I want to apologize for this long post in advance. I also want to request that we don’t bash Sai nor Virat…these ramblings of mine are an attempt to understand what led up to the explosion that we witnessed today from both perspectives…
The simple truth is that Virat and Sai are two individuals deeply in love, living together and acting as husband and wife.
Virat has realized the full extent of his feelings. There is no world for him without Sai. He has left his heart entirely vulnerable. While he is a man with strong moral values and he did try to fulfill the promises he made to both Sai and Pakhi, he did not stop nor restrain himself once he started falling in love with Sai… which to me was quite honestly from the very first day he met her. Virat did not put any barriers up around his heart. He let himself feel for Sai entirely. And, although he can see that Sai is falling for him too, her words say otherwise. In this way, both Virat and Sai are the same. They both need verbal affirmation of their feelings, but they keep going on and on in circles. And, as time has passed, Virat has grown more and more insecure. He is worried that perhaps he won’t be enough for Sai. That perhaps someone younger, someone who shares common interests with her might be able to have a relationship with her that isn’t this messy and complicated. Ajinkya is the manifestation of all of these fears. Ajinkya is essentially the manifestation of the possibility that Virat and Sai might not be together forever.
With Sai, I will not say that she has not realized her feelings. Rather, I will say that she has not given herself permission to accept her feelings. She sees how deeply Virat cares for her and she understands that she is more than just a zimidari to him. That is the reason for her constant state of confusion. Because Virat is acting as her husband, but how could that be? He made very clear on their wedding day to not expect anything from him. And every time she asks him, he finds one way or another to get out of answering truthfully due to the fear of losing her… because he would rather keep loving her in this messy unlabeled relationship than to not be able to love her at all. We saw the desperation in her eyes when she asked him during the college festival fight and again when she was left shattered when he told her the ring was just a birthday gift. She yearns to hear him say that everything she is feeling…everything she can sense he is feeling…is real. But she is snapped back into her version of reality time and time again. This is exactly why she told Virat not to joke with her when he told her he likes her. Because, she did not want to start giving herself permission to start accepting this relationship as real just for her to be snapped out of it again.
For Sai, all of this is compounded by the fact that Pakhi is living in the same house as them and constantly creating drama. The way she acts is as if she has some eternal love story with Virat that Sai has come in between. Little does Sai know, Pakhi and Virat barely knew each other for 3 days. All they had was infatuation. But Sai has a heart of gold and an ability to sympathize with even the worst of people. So, while Sai trusts Virat and his loyalty to her as a husband, she also has a guilt within her due to Pakhi’s actions, and then starts to doubt whether Virat is treating her as his wife just because of pity or because he feels bad for her. Due to all of these reasons, unlike Virat, Sai has had a wall around her heart from the day they got married.
Coming to what occurred today. A man who has left himself completely vulnerable in love and is worried that the love might be unreciprocated is a ticking time bomb. Virat himself could not understand why he was feeling this way about Ajinkya and Sai in the kitchen. This is what insecurity and fear do to a person. It makes them think illogically, irrationally, and against their own will. Many will say that acting this way for Virat was out of character, but I would disagree. Virat is the level-headed peacemaker. He is the dutiful IPS officer. He is the one who thinks 100 times before he speaks. But, Virat is also a deeply emotional and impulsive human being who feels with his entire heart…and this is especially true when it comes to Sai, the person who is the most important to him in this entire word. And, we have seen this over and over again.
Today, Virat’s reaction was one of someone who’s insecurities and fears of losing the love of their life had blown up in their face. He was in a state of hysteria even before he reached the bedroom, because in his mind, AJ, the manifestation of his fears, was in his bedroom with his wife… a space that to him, is meant for only himself and Sai. So, by the time he got to the bedroom, he was already in no state to be thinking clearly, which led him to hallucinate and see things that were simply not there. His emotions were overclouding all of his judgments. He did not even realize what he was saying or what he was doing. I have witnessed people acting in these ways in my own life. Where their emotions overtake them so deeply, that they quite literally black out. None of his actions nor words were justified. He crossed all lines. It was horrendous to hear him saying such things. But, to me, his emotions were entirely understandable. Today, he vomited out everything that he had been suppressing.
My heart broke for Sai. Because to her, even though Virat did not directly call her characterless, his questions were more than enough to imply it. The person she loves most in the world was doubting her loyalty to him. She was so shattered that she could not even utter the possibility of her being in a relationship with Ajinkya. But, Sai did not know everything that had been building up inside of Virat this entire time. She did not know how his emotions were festering. I stand by what I have said before that all of this was not due to a lack of trust on Virat’s part. He has said time and time again that he has full faith in Sai and she never does anything wrong. His intent was never to question her character. That is why when she asked him that, his expression turned from one of rage to one of pain and helplessness. He was shocked that Sai could even say those words. And, did he answer her question? No. He kept yelling, telling her to answer him….to tell him what she was doing in the bedroom with Ajinkya. He was in no state to even process what he himself nor Sai was saying. He did not even understand the implications of his words. Again, this all seems illogical, but this is human nature at the end of the day.
Then came the scene on the street, with both of them yelling like mad-people. Virat kept asking her for an answer. What answer did he want… I’m not too sure. I don’t think even he knew what answer he wanted, given the state he was in. But, a part of me thinks that this was his desperation coming out… perhaps all he wanted was for Sai to say that he is the only man in her life and that she loves him. That he is her entire world. Perhaps this was just his desperation for the affirmation he lacks from Sai. But, with every time he asked the question, Sai’s heart broke a little bit more. Because with each time, in her mind, his trust in her decreased….he questioned her character over and over again every time he asked….
The second Sai was hit by the car, Virat was taken from one trance into the other. The way Neil portrayed this scene was absolutely outstanding. He was utterly shocked to see his love on the ground like that…he could not even comprehend what had happened. In that moment, all his rage, impulsivity, irrationality…it disappeared. Because, while before, seeing her with Ajinkya made him fear that he might lose her…seeing her on the ground like this made him believe it. The way he was telling everyone that he is her husband. The way his hands were trembling in the car. The way he fell onto the floor in the hospital, not comprehending anything his family members were saying.
Virat telling everyone that Sai is his wife especially broke me. He was so lifeless in that moment. It was as if he had been snapped back into reality from his out of body fit of rage. He was telling himself more than anyone else...that he is Sai's husband...that he is with her...that despite everything that has gone down, all that matters is Sai...
The scene when the man in the crowd says that he saw him yelling behind her and screaming was also incredibly powerful due to Virat's reaction... he immediately slammed his hand onto his forehead and looked disgusted with himself as if he had realized the grave mistake he had just made....
Despite how painful this all was to watch, I feel as if it was a necessary trigger in their relationship. Virat will remember this for the rest of his life. It will haunt him. It will teach him the painful lesson that his outbursts, his inabilities to control himself... they have consequences. The consequences are so severe that Sai is now on the verge of death. And, for Sai, it will lead her to question why Virat acted in this way. It will also lead her to question why she was so deeply hurt by his words…perhaps pushing her a step further in accepting this relationship as real. I am looking forward to their conversations in the hospital to see where this takes them...
Sorry for my ramblings… just wanted to get this all across…
P.S.- This is besides the point of my post, but if Pakhi is not held accountable this time, I will truly lose complete faith in the makers. Virat is in a trance right now, but once he gets out of it, he better put Pakhi in her place once and for all. I want a slap from Aai, and many many harsh words from Shiv bua. I want Ninand to also speak up. If Kaku can't say anything against her, then she damn well better keep her trap shut.
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