Chapter 6: Vulnerable
AN : I know this chapter might be a little borring for some of you, but I found it important for the progress of the characters. This story focus heavily on grief, healing and growth for different characters. As the story continues, it will be more of Pihu and Ram boding, and the three of them figuring out their family dynamics. Anyways, happy reading :)
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Priya left Pihu in Sheenaz âs care in the shelter, as she went to look for a teaching job. Sheenazâs daughter Neha was close to Pihu and even Priya had found a friend in Sheenaz. The two of them had bonded over being single mothers, but unlike Sheenaz who had lost her husband to a robbery in the mall when some robbers had shoot Sheenaz husband who worked as the mall guard. Priya had told Ram that it was not his child she was pregnant with, and that she wanted a divorce because her love was Krish. It had been an inhumane and cruel thing to say, to use his fears, insecurity and trauma against him hours after he found that his father was murdered by her family and his sister had died outside her house caused by yet another family member of hers.
Priya had caused damage to him that will affect him for the rest of his life, Priya did not murder Shivi or Virendra, but she is still guilty at least when it comes to Shivi, her blood is on her hands as well.
Priya twisted with her wedding rings, a glimmer of hope that it would comfort her like Ram once used to by his kindness and warmth.
âPriya, you asked for divorce which was granted and still you keep your wedding ring. Why?â she remembers Sheenaz asking her once
âThe ring symbolizes everything I threw away by choosing my family over him.â Priya had answered her friend.
Priya stood outside the school building and hoped this could be a fresh start that she and Pihu desperately needed, and they could get out of the shelter and get their own house.
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Ram looked at the painting of the mountains hanging on the red walls, the last five years Ram has gotten used to the red walls and the countless nature paintings hanging on his therapistâs office. The terrible coffee that Doctor Rhea offers him every time, which he for some reason keep saying yes to on the other side is something he is not used to. The coffee is quite bitter, but he swallows it like he does the bitter and cruel reality that is his life.
âRam, Shavianâs birthday was a week ago. How did it go?â Doctor Rhea asked him
Ram grabbed the grey pillow on the couch and placed it in his arms, in front of his chest as he thought about his sisterâs birthday.
âHer birthday is always difficult, but my friends and Zoah was there. It was nice knowing I had not to go through it alone, that I could lean on her. You know, what doc? I know Iâm safe with her.â He said his eyes softening, his voice gentle and barely audible for someone to hear as if it was just a secret for his ears to hear. Rhea saw him ran his hand through his hair, giving her a soft laugh before he continued with what he was saying.
âAfter getting books, food and toys Zoah and I went to a children and womenâs shelter that Zoah âs father opened. The joy on the kidâs face was beautiful to see, there was this girl her name is Pihu. She was adorable,and she had this beautiful blue eye and the most adorable smile ever. Zoah has turned her biggest fan because Pihu made me laugh and smile for the first time.âRam said with a small smile on his face which Doctor Rhea took to notice. Rhea scribbled something in her notes, as Ram continued speaking and sharing the conversation Ram had in the car with Zoah.
âMom showed up on the beach, Iâm so proud of her. I think we both got to honor Shivi and share the pain of losing her. Iâm jus tglad she decided not to be alone on such a day, and that she allowed me to comfort her. Not that my comfort can ever bring Shivi backâ he whispered as he traced his tattoo on his wrist.
âVikrantâs betrayal, how are you dealing with that?â Doctor Rhea asked as she saw Ram continue trace his tattoo, a habit he had when talking about difficult things. Ramâs eyes turned darker; she could see him clench his jaw at the mention of Vikrant. The warmth in his eyes earlier as hehad talked about Pihu, Zoah and Nandini was gone. Doctor Rhea felt cold chills as she stared back at him.
Ram closed his eyes and took deep breathes as he muttered âBruised but not brokenâ as a mantra. He could hear Doctor Rhea writing in her notes, and something about the sound of her writing grounded him. Ram opened his eyes slowly, looking at the red walls to remind him he was in a safe space.
âHe is not working with me anymore, and I cut my ties with him. I donât feel safe with him, because there is no place in my life for people,I donât trust me and who can go on with lying to me. Obviously, itâs not easy because he was a brother to me, I loved him. Itâs not like you switch a button and all the love is gone, but with time I will move on. But it was importantfor me to tell him I canât have in my life, I had to set a boundary like you have taught meâ Ram said softly and the doctor continued writing. The therapy session continued, Doctor Rhea still wanted him to work on his sleep schedule, two hours of sleep was not enough.
Ram got up from his chair and said, âSo what task are you giving me this time?â he asked as at the end of every session doctor Rhea would give him a task, like one time he had to practice on his breathing techniques and once he had to write down boundaries.
âRam, in every therapy session that we have had since your first grief counseling four years ago there has been not one session together where you have not mentioned Zoah. Yes, it is true that you have mentioned a lo tof your friends, your mother and brother, the loss of your parents and sister, your ex-wife and her family but in every session, there is a lot of mention of Zoah in my notes.â
âWhat are you trying to imply doc?â he asked with a raised eyebrow, and he crossed his arms in front of his heart.
Doctor Rhea smiled as she saw him struggle not to trace the tattoo on his wrist that was a matching tatoo he took with Zoah after their last grief conseling group session. Doctor Rhea remembers how Ram had told her they both had decided to take a tattoo of the white dove because that was Shiviâs favourite bird and under the bird was a saying Zoahâs father used to say âBruised, but not brokenâ. According to Ram, the tattoo symbolized the person the two of them had lost and the reason Zoah and Ram had met each other.
âIâm not trying to imply anything Ram. I do however want you to write down what she means to youâ she said softly as she saw a flicker of different emotions in Ramâs face. Ram gave her a nod; he grabbed the notebook she gave to him and walked out of his therapist's office.
Doctor Rhea had given Ram the most difficult task, how does he find words to describe what Zoah has done for him and what she means to him. There is no words to explain that he believes in Zoah like he believes that he will see Shivi again.
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With the help of Shubham both manage to put Nandini back to sleep, both brothers were exhausted and just nodded their head in acknowledge before they turned to leave the opposite side.
âRam bhaiâ he hears Shubham call out and he turns around seeing his little brother look at him with guilty and sorrowful eyes. Ram wants to comfort him, but he is not sure if he has right too anymore. He wonders if Shubham blames him for Shivi dying and the state their mother was in.
âI miss here everydayâ his brother confessed after a minute of silence; he saw his brother look at his hands as if he was not sure if he was allowed to tell him that.
âI miss her tooâ he admitted, his heart longed to embrace his brother and cry in his shoulder
Shubham took a step forward and a small spark of hopein his heart grew, before he saw Shubham took two steps backwards.
âI remember when dad died, mom went to depressive state and she for a month did not leave her room. You took care of us that month bhaiâ Shubham whispered
âThen why do you hate me, Shubham, we were not always like thisâ he said remembering how Shubham and he would play videogames before his dad passed away
âI did not lose only my father that night, I lost my brother too Ram bhai. You started acting like my dad, not like my brother. Itwas like you were trying to take his placeâ Shubham confessed
Ram looked at him confused before saying âI was just trying toâŚ.â
âTo keep dadâs promise, I know.â Shubham finished his sentence and both brothers looked at each other, not sure how they move forward after a rare moment of vulnerability and confusing confessions
âI will try not to act like your fatherâ Ram said after a while before he nervously put a hand on his brotherâs shoulder, and he just hoped his brother would not move backwards because he was holding on to his family as if his life depended on it.
âI will try to be a better brother, Shivi and dad would have liked that.â Shubham said offering him a small smile and then his brother hugged him. The hug was a little awkward, but it was the most genuine hug his brother had given him after his dadâs death, so Ram would cherish their hug for the rest of his life.
âThis time you donât have to take care of mom alone like you did when she was in depressive state for a month, this time we will do this together bhai. Promise me, you will not try to shelter me from the reality.âShubham said as they moved away from the embrace.
Ram felt his heart sore of pride, knowing his dad would be proud of Shubham if he had been there.
âTogether, we will take care of momâ Ram said softly before saying goodnight to his little brother and walked to his room. After five years for the first time Ram slept without any nightmares.
A/N : Sorry for any typos! Let me know what you think :)
Edited by Overthinking123 - 2 years ago
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