-What if Series-Respect is Earned, Not Forced

Hello everyone, 

Since we got our Shiviliscious episode today, I wanted to start a small series of conversations about what if’s? This series will feature some tidbits that could have been done better and the repercussions that could have followed through it. 

Scenario 1

Respect is Earned, Not Forced

https://www.instagram.com/p/CPmaOGfDpLn/?utm_medium=copy_link

This small video and today's “Ek dusre Jo bardasht’ dialogue triggers this conversation where Raavi is seen dancing without a care in the world and Irish addressing her almost like a friend. 

So, coming to the strange obsession of Dhara, forcing people from a similar age group to call each other Aap and Bhabhi. Do you think the ease and love between relationships would be even more close if Krish kept on addressing Raavi as Raavi and not aap? 

 Would the love they shared before the marriage be dampened, or would it increase manifold with a breezy buddy relationship? Their relationship might have changed, but the coaxed respect; would it change anything between them? 

I would honestly love to stick to their banter and not bury themselves under Rishton ka Both and Maryada. A friendly relationship is far better than one which is forced. 

Some hypocrisy bits:

The brothers call each other by their first names, but Shiva and Krish need to call Rishita Bhabhi. 

By that rule, Raavi is younger than Rishita in Rishta; she should call her Rishita di or Rishita Bhabhi. 

Cutting a long story short: the question remains! 

Is it better to find love and respect in casual camaraderie and friendship amongst siblings or create a Maryada version of ‘jhelna’ in relationships?

Chip in folks! 

Not to mention, anyone amd everyone calls Gautam as Gaumbi. No bhaiya or bhai

It's a weird thing to be honest. I feel like it should depend on the two individuals in conversation. 

If Rishita decides that Shiva should call her bhabhi but not Krish (especially if she has a better camaraderie with Krish in the future) there's nothing wrong with that.

The kind of interpersonal relations shared play a huge role in whether words of respect are needed or not.

On the other hand, I highly doubt Dev or Raavi would ever be comfortable with Raavi calling him bhai/bhaiyya or him calling her bhabhi (wait does Dev call her Bhabhi in the show?) not to mention that they're childhood friends (I mean I never feel that childhood friend bond with them, but we keep hearing that😆)

Plus Gautam is universally called Gaumbi, neither a sign of respect or disrespect. 

However I find the constant forced Bhabhi/bhaiyya/"respect" of Dhara very awkward in the show, because just calling each other that definitely does not imply respect in any manner and form. 

Originally posted by: tlamisa

Not to mention, anyone amd everyone calls Gautam as Gaumbi. No bhaiya or bhai

Gombi is a combination of "gautam +bhai" = gombhi. But why does dhara call.him that 🤗😬 pata nai.

Respect is not in names but in actions. First rishita needs.to earn the title ..she will.give respect she will get respect...

I feel some way about forcing people to call others by what society expects you to. Only you know the true nature behind your relations and bonds, not society. And I feel Dhara (Gaumbi too) pays too much attention to society, norms and who's older in relation. This seems strange to me especially when they too get judged by society norms (them not having a child). They too should know being older doesn't equal to respect (the mami situation). 

One of the things I loved about pandya family was how they addressed each other. Everyone calls Gautam 'Gaumbi', there's so sign of different names for him despite the age gap between each other, it's just a loving name. Dev, Shiva and Krish all call each other by their names - they're close in age, it gives them that friendship vibe too, and we know they're brothers through their actions and not by what they call each other. There's been no issues regarding these two examples. So why is there such a problem with how they address the pandya bahu's? 

Personally I wouldn't mind what they call each other as long as it's not deregoratory. Krish was corrected a few times that he had to call Rishita and Raavi as his bhabi's. It must have been weird calling Raavi that as he grew up with her - but somehow it now seems abit more natural - maybe because Raavi has shown him nothing but kindness, care and compassion. They still could have had their own way of addressing each other if they wanted. Rishita is abit different currently. Maybe one day he will mean it from his heart but she's been nothing but horrible to him. 

Shiva and Rishita 😳. Come on, forcing him to call her bhabi feels so unnecessary. Again he clearly does it for Dhara, he doesn't have respect for her, he only has to 'tolerate' her. I think Rishita enjoys them addressing her like that because it gives her some sort of power over them. But she doesn't know yet that she has to earn their respect properly one day for them to mean it. Once Shiva and Rishita do get along - who knows maybe they'll be more friend-like and would want to address each other with their own unique names? I can really see Rishita - Krish - Shiva being partners in crime one day (I'm abit delusional to have hope this early). They're so close in age, let them become friends before forcing them to 'tolerate' each other and forcing a relationship upon them. 

Dhara have become v insecure and does not want the control she had aaaover the years let it go that is why she keeps pulling the boys and girls to obey her what ever she says ,she thinks that she is perfect and like a mum to them so she have to rule their lives the way she wants ,but they are grown up now and are married plus they have their mum who is very smart and wise as well .

Originally posted by: _charu_

Gombi is a combination of "gautam +bhai" = gombhi. But why does dhara call.him that 🤗😬 pata nai.

Respect is not in names but in actions. First rishita needs.to earn the title ..she will.give respect she will get respect...

Not sure if Gaumbi actually is a combination of Gautam bhai... because Suman has also called him  Gaumbi, I think.

I felt it is more of a endearment. In another serial they call a person Sweety as Sweetudi as an endearment- something like that.

I could be totally wrong here😃

I have a weird take on this.. and it is based on the pre-leap episodes.

If you remember pre-leap Dhara used be the di for the kids, and it continued up until the point she wanted to solidify her position in society as Gautam’s wife. She tells the very confused kids to start calling her Bhabhi henceforth. It was very subtle, but an important emotion- them calling her Bhabhi was more for the world to accept her position. 

I know we love to hate Dhara, but I think the problem is we the audience have a more urban outlook, whereas the show is set in a small town environment. I am not trying to sweep all their wrongdoings in the name of society- just trying to say that unfortunately the people in that setup do tend to look at things this way. They have an heirarchy and anything outside the norm becomes a point of gossip.

We have seen this happening with Dhara. Suman’s “bhagodi ji Beth” attitude sometimes gives Maami, Anita and Rishitha a free pass to look down upon her. Suman has to actively stand up for Dhara in such cases.

The discussion here makes sense because we live in somewhat progressive, and I would venture to assume, isolated worlds. I don’t think we have as many neighbors looking into our lives, nor is our world so small that our activities could become tea time gossip. I have unfortunately seen such real life cases in my bigger family while growing up.

So I think it comes down to Dhara wanting to ensure the new ladies in the house get to secure their place in front of outsiders. Think about it, both the marriages are such a ripe source of gossip- one ran away from her marriage, another had to marry the brother of the man she professes love for universally. The best way to stop wagging tongues is to behave as if nothing happens. Sorry, this is not the most ideal, but this is how real life works.

You might point out that Shiva and Krish were having fun, and they are just in the haveli. I agree. But remember all behaviors are habits. They will continue doing this after they return to Somnath, also in front of outsiders. That would be terrible for Rishitha and Raavi. 

I do not like Rishitha’s behavior. I wish Dhara would be as frank as Rishitha and point out that her words are hurting and she should tone down her way of speaking, instead of doing this Batwara nonsense. However, playing pranks on her or showering her with unwelcome love(I hated what she did to Krish, but yes too early for someone not used to it) is not going to bring her in line or change her views.

But I stand with Dhara on the Bhabhi thing(I can see the tomatoes and chappals from miles away). I am very sure if the two marriages were normal, of two couples in love, then I am pretty sure Dhara would not have bothered. But like it or not, the family and the couples are the talk of the town. And unfortunately, there are people who could make situations worse by taking advantage of the chaos- case in point Maami.

Ok rambling over- sorry for the length. I am sure, if @GrilledCheese manages to stumble upon this post and if she does manage to agree with it, she can give the two line version, and you can save your time with the TL;DR version 🙈

Personally I feel that calling someone bhabhi, bhai etc doesn't matter as kong as you have respect for the person. I've never used those words for my close siblings and relationships but for distant relations, that I don't necessarily talk to, definitely. They're a sign of respect, mostly again I feel for relationships that may not necessarily be people you may not talk to regularly and have a level of comfort with. 

Dhara asking Krish and Shiva to use bhabhi for Raavi(Krish) & Rishita(both) may have only been so that, albeit grudgingly, they talk to them with respect. 

It doesn't make a difference to Raavi after she got married to Shiva because he called her just Raavi when he was talking to her about being happy, but in the smoking scene, she told Krish to call her bhabhi which was more as a form of acceptance for her rather than to change their relationship. 

Even Dhara pre-leap told all three to call her bhabhi because she was married to their brother and she wanted everyone to know that she'd be accepted into the family, so even though they called her di, it was bhabhi from then on. 

The previous poster(sorry can't remember your user name right now) has put it beautifully about how societal pressure causes us to act this way. 

I'm hoping that the bond they share will be a friendly one despite the change in the way they call both Raavi and Rishita. 

Originally posted by: funny_fubar

I have a weird take on this.. and it is based on the pre-leap episodes.

If you remember pre-leap Dhara used be the di for the kids, and it continued up until the point she wanted to solidify her position in society as Gautam’s wife. She tells the very confused kids to start calling her Bhabhi henceforth. It was very subtle, but an important emotion- them calling her Bhabhi was more for the world to accept her position. 

I know we love to hate Dhara, but I think the problem is we the audience have a more urban outlook, whereas the show is set in a small town environment. I am not trying to sweep all their wrongdoings in the name of society- just trying to say that unfortunately the people in that setup do tend to look at things this way. They have an heirarchy and anything outside the norm becomes a point of gossip.

We have seen this happening with Dhara. Suman’s “bhagodi ji Beth” attitude sometimes gives Maami, Anita and Rishitha a free pass to look down upon her. Suman has to actively stand up for Dhara in such cases.

The discussion here makes sense because we live in somewhat progressive, and I would venture to assume, isolated worlds. I don’t think we have as many neighbors looking into our lives, nor is our world so small that our activities could become tea time gossip. I have unfortunately seen such real life cases in my bigger family while growing up.

So I think it comes down to Dhara wanting to ensure the new ladies in the house get to secure their place in front of outsiders. Think about it, both the marriages are such a ripe source of gossip- one ran away from her marriage, another had to marry the brother of the man she professes love for universally. The best way to stop wagging tongues is to behave as if nothing happens. Sorry, this is not the most ideal, but this is how real life works.

You might point out that Shiva and Krish were having fun, and they are just in the haveli. I agree. But remember all behaviors are habits. They will continue doing this after they return to Somnath, also in front of outsiders. That would be terrible for Rishitha and Raavi. 

I do not like Rishitha’s behavior. I wish Dhara would be as frank as Rishitha and point out that her words are hurting and she should tone down her way of speaking, instead of doing this Batwara nonsense. However, playing pranks on her or showering her with unwelcome love(I hated what she did to Krish, but yes too early for someone not used to it) is not going to bring her in line or change her views.

But I stand with Dhara on the Bhabhi thing(I can see the tomatoes and chappals from miles away). I am very sure if the two marriages were normal, of two couples in love, then I am pretty sure Dhara would not have bothered. But like it or not, the family and the couples are the talk of the town. And unfortunately, there are people who could make situations worse by taking advantage of the chaos- case in point Maami.

Ok rambling over- sorry for the length. I am sure, if @GrilledCheese manages to stumble upon this post and if she does manage to agree with it, she can give the two line version, and you can save your time with the TL;DR version 🙈

@bold: thank you for mentioning me and thinking that I can give the TL;DR version of what you said 😆

I actually think what you wrote is pretty eloquent and I do agree. Dhara/their family/their society has a mentality where if the elders are not addressed by their relationship title it will come across as disrespect or insult. In fact, maami would probably be the first one to taunt that ShiSh are not respecting rishita if they call her by name. Such people don't/can't understand that respect is actually in one's mind and the manner of addressing shouldn't matter, and sadly need such titles to register the fact that there is respect. It is equally sad that even though the manner of calling is completely hollow without any real respect behind it (bhabhi from Shiva to rishita) it has to be done to keep up appearances and for society's sake. 

So I understand where dhara is coming from and why she wants Shiva/Krish to call Rishita/Raavi as bhabhi, but god, I hate her biases and her methods of getting what she wants so much 🤢😆