.

'Uncle... you should look at her. She is happy. Yeh training, yeh life... that's what's she made for.'

'Maine inn 2 mahinon mein bahut progress dekhi hai. She has friends. Woh logon se baat karti hai. Woh actually logon ke paas jaati hai, unke saath khush hai.'

He descended the stairs, the words echoing in his ears and his eyes unable to stop taking her in. She moved closer, throwing her arms around his neck. He snaked his arms around her, gently patting her back. "Aap k-kaise ho?" She asked, pulling away. She looked him up and down, much like he had done to her, possibly looking for differences.

"Good", he forced out. "You?" She smiled, nodding. Her smiles seemed to come easier, and the trait immediately travelled him back to the little girl she was before the terrorists came and robbed her innocence. "Come", he said. He gestured to a helper to get her bags, guiding her inside.

'I am... I am r-really h-happy here, Papa.'

He glanced at her, as she almost bounced upstairs, a certain skip in her step. She seemed... happy. He exhaled.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Karan entered the kitchen. It was strange. Monami wasn't sitting on the slab, her legs swinging like a kid and her gaze either at the book in her hand or up at him, smiling enthusiastically. He... didn't like that. He liked to come to her waiting.

He shook his head, grabbing the necessary ingredients to make his coffee. As he leaned against the counter, sipping the hot coffee, he found he missed her. He closed his eyes, shaking his head. She'll be back. Pretty soon. It was just 3 days.

"Karan?" His eyes opened, a small smile on his face. Mrs. Batra. She walked in, a familiar, comforting smile on her face.

"Ma'am", he greeted. "Aap yahan?"

She shrugged. "Aise hi. Tumhaare kamre mein tumse milne gayi toh Faizi ne kaha tum yahan hoge. So... kaise ho?"

He smiled. "Good", he said. "Aap kab aayi? I thought aap New Year ke around hi aayengi seedha."

"Kaam thoda jaldi ho gaya isliye aa gayi." She glanced around. "Monami kahan hai?"

He blinked. "Woh, uh..." He paused in surprise. "Woh ghar gayi hai."

She hummed, eyeing him. "Is she your girlfriend?"

His jaw fell open slightly and he stared at her. She didn't even stay in the academy. Why in the world did she think that? "Nahi!" He sighed, shaking his head. "Sabko yeh hi kyun lagta rehta hai? Hum dost hain. Bas!"

She frowned a little. "Maine tumhe kabhi kisiko aise dekhte hue nahi dekha hai, Karan", she said, tilting her head. "Tum use pasand karte ho, use bata do."

"Aisa... Aisa kuchh nahi hai", he said, fumbling over his words. She seemed to genuinely believe he liked her. He shook his head. Did Faizi say something to her? "Aap galat samajh rahi hain. Hum dost hain and that's it."

She let out a disappointed hum, before changing the topic, something he was infinitely grateful for. He wasn't sure he'd be able to digest the questions with the turmoil in his head that already questioned the nature of his feelings for the girl.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Dinner was awkwardly quiet. They had run out of small talk topics and neither dared to breech any topic that had the potential to turn into a fight. The two settled into the living room, news playing in the background as they both scrolled through their phones- Monami idly and Deepak for any messages from the hospital. He glanced up, eyeing her.

'Try, maybe? I have come to realize trying is enough.'

"How's..." He said awkwardly. Monami glanced up from her phone. "How's... academy?"

She smiled. "It's g-good", she said. She didn't offer any more information and perhaps, Deepak was a little thankful for that. He would like the ignorance.

'She has friends. Woh logon se baat karti hai.'

"Do you have friends?"

She hummed, nodding. It surprised him, even though Sid had told him that. "M-Mere s-subgroup mein everyone is v-very nice. And s-since sab log p-poora d-din saath r-rehte hain, toh e-everyone is cl-close ab. And m-meri t-trainers se bhi k-kaafi achhe se b-baat hoti hai. E-Especially K-Karan Sir. Woh h-head tr-trainer hai and he's a r-really g-good friend ab."

He tilted his head. "Tell me about Karan."

She blinked a little. She hesitated for a moment. "Special Agent M-Major K-Karan S-Shergill", she began softly. "He's the-"

"Shergill?" He interrupted. "As in... Param Shergill?" His eyebrows furrowed. "Is he Param's brother?" Monami jerked her head down in a hesitant nod. He scoffed, unable to help himself. The absolute irony. "Aur koi dost nahi mila tumhe?"

"He's good to me", she said firmly. "U-Unhone m-meri bahut help kari hai. And I l-like t-talking to him."

Deepak eyed his daughter, taking her in. He almost laughed out as the implications and realizations set in. She liked him. She had a crush on him. Great. That was all that was left. An army person as a partner. Didn't she see how painful it was? He shook his head. "Monami... when you make decisions like this, how can I trust you to take care of yourself?"

Her eyes narrowed and she stared at him. It was unsettling. The familiar fire his little girl had before it was stifled out... seemed to be burning. Why did she have to be so much like Juhi? "K-Karan Sir is not P-Param Bhaiya, and e-even if he w-was, even if I w-was friends with Bh-Bhaiya, usmein k-kya bu-burai hai?"

"The fact that you can't even see kya burai hai", he snapped, shaking his head. "He is the reason Juhi ki death hui hai."

"He m-made a mistake", she said quietly. "J-Jaise s-sab kar s-sakte hain. Aap y-yeh bh-bhool r-rahe ho, he s-saved me. Unhone m-mujhe b-bahar nikaala tha u-uss j-jagah se."

He stood up, shaking his head. "If he hadn't made the mistake, use tumhe bahar nikaalne ki koi zaroorat hi nahi padhti. You would have been safe with me." He glared at her. "You know what, Monami? Agar tum aisi baatein karogi, toh I don't think I will be able to let you go back to the academy."

She stood up, glaring back at him. "Excuse me?" She said quietly. "Papa, main academy waapas jaungi."

Deepak stared at her for a moment. She didn't stutter. "Apni yeh zidd chhod do, Monami. It will be better for you."

"Mujhe Mumma jaisa banna hai", she snapped. "Aap kyun nahi samajh rahe ho what I really want?"

"Do you want to end up like her too?" He snarled, every bit of patience cracking. Why did she not understand? She was not stupid. She understood things. Why not this?

She stared at him, her eyes welling up with tears. "No", she said. "But I don't want anyone to end up like you or me either, Papa. I don't want ki koi apni Mumma ko torture hote hue dekhe, marte hue dekhe. I don't want ki kisi ko apni wife ki dead body unke bed par mile. Main nahi chahti ki kisi ke saath woh ho jo humaare saath hua." Her tears dropped down her face. He closed his eyes, pushing back the tears that stung his own eyes. "Aapko pata hai? Jab unhone Mumma ke sar par gun rakhi thi, when... when she knew she was going to die, toh Mumma ne unki aankhon mein dekhkar kaha- Jai Hind. Naa koi darr, naa koi rona." He opened his eyes, staring into her glossy eyes. So much like Juhi. She was so much like her. "Mujhe... Mujhe waisa banna hai. Utna confident, utna bold, utna fearless ki saamne maut bhi khadi ho toh bhi sar uncha karke maroon, hamesha sar jhukaakar nahi jeeon."

He closed his eyes, sitting down on the couch heavily. She stared at him, swallowing the lump in her throat. She knelt down in front of him, gently keeping her hand over his knee.

"Papa... pehle main kisi se nazre mila nahi paati thi. Aur woh maine accept kar liya tha. Par agar yeh training chhod di, na, toh main apne aap se nazre nahi mila paungi aur woh main accept nahi kar paungi."

A tear crawled down his face and he took a shaky breath. "What if you die?" He asked softly.

"What if I don't?" She answered softly. She sighed. "Papa... I r-really need to d-do this. I know you... you d-don't like a-army, and... aa-aapka f-fear misplaced nahi hai par... I c-cannot give this up. Ek s-soldier d-danger mein z-zaroor hota hain par... the l-likelihood of sh-shaheedi actually k-kaafi kam hai unless it's a-active war. And... I know it's n-not z-zero par... m-main khush r-rahungi. I will be r-really h-happy."

"Agar main naa bhi kahunga, toh bhi tum karogi toh woh hi."

She lifted her chin slightly, looking into his eyes. "Haan. Yeh m-mera decision hai, meri z-zidd hai, mera ambition hai aur u-use main poora k-karke r-rahungi. Par I c-care agar aap approve k-karte ho ya nahi. I do. And I a-always will. M-Mujhe nahi p-pasand aapke s-saath l-ladhna. I d-don't like it ki aap i-itna unhappy ho."

He heaved a sigh, closing his eyes. She waited patiently, sitting quietly on the floor, letting him wallow in his thoughts. Several moments later, he opened his eyes. "I cannot accept this decision, Monami", he said quietly. "Main nahi bhool sakta. Jo kuchh bhi hua, ek ek pal uss cheez ka, main nahi bhool sakta." She sighed, her gaze dropping to her hands. "But... I will try to respect your decision." Her gaze snapped up. "Don't expect me to be happy about it par main koshish karunga."

A wide smile spread on her face. "That's enough", she whispered softly, staring up at him with shining eyes.

"But tujhe bhi mujhse vaada karna hoga. You need to promise me ki agar teri jaan khatre mein hai, you will think about yourself. Hero banne ki koshish nahi karegi."

She paused. "I promise m-main woh s-sab karungi jisse I will be w-well and alive while I do my d-duty."

Deepak caught the implication in its full significance, but didn't comment. This was as well of a promise as he could expect, anyway. He jerked his head down in a nod. "Okay."

She gave him a small smile. "12 bajne waale hain. Do you want to cut the cake?" He exhaled, nodding a little as he stood up. He held out his hand and her smile widened as she grabbed it, pulling herself up.

Try. He needed to try.

[NOCOPY]