A Moment In Time

A Moment In Time

One moment! They say, all it takes is one moment to change the entire course of your life. Who could possibly know this better than me? A mere nine years old boy - who had no idea about the world and its cruelty, believed in his parents’ dream and entered into Parekh Mansion holding his father’s hand; with a hope that their lives would get better eventually. Then he came across this little girl and that was the moment that defined his life, a moment where he felt his heart had stopped beating. The twinkling in her eyes made him question his own existence for a moment when he saw the girl bursting into laughter upon seeing him. A common occurrence for many but in that moment I knew, my life wasn’t going to be the same. For better or worse, I got connected to that girl who herself didn’t know her effect on me.

18 years have passed ever since, and today I found myself in that same position again. Counting each second, waiting for an answer. The only difference is, today an innocent child isn’t going to be appalled by what life has to offer. Instead, a remorseful man was waiting for his final verdict. Today he may not feel his heart skipping a beat but his existence will come to an end and as usual, it had everything to do with HER!  

My heartbeat became erratic as I watched the doctor approaching towards me, “We are really sorry Mr. Waghela. Her condition is deteriorating. I don’t think we have much time.” “Why?” I was shocked at my own voice when I realized I was questioning him. “She suffered from a severe allergic action. If you had brought her earlier, may be we could have treated her accordingly. Her bronchial tissues started to swell and she didn’t receive oxygen for a long time. Her body has gone into anaphylactic shock. She is critical. We don’t know if we’ll be able to get her back or not, but I don’t want to give you any false hope. You were late Mr.Waghela. I think you should call your family members.” I felt my world crumbling around me. Manas was equally shocked and probably the doctor was further explaining the details. I blankly stared at the doctor. I could see his lips moving, I saw how Manas’s face turned pale and how he tried to support me immediately. But everything and everyone became blurry. All I could think about was her dark eyes, filled with tears and her last words,

"I am scared! I can't breathe! Please don't leave me!"

I don’t know for how long I was standing there. It felt like eternity as I watched the doctor returning to her cabin & Manas frantically dialing someone. But it didn’t matter. The doctor was right, I was late. I started walking towards her cabin. There was a man, standing at one corner of the corridor. A nurse came out from another direction and handed him a baby. The look on his face was priceless. The dread that I had seen earlier was now replaced by overwhelming joy and love.

Hospitals! I have always found it fascinating how people’s lives start and end at this very same place. For some people, it’s the beginning of a new journey whereas some people lose their dear ones, and along with them, a part of their own soul. This is the place where I had lost my Mota Babuji on another fateful night. Earlier when I had met him, I saw love and affection in his eyes. The same care that used to motivate me to keep going. After so long, I dared to hope that everything would be fine; I would get back the two people who meant the world to me. And two hours later, I found him on his deathbed, requesting me to take care of his family,

“Promise me, you will complete Falguni, Ishaani and Nitin’s family. Be happy son and take care of everyone else!”

His words were still echoing in my ears. “Excuse me sir! Where do you think you are going?” A sharp voice broke my trance. I looked at the annoyed nurse and realized I had come too far and was about to trip and fall off the stairs. “I am sorry!” I took my step back and continued going towards Ishaani’s cabin. I could hear the irritated nurse mumbling how irresponsible people like me increased their burden in the ER but didn’t reply. After all, she was right! This is the only thing I am good at - making things worse for others. 

“Was I asking for too much Ranveer? All I ever wanted was for someone to love me the same way Papa loves Maa. Someone with whom I could share my happiness and sadness, my entire life. Someone who would only think about me. Whose day would start and end with me. Whose happiness and sadness would be tied to me. Who would never change with time. Who would be with me till the end. Someone like that should be out there somewhere, right Ranveer? Then why can’t I find him? Is it really that difficult to love me?"

I stopped in my tracks as her crying face flashed before my eyes. That’s all she had ever wanted - someone to love her so passionately where nothing or nobody else would matter. Love - that would consume her. And eventually, she got what she had wished for; she fell in love and everything fell pale in comparison to her passion. She let herself get destroyed, first in Chirag’s love and then mine.

Yes, she loved me and burned every moment in the hell I created for her. Never in my life had I imagined that one day, Ishaani Harshad Parekh would find me worthy enough to reciprocate my feelings. She was the moon and I knew I could only look at her beauty but never touch her. The day we got married, I felt like the young boy who got a magic bean and finally reached the moon. After everything we had been through, she felt like the one thing I had earned in my life. I felt exhilarated. Conquering the moon was never my dream. I was happy with its mere presence. But the moment she became a part of my world, I knew she was everything and beyond I could have ever wished for. 

"The gift you have been waiting for your entire life, tonight I am going to give it to you on our first Karva Chauth."

That’s what she had told me on the night of our first Karva Chauth. I had no idea what surprise she had planned for me. When I looked into her eyes, for the first time I saw love for me. She was my best friend, my only friend. In this cruel world when everyone made me feel inferior, her care and compassion kept me going. She loved me as her friend. But that night, I saw something beyond friendship. I could see my own reflection in her eyes. For the first time in my life I wanted to believe in miracles. I wanted to believe it wasn’t my wishful thinking but she truly started loving me as her husband. But what happened next, changed everything between us. Her pictures with Chirag, those scratch marks on her neck, her betrayal ended me. I was still looking at her. She was smiling, taking her time as if preparing herself to tell me something but it didn’t matter. In that moment I knew I had lost her forever. And with her, I had lost myself. I don’t know who had shot me or why did he shoot me. But I felt grateful to him. Death seemed more comforting than living with the truth. When I saw her for the first time, my heart skipped a bit. It felt almost poetic that my heart stopped by her betrayal, and her face was the last thing I saw before closing my eyes. Everyone said it was a miracle that I got saved. But they couldn’t be more wrong. I died the moment my heart stopped beating for her. The person who came back was Raavan in Ranveer’s flesh.

"It doesn't matter if I was fasting for one day or two. I would have continued it until you came back and broke my fast with your own hand, even if that required me to fast for weeks." 

I closed my eyes and saw her; cladded in her red saree, waiting for me to break her fast. If only she knew the Ranveer she was waiting for was long gone.

“When you know Chirag isn't trustworthy, how could you believe his claims on the night of Karva Chauth? When you know his intentions, how could you let him come between us?”

That was the only question she had ever asked me. She never wanted to know how did I get to know about everything. She knew she committed a mistake and was ready to repent for it. Deep down, I knew she was telling me the truth. The Ishaani I knew could never cheat anyone. But whenever I looked at her, it reminded me of how she chose to believe Chirag over me. It didn’t matter under what circumstances she was. She chose HIM! Nothing could change that. At the end of the day, I remained her driver’s son. She could never see me as an equal and accused me of killing the person I respected the most. That accusation, that anger blinded me. Or perhaps, after everything I had been through, I didn’t want to believe in second chances anymore. When I should have seen longing in her eyes, I could only see Chirag’s face - mocking my unrequited love for her. When she was proving her love everyday, I chose to torment her for the pain she had caused me.

“When Baa taunts me, it doesn’t hurt much. But when she scolds you, I feel really bad.”

She always stood true to her words. Even when she believed she hated me, she never let anyone insult me or my family members. She could hate Ranveer. But she could never break her ties with the boy who bonded with her over their shared respect for her father; two outsiders, who became each other’s shield. But I failed to hold my end of the bargain. Or should I say, I chose to utter the one thing I knew would destroy her completely,

“I wish you were Mota Babuji’s own daughter! At least you would have learned the meaning of loyalty from him.”

I saw the light leaving her eyes as I uttered those words. Despite the abuse I hurled at her at times, I always saw some hope in her eyes and it frustrated me to no end. Hating her was one thing. But watching her going through the same pain I have faced my entire life - that was different. At times I said stuff with a hope that she would finally leave me. I was no longer the child who was fascinated by the moon. Darkness engulfed my entire world and the slightest ray of hope seemed dangerous. Because deep down, I always knew no matter how much I tried to deny it, I could never stop loving her. And if she let me down one more time, that would end whatever was left in me.

But when I questioned her loyalty, I knew I had scarred her for life. A part of me felt she deserved that pain. She should know how much it hurts to be disregarded by the one you love the most. While another part of me screamed at my stupidity that if I knew she was in love with me, then why was I doing this to her? Was a bullet really that big of a price that I had to pay for her love? Wouldn’t have I died thousand times just to hear her say she loved me? Then what had changed inside me? Why was I behaving like a monster?

I looked at her as I entered into her cabin. The doctor was looking at her charts and left the room as he saw me entering. The reading on the monitors made zero sense to me. Yet, something about the entire set up sent chills down my spine. She did not deserve this!

"You have to answer me. I am not going anywhere until I get my answer. If you leave now, I'll follow you like your shadow."

As I looked at her pale face, I couldn’t help but let out a dry smile. Didn’t anybody tell her that shadow loses itself when there is nothing but darkness? Ranveer had died a long time ago and the shell of him made sure Ishaani died too.

I sat beside her and took her hand in mine. For the first time I noticed she was wearing a peach colored saree. She was wearing a dress of the same color, on the day we had first met. Isn’t that ironic? That day that little angel infused life in another kid. And today the same girl was on her deathbed because the boy snatched everything from her.

I looked at the monitor beside her head. I didn’t have to be a doctor to understand the sharp lines slowly flattening wasn’t a good sign. The doctor’s words were echoing in my ears. I was late, I had always been late. I was late to understand Chirag’s true motive and save Ishaani from him. I was late in realizing my best friend missed me as much as I had missed her in those two years and instead of trying to help her indirectly, I should have been there for her as I had promised. I was late in prioritizing her love over my anguish and today, I am on the verge of losing everything because I got late in professing my feelings to her. 

But I couldn’t accept that. She deserved better. She deserved to know the truth. Slowly, I climbed on her bed and rested my head beside hers, “I know you are here, waiting for me to bare my heart to you. Well guess what? You have won! Today I, RV, accept my defeat. You were right all along. I do care for you. You have waited so long for me to accept my true feelings. Today I am saying this, I love you Ishaani! Please don't leave me! You didn’t give up on me when I gave you thousand reasons to walk away. Then don’t let everything go in vain. If you have ever truly loved me, even for a second, then open your eyes. Let me look into those beautiful eyes and express what I truly feel for you. Give me a chance to be the person you always dreamt of. Until now, your love was enough for both of us. After this moment, I won’t let you bear the burden alone. It will be OUR story. We’ll love each other so much that there won’t be any question regarding its limit. But I can’t do this alone. You have to hold my hand. Please! Open your eyes and come back to me!”  

I kept looking at her longingly, with a hope that she would open her eyes. It hadn’t been long before I heard a sharp beep from one of the monitors and saw the doctor rushing in and frantically reading the monitors. I felt someone pulled me away from her side while the doctor was preparing the paddles. It was only a matter of one or two minutes when I saw her jerking at the contact of those paddles and the lines to finally get flattened. “Time of death 11:23 pm.” I blankly stared at the doctor as I saw him putting down the instruments and leave the room. Everything happened so fast! I looked at her lifeless face again. For a moment there, I felt she was smiling. Her lips formed a very subtle curve but I could bet my life on that, she was smiling. I wasn’t sure but I wanted to believe that my words reached her. And suddenly I realized what I had to do. Some instruments were still lying near her bed. Thankfully I got what I needed. I climbed on the bed again, but this time without any doubt or fear. I caressed her face one last time and held her into my embrace. I knew I didn’t have much time. “I know you are stubborn. You won’t give up so easily. Let’s do it your way then.” I whispered into her ear and kissed her one last time. The cold sensation of the scalpel around my neck felt euphoric. Warm blood started oozing out of my carotid artery as I looked at her face. It seemed perfect. My life began when I saw her for the first time and what could be more satisfying than ending it while gazing upon her face? My vision started getting blurry and I felt a strange calm spreading over my body, “If not in life, we'll reunite in death.” The last thing I felt before closing my eyes was her forehead, touching mine as if reassuring me that she was waiting for me. And that’s all that I could have ever hoped for. I was finally at peace with myself as I felt death approaching me with the assurance of my reunion with my beloved. 

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