Part 3
I would have carved my heart,
And presented it to you on a platter,
Would that have sufficed??
Would that have cooled your soul?
Would that have put a balm on your delicate ego,
So easily bruised...
Or even that would not be enough to soothe the ache,
Within your existence...
Maybe then you would have demanded I lay my respect bare,
For your heart to feel whole...
But I am done...
Done soothing you...
Done taking it,
Done fighting...
For this battle of hearts,
Is already a battle lost...
Dubai skyline looked surreal in fog. Rishita loved it. She loved this world. So peaceful than the previous one. She loved the silence of it all. She loved how her world, nestled in this hub, had grown deeper, simply by cutting themselves off the stifling air of Pandya Niwas and planting themselves here.
Rishita loved it here, because it was here that she truly felt safe. She had fought a long battle to get here. She had fought the very foundation of their family to carve a peaceful world for herself and her family. And she hadn't regretted.
Back when she had married into Pandya Niwas, she hadn't expected the family to be as it was. Every decision for her was taken by someone else. Often she had wondered if running away from her family, her wedding had been a wise choice? Especially when she had seen how Dev had refused to take stand for her multiple times. Her heart and hope had dwindled. But Rishita had always been the one to take first step towards Dev. Even when he had taken steps away from her.
It was her who had held on to him when he had slipped away from her to fulfill his Bhabhi's demands of wedding Raavi. It was him, who had given her up easily after his Bhabhi was insulted at her place. And it was her who had run away from her wedding because she loved him too much to let him slip away. Rishita Dwivedi was a fighter, a warrior princess in her own right. She loved and fought for her love. She had courage to hive her heart away and then she had the guts to make sure to follow her decision through. This was all her. Dev had always been a passive passenger of her decisions. And she had always been the more assertive one.
So when her doubts and regrets regarding Dev had arose. She had pushed them down and done away with them, because she understood that it was her decision and every decision had a price. She needed to pay for hers. And paid she had. She had paid for her decision and some more.
Rishita had faced with interfering family members, threatened motherhood and also her spouse's indecisiveness and unsupportive nature. She had faced name calling and then she had faced her own confusions regarding many matters.
She had lived a cherished life and had been spoiled to the core by doting parents and Aunt before she married. Adjusting to her life afterwards had been very difficult. She had been selfish, she had been uncaring and she had stayed silent when it wasn't her own respect on line. But she had tried her best to do what she had to do to survive.
When she had held her Veda, she had finally understood that she would do anything to give her the life she deserved. Her daughter won't be a spoilt princess, she will be a dignified one. One who knows which battles to fight and which to let go. She would make sure Veda understood the balance between self preservation and selfishness.
Rishita watched from the window of her flat. Dev had already gone to his work and Veda, her chutki, was off to her school. This was her off time. Her time to unwind before her duty called. She didn't need to work. Dev was more than enough to look after their little family and also send some money to his family back home. But Rishita wanted to work. She wanted to have that freedom and also she wanted Veda to witness both her parents work harder along with equal parenting so Veda would know what to choose when she came of age. Rishita wouldn't have Veda think that she had to look after the family while her man would take care about the financial aspect. No... She wanted Veda to have freedom to work without people making her feel like she was sinning if she didn't toil hard in the kitchen whole day. She wanted Veda to understand that there was nothing wrong in trying to shoulder half the burden of her partner while letting her partner shoulder half of her own burden. She wanted Veda to understand that there was pride in both working as a home maker and also as a entrepreneur. She wanted Veda to understand that true partnership came only from respect and trust. She wanted all of this and more. And Rishita believed in teaching by example.
She had just finished her coffee when she heard her phone ring. A look at her screen told her that it was one of the two tailors she had employed. They were working independently in Dubai, before she presented them with a deal. And they accepted it. There was a craze of Abaya and jilbabs in Dubai. Normally people bought them from any supermarkets but some preferred to customize what they wanted, especially the localites. They preferred to choose the material and design of their Abayas. Rishita had decided to contact two of the tailors whom she knew and started stitching Abayas which she later advertised. This was one leg of her small scale business, the other leg was jewelry for which she had other plans. The business had begun shakily but after almost an year of rigorous hard-work and advertising, it was gaining momentum. She was getting orders online and through people who knew her. She was quite at peace with what she did now. The jewelry side of her business was relatively newer and she was hoping it would take off just like the other one.
After speaking with the man, she turned towards her social media once more and was editing the videos that showcased the newest abayas when she received another call.
“Aye Rishita!” She heard her mother in law and smiled.
“Haan Ma boliye.”
“Beta Chutki se baat karwa do! Bahut yaad aa rahi hai uski.” Suman requested. Rishita smiled gently, softly. She had repaired her relationship with her mother in law a couple of years ago for Veda. Dhara was another issue though.
“Abhi to woh school main hai! Bhool gayi Ma?” She asked.
“Ohh!” She heard Suman on the other side full of understanding and disappointment. “Haan main to bhool hi gayi. Bacche kitni jaldi bade ho jate hain. Mujhe to Chutki ke ghar par hone ki aadat hai na. Yeh baat to yaad hi nahi rahi.” Suman mused. “Kaisi hai woh? Aur tu kaisi hai? Dev theek hai na?” Suman asked.
“Sab theek hain. Dev aaj jaldi chale gaye. Kuch dinon se kaam badh gaya hai. Aur main bhi theek hoon. Thode aur orders aa gaye hain. Abhi tailor se baat kiya hai aur thode videos edit kar rahi hoon. Aap dekh lena aur ideas bhi dena!” She told her mother in law fondly. Suman chuckled.
When Rishita had started the business, she had received support from everyone in her life but Suman had been a little hesitant. It didn’t stop her though. Instead of debating and arguing with her mother in law, Rishita had strived to include her more and more. And it was slow but Suman had come around. Now they frequently discussed her designs and also the materials she should use. It was enjoyable to discuss this with her. Somedays Rishita felt Suman was closer to her more than she was to Dev. And that was what she considered a very successful feat. They had reached a balance. Suman was still a little upset with Dev but with Rishita she was soft and gentle. Her complains were for her children. Her daughters in law weren’t responsible for their action. Suman had learned the hard way. But she had learned.
“Yeh to bahut acchi baat hai.” Suman encouraged her and asked her about the material she had used. They continued the topic for a while.
“Pata hai Ma? Aaj Veda ke school mein show and tell hai. Use apni favorite frock pehenkar aur apna favorite toy lekar jana tha. Uske baare mein baat karni thi. Janti hain woh konsa frock pehenke gayi hai?” Rishita asked.
“Konsa?” Suman laughed already guessing.
“Woh jo aapne silwakar bheja tha na? Woh! Usne kaha bhi hai ki sab ko batayegi ki Daadi ne bheja hai!” Rishita told her. Suman tearfully smiled on the other end. She was happy and content to see her daughter in law keeping her grandchild connected to her. Rishita hai promised her and she was also fulfilling it.
“Jeeti reh.” She whispered. Rishita was smiling tearfully too. “Jaldi aana beta! Chuttiyan milte hi aa jana. Bahut yaad aati hai tum logon ki.”
“Kuch mahine aap aa jaye na Maa? Fir him saath wapas jayenge. Aapka bhi mann behel jaayega!” Rishita asked hopefully. She had been trying to get Suman to Dubai since a long time. Suman always refused.
“Fir kabhi Beta! Abhi nahin...” Suman said. Rishita sighed. This was one thing they hadn’t yet accomplished. But there was hope...
Rishita talked for a while more before she ended the call and got back to work, only for her phone to ring for the third time. She saw the screen and then the time. Right on time. As usual. He was like clockwork. In three years, he had always called on the same day at the same time. She shook her head fondly and received the call.
“Hello...” A deep voice called out.
***
Suman ended the call after a long time and went outside to check on her remaining family. There was a time when this house used to be filled with laughter, songs and fights too. Now, everything was silent, lifeless. She sighed.
She had been paralyzed mother of four kids. Her husband, her partner had departed the world and her brother whom she trusted had broken her trust. She had persevered. If she would have lost hope, she would have lost her family. And for their sake, she had hoped to be strong, to recover.
She belonged to a generation where family was everything. Holding on to them tightly and not letting it break was an honor. In her generation, there was no breaking off from family. And it worked for that generation. Some things are timeless, somethings though changed with time. Staying in a joint family was one such thing. Before there was no question about leaving their family to live separately. It was seen as a sin, as something only ‘wicked witches’ did. It reflected on character they said. And Suman had held on to her own for a very long time. She had faced many things herself, she had grown up imbibing those things herself. She had also hd to bear her own elders, who, though loving, were seldom showing affection or punished more than explained the mistake. She knew their hearts were in the right places even though their tongues were harsh and thats how she grew up and grew old. To her that was normal. And they were taught to bear everything and not complain. That was her generation.
But time changes, so do people, so do their thoughts and their way of life. Suman, like most people her age, held on to those beliefs, clinging to them like they were her Gospel. So when Dhara’s mother ran away, it was something unbelievable to all of the ladies, who were clinging to their families and tying them together. That she would abandon her family was something they found shameful. Suman was one such person too. But Dhara had been innocent, now that she thought about it. And Suman, stuck in her old ways had punished Dhara for something her mother did. Suman wasn’t proud now. But then, she had clung on to her beliefs and had thought that Dhara would abandon her family too like her mother had.
Dhara came to their lives and got on with everyone like house on fire. She took the responsibilities of her kids when Suman herself couldn’t and she would forever be grateful to her for that. She served Suman with gentleness and despite her bitter behavior, Dhara remained sweet. She didn’t abandon them. Suman came to respect her gradually, reluctantly.
Dhara gave away ten years of her life and heard taunts of being barren for her kids and so they could grow up. Her own dreams of motherhood remained unfulfilled and i. The background for so long that when they reappeared, they did so with a craze, with a passion that took her daughter in law in the land of no return. But even then, Suman couldn’t seem to abandon Dhara like most of her family did. Because when Suman needed her the most, Dhara had remained by her side. She was the earth on which Suman lived. Sure and ever present. Now that Suman wanted her to become her sky, could she refuse her?? That was the reason she didn’t want to leave Dhara even for some months. She had witnessed Dhara’s atonement and she couldn’t leave her no matter what. For all the kindness and responsibility Dhara had shown her, she was indebted. Sumam couldn’t even change her clothes or go to the bathroom without Dhara, but Dhara hadn’t ever made her feel helpless or low. She had done all her work with utmost care. That was who Dhara was. She had mistakes, she had become unbearable but she was the only one who had stayed and cared for her like a mother did for a child.
Many times, Suman had felt rage at Dhara for snatching her children away. The love they had held for Dhara had been nothing short of a craze, a lunacy. But it was not just Dhara’s fault. It was her grown up children at fault too. They hadn’t learned to keep a boundary, a balance. In the end everything just happened and when they turned to see what had happened, none of them could be called blameless. Suman sighed.
***
“Hello?”
“Hello! Maasi ma?” Raavi asked with a soft and scared voice. She heard a pin drop silence on the other end.
“Raavi?” She enquired in a steady voice.
“Haan...” Raavi’s voice broke.
“Kaisi hai?” Her Maasi asked steadily. And the lack of warmth in her mother figure’s voice broke her.
That had been two years ago. They had talked after almost three years. And Prafulla hadn’t then forgiven her for leaving with out a single word. Now their conversations were much easier than before but not still like it used to be. Prafulla talked with her caringly now, but still didn’t venture more information to her. Raavi sometimes wished she would just let slip something, but she was very careful regarding what she spoke.
They spoke about Prafulla and her Mausapa. They spoke about Anitha and her cousin brother sometimes. But thats it. She wasn’t given any information on the Pandyas and especially not on Shiva. Raavi sighed. Today she was finally going to ask.
“Maasi?” She began gently, imploringly.
“Haan Beta?” Prafulla asked. Raavi hadn’t visited them since she left home. They hd come once last year but left soon.
“Maasi... Sab theek hain?”
“Haan sab theek hain! Anitha ka call aaya tha. Uske sasural mein thodi tension chal rahi hai. Aur ye bhi to pagal hai na? To thodi upar neeche chalti rehti hai. Tere Mausapa ko kal mein doctor ke paas check up ke liye le gayi thi. Sab theek hai par thodi BP ka masla hai bas.”
“Aur... Aur Pandya Niwas?” She finally got some courage to enquire. Prafulla fell silent.
“Itne saal mein pehli baar pooch rahi hai.” Prafulla breathed. “Kyun?”
“Bas... Aise hi...”
“Saare logon ka pooch rahi hai ya bus Shiva ka?”
Her Maasi ma was quite direct. She gulped. Today was her anniversary with Shiva. She had been on pins and needles like she was every year. But she hadn’t had courage to ask about him before. She was scared to hear that he moved on. Despite herself having moved on. The heart was a strange thing.
“Sab ka...” She tried to salvage a little more of herself.
“Tujhe pata hai Raavi? Maine hamesha us parivaar ko bikharte hue dekhna chaha tha. Pan jab sach mein bikhra, tab jaana ki uss parivaar se to meri bhi zindagi ki ronaq thi. Ab to sab shaant hai. Bas...” Prafulla told her. Raavi’s heart skipped a beat. What had happened after she left? She gulped.
“Maasi!” She said urgently. She was desperate to know. “Shiva! Shiva kaisa hai?” She asked. She didn’t know what she wanted to hear. She wanted to hear he was happy. She wanted to hear he was not. But she didn’t want to hear-
“Uska paanch saal pehle accident ho gaya tha...”
Raavi felt her phone slip from her fingers as the world roared around her. She felt like waves of grief and pain were rushing to drown her. She tried to exhale but her heart hurt and then she broke in sobs.
She had to go back! She had to! She needed to go!
“Shiva...” She whispered brokenly.
__________
And thats a wrap!
Do tell me how was it!
All of u who commented! Thank you so much.
Means a lot to me!
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