Confusing Abuse with love ...IG post and a reflection wrt show

Sorry to spoil the happy Sunday vibes with a somewhat sombre post , but saw the below IG post regarding abuse and felt like sharing with all ...

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CegZomJjR9W/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

The post immidiately reminded me of our own Anupamaa and her relationship with Baa , Vanraj and the toxicland that she now considers as her "Maayka" . Though like all , I am dissapointed with the way many things are potrayed in the show , I never saw the show/Itv as a hallmark of women empowerment and other (pseudo) social messages anyway...so I'm not that outraged/suprised . However , there were some points today I felt like getting out of my head .....

- Would Anupamaa have ever realised/recognized the abuse (oh sorry , I guess she still doesnt recognise actually ) had it not been for the EMA ? Im 95% sure she would have continued ,happily living in the delusion of her idea of parivaar , dharampatni , sacrificing Maa etc . Though I never watched , the prequel also reinforced this fact I think

- The guise of the "Acha Pita, beta , Sasur "etc . Though we troll Vannu and the show for this one , but actually it is something relatable to ppl suffering from abuse . The Bf who is abusive , but at times "oh-so-caring" , the partner who is "a great parent " ...In RL it makes us ignore the red signals and many continue to suffer . It is especially problematic in marriages when children are involved , making it harder for an Anu to get a divorce than say a Devika .

- The “ sambhaal loongi “ syndrome : especially common when one partner especially women / gf initially feels the need to “ fix “ or “ mother “ the other one , under the delusion that their love will reform and make the situation better . Anuj’s caustic “ 26 saal tak sambhal paayi kya “ was a great mirror for the situation.

- The notion that mental abuse , gaslighting , any kind of shaming including the disgusting clothes shaming that Baa indulges nowaydays with BB isnt as bad since it is not "physical " . The makers themselves had to be very strongly reminded of this fact by the FD during the infamous DA track

- The final jolt / step : For Anupamaa it came first in form of EMA leading to the divorce and then moving out of the house after the Bhoomi Poojan and storm kaand post Anuj's entry . It was one of the most well executed tracks with impactful dialogues like "Bediyaan baandhke udaane nahi bhari jaati ...." etc, earning high TRPs . After all that how she's back defending her "maayka " , begging for cringeworthy hugs from the abuser, and overstepping boundaries is indeed baffling and beyond logic .

- The last blow is being delivered in form of whitewhashing of abusers at hands of favourite characters like Samar , Anuj and sometimes even Devika .

- The show prides itself on the fact that it has no "vamps " (RG said that during 1st episode of Star Parivaar) . But the so called "grey " characters of the show ( defended with full honours by the actor himself) , are much worst and 10 times more toxic than the other ITV vamps .

For Anu I still feel there is hope for a much better life if she's sensible and gets her prioritoes, looking at the way characters of Kavya and Kinjal are shown , I feel for them its all a downward spiral .....

This is an appeal to the writers , maybe also the actors and other creatives ( we know you go through our posts here and I also know mostly it will fall on deaf ears ) , please go through above IG post and stop making a mockery of abuse . You can show all the drama you want , but pls be sensible and sensitive about what you are showing as you have a responsibility towards a large audience many of whom are in similar difficult positions in life and taking inspiration from the show .

Adding tags ....

This post btw is not an attempt to spread negativity about the show and hope it will not be seen as so ...

Originally posted by: ga1986

Sorry to spoil the happy Sunday vibes with a somewhat sombre post , but saw the below IG post regarding abuse and felt like sharing with all ...

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CegZomJjR9W/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

The post immidiately reminded me of our own Anupamaa and her relationship with Baa , Vanraj and the toxicland that she now considers as her "Maayka" . Though like all , I am dissapointed with the way many things are potrayed in the show , I never saw the show/Itv as a hallmark of women empowerment and other (pseudo) social messages anyway...so I'm not that outraged/suprised . However , there were some points today I felt like getting out of my head today....

- Would Anupamaa have ever realised/recognized the abuse (oh sorry , I guess she still doesnt recognise actually ) had it not been for the EMA ? Im 95% sure she would have continued ,happily living in the delusion of her idea of parivaar , dharampatni , sacrificing Maa etc . Though I never watched , the prequel also reinforced this fact I think

- The guise of the "Acha Pita, beta , Sasur "etc . Though we troll Vannu and the show for this one , but actually it is something relatable to ppl suffering from abuse . The Bf who is abusive , but at times "oh-so-caring" , the partner who is "a great parent " ...In RL it makes us ignore the red signals and many continue to suffer . It is especially problematic in marriages when children are involved , making it harder for say an Anu to get a divorce than say a Devika .

- The notion that mental abuse , gaslighting , any kind of shaming including the disgusting clothes shaming that Baa indulges nowaydays with BB isnt as bad since it is not "physical " . The makers themselves had to be very strongly reminded of this fact by the FD during the infamous DA track

- The final jolt / step : For Anupamaa it came first in form of EMA leading to the divorce and then moving out of the house after the Bhoomi Poojan and storm kaand post Anuj's entry . It was one of the most well executed tracks with impactful dialogues like "Bediyaan baandhke udaane nahi bhari jaati ...." etc, earning high TRPs . After all that how she's back defending her "maayka " , begging for cringeworthy hugs from the abuser, and overstepping boundaries is indeed baffling and beyond logic .

- The last blow is being delivered in form of whitewhashing of abusers at hands of favourite characters like Samar , Anuj and sometimes even Devika .

- The show prides itself on the fact that it has no "vamps " (RG said that during 1st episode of Star Parivaar) . But the so called "grey " characters of the show ( defended with full honours by the actor himself) , are much worst and 10 times more toxic than the other ITV vamps .

For Anu I still feel there is hope for a much better life if she's sensible and gets her prioritoes, looking at the way characters of Kavya and Kinjal are shown , I feel for them its all a downward spiral for them .....

This is an appeal to the writers , maybe also the actors and other creatives ( we know you go through our posts here and I also know mostly it will fall on deaf ears ) , please go through above IG post and stop making a mockery of abuse . You can show all the drama you want , but pls be sensible and sensitive about what you are showing as you have a responsibility towards a large audience many of whom are in similar difficult positions in life and taking inspiration from the show .

I saw this post. And I agree with whatever was said in that. I have seen the live example of such case. My previous roommate is in such a relationship. All my explanation and gyaan fell on deaf ears with one call from his. Now, I know no matter what I say she can't break away unless he shatters her to the point of no return. I may seem cruel but I hope that happens sooner than later. I felt bad but that's all I can do. Irony is she understands that whatever I said to her is correct but still she is not able to break away from him.

Anupama defending Baa and her bachcho ke pita gets on my nerve. She does that even after she has seen (and somewhat realised) what those two are capable of. No matter whatever one says a woman can never forget or forgive someone who has questioned her character, even if that person is her father/mother and that too in front of her kids. First of all, I do not think any parent is capable of doing that (I know there are parents who does that and have done far worse things, in my eyes they do not deserve to be called as parents. So I do not count them). Like I said, even people of this age are not able to break away from those situations. That's where this show could have been an example in showing how to break away from these situations. That "Bediyaan baandhke udaane nahi bhari jaati ...." was one of the classic dialogue and classic scene.

Unpopular opinion: Online viewer's demand of love story and romance may have added to kill that slow burn. They seriously should have leveraged upon that platonic friendship and made Anupama break away from that toxicity. This show was never a love story. They rushed with the development of feelings and confession. Anupama's character has been so back and forth that it seems she is at the same place except her ex husband is now only her bachcho ke pita.

Red: Makers will simply say that didn't you see the disclaimer? It says it does not have any relevance to any living/dead person. I was having a conversation in twitter with someone and she told me that RS said the story is based on his mom's life.

Originally posted by: strancho

I saw this post. And I agree with whatever was said in that. I have seen the live example of such case. My previous roommate is in such a relationship. All my explanation and gyaan fell on deaf ears with one call from his. Now, I know no matter what I say she can't break away unless he shatters her to the point of no return. I may seem cruel but I hope that happens sooner than later. I felt bad but that's all I can do. Irony is she understands that whatever I said to her is correct but still she is not able to break away from him.

Anupama defending Baa and her bachcho ke pita gets on my nerve. She does that even after she has seen (and somewhat realised) what those two are capable of. No matter whatever one says a woman can never forget or forgive someone who has questioned her character, even if that person is her father/mother and that too in front of her kids. First of all, I do not think any parent is capable of doing that (I know there are parents who does that and have done far worse things, in my eyes they do not deserve to be called as parents. So I do not count them). Like I said, even people of this age are not able to break away from those situations. That's where this show could have been an example in showing how to break away from these situations. That "Bediyaan baandhke udaane nahi bhari jaati ...." was one of the classic dialogue and classic scene.

Unpopular opinion: Online viewer's demand of love story and romance may have added to kill that slow burn. They seriously should have leveraged upon that platonic friendship and made Anupama break away from that toxicity. This show was never a love story. They rushed with the development of feelings and confession. Anupama's character has been so back and forth that it seems she is at the same place except her ex husband is now only her bachcho ke pita.

Red: Makers will simply say that didn't you see the disclaimer? It says it does not have any relevance to any living/dead person. I was having a conversation in twitter with someone and she told me that RS said the story is based on his mom's life.

Pompy, sorry to hear about your roommate. I think that, victims like her go back is because many feel one or more of these below -

- it is the way of life,

- marriage is a once-in-lifetime thing (along with saath janam bakwas!) ,

- they don't have choice, i.e lack of financial independence,

- worried about society

- children involved, don't want to disrupt the family

I was truly hoping this show would tell the story of how the char Anupama does it, when all those are true for her. Like you said, I was never in it for the love story. Yes, I agree that she must move on and liberate herself in all facets of life, including seeking companionship in the other gender. But, what we are seeing now is not at all what I hoped for.

End of the day, I think that there is no point in this. The show keeps running as long as it rules the TRP charts. No point in dicussing, I guess.

Originally posted by: SmithaRam

Pompy, sorry to hear about your roommate. I think that, victims like her go back is because many feel one or more of these below -

- it is the way of life,

- marriage is a once-in-lifetime thing (along with saath janam bakwas!) ,

- they don't have choice, i.e lack of financial independence,

- worried about society

- children involved, don't want to disrupt the family

I was truly hoping this show would tell the story of how the char Anupama does it, when all those are true for her. Like you said, I was never in it for the love story. Yes, I agree that she must move on and liberate herself in all facets of life, including seeking companionship in the other gender. But, what we are seeing now is not at all what I hoped for.

End of the day, I think that there is no point in this. The show keeps running as long as it rules the TRP charts. No point in dicussing, I guess.

True Smitha , no point in discussing it I guess .., the TRPs seem to indicate that the audience are actually liking the Maykaa Sasural cringe

I wanted to share the IG post here as I feel some of us may be stuck in a similar situation.. I hope they read it and take the necessary steps or help to get out of the situation or better it in some way 🤞 ... I connected it to Anupamaa and the show cz well , that’s the original common bond that we all have here ... otherwise by now I’m also resigned to the fact that the show is a goner in this area anyway ...😔

Originally posted by: ga1986

Sorry to spoil the happy Sunday vibes with a somewhat sombre post , but saw the below IG post regarding abuse and felt like sharing with all ...

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CegZomJjR9W/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

The post immidiately reminded me of our own Anupamaa and her relationship with Baa , Vanraj and the toxicland that she now considers as her "Maayka" . Though like all , I am dissapointed with the way many things are potrayed in the show , I never saw the show/Itv as a hallmark of women empowerment and other (pseudo) social messages anyway...so I'm not that outraged/suprised . However , there were some points today I felt like getting out of my head today....

- Would Anupamaa have ever realised/recognized the abuse (oh sorry , I guess she still doesnt recognise actually ) had it not been for the EMA ? Im 95% sure she would have continued ,happily living in the delusion of her idea of parivaar , dharampatni , sacrificing Maa etc . Though I never watched , the prequel also reinforced this fact I think

- The guise of the "Acha Pita, beta , Sasur "etc . Though we troll Vannu and the show for this one , but actually it is something relatable to ppl suffering from abuse . The Bf who is abusive , but at times "oh-so-caring" , the partner who is "a great parent " ...In RL it makes us ignore the red signals and many continue to suffer . It is especially problematic in marriages when children are involved , making it harder for say an Anu to get a divorce than say a Devika .

- The notion that mental abuse , gaslighting , any kind of shaming including the disgusting clothes shaming that Baa indulges nowaydays with BB isnt as bad since it is not "physical " . The makers themselves had to be very strongly reminded of this fact by the FD during the infamous DA track

- The final jolt / step : For Anupamaa it came first in form of EMA leading to the divorce and then moving out of the house after the Bhoomi Poojan and storm kaand post Anuj's entry . It was one of the most well executed tracks with impactful dialogues like "Bediyaan baandhke udaane nahi bhari jaati ...." etc, earning high TRPs . After all that how she's back defending her "maayka " , begging for cringeworthy hugs from the abuser, and overstepping boundaries is indeed baffling and beyond logic .

- The last blow is being delivered in form of whitewhashing of abusers at hands of favourite characters like Samar , Anuj and sometimes even Devika .

- The show prides itself on the fact that it has no "vamps " (RG said that during 1st episode of Star Parivaar) . But the so called "grey " characters of the show ( defended with full honours by the actor himself) , are much worst and 10 times more toxic than the other ITV vamps .

For Anu I still feel there is hope for a much better life if she's sensible and gets her prioritoes, looking at the way characters of Kavya and Kinjal are shown , I feel for them its all a downward spiral for them .....

This is an appeal to the writers , maybe also the actors and other creatives ( we know you go through our posts here and I also know mostly it will fall on deaf ears ) , please go through above IG post and stop making a mockery of abuse . You can show all the drama you want , but pls be sensible and sensitive about what you are showing as you have a responsibility towards a large audience many of whom are in similar difficult positions in life and taking inspiration from the show .

For me, it's unbearable to watch such scenes, literally my blood boils. I even did not find Devika's dialog to Kavya, (just forgive him for your peace) appealing.

To make myself calm, I try to think in diff way, why I do I take these things so seriously, nothing is real, and should take it as entertainment as others do. Why disturb your peace of mind bcoz of a serial only.

But I am not able to take it lightly and it always disturbs my peace of mind. Bcoz I relate this serial with real-life examples.

A few days back, news got viral ( also was in HT) in which a husband cut the hand of his wife just bcoz she had got Govt job of a nurse and the husband did not want her to join it? Very shocking, how can be one so inhumane.

This news is still spinning in my head- thinking that that woman must have faced many things like physical abuse, mental abuse, and violent behavior even before this incident. Its not possible that suddenly a man turned into a monster from a gentleman just bcoz of one issue.

If that lady showed a little bit of courage before it, she would have saved herself from such torment, she would have not suffered this brutality. Maybe she was not bold to go against him, file a police complaint against him, at least she could leave him; she was independent in the context of the financial aspect.

In this serial, defending a character having violent behavior who caged his wife, ill-treated for 25 years, even now ill-treating Kavya, manipulated a naïve girl half of his age is unacceptable. What type of msg will go to women who really need to be motivated and are trying to come out of hell.

IMO, By forgiving and defending such people, we are inviting nothing but atrocities, encouraging them to dominate, insult, and torture others. Not all people deserve forgiveness. There are certain deeds, regardless of remorse, that should never be absolved. For some actions, there is no“redemption.”

I strongly support this statement-Stop making mokery of abuse. You can show all the drama you want , but pls be sensible and sensitive about what you are showing as you have a responsibility towards a large audience many of whom are in similar difficult positions in life and taking inspiration from the show.

PS: By just a disclaimer. makers cannot evade of their responsibility towards women who considers Anupama as their inspiration.

Originally posted by: ga1986

True Smitha , no point in discussing it I guess .., the TRPs seem to indicate that the audience are actually liking the Maykaa Sasural cringe

I wanted to share the IG post here as I feel some of us may be stuck in a similar situation.. I hope they read it and take the necessary steps or help to get out of the situation or better it in some way 🤞 ... I connected it to Anupamaa and the show cz well , that’s the original common bond that we all have here ... otherwise by now I’m also resigned to the fact that the show is a goner in this area anyway ...😔

100% true but disappointing.

I also feel like it makes no sense in discussing the same point. Rather than watching this cringe and getting irritated, I prefer to walk away bcoz peace of mind is first priority.

Originally posted by: ChirpyKiya10

For me, it's unbearable to watch such scenes, literally my blood boiled. I even did not find Devika's dialog to Kavya, (just forgive him for your peace) appealing.

To make myself calm, I try to think in diff way, why I don’t take these things so seriously, nothing is real, and take it as entertainment as others do. Why disturb your peace of mind bcoz of a serial only.

But I am not able to take it lightly and it always disturbs my peace of mind. Bcoz I relate this serial with real-life examples.

A few days back, news got viral ( also was in HT) in which a husband cut the hand of his wife just bcoz she had got Govt job of a nurse and the husband did not want her to join it? Very shocking, how can be one so inhumane.

This news is still spinning in my head- thinking that that woman must have faced many things like physical abuse, mental abuse, and violent behavior even before this incident. Its not possible that suddenly a man turned into a monster from a gentleman just bcoz of one issue.

If that lady showed a little bit of courage before it, she would have saved herself from such torment, she would have not suffered this brutality. Maybe she was not bold to go against him, file a police complaint against him, at least she could leave him; she was independent in the context of the financial aspect.

In this serial, defending a character having violent behavior who caged his wife, ill-treated for 25 years, even now ill-treating Kavya, manipulated a naïve girl half of his age is unacceptable. What type of msg will go to women who really need to be motivated and are trying to come out of hell.

IMO, By forgiving and defending such people, we are inviting nothing but atrocities, encouraging them to dominate, insult, and torture others. Not all people deserve forgiveness. There are certain deeds, regardless of remorse, that should never be absolved. For some actions, there is no“redemption.”

I strongly support this statement-Stop making mokery of abuse. You can show all the drama you want , but pls be sensible and sensitive about what you are showing as you have a responsibility towards a large audience many of whom are in similar difficult positions in life and taking inspiration from the show.

PS: By just a disclaimer. makers cannot evade of their responsibility towards women who considers Anupama as their inspiration.

Sorry to hear how it disturbs you dear 😒... I have disconnected myself from the show and catch only random episodes , but yesterday’s atrocious episode and today seeing the IG post triggered me to write this ...

The fact that the same PH is writing much stronger characters in their regional versions and not so blazenly whitewashing abusers goes on to show that there is something wrong with what we are being shown here ... And we all know “ what “ or who that something wrong is , isn’t it 😡... It’s utterly shameful and irresponsible...

According to Maslow's pyramid of human needs, physiological needs(food, rest) followed by security needs ( housing, clothing) are basic needs of humans. Once these needs are met growth needs(self respect, sense of accomplishment, privacy, freedom to choose) arises. Unfortunately less than 1% of all woman has the privilege to basic human rights. Even women belonging to middle class and upper class are reminded regularly that their basic needs are fulfilled by their father, husband and son. So it's not unnatural for them to accept any kind of behavior meted to them by their providers. For thousands of years the thought that because of the men in our lives we got a roof above our head and food in our plate have been embedded in women's brain. This thought has spread it's root so deep that erupting it requires a massive amount of energy. Such a form of energy only appears after an earth shattering jolt. V was always a provider to Anupama. He has always fulfilled her and her kids deficit needs and he always reminded her that she is thriving because he is letting her to thrive. Her love, concern, respect for V stemmed from the physical security he provided her. V is a accha pita because V fed her kids, provided them good education. V not teaching her kids moral values, not giving them emotional support, not seeing them as individual. human beings are of no concern to her as these things are abstract to her. You can't crave what you did not taste. She never tasted respect, love, sense of individualism so she never craved them. Once she started working with Anuj she saw a completely different aspect of life. The job ensured fulfilment of her basic needs. She slowly gained the confidence that she is capable of making a roof above her head and bringing food to her table. Anuj treated her as an individual, her opinions mattered to him, her choices were appreciated, her boundaries respected. Once you taste respect you realize it tastes a hell lot better than anything you ever tasted. A person who has once tasted respect can never swallow insult. So when V and Baa assassinated her character in front of children she left the house because by then she has tasted respect so she could not digest the insult. The Aage badh scene was an excellent depiction of the progression of her character. Anu living independently far from toxicity was the best phase of the show. It was inspiring on so many levels. But then the hero demanded a change in script. The Bada admi track was brought and it totally ruined Anupama and Anuj. To justify the abuse meted by the hero MaAn were sacrificed. Wo Ghatiya Nahin Hain was the begining of the end of Anupama's journey towards finding her ground.

Originally posted by: -MOTHER-

According to Maslow's pyramid of human needs, physiological needs(food, rest) followed by security needs ( housing, clothing) are basic needs of humans. Once these needs are met growth needs(self respect, sense of accomplishment, privacy, freedom to choose) arises. Unfortunately less than 1% of all woman has the privilege to basic human rights. Even women belonging to middle class and upper class are reminded regularly that their basic needs are fulfilled by their father, husband and son. So it's not unnatural for them to accept any kind of behavior meted to them by their providers. For thousands of years the thought that because of the men in our lives we got a roof above our head and food in our plate have been embedded in women's brain. This thought has spread it's root so deep that erupting it requires a massive amount of energy. Such a form of energy only appears after an earth shattering jolt. V was always a provider to Anupama. He has always fulfilled her and her kids deficit needs and he always reminded her that she is thriving because he is letting her to thrive. Her love, concern, respect for V stemmed from the physical security he provided her. V is a accha pita because V fed her kids, provided them good education. V not teaching her kids moral values, not giving them emotional support, not seeing them as individual. human beings are of no concern to her as these things are abstract to her. You can't crave what you did not taste. She never tasted respect, love, sense of individualism so she never craved them. Once she started working with Anuj she saw a completely different aspect of life. The job ensured fulfilment of her basic needs. She slowly gained the confidence that she is capable of making a roof above her head and bringing food to her table. Anuj treated her as an individual, her opinions mattered to him, her choices were appreciated, her boundaries respected. Once you taste respect you realize it tastes a hell lot better than anything you ever tasted. A person who has once tasted respect can never swallow insult. So when V and Baa assassinated her character in front of children she left the house because by then she has tasted respect so she could not digest the insult. The Aage badh scene was an excellent depiction of the progression of her character. Anu living independently far from toxicity was the best phase of the show. It was inspiring on so many levels. But then the hero demanded a change in script. The Bada admi track was brought and it totally ruined Anupama and Anuj. To justify the abuse meted by the hero MaAn were sacrificed. Wo Ghatiya Nahin Hain was the begining of the end of Anupama's journey towards finding her ground.