Yet to watch the video..
To tell you fact I have seen financial independent women struggling alot after marriage..
Because husband contribute less or doesn't contribute or whenever there is financial issue he depend on you and then you help them..and when times comes they wont even remembered that help.
And those who depend on husband for luxury life living happily...
Each and everything has its own pro and cons...
It is very difficult to take things as it is because there is always a literal meaning and an underlying meaning to what someone says.
In this case, the majority of women take it offensively because they only read the word 'lazy'. In reality, if you want to just not react so impulsively, you can read the statement carefully and notice that she used a 'lot' and there is no need to create so much hype about it. There is a difference between a 'lot' and 'all'. She did not even say that if women need to contribute to the household expense then men can just sit and relax and not help with household chores. In this social media age, everyone takes everything offensively, which is not always needed.
So the conclusion is, you need to respect everyone's opinions. No one needs to apologize. People just want a reason to come to social media and rant unnecessarily.
I think this was a very biased statement based on her experience with a smaller set of women around her and then generalizing for every Indian women to prove a point that doesn't help anyone but create a social media hype around her statement as this is a very sensitive topic to many.
It is unfortunate that people think that doing this is cool as it hurts not only feelings but also years of work put by many.
On a completely personal note, I totally agree with you. People ask me why I say I don't want to get married and I jokingly say cause I have HR or because I like being alone. But truth is that basically everyone around me is either living in a compromised relationship (as in they want to separate but can't because log kya kahenge) or where the woman is subservient to the man (because that's how they've been taught) or where the man is a man-child (because he never learnt basic life skills) or a combination of the three. Honestly, I don't want any of those situations in my life. I'm happy being alone and making my own decisions, spending my own money, and not having to rely on someone or having someone rely on me. I understand we need companions in life, but I feel we need to normalize having friends for that, having a pet for that, or just having entertainment for that. Tomorrow, I would rather adopt 10 shelter dogs than marry for companionship.
I feel as much as women are taught basic life skills and taking care of the house at a young age, men should be as well. And as much women are taught to be demure, caring, etc., men should be too. Why is it a woman's responsibility to do the house chores, take care of the man and children, and basically not say a word? Why is it a woman's responsibility to bend to every whim and fancy to keep the family together? Why is it that a woman's name is the only one that gets maligned if a relationship breaks or if a divorce happens?
More women are having similar feeling today. Is it worth investing personally, emotionally, financially in a relationship where returns may be totally unexpected. In a marriage, guy takes responsibility of the girl, he is marrying.
But girl is expected to take responsibility of his complete family. Earlier girls would tolerate almost everything in a marriage because of financial dependancy on their husband. Earning money gives them more confidence & more choices.
If this trend continues, then we may hear in nearest future- girls have become aalsi, they don't won't to work towards making marriage a success. So either way aalsi tag stays.😆
The reason this model created well functioning and stable adults is because as children they had in their mothers and fathers, a masculine model who lead them and a feminine model who nurtured them.
You are probably alluding to the roles of prehistoric men and women in hunter-gatherer societies but even those theories of man-the-hunter are now being debunked. Anthropology is showing that sexual division of labor was equitable even back then, that women too participated in hunting, farming and a variety of jobs that didn't merely confine them to homes. But why bring primitive models to justify a woman's confinement to home, in 2023? Instead of focusing on what-was, shouldn't the discussion focus on what-should-be? Bread-winning and home-making (including the drudgery of household chores) should be the responsibility of both partners in a relationship, right?
The only people who benefitted from this are the government and corporations who now collect double the tax and pay reduced wages because more people are applying for the same jobs.
This statement is farcical on multiple levels (for instance, even a rudimentary search will yield findings by UN, IMF, Harvard business review and such which would show that wages for men have increased as a result of greater inclusion of women in the labor force) but since we are not here to discuss economics, suffice it to say that when more women work, economies grow. Empowering women to participate equally in the global economy adds trillions of dollars more in GDP growth. Barriers to women entering the labor force is coming at a significant economic cost for a country. These are all well documented. Irrespective of whether we are nationalists or globalists, we can't let ignorance on these issues hamper progress.
If a woman wants to be a career woman, let her think about the sacrifices she must make to achieve that and then pursue it.
It is textbook sexism to put the onus of thinking about the sacrifices one must make to run a family, on women. If sacrifices are to be made, they should be made by both people in a relationship and not just one.
The word ‘self-sufficient’ has no basis in reality. Unless one lives in a self-constructed dwelling in the Himalayas or the rainforest and collects their own water, creates their own food, hunts and maintains their own dwelling, one isn’t self-sufficient.
No need to over analyze; self sufficient has many synonyms and in the context of a person, as an adjective, it would mean being independent. Simple as that.
The ying and yang were perfectly balanced in the household.
...the ying yang balance was gone
Agreed! The notion of self sufficiency is unintelligible. "Ying-yang" on the other hand...
You are probably alluding to the roles of prehistoric men and women in hunter-gatherer societies but even those theories of man-the-hunter are now being debunked. Anthropology is showing that sexual division of labor was equitable even back then, that women too participated in hunting, farming and a variety of jobs that didn't merely confine them to homes. But why bring primitive models to justify a woman's confinement to home, in 2023? Instead of focusing on what-was, shouldn't the discussion focus on what-should-be? Bread-winning and home-making (including the drudgery of household chores) should be the responsibility of both partners in a relationship, right?
No I was not alluding to the roles of prehistoric men and women at all. Gender based roles were prevalent in our societies not more than 1-2 generations ago, and they still are in a lot of places. The reason people had defined gender roles in the past was to lessen each other's burden, now if each person has to do double the work (and lets be honest women still do the majority of household work), how is that beneficial for them? And why look down women who choose to do raise their children and homemaking over bread-winning because she finds it exhausting to do both?
This statement is farcical on multiple levels (for instance, even a rudimentary search will yield findings by UN, IMF, Harvard business review and such which would show that wages for men have increased as a result of greater inclusion of women in the labor force) but since we are not here to discuss economics, suffice it to say that when more women work, economies grow. Empowering women to participate equally in the global economy adds trillions of dollars more in GDP growth. Barriers to women entering the labor force is coming at a significant economic cost for a country. These are all well documented. Irrespective of whether we are nationalists or globalists, we can't let ignorance on these issues hamper progress.
What is progress and for whom? Please define it first and be specific. Also please explain how 'economic growth' benefits the average person.
It is textbook sexism to put the onus of thinking about the sacrifices one must make to run a family, on women. If sacrifices are to be made, they should be made by both people in a relationship and not just one.
Well, duh!! But when a woman works, who typically makes more sacrifices, the man or the woman? Is the man doing more household chores or looking after kids more often or is the woman doing all of that as well as working a job? Which gender typically makes more sacrifices? And why is that? Because the man has not evolved to be the nurturing gender, that has always been the woman's role.
No need to over analyze; self sufficient has many synonyms and in the context of a person, as an adjective, it would mean being independent. Simple as that.
Independent in what way? Again, please be specific. And what's wrong with being dependent btw? Are you doing all of your plumbing, house maintenance, cooking, driving alongside having a day job yourself? If not, unfortunately, you are not independent. This is not over-analysis, this is basic reality. Women have never been and still aren't self-sufficient, because once again, they are not evolutionary evolved to do building and maintenance work. That is a man's job.
Agreed! The notion of self sufficiency is unintelligible. "Ying-yang" on the other hand...
Sure, to a personal with a certain ideological standpoint, "ying-yang" is unintelligible, but then everything outside of their ideological framework is.😛😆
Much have already been said about this topic. Liked reading various comments and opinions.
Here is mine, I think sonali used the word "lazy" in wrong context. She might mean that every women should be independent today and not dependent on their boyfriends/husbands. May be she couldn't find better word for what she wanted to say and using the word "lazy" just seemed an attempt to generalize all women and categories them in working women vs non working women debate.
Laziness is a character trait, it is not something which can be said as an exclusive trait of women only or non working women in particular. Several men are also lazy. I am a working woman and my mom is home maker but I know for sure that I am lazier than my mom.
And about working women, I want to share here a completely different perspective based on my experience. I work in public/govt sector and I am very disappointed at times to notice majority of women in this sector are actually lazy. For 10.30 office they come at 11.00 and also leave half an hour early, they have their royal 1 hour lunch and they always play woman card when something important, time consuming and critical work is assigned to them. Believe me they wont even shy away from crying in front of officers to avoid that work. I absolutely hate such women but unfortunately in my decade long career now I have mostly come across such women. These women are responsible for creating a image about women that they cant work, they cant handle pressure, they should not be promoted etc.
I understand that perception about govt. employees, both men and women, in general is a that of lazy bunch of people and I am also not saying that I hadn't found a male employee as lazy. But I can assure you things are changing rapidly. Gone are the days when people used to be traumatized on their visit to govt. Office. Now a days there is so much transperancy, the govt- citizen interface has improved drastically that govt employees are working as hard as private sector employees or may be even more. But the attitude of some women have not changed.
May be private sector is more demanding and there is cut throat competition so women there cant avoid work but we find lazy employees in private sector also.
In short, laziness is not something which can only be construed as something related or contributing to working vs non working women debate. Its simply one of basic human nature and it is find in every human in varying degrees.
The women who don't want to work just simply wants to be a homemaker has every right to do so. It should be her choice. In fact if a woman wants financially stable husband because she wants to concentrate on her family and household then also I don't think she should be criticised for it, its her thinking and its her life.
But I think people should be passionate about what they believe and what they ultimately chose. Because if people make decisions half heartedly then definitely they end up being lazy and not performing in their field.
Because the man has not evolved to be the nurturing gender, that has always been the woman's role. Studies confirm that nurturing fatherhood is rooted in male biology (childandfamilyblog.com) Sexy dads: The allure of men who like babies (parentingscience.com) Women have never been and still aren't self-sufficient, because once again, they are not evolutionary evolved to do building and maintenance work. That is a man's job. Don’t Blame Gender Inequity On Our Ancestors, Ancient Women Were Big-Game Hunters Too (forbes.com)
Maybe it's time to rethink gender roles and stop blaming our ancestors for gender inequity.
When both men and women are capable of nurturing as well as providing (see the links above), why should only one gender compromise with her dreams?
P.S. My only intention here is to refute the traditional gender roles. And I have already expressed what I feel about the issue being discussed.
Don't think she meant all Indian women or home makers r lazy..
Her statement was for those Papa ki Pari types who want a rich husband and prefer to stay independently (nothing wrong in that)..but r also unwilling to share household responsibilities while constantly pressurizing the guy..
M not kidding..there r many young girls with such mentality..mujhe pre wedding photoshoot chahiye amazing location par, want a destination wedding, foreign honeymoon, shopping to pass the time..all this while not earning for themselves..even seen few homes where both earn but wife's money goes in her account for her expenses alone while husband's money goes for home expenses. Chalo wo bhi theek hai..lekin phir husband par pressure mat daalo na ..to give expensive gifts setting high expectations.
Wanting a comfortable, luxurious life is fine..but it doesn't fall into our lap just like that..kuch to karna padega na..
Have seen teenage girls saying I will study whatever I want..career bani to theek hai..else Shaadi kar lenge.
Earlier there may have been a small number of such cases but they r on a rise..Yes there r women who push their dreams back while taking care of family, willingly or not..and they deserve all accolades. But what Sonali said is not entirely untrue.
And she didn't generalize..social media has a habit or taking everything as black n white while trolling. People always go to the extreme and can't see things objectively.
Edited to add : have seen more n more guys taking responsibility of managing household work..teaching the same to my kids too coz that's absolutely necessary..every single person, man or woman need to have basic life skills.
Edited by Kyahikahoon - 1 years agoOn a completely personal note, I totally agree with you. People ask me why I say I don't want to get married and I jokingly say cause I have HR or because I like being alone. But truth is that basically everyone around me is either living in a compromised relationship (as in they want to separate but can't because log kya kahenge) or where the woman is subservient to the man (because that's how they've been taught) or where the man is a man-child (because he never learnt basic life skills) or a combination of the three. Honestly, I don't want any of those situations in my life. I'm happy being alone and making my own decisions, spending my own money, and not having to rely on someone or having someone rely on me. I understand we need companions in life, but I feel we need to normalize having friends for that, having a pet for that, or just having entertainment for that. Tomorrow, I would rather adopt 10 shelter dogs than marry for companionship.
I feel as much as women are taught basic life skills and taking care of the house at a young age, men should be as well. And as much women are taught to be demure, caring, etc., men should be too. Why is it a woman's responsibility to do the house chores, take care of the man and children, and basically not say a word? Why is it a woman's responsibility to bend to every whim and fancy to keep the family together? Why is it that a woman's name is the only one that gets maligned if a relationship breaks or if a divorce happens?
There r more n more men like the ones u want..years of conditioning won't change overnight but changes r happening..both genders need to take few steps towards reaching that equality. please look around..Hope u will find ur man if u r willing.
But ya..my way or highway doesn't work in relationships..neither the man not woman need to be subservient, they need to be understanding..takes time but it happens
| Topics | Author | Replies | Views | Last Post Reply |
|---|---|---|---|---|
|
Why Men are better than Women
PardesiBabu 88 8399 |
PardesiBabu | 88 | 8399 | 4 months ago firewings_diya |
