DISCUSSION TOPIC :Cheating Signs

 Do you think there were any signs for Piya to know that Anand was cheating. Was she too gullible and trusting that she had missed some obvious signs of her husband drifting away. Is 5+ years of their wedding relationship a long time that Piya felt that nothing could really break their relationship.

The serial started with Pia and Anand in their 7 th year of marriage and he was already cheating her with Ratna. So it is difficult for us to decide if Pia was too gullible to have missed those signs. But I guess she was. She trusted Anand so much that she thought he would never do such a thing.

I am going to jot down some points from my imagination.

1. Too busy at work. This reason can be genuine too but in Anand's case, he was traveling too much to meet Ratna in excuse of office work.

2. Mobile switched off most of the time.

3. Anand getting panicky whenever land phone rang.

4. Always lost in his thoughts.

5. When Anand and Pia didn't have much time for each other. Less intimacy in their relationship. That's a very important clue.

We were shown that Pia suspects Anand when he lied to her about the flight he was coming in and the flight crashed. Anand was still clueless about plane crash when he returned home. May be that was last straw for Pia. She must have at least got some warning signs of Anand's unfaithfulness.

As Anju said, it would be difficult to say whether Piya was gullible or not, as we dont know the behaviour of Anand prior to their 7th wedding anniversay...

But in my opinion, any wife, however their circumstances,would come to know if her husband is unfaithful..  or if I expand the same logic a lil more, any spouse would normally detect any unfaithfullness or wavering of attention or distraction of thoughts of their spouse immediatley, unless there is something drastically wrong in their relationship.

Here Piya and Anand were supposedly happily married.  Piya had no reason to suspect Anand of infeldity...

But since Anand has spent the last two years with Ratna and has allowed their relationship to grow so much, wouldnt he have left some signs behind.

As Anju already said, he would have made time out to meet Ratna on the pretext of office work...  How long would he be able to hide this.  Piya is friendly with his collegues at work.  Wouldnt she come to know...

Last night, Piya asked Anand not to come to their bedroom after having been with Ratna...  But Anand must have surely done that in the past... so wouldnt Piya have seen some signs to detect that.

However busy both are in their respective careers, wouldnt Piya have noticed Anands preoocupation.. his constant absence, mental state etc.  And if she had not noticed it, would this not lead us to believe that she was genuinely not interested enough in her married life. 

If a wife is giving her 100% into her marriage, would such signs which are there for the world to see (his collegues knew about it inlcuding Bhaskar and Andrew) not be noticed by her.  And if she did not notice it, isnt there something wrong in their relationship... 

i am sure there must have been lots of signs of Anand cheating on Piya. Anand must have been uncomfortable, coming back to Piya after spending time with Ratna.

The serial started off with Piya knowing about Anand's affair with Ratna. Hence we don't know how their relation was before all this. But from what i see now, i think their relationship lacked communication even before. If Piya would have talked (not questioned) to Anand about his so called 'OFFICE VISITS'; i am sure she would have got some clues.

Like what greatmaratha said.........if a wife or even a husband is giving 100% into their marriage they are ought to notice such things before anyone else notice it. But Piya did not notice it for 2 long years. I think she took her relationship with Anand for granted. Which is wrong but it is nothing to what Anand has done.

After reading Anisha's latest update my 6th & 7th point would be

6. Look for unusual fragrance from your husband's clothes. Pia asked Anand to not touch her after meeting Ratna.

7. Low self esteem. That's why Anand picked up fight in the office and is disinterested in work.

Great points gals and I think you all have covered most of it.

I know in this case its difficult as the story starts past the stage but here are some things I think Piya could have maybe paid more attention . There is always going to be changes when a person is having an affair . In my opinion you should trust fully but there is no harm in both the partners getting a relaty check on the relationship once in a while

* I think Anand in the beginning to hide his guilt must have given Piya more attention. Piya must have thought that is great but I think after a point she needed to dwell more and understand why this excessive showering of attention and love.

  

* I have heard that in the guilt some people try to compensate their partner with more sex .I am not sure if this was indeed the case because Piya did eventually get pregnant inspite of Anand's full fledged affair with Ratna.

 

* I think Anand mus thave definetly had a change in attitude . This whole confused and helpless lok may have been there but surely  I think that must have increased more in the past 2 years. The guilt may have made him less demanding which Piya must have accepted as a good change but maybe this is something she needed to look at and see why it changed overnight.

 

* Another sign is " Cell Phones and Caller ids. i am sure she does not need to probe too much into these but just a casual glance on the phone bills would have given her a clue as to the number of calls from a particular number. And if she recognized Ratna's number then the question would have surely popped up why is my cousin calling my husband and not me and that too so many times.

* Some appearance and grooming changes as Anju mentioned. Different smells on clothes and maybe once ina while a lipstick stain or even maybe change of clothes.

 

* Bills - I think credit card bills would have indicated that the tickets were booked for Delhi and not Bangalore as anand had claimed.

 

* Sleeping habits. He may change his sleeping habits and in this case it looks like Piya is a early sleeper and riser while Ratna is the reverse. So to talk to her Anand must have stayed up all night and not got up in the morning and the excuse of work was probably used. But I am nto sure how Piya never figured out that Anand was missing from his bed.

 

* Lastly which I think is the most important. Intuition (gut feeling) that something is not right". usually is a sign. I am not sure how Piya was so innocent that nothing told her that things were not the same.

I know its easier to write this list and its not the same in praticality. But there are some things that Piya could have paid more attention too like the Bills . A simple thing like that would have made her pay more attention to her relationship. Most cases it could be said Anand is taking good care of it why bother . But anyways now she would have to take care and this jsut once in a while paying attention may have averted the pending separation

Edited by fortvpur - 18 years ago

Well written everyone as Priya put it and I thought I should again add my two bits worth to this discussion.

Although this discussion is primarily focused on the characters in the serial, if we, for a moment take it out of the serial and into common ground, lets see how the whole picture looks. 

If a couple have been married for over 6 or 7 years, they do develop a certain amount of trust and faith in their partners and certain things are not delved into in great detail or some things are just overlooked.

Priya made a very interesting point about the Bills.  How often does a spouse check the Bills of another.  Do we?  Should we?  The point she made does make us think we should, but then do we do it and how.  The faith and trust and the relations developed over a period of time and the complete trust in the spouses behaviour often makes u believe that all is well and unless you sight something which spookes you into believing that something may be wrong, do we really look at them.  If you see the lifestyle we lead these days, is there time for couples to devote to each other… and if time is premium, do we have the time to look at our own bills, forget that of a spouse.  Moreover, if both spouses are independent and working, would they have the time or inclination to do it.  I for one, would never like it, if someone, even if he would be my spouse, to check and probe into my bills. Having been independent for  so long, these are things just taken for granted. 

The other point is attitude.  In my opinion, that and own gut feeling are probably the only thing that could really set a person thinking if everything is truly alright in the relationship. 

The more you remain married, the more you become alike with ur spouse….  That's the saying.  I don't know how much it is true, but if it is true, then a period of 7 years is a long time indeed.  Anju, if a spouse tells you that he or she is going away for office work to X city and is contactable on mobile, would you bother checking, unless the evidence lands up at your doorstep crying for attention. 

And in this day and age, isn't it easy to camouflage the telltale signs of an extra marital relationship.  Is it too difficult to hide your anxiety when you see the phone ring.  Well, in the serial, the character was a lil more intelligent.  He saved the number of his paramour against the name of a colleague.  Isn't it normal for a colleague to call another and why will a spouse suspect a call of a colleague unless she has reason to. 

Which again takes us back to the original question… how does one detect it and do the errant spouse leave behind a "Cheating Sign".   As all have pointed out, there are bound to be some.  It is indeed difficult that two persons married to each other, for so long, are unable to detect some signs of  cheating.  If so….  Is it the fault of the spouse…  or is it the fault of their relationship, which both of them have allowed to grow on them so much that they have taken it for granted or allowed their relationship to stagnate.  Is there a clear answer to this…  I think not…  A subject like this is, while prone to endless discussions, also very personal to each and every case.  No two cases are alike, therefore, can there ever be a clear cut solution or answer to this?   

I think the first and foremost important element in marriage is trust. A spouse should not look for signs of infidelity in marriage because that itself shows lack of trust.  I dont see how they still have a marriage where Anand can not be trusted at all. In legal terms you might say they are still married but not otherwise.

I agree with GreatMaratha about the bills part..My husband has never ever probed into my bills to see whom I called or who called me and I haven't done that either..I can't do it either cause he has an official cell phone and bills don't come home..anyway, I think if he did that I would be offended that he didn't trust me..

But one thing is for sure..the behavior of the person changes for sure as he/she is ridden with guilt unless the person is a big hypocrite and doesn't love you at all..or has never loved you...also one would often call up the spouse in the other city off and on to ask about his/her well being and the person's awkward behavior will definitely give you a food for thought..

Nice points Priya (fortvpur) ! About the bills I think Anand's flight tickets were booked from office so how would Piya know whether he was traveling to B'lore or Delhi? In US most of the time we use our company card for tickets and company reimburses. But I think in Anand's case company was providing him tickets and may be he asked the booking agent to change it to Delhi and may be that way it was leaked to Andrew.

I agree with other Priya (greatmaratha) too that how often we check our spouse's bills? If we don't then should we? But I seriously have no time and neither does my husband. We all have mentioned some very nice points but in reality I don't know if I would really care about all those things. There are times when one of us travels abroad and too busy with meetings. there are days when my husband and I were so busy to even talk to each other. We still are busy. But still whenever we can, we find time to share and spend our joys and sorrows. So still I feel that closeness with him I would never bother to check for those signs and when I asked him, he is like yaaaaaaaaaah😃.