Chapter 77

NoeticLife

@NoeticLife

CHAPTER 77

LACUNA

Lacuna-
(n.) A blank space, a missing part

Monami snuggled deeper into the blanket, sipping the coffee idly. She stared into it, as she sat on the roof of her home, the early rays of sunlight peeking through. The coffee was perhaps better made than the ones they made in the academy, but she found herself missing it. Perhaps she missed the company more.

The thought came suddenly but she glanced up- missing the man who leaned against the kitchen counter next to her, listening to everything she had to say. She missed Karan.

"Good morning", a voice said softly. She looked up, finding her father walking up to her. He settled into the chair next to her, and she smiled, greeting him back. "You are up early."

"A-Academy ki aa-aadat", she said hesitantly.

But he didn't say anything, nodding merely. "Good habit", he said and she smiled. "Kya soch rahi thi?"

She shook her head. "Aise hi." But he looked at her expectantly so she elaborated. "The c-coffee just r-reminded me of K-Karan Sir. Hum r-roz r-raat ko m-mess mein s-saath mein c-coffee peete hain."

Her father was quiet for a moment and she fell quiet too, unsure if bringing up Karan was a good idea. The few times she had mentioned Karan over the phone, he didn't seem to mind listening but that was before he knew whose brother he was.

Deepak wasn't sure what he felt about the situation. Karan Shergill. They were friends. Good friends, apparently. And even in the few days she was home, she was missing him. Were they really just friends? "Tell me about Karan", he said.

She chuckled a little- a tad bit nervous, possibly at his relation with Param. "Aap K-Karan Sir ke baare m-mein j-jaane mein itna in-interested kyun ho?"

He shook his head. "Aise hi. You... You said he was a good friend. Mujhe tumhaare friends ke baare mein jaanna hai."

She smiled. "He's... r-really sweet. T-Training mein b-bahut zy-zyaada st-strict hain, par wh-when it's j-just us, he's n-nice. Thoughtful. C-Considerate. He l-listens to me. He's v-very interesting. He's so kn-knowledgable and he's s-so smart. Th-Thoda quiet r-rehte hain, apni f-feelings ke b-baare mein. Bahut z-ziddi hain. But I like him. He's a g-good fr-friend."

He hummed. Not just a friend, it seemed. The affection with which she talked about him. It seemed a touch beyond friendship. "Is he married?" She looked up, shaking her head. "How old is he?"

She frowned, eyeing him for a long moment. "29", she answered. He nodded, trying not to let the frown show. He was 4 years older than her. A little too old, really. And the fact that he was Param's brother and a commando... He wasn't too sure about it. She shook her head. "Papa... how's the h-hospital?"

"Good. Do you want to come saath mein kal?"

She smiled, nodding. "I'll l-like that." She tilted her head. "M-Mandir ch-chaloge, na, s-saath mein?" He nodded. "1 gh-ghante mein?" He glanced at his watch before nodding again. "Monami..." She hummed. "Wednesday ko New Year's Eve hai." She hummed again. "Can you stay? New Year saath mein manaate hain."

She hesitated. "Papa... m-maine T-Tuesday tak ki chh-chhuti li hai." She hastily held up a hand when he frowned. "Main... Main b-baat karti hoon K-Karan Sir se. But no p-promises. Sh-Shayad chh-chhuti naa m-mile." He nodded.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Sanju eyed her boyfriend, who poked his breakfast disinterestedly. "Siddharth", she said. He hummed, not even glancing up. "Bahar chalego humaare saath?"

He glanced up at her before shaking his head. "Sorry, Sanju. Aaj... Aaj mood nahi hai. Next Sunday, pakka."

She didn't need to ask him what happened, but despite knowing the reason, she still came up with a blank on how to help him. It was Monami's mother's death anniversary. She bit her lip, staring at him. "Siddharth... hamesha... hamesha tu humaare laane khaana banaato hain. Aaj... Aaj hum banayenge. Bol. Kaa khaana hogo tujhe?"

He looked up, finally shifting his attention to her. He smiled slightly. "Tumhe khaana banaana aata hai?"

She frowned. "Hume sab aato hai. Dal, roti, sabzi. Tere woh... pasta kabhi banaayo naa hai. Par hume vishwaas hogo ki achha banego."

He smiled. "Well then, I accept the offer." He looked at her for a moment before offering. "Dinner?" She nodded. He leaned forward, gently grabbing her hand. He brought it up to his mouth, kissing her knuckles softly. "Tab tak kya karna hai?" She shrugged. "Movie date?" She nodded, smiling slightly.

"Par pehle kuchh khaa", she said sternly, gesturing to his mostly untouched food. He sighed, scooping up some poha and chewing disinterestedly. She chuckled slightly.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

"New Year ke liye aap aur Baby bhi academy aa jaana", Karan said, chewing the mouthful of Biryani.

She frowned. "Tum dono ghar par nahi celebrate karoge kya?"

Param shrugged. "Batra Ma'am hain toh pakka party host karengi. Jaana toh padega hi wahan." He glanced down at his daughter in his lap, feeding her a bite. Now that he was a little scarcer to meet too, Baby alternated between jumping up to meet Karan and him, and for now, had settled on choosing him. "Baby, aapko aana hai?"

She nodded eagerly. "Chachu, aapke cadets bhi honge, na? Monami Didi hogi? Mujhe unse milna hai. Aur woh hashtag waali Didi se bhi. Aur Bala Bhaiya se bhi."

He smiled, nodding. "Sab honge." His phone rang in his pocket and he took it out, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Karan", Barkha said sternly. "Koi kaam nahi. Uthao mat."

"Kaam nahi hai, Bhabhi." He tilted his head. "Monami ka call hai. Ek minute." He accepted the call before she could open her mouth, holding it to his ear. "Haan, Monami?"

Barkha glanced at Param, who had a small smile playing on his lips as he shook his head. She smiled slightly too, glancing back at her devar, who listened to the girl. She frowned when his face fell noticably.

"Tum New Year ke liye nahi aa rahi ho?" He said and Baby looked away from her food, frowning. He sighed. "Nahi, it's okay. You can stay. Just application mail kar dena aaj shaam tak and 1st ki shaam tak aa jaana. 2nd se classes hain, okay? Aur chhuti nahi." He paused, listening to her response. "Monami... you good, na?" She said something else and Karan hummed. "Good. Bye." He sighed a little, cutting the call.

"Monami Didi nahi aa rahi?" Baby whined.

"Nahi. Woh ghar par apna New Year celebrate karna chahti hai", he replied. "Apne Dad ke saath." He smiled at her. "Par baaki sab honge." She hummed, a little disappointed by the absence of her favorite cadet.

As Barkha cleared the table, Karan followed, helping her along. For now, Baby had claimed Param to be her play companion and Karan was a tad bit offended. But he let it go nevertheless. Param didn't have much time with her either now.

"Karan", Barkha said and he hummed, helping her clean up the kitchen. "Did you think about it?"

"Kis baare mein?" He asked, glancing at her. He paused at her serious look, eyebrows furrowing.

"Do you love Monami?"

He glanced away, looking back down at the slab for a moment. Did he? His mouth tugged down in a frown. "I don't know", he admitted quietly.

"You are very disappointed ki woh New Year par yahan nahi hogi."

"Of course, Bhabhi", he said, sighing. "Pyaar hai, nahi hai, woh sab alag baat hai. Par... woh bahut special hai mere liye. I... I like having her around. I... I miss her when she's not."

"Sounds like love to me", she muttered under her breath and he knew it was purposefully loud enough for him to hear. He pretended not to hear her though, the onslaught of his turmoil of feelings for the girl returning in full force. He sighed. Was he really in love?

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Koel sighed a little, staring at Nikhil's picture. He was sad. She would be in the academy for New Year's and he had wanted to spend it with her. She sighed again, hugging the frame.

"Kya hua?" A voice asked. Faizi. "Itna sad kyun?" He sat down next to her, his mouth turning down in a frown when she didn't smile. "Koel... kya hua? Tum theek ho?"

She tilted the picture back, letting him see. "He wanted to spend New Year with me", she explained. "I miss him." She sighed, looking at him. "Tumhe bhi apni Ammi ki bahut yaad aati hogi, na?"

He hummed, shrugging. "Pehle, bahut zyaada. Ab, kabhi kabhi ek dum se kaafi but unke bina rehna... uski aadat ho gayi hai." He offered her a small smile. "When you will be a commando, thoda... better ho jaayega. Training is worse." She hummed, keeping her head on his shoulder. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to her head. "Do you want to go out?"

"Maybe thodi der", she agreed. "I'll get something for Sid. Uska mood achha nahi hai. You know, Juhi ma'am..."

He nodded. "Hume pata hai. Monami bhi isliye hi gayi hai. Woh 1st ko aayegi waapas." She frowned. "Karan ko call kara tha usne. Uske Papa ne bola hoga probably." He looked down at her, pressing another kiss to her cheek. "Kahan jaana hai?"

"First date par jahan hum woh cheesecake khaane gaye the, wahan chale?" She asked. "It was so good." He smiled happily, nodding and she chuckled, straightening up. "Chalo phir."

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Monami walked through the halls of her house, glancing around. Nothing has changed really in the 4 months she was away- a couple of show pieces shifted from here to there. Her feet halted.

Her mother's room's door was opened. It used to be her parents' but it was the room her Dad found her Mom's body in and he had understandably kept it closed. It was only opened for cleaning. She glanced at the time. Past 10 in the night. That was no time to clean.

She walked closer, hesitantly peeking in. She paused. Her father sat on one of the chairs, staring at the bed quietly. She followed his gaze, eyeing the bed. That was where her body was. Why had he never thrown the bed out? She had asked once but he had merely shook his head, walking away. She looked back at her father, walking closer. He didn't even blink.

"Papa?" She said softly. His gaze snapped up to her, and he straightened up. "Aap... Aap th-theek ho? Yahan k-kyun b-baithe ho?"

He shook his head, taking a deep breath. "Kuchh nahi", he said, his voice cracking slightly. He cleared his throat, standing up. "Aa jaa, Monami. Do you want some coffee?"

She nodded, following him out of the room. "Papa... aap... aap th-theek ho?"

The man gave no indication of having heard her and she fell quiet, silently following her down the stairs. She smiled slightly at the helper who placed the coffee in front of her, turning her attention back to her father. She curled her legs underneath her, leaning back. "Do you miss her, Monami?" He asked quietly.

Was there really a doubt? "Aisa ek m-moment nahi h-hai jab m-main unhe m-miss nahi k-karti", she answered. "I m-miss her s-so much." Her gaze lifted to him. "I m-miss you t-too, you k-know. J-Jab yahan thi, t-tab bhi." His gaze lifted too. "We h-have grown a-apart."

He sighed. "Haan", he admitted. "I didn't like seeing you like that. Itna... daraa hua, broken." He glanced her over. "You look better, Monami." She nodded slightly. "Tumhaari... academy seems to be helping." She wasn't sure if agreeing was a good idea so she merely sipped the coffee. "Are you really happy there?"

"Yes", she said softly.

He heaved a sigh. "Tumhe bhi Juhi par hi jaana tha", he said softly. He chuckled a little. "Iss... Iss cheez par toh bhagwaan ko bhi nahi kos sakta." He tilted his head, staring at her with affectionate eyes. "Jab Juhi pregnant thi, na, main bas yeh pray karta tha ki I get a mini Juhi."

"I w-wish main M-Mumma j-jaise hoti", she said softly.

He shook his head. "You are", he said. His eyes traced her over again. "You know, Monami... shayad agar Juhi kisi aur tarah shaheed hoti, mujhe... mujhe itna mushkil nahi hota accept karna. The more you tell me ki tumhe Juhi ki tarah banna hai, the more I imagine your corpse in that bed."

She stared at him for a long moment. "I g-get it", she said softly. "Mujhe... Mujhe samajh aa raha hai ki... ki h-humne ek d-doosre ko s-samajhna kyun band kar diya hai. Iss t-topic par." His eyebrows furrowed. "Aap Mumma ko y-yaad karte ho, toh aa-aapko sirf u-unki sh-shaahedi yaad aa-aati hai. I d-don't blame you for that. It's h-hard to f-forget. Par main M-Mumma ko y-yaad karti hoon toh mujhe unki zindagi yaad aati hai. I remember who she w-was. M-Maybe isliye aap a-army ko d-dekhte ho toh u-unse nafrat karte ho aur m-main army ko d-dekhkar unhe a-admire karti hoon."

He smiled slightly, not a hint of humor in his smile. "Tujhe pata hai... Juhi kehti thi ki army mein jab koi shaheed hota hai, toh kaafi baar yeh kaha jaata hai- ek fauji ki shaheedi par roya nahi jaata. Unki zindagi ka jashan manaaya jaata hai." He shook his head. "Mujhse shayad kabhi nahi hoga yeh. Agar main Juhi ke baare mein sochta hoon, toh I remember the panic jab woh missing hui. I remember the horror of the corpse I found on our bed. I remember the hopelessness jab tu nahi mil rahi thi. I remember the fear, the hatred jab tujhe uss hospital mein dekha. I blame everyone and everything involved. The terrorists, the army, sab kuchh. Sirf isliye nahi ki unhone mujhse meri Juhi le li, but they took her memories too."

'Chaahe try bhi kar loon par unhe maaf nahi kar paungi.'

She blamed the terrorists entirely. Every one of the men that had ever laid a hand on them, whipped them, beaten them, tortured them, and eventually killed her mother. And she knew there would never be a time when she would be able to bring it in her to forgive them. Her father blamed the army. Was it that incomprehensible to her that he wouldn't be able to forgive it?

She clutched the warm cup tighter. "Do you... Do you think you sh-should go to th-therapy too, Papa?" She offered hesitantly.

His gaze lifted to hers in utter surprise. He looked away in thought, the notion a new one to him. "Well, that's a thought", he said softly. He fell quiet, and so did she, taking in the comfort of the silence settling between them, for once not hostile.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

Sid leaned his head against the mess wall, heaving a tired sigh. He closed his eyes. The day was taxing. Perhaps he should have gone with Monu. He missed her too now.

A slight sound made him open his eyes and he looked at the coffee mug on the bench. He glanced up, straightening immediately when he saw Karan. "Sir", he said.

He sat down on one of the tables, facing him. He gestured to the coffee, taking a sip himself. Sid accepted the coffee, taking a long sip. "You good?" He asked.

He heaved a sigh, nodding. He traced the rim of the cup. "You never really stop missing them, you know", he said softly. "Matlab... unke bina aadat ho jaati hai. Aap accept kar lete ho. But... you always feel missing." He looked at him. "Do you miss your parents?"

Karan tilted his head. "Not really", he said. "Dad se toh kabhi mila hi nahi. Mom yaad nahi. Barely. A smile maybe. How do you miss someone you don't remember?"

Sid nodded. "Mujhe bhi Mummy ji barely yaad hai", he said. "A few memories. And... thode time tak I used to feel guilty ki main Juhi Aunty ko zyaada miss kar raha hoon but... she was the mother I remembered. And woh ab nahi hain." He chuckled bitterly. "Time heals all wounds. Ghanta."

Karan chuckled a little, tilting his head in agreement. He saw the way after decades, how Batra Sir and Ma'am stared at the picture of their dead son, how his brother quietened at the mention of their parents, how Monami's eyes glossed over whenever she thought of her mother.

Sid looked at him, tilting his head. "Monu keh rahi thi woh 1st ko waapas aayegi."

He held in a sigh, nodding. "Apne Dad ke saath manaana chahti hai woh. 1st ko chhuti hi hai. It's one extra holiday for her."

He hummed. "Ghar par cheezen better hongi agar woh extra ruk rahi hai toh." He smiled slightly. "Finally."

Karan sipped his coffee quietly. It wasn't his place to comment. Like a Tsunami that washed over him unexpectedly, he found himself missing Monami. A little too much. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He opened his eyes, trying to push her off his mind.

He wasn't really successful.

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

The couple of days before the New Year passed uneventfully yet the days were long and dragged out. Karan wanted to blame it on a ton of things but when he sipped the coffee alone in the kitchen, he couldn't deny it was because of Monami's absence. He missed her sorely.

The New Year Party rolled up, and he found himself hating the party a little less. He credited it to his family's presence. His eyes gazed around the room filled with cadets and agents alike and he paused, shaking his head. She was home. She wasn't going to be here. "Karan Sir. Come, na?" He pulled himself away from his thoughts, smiling slightly at his team.

As the countdown began, he couldn't help but grab his phone, scrolling to her number. 3. He began typing. 2. A simple wish. Just four words. 1. "Happy New Year, Monami."

He was pulled into a hug, and he clicked his phone shut, patting his brother's back. He smiled at his Bhabhi and his niece, hugging them before looking at the cadets, wishing them. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he unlocked it. Amongst the sea of messages, he found hers. He smiled.

Monami kept her phone aside, looking up at the sky that was lit up by the fireworks of the celebration. She glanced at her father, who watched quietly, a small smile on his face. The few days they had passed peacefully and the stay reminded her of the time before her mother had died. She would miss him when she'd go back. Her gaze returned to the sky above. "Happy New Year", she said quietly, and he smiled at her, pulling her into a hug.

"Happy New Year, baccha", he said, kissing her head. She closed her eyes, basking in his gentle presence.

The firecrackers were awing. Sanju's gaze snapped down though when a hand snaked around her waist and she smiled, turning away from the railing of the terrace to face her boyfriend. "Naye saal ki mubaarak", she said softly.

"Happy New Year", Sid whispered back, pressing a kiss to her cheek. She buried her face in his shoulder, inhaling the comfort of his clean scent.

Faizi gently pressed his lips to Koel's, pulling her closer. "Happy New Year", she whispered against his lips and he smiled, wishing her back quietly. The two pulled away when her phone rang, and she smiled. "Nikhil! Happy New Year, mere mendhak!"

"Happy New Year", Faizi greeted, and Nikhil smiled, happily gushing to them.

As the fireworks lit up the sky, the six found themselves hopeful at the onset of the new year. Whatever life brought ahead, they were content with the company.

[NOCOPY]