Dhara-The Sacrificial Woman Trope

Dear all, 

This will come across as extremely difficult and polarising as a woman! 

I am Blocking the most beautiful reunion and everyone realising the importance of being together, and the regular ITV tropes of the Leads crying buckets. I am going to highlight how disappointed I am whenever I see Dhara walking with her head held high as if throwing her away was a pride she is wearing on her shoulders. 

Trust me; if she had walked out of that space banging her foot and with her self-respect intact, I would have still respected her. But, today, this unbearable woman glorified sacrifice again by walking away- her head held high with pride for being thrown away. 

Either a man will speak for her, or the kids would! She has no self-worth. 

Unfortunately, such abuse is a reality of many homes who watch these shows and believe that there’s pride in sacrifice; the true meaning of a woman’s life is living for others; a woman is dispensable; she should live for her kids. 

What about Dhara-the woman? A woman who has a husband, a life? 

What about fighting for her love? She has equal rights to the family and Gautam.

Why not “ Ma, I am sorry. I have made a mistake. I should have kept track of my anger issues. I may have been frustrated. I am sorry for whatever happened that was wrong. I am sorry. I will not go anywhere! This is my house, my mistake, and I shall make sure to make it up to everyone!”

Dhara CAN not be and should NOT be a benchmark for every woman in the family or otherwise. 

As a woman, I would be completely let down if I am reduced to having nothing as an individual identity and thrown out at the drop of a hat—a massive disrespect to womanhood and all the women around me. 

We are setting up a precedent of internalised patriarchy and disrespect to womanhood.

If, after all these years, a woman has to walk away and takes pride in her sacrifice because her mother in law threw her out for family, it's a shame! 

She  almost had a halo-like smile, it's a shame for anyone. 

All the women around her should be ashamed as well. All the women begging Suman to take her punishment back was again a significant disrespect. 

At least, Gaumbi should have walked away with her. He has shamed the marital vows too. He had pledged to be his Saathi during all phases of her life. What a shame! 

I know it's a loved path for ITV, but the sheer horror of watching women being reduced to this irks me! 

I HATE SUMAN, too, for giving a punishment that crushes Dhara’s self-respect. 

But then, we all know that no one can take a stand for you unless you have self-worth and respect! 

After watching the proceedings post beating, I just feel Dhara has furthermore lost my respec as a woman too. 

Honestly speaking, It was Dhara's choice to leave Gaumbi and family. Dont you remember she warned everyone? " Agar kisi ne bhi maa ko bataya toh me gaumbi and aap sabko chodke chali jaungi" 

Suman just repeat the same thing.

Where was her sacrifice and love when she was beating ShiSh brutally?

I would like if she kicked out or forced to stay separate for timebeing just to make her realize that you cant beat any kid like that in name of love and she should be reminded that world not gonna stop without her. She is just a flesh of blood , not a god. 

💯💯 awesome.post...this is exactly why dhara is not appealing to most of us. 

it was her announcement that she would leave everyone if anyone told suman about her deeds....so technically she is responsible for this.

.she isnt doing any sacrifice 

suman has right to punish her but that does not include throwing her out of her own house...she has given blood sweat and tears no doubt about it......she has been a pillar to the house...and she has every right to debate and put her point and fight for her place ....

noone can just say that u go out of my house when its hers as well......

its gautam's fault that he didnt chose to go with his wife.....when he thought she was right he should have left with her when he was given an option...waise bhi he chose dhara infront of his brothers y not have some guts to do the same in front of mommy dear

in all this drama not once dhara apologized for her misbehavior, or imposing her thoughts on everyone, breathing under their throats and setting guidelines and rules and not following herself....

i agree she must not be the benchmark of how a woman should be for the sheer lack of self respect, understanding, violent behavior, being partial, being impulsive, being stubborn

This content was originally posted by: Transference

Dear all, 

This will come across as extremely difficult and polarising as a woman! 

I am Blocking the most beautiful reunion and everyone realising the importance of being together, and the regular ITV tropes of the Leads crying buckets. I am going to highlight how disappointed I am whenever I see Dhara walking with her head held high as if throwing her away was a pride she is wearing on her shoulders. 

Trust me; if she had walked out of that space banging her foot and with her self-respect intact, I would have still respected her. But, today, this unbearable woman glorified sacrifice again by walking away- her head held high with pride for being thrown away. 

Either a man will speak for her, or the kids would! She has no self-worth. 

Unfortunately, such abuse is a reality of many homes who watch these shows and believe that there’s pride in sacrifice; the true meaning of a woman’s life is living for others; a woman is dispensable; she should live for her kids. 

What about Dhara-the woman? A woman who has a husband, a life? 

What about fighting for her love? She has equal rights to the family and Gautam.

Why not “ Ma, I am sorry. I have made a mistake. I should have kept track of my anger issues. I may have been frustrated. I am sorry for whatever happened that was wrong. I am sorry. I will not go anywhere! This is my house, my mistake, and I shall make sure to make it up to everyone!”

Dhara CAN not be and should NOT be a benchmark for every woman in the family or otherwise. 

As a woman, I would be completely let down if I am reduced to having nothing as an individual identity and thrown out at the drop of a hat—a massive disrespect to womanhood and all the women around me. 

We are setting up a precedent of internalised patriarchy and disrespect to womanhood.

If, after all these years, a woman has to walk away and takes pride in her sacrifice because her mother in law threw her out for family, it's a shame! 

She  almost had a halo-like smile, it's a shame for anyone. 

All the women around her should be ashamed as well. All the women begging Suman to take her punishment back was again a significant disrespect. 

At least, Gaumbi should have walked away with her. He has shamed the marital vows too. He had pledged to be his Saathi during all phases of her life. What a shame! 

I know it's a loved path for ITV, but the sheer horror of watching women being reduced to this irks me! 

I HATE SUMAN, too, for giving a punishment that crushes Dhara’s self-respect. 

But then, we all know that no one can take a stand for you unless you have self-worth and respect! 

After watching the proceedings post beating, I just feel Dhara has furthermore lost my respec as a woman too. 

I agree to most of your points except few. 

U r saying Suman asking her to leave. 

It was Dhara's decision most importantly if u see Dhara's actions that Suman even being part of the family technically this is her family is kept away from everything happening in their lives. 

So how is Suman wrong? 

Even after being head of family the most important decisions of her children life is hidden from her and she is kept in dark about what is happening. Just bcoz she is living in the same house doesn't mean being a family it is important to be part of all the small to big decisions related to the family.

Difference between Suman and Dhara is that Suman told in clear and harsh tone and Dhara by emotional blackmail and crying so Suman becomes the bad person. 

Except for childless thing (I was super disppointed about that) not even a single thing said by Suman was wrong but bcoz Dhara is Devi so except her all are wrong even being correct. 

A character's good works credit too is given to her even when she is at fault. Good deeds which a person did due to humanity and bcoz he/she is a good person and not villan but no it is not they r nice it is bcoz Deviji ka decision even when that decision was shit. We saw that what happened to Rishita in today's episode and few episodes back Gaura were talking about Shivi. 

Honestly I am a Shivi fan but my most favourite used to be Shiva Dhara relationship but after her beating like animals and not even caring once to go and see not even to Krish that how much damage she did. It stopped being my comfort ship. 

Even after being Shivi fan Gaura have been my favourite ITV couple. Their marriage has to be the best on ITV, full of understanding and maturity. 

But that too is got spoilt. Gaumbi who was correcting Dhara started defending her wrong and when he did. He didn't stood by her to leave the house. 

Major disappointment. 

But now I am done with disappointment from last week. I watch the show whatever is good I will just care about that rather than wrong and illogical things bcoz now that is the main motto of show to show nonsense rather than good stuffs. 

So I am not even that regular on EDT nowadays bcoz 1 episode is good then next 2 r bigger disppointment. So now I have understood that in a week 2 good episodes and 4-5 bad ones so instead of getting angry and feel bad about seeing one by one all my favourite characters getting spoilt I have stopped taking the show as the one I used to love. 

Now I will watch and forget if good scenes then will enjoy otherwise I don't care. 

Thank You so much for contributing your views to this thread of conversations. 

We all agree to the fact that Dhara’s stupidity has led to a situation like this. 

Suman today pointed out something that I had said on this thread. Dhara needed to realise her mistake and apologise while not walking out of that place. Suman pointed out that same thing.

Dhara currently looks like a woman with a saviour complex. It's a bit too unrealistic and does a great disservice to womanhood in totally. 

Women can be flawed yet still loved. 

I wish they stopped putting Dhara on a Goddess and give her a woman streak more. I will love it if she talks about her follies and tries making mends to make herself a better person instead of trying to fix others. 

I might be wrong but when has ITV ever shown a realistic representation of a flesh and blood woman?

Most of the saas - bahu heroines have been and continue to be unrealistic. They are designed to cater to the patriarchal household. 

Dhara made a huge mistake when she beat up her so called kids. She cemented her bad streak with refusing to apologise and threatening to leave. She knows that her family would suffer if she leaves. So that makes the threat all the more horrible. 

She’s setting the wrong precedent for the women in her own household and for any children to come. 

This content was originally posted by: Transference

Thank You so much for contributing your views to this thread of conversations. 

We all agree to the fact that Dhara’s stupidity has led to a situation like this. 

Suman today pointed out something that I had said on this thread. Dhara needed to realise her mistake and apologise while not walking out of that place. Suman pointed out that same thing.

Dhara currently looks like a woman with a saviour complex. It's a bit too unrealistic and does a great disservice to womanhood in totally. 

Women can be flawed yet still loved. 

I wish they stopped putting Dhara on a Goddess and give her a woman streak more. I will love it if she talks about her follies and tries making mends to make herself a better person instead of trying to fix others. 

On point

Earlier Dhara was not shown as goddess and people loved her now I think channel has started interfering that's why Dhara keeps crying and she is shown as goddess

Very well written post and I agree with everything you said 👏

I was watching this episode with my mom and she was mad at Dhara for not walking out for good and Gautam for not taking a proper stand for his wife. How can anyone just tell the DIL to leave and then the same DIL ran back to the MIL because she was called back? Why do none of these women have any self-respect?

ITV shows need to stop equating disrespect and major sacrifices with family's happiness. No one will be happy irl if such a thing happens