•| The Torment of the Scarred Hearts
Mummy, Sonu ke sath aisa kyu hua? In fact, kisi bhi ladki ke sath ye kyu hota hai? Kya galti kya hai ladkiyon ki? Bas yahi ke wo ek ladki hai?
Dipping her legs in the awfully cold water of the swimming pool, she sat there, unburdening her woes to her mother that she knew, though resided in heaven, could hear her. Having to grow up without the protective shadow of her parents, she had been reticent about her problems from the very beginning.
She had dealt with them all on her own. No matter what came her way, she hadn't let any obstacle restrain her from moving forward. She didn't care if her feet bled in the process or her heart. Embracing every scar gifted by life, she had stood strong, despite every tormenting situation life put her through.
But not that day!
Her heart shattered to even imagine what had happened with Sonu. Though she had put up a tough act in front of Sonu, every bit of her was shaken from inside. She had to act fearless in front of Sonu to make sure that she wouldn't take any drastic step but terror was paralyzing her own muscles.
She had purposely chosen the poolside area for it was quiet and devoid of people. Everyone was in the dining area, having lunch together. She was sure, she was going to be undisturbed over there. At least for a while.
Every time she tried to calm her racing anxious heart, Sonu's crying face flashed before her eyes. Her every attempt of holding herself back went in vain and after a point, she stopped. She just stopped trying. She made no other futile attempt.
Her sobs echoed in the melancholy silence, as she had a frightening breakdown. She couldn't be more grateful that nobody was there to witness the same. Her palms pressed on her sides as her aching heart refused to calm down.
Sonu.
Helplessness left her furious on her own self for not being able to do anything for Sonu.
"Ishqi."
Tears froze in her eyes as the familiar voice caught her attention. Ahaan. Her head turned to see him standing right behind her.
Where did he come from?
Her hands worked faster than her mind did in realizing that she needed to hide her tears from him.
For Sonu's sake.
She looked up, once her vision cleared and when she did, the pain that he was concealing was bare to her eyes.
"Kya hua hai?"
"Kya hua hai?"
Their voices echoed in unison just like their hearts that were in the harmony.
"Ro kyu rahi ho?"
"Aap kyu pareshan hai?"
A question in front of a question. Each troubled by the miserably aching heart of the other; none gave away the events that had triggered their emotional vulnerabilities.
She tapped beside her, gesturing him to sit. Perhaps, had it not been the couple of tears that trickled down her cheeks, he wouldn't have agreed.
His scarred heart had come in search of solace in the absolute silence that he had expected the pool to be in but instead of his solace, he found her.
Letting himself slowly slip on the ground, he settled beside her. As soon as the water danced on his legs, memories of the previous night came to caress his heart and though he might never admit it - they acted like a soothing balm to his burning wounds that were pricked again that day.
The mere mention of his mother had snatched the peace of his mind, leaving him in fury, shame and torment.
The fury of having to live without a mother despite having one.
The shame of having to grow up listening to the humiliating taunts of society.
The torment of accepting the fact that his mother... never loved him.
He had to grow up way before his age. His mother - who had brought him into the world was the same person who had brutally murdered every soft emotion a child held for his mother.
"AVM."
Her tender voice brought his thoughts to an abrupt halt. His head turned to her.
"Aap batana nahi chahte?"
"Tumne bhi kaha bataya hai ab tak?"
Holding her gaze for a long moment, he scrutinized the inner battles she had been fighting.
Just one glimpse of her was enough for him to know the tales of her heart. How? He had no idea.
Wahh! Aapki aankhon me to x-ray lage hue hai na jo ek look me confirm ho gaya ke Ishqi pareshan hai.
Kartik's words reverberated in his ears, leaving him to wonder - how - how he just every time knew - that she needed someone. Perhaps, him!
His heart had been really misbehaving lately.
Ishqi. Ishqi. Ishqi.
Everywhere just Ishqi.
In his heart. In his mind
In his dreams. In his sight.
In his day. In his night.
Seeking fun at his plight.
Laying her heart and feelings bare to him just the previous night, she forgot every moment that she had called to be the best one in her life. How incredible was that!
"Aap yakeen karenge agar main kahoon ke main aapko batana chahti hu? Ya fir sirf aapko hi batana chahti hu... Par nahi bata sakti."
"Keh kar to dekho."
Her eyes shot at him. Did he really say that? Visibly stunned, she was at a loss of words. Did he mean that? She didn't know but oh, how much she wished that he did.
"Aapse kuch puch sakti hu?"
He gave a quick nod, gesturing her to go ahead.
"Yaad hai aapne kaha tha ke Sonu kabhi koi galti nahi kar sakti? Agar kabhi... anjane me usse koi galti ho jaye... aap use maaf nahi karenge?"
His brows lifted at the question she had put forth. "Kuch hua hai?"
Damn it. He was suspecting. Why did she even touch the topic in the first place? She couldn't betray Sonu. Even if the only thing that she wanted to do at that moment was - just to let him know - let him know it all but she couldn't.
She tore her gaze away from him and struggled to stand up, holding the weight of her wet clothes. It was definitely less heavier than the burden her heart was carrying.
She needed to step away from him for she didn't trust herself. A couple of minutes more with him and she might just end up telling him everything which she couldn't afford. Not at any cost.
Forcing her lips not to let even a word escape them, she had just taken a step to run away from him when his hand circled around her wrist, stopping her right in her place.
Rising on his feet, he loosened his hold on her wrist but didn't let it go.
"Kya janna chahti ho?"
"Kuch nahi."
Her gaze refused to meet his as she struggled to get her hand off his grip. She was on the edge of giving up. Mustering courage, she slowly let her eyes pour into his. How could she hide something as serious as it about his sister from him? Her heart just didn't feel that she was doing it right.
She didn't know what came over her. Perhaps it was his compassionate eyes. Perhaps it was his ocean-deep love for Sonu. Perhaps, it was the assurance he had managed to lit up in her heart every time he went out of his way for her.
She couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was but whatever it was, it made her take a chance.
"Agar Sonu se kabhi koi galti ho jaaye... Kya aap use maaf karenge?"
It took a lot within her to bring herself to ask it to him. She trusted him enough to know that no matter how deep he was stuck in the net of family values and reputation - he would never blame Sonu for what had happened to her but she couldn't say the same when he would know that Sonu had attended the party despite his refusal for the same.
"Haan."
A quick answer. One word. Yes. He would forgive Sonu. Her face radiated a faint smile after a long while.
"Bas khudko maaf nahi karunga."
The smile on her face faded faster than a water drop disappearing in a desert.
He withdrew his hand from hers before he backtracked on his feet, without another word.
That day, the deep-rooted pain that she saw in him terrified her. Despite it had been years, he had neither made peace with his past nor he had allowed his scars to heal.
Bas khudko maaf nahi karunga.
She stumbled on her feet, as his words sank deeper and deeper. He was bowed down beneath the woes of his ghastly past, carrying the burden of the destruction his mother brought to his family all on his own.
Bas khudko maaf nahi karunga.
Her heart went out for him to see how raw his emotional wounds still were. For the first time, she could see where his values and ideologies came from - why he was so rigidly adamant about his family reputation - why he was who he was.
His soul was lost in the shame his mother brought to his family and he had taken it upon himself to compensate for everything his family had suffered from because of his mother.
Bas khudko maaf nahi karunga.
Her blurred vision didn't let her take even a step forward.
One thing that she had come to understand that day was - the moment he would learn the truth - he was going to break down in a way that she was scared to even imagine.
*
Wanted to write something else. Turned out to be something else.
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