Beautiful. Even that seemed to be too simple of a word to describe the way his chipkali was looking today. Her luscious locks were braided back with loose curls hanging around her shoulders and his fingers itched to curl the loose strands behind her ear. Her gold earrings matched her sparkly top, one that was a bit too loud for his liking but somehow looked perfect on her. She had paired the shiny blouse with a blue floral skirt and red dupatta, each color accentuating her features and complimenting the smile she was so proudly sporting on her face.
Ever since he had begun to notice the tiny things about her, it was as if every time he looked at her was the first time. Each time his gaze veered towards her, he found something new to obsess over and he would let his eyes linger on her irresistible figure. That is, until would catch himself and realize that not only was he unworthy of being with her, but also undeserving of the chance to bask in her beauty.
He forced his eyes to focus elsewhere, his gaze catching hers for a split second before he turned in the opposite direction. He knew her inquisitive eyes were boring holes into his back, but he didn’t have the answers to her questions and the answers he did have, would completely snap the tiny thread of their alternate universe that he had been holding onto. His mind told him to let her go for once and for all, but his heart pleaded the complete opposite and as much as he was torn between the two, he had begun to gravitate towards the logical path. The more he drove off the lovestruck path he had been on, the more his heart broke, and the more his anger returned.
He broke out of his reverie when he felt someone grabbing his hand and he looked up to see his Dhara Bhabhi staring at him with concern. She silently asked what was wrong with her eyes, but he shook his head in order to ease her worries and she smiled back in return before pulling him towards the center of the makeshift stage. He followed her obediently with his eyes cast down and only looked up when he felt her grip loosening.
Just a few inches away from him stood his chipkali and his breath stopped for what seemed like an eternity. He had thought she looked beautiful from afar but up closely, she looked something more and he finally found the word he had been looking for – ethereal. He drank her in - the way her lips quivered in amidst a pout, the small twinkle in her eyes as they grew wider, the adorable scrunch at the tip of her nose; not a single detail went unnoticed by him.
She shifted her gaze to the side, the intensity in his eyes invoking both fear and excitement. She had been shamelessly checking him out just a few moments earlier, appreciating how his kurta outlined his muscles in all the right places. She knew that she had lucked out with one of the, if not the, hottest ladkas of Somnath. No, not a ladka, but a man – a full grown man, who she not only begun to notice physically but emotionally as well. Sometimes she wished she could run her fingers through his hair with her head laid back on his arm while ranting to him about anything and everything, like any other normal couple would do. She knew that their relationship would never be so simple, but she hoped that they would find their own ‘normal’ in amidst the chaos they had grown up in.
She felt someone grab her hand and was instantly pulled out of her thoughts, and she watched in horror and excitement as her Dhara Di placed her hand in her bhootnath’s. His hand was limp against hers as Dhara Di retracted and Raavi could see that he was itching to run away, just as he had done so several times in the past few days. She squeezed her fingers against his palm and watched as the trailblazing fire returned in his eyes – the fire that she had been aching to see again. She gulped at the thought of awakening the beast but decided that this was the lesser of two evils. They stood there for a few minutes, staring into each other’s eyes – her determination matching his glare.
He finally squeezed her fingers back, crushing them in between his palm before pulling her towards him. She tumbled forwards and her hand instinctively reached out to grab onto his shoulder while his other hand wrapped around her waist. “Shiva, kya karaha hai,” she stuttered while everywhere but towards him. She hadn’t even noticed that the lights had dimmed with soft music playing in the background. She watched as other couples made their way to the stage and began to slow dance. She looked at them longingly and back at Shiva, hoping that he would catch onto her signal.
Shiva had seen the longing in her eyes and his heart hurt more because he knew he would never be able to match up to the expectations she had. The hurt fueled his anger and he harshly dipped her downwards. Her head rolled back as her back arched upwards, her skin pressing into his fingers as if it were his own. He trailed his nose along the length of her neck before abruptly bringing them back up. His nose was still pressed up against his jaw when he whispered, “Ghen aati hogi na tujhe? Ke tujhe iss junglee gawar ke saath nachna pad raha hai. Ya tune toh ye soch liya hoga ke iss jaahil ko toh nachna aata hi nahi hoga, voh bhi gentleman wala dance. Tu toh kissi gentleman ko expect karahi thi, aur mila mujh jaisa janwar ”
She flinched back from his harsh words but willed herself to reply, “Aisa kuch nahi hai Shiva. Maine pehle bhi tere saath aache se dance kiya tha. Aur tu kyu purani baate lekar beta hai. Maine kaha na ke voh sab mera past tha, ab ye sab baate nahi manthi.” He wanted to believe her words, but his mind kept running back to Sneha’s words and he remained adamant on his stance. He spun in her in a few circles before bringing her back to him, his grip tightening just a slight bit.
“Teri inn purani baatho ka asar abhi tak mujhe humare aaj mein dikh raha hai aur hamare aane wale kal mein bhi.. Aur tujhe kya lagtha hai? Do chaar achi baate kya karli humne, sab theek hogaya? Na bachpan mein tera mera koi mel tha aur na ab,” he gritted out before lifting her in his arms and walking around in a small circle. Her body slid against his as he brought her back down, her hands trembling against his while her back brushed up against his chest. His words were as sharp as a kinfe and it was as if he was repeatedly stabbing her heart, but she continued because this was the most he had conversed with her in the past week.
“Sab theek nahi hua, ye main bhi janthi hoon Shiva. Lekin sab theek karne ki koshish toh hum kar hi sakthe hai na. Aise zindagi bhar hum ladai toh nahi karsakthe, koi toh suljav laana padega humari rishte mein. Pati patni ka nahi, toh ek dosti ke rishte se shuru kar hi sakthe hai.” She shivered as he pressed the side of his head against hers and gasped as his lips lightly brushed against her ear. She put some distance between the two of them and tried to walk away but he instantly pulled her back, her back once against crashing against his chest. He crossed their arms in the front and squeezed her into his embrace.
“Rehne de Raavi, tujhe toh mere kareeb aane se bhi problem hai. Mera chuna, mere saath rehne, tujhe bilkul pasand nahi hai – voh saf saf dikh tha hai,” he said, the dejection clear in his voice. Raavi leaned her head backwards as her leaned his forwards, both resting on each other’s shoulders. She had no idea how to dispel his misconceptions and frankly she was growing annoyed with his assumptions.
“Nahi Shiva, aisa nahi hai. Aur aisi bahoth se cheeze hai jo pehle mujhe nahi raas aati thi par tere saath rehkar aane lagi hai. Ab toh tere tel masalo ki khushboo mein bhi khul kar saanse leti hoon.” Shiva had to admit that the load on his heart was lightening just a bit from her statements, but the wound ran deeper than the either of the two had expected. He twirled her outwards, his hand almost leaving hers in defeat, but she quickly curled her palm around his in protest. He glared at her stubbornness, but she didn’t relent.
He sighed in frustration before dragging her back towards him, their motions becoming repetitive yet igniting a new spark each time. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he mimicked the motion but with her waist as the swayed slowly. “Mujhe teri iss meherbani ki koi zaroorat nahi hai Raavi. Meri aadat dalne ki tujhe force nahi karaha main. Aur rehi baat dosti ki, toh tujhse shaadi karke already apni zindagi barbaad kardi hai maine – aur tabah nahi karna chahtha. Aise rishta ka kya fyda jiska koi matlab nahi hai?” He choked out the last few words, pain seeping into every pore of his body, insufferable sadness washing over him.
Tears pricked the corner of her eyes and she shuddered from the implication of his words. She was losing the battle and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold out. “Shiva tujhe samaj mein bhi araha hai ke tu kya keh raha hai? Main yaha hamara rishta jod ne ki koshish karahi hoon aur tu yahan…,” she trailed off as she didn’t have the heart to complete the dreadful question. Shiva knew that she was only sad because she wasn’t able to fulfill her supposed responsibility towards him, but he had no desire to keep her bound to such an obligation.
“Ab iss rishte mein kuch baaki hi nahi raha hai,” he whispered while letting go of her completely. Raavi watched his hands leave her in horror, the last straw of her will breaking mercilessly. From time to time, she had felt unwanted and insignificant, but those moments were nothing compared to the abandonment she was facing now. A part of her wanted to latch onto him like a leech and never let him go, but the more logical part of her knew that there was no point in holding onto someone that was never hers to begin with, nor did he seem to want to be.
“Teeke chod dethi hoon,” she replied while looking around them to ensure no one was paying attention to them before running off towards their room. Shiva was completely shocked by her admission – that she had given into him so readily. Both rage and pain coursed through him as his suspicions about her had just been confirmed. The drama that she had been carrying out for the past week was just a façade that had just been uncovered.
He curled his hands into fists and headed towards their room, their conversation hadn’t finished – it had just begun. He pushed the door open with fury, almost breaking the hinge in the process. Raavi flinched at the sudden intrusion but frantically resumed to pack all her things into a suitcase. She grabbed anything in sight and tossed it in hurriedly, not caring to arrange it properly.
“Raavi apna ye natak band kar aur bahar chal,” Shiva nearly shouted at her, his anger increasing tenfold from her actions. He couldn’t believe that she had actually pulled out her suitcase in her little temper tantrum and was now playing out the whole drama of packing. It was pathetic and he wasn’t amused in the slightest.
“Natak nahi Shiva. Ab bas, tujhe yahi chaiye tha nah? Toh yahi sahi,” Raavi replied while grabbing her clothes from the closest, a few of her doris breaking in her haste. She could feel his anger radiating in waves and the heat of it had surrounded her whole being. She feared that if she interacted a second longer then things would take a nasty turn.
“Raavi, kapde vapas rakh,” Shiva warned her, his blood boiling at her continued actions. Raavi stilled for a second at his warning but shook her head in dismissal before walking towards the suitcase. “Raavi, maine kaha kapde neeche rakh,” he practically growled this time, the fury within him seconds from unleashing. She trembled from the tone of his voice and almost considered listening to his words, but she remained adamant.
She had begun to place the clothes in the suitcase when Shiva covered the distance between them in just a few strides. She cowered back in fear as he snatched the clothes out of her hands and threw them across the room. She gasped at his aggressiveness and turned to walk away from him, but he roughly grabbed her hand and twisted it behind her back.
She shrieked in pain as her back slammed against his chest and squirmed to break his hold. His grip only grew tighter, and she knew he’d only let go when he wanted to. “Shiva, chod mujhe,” she pleaded, her heart longing for the sweet and soft Shiva.
“Chodunga nahi tod dunga,” he replied, menace and threat in his voice. Her breath hitched at the familiarity of his words, and she looked back into his eyes. The warning in his eyes was loud and clear – he wasn’t letting her go, even if he had to burn her with his fire and drag her through his personal hell. It was back to square one.
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