Astha kept standing there as she watched Shaurya marching towards her in anger. Holding on to the pillar she immediately tried to blink away the drop of tear that fell against her cheek. Wiping her cheek with the back of her palm, she didn’t try to step further.
“Now what are you doing here?” Shaurya gritted through his teeth making sure his voice came out low. He didn’t want to make a scene in the college.
Aastha kept quiet.
All she wanted was to see him, maybe for the last time. She was going back to Kapurthalla today. She knew she was not needed here but still she couldn’t hold back the desperation she felt of seeing her son. All these years, she has stayed away from him thinking she did better for him.
But now all she could see in herself was a failure. Her choices might have been right but her decisions were not. Her journey had not been easy but now she felt like she chose an easy way out.
Shaurya tried to control himself. He didn’t want to say hurtful things like last time.
“Please leave” Shaurya pointed towards the exit. “Why don’t you understand I don’t want to see you?” His voice was low as he requested. Somehow he was tired of his own emotions.
Aastha smiled amidst the tears that shone in her eyes, “I just wanted to see you—”
“Why?” The question came out in a yell before Shaurya fisted his palm trying to gulp the frustration and continued slowly almost letting his guards down, “Why? Why now? Why can’t you see me happy? Why are you hurting me and..yourself like this ?”
Aastha didn’t miss the trace of vulnerability that watered in his eyes. Her son was tired. Her son was tired- with her presence.
“I will leave,” She told him in a mumble as she smiled.
Staring at her for few seconds, Shaurya told her in a whisper, “Please”
Aastha turned to leave— her memory shifting back to a month before when her son had been out in the night to find her along with Anokhi and Shaan. Wasn’t that look of worry in his eyes enough for her? She asked herself. The answer came back quick- It was. She didn’t deserve any better.
Realization dawned upon her and she thought about when years before she had left Sabarwaal house to seek her permanent—something that wouldn’t have her turning back and regretting. And now she knew that maybe she didn’t have any regrets as a human but she had failed as a mother.
She gave up on her own child without even trying.
Shaurya watched his mother leave. He felt blank, venom, and hatred suppressing inside him as she took slow steps— away and ahead. A faint broken smile touched the side of his lips before he shook his head and turned to leave.
As he took few steps, he heard Aastha again, “Shaurya”
He didn’t turn back.
Aastha took few steps and held his arm, her fingers slowly clutching the grey of his coat before she pressed lightly and let out a mumble, “I am sorry”
Shaurya choked, his eyes blurring with tears but he refused to turn back and hold her. Slowly leaving his arm, she silently turned and left.
Shuarya removed his glasses and wiped his face with the sleeve of his blazer before continuing to walk further. As one of the students wished him morning, he smiled, nodding and moving ahead.
Reaching his office as he sat on his chair, he threw the paperweight on the wall. He felt angry and frustrated. Running a hand over his face, he exhaled and then fisted his palm to control his agitation.
Anokhi knocked at his door. She had forgotten her books in his office in the morning, “Sir Can I come in?”
“Oh god not you again,” Shaurya exhaled, his anger bubbling back.
“Excuse me—”
“—No you may leave” Shaurya cut her off.
“But sir I just want to take my books—”
“—Of course you want to give me a lecture again” Shaurya opened his laptop, his eyes fixed on the screen.
“Sir I don’t understand—” Anokhi could feel her anger growing but she was unusually calm this time.
Moreover, she had no idea what Shaurya was talking about. Since the time they found Aastha, Anokhi has avoided interacting with him altogether. She didn’t try wasting her time getting involved in his and Aastha’s relationship. Also, she had seen the results. In what trouble it had landed her, Shaurya, and even Aastha herself.
When a few days back, Aastha had asked her to not talk about her in front of Shaurya, Anokhi had understood and agreed. Aastha told her it was better she focused only on what she was here for rather than trying to mend her relationship with Shaurya.
“— It was not my mistake. Why does that woman have to come in front of me? Why can’t she understand I don’t want to do anything with her?” Shaurya shut his laptop with a jerk. “And then you come to me lecturing me about how I should not talk to her the way I do—”
“— But Sir I didn’t even say anything to you”
“—Because, I know what you will say. You will only hold me responsible like you do all the time” Shaurya removed his specs, his sharp voice aiming at her.
“—Wh-?” Anokhi was confused. What was wrong with him? Holding the last thread of her patience she tried again, “But sir—”
Shaurya cut her again as he almost talked to himself “—That woman has hurt me enough and now I won’t—”
“Okay, then don’t” Anokhi yelled losing her patience.
“—No Miss Bhalla I don’t want to talk to you about this. Also, what do you know even?”
Anokhi scoffed “Exactly Sir as you said I know nothing so why are you even—”
“— Enough, Miss Bhalla! Leave”
Anokhi saw red, “I was leaving only”
“Then leave” Shaurya yelled back. “Who stopped you? Don’t you have any classes to attend?”
Anokhi held her head before rubbing her temple and exhaling. She tried to swallow her sudden urge to charge at him but the kind of anger she felt within was blinding her senses. Marching at him furiously, she opened her mouth to lash at him but no words came out. Irritated by herself, she threw her hands in the air before silently bending down and taking her books from the end of the table.
After glaring at him for the last time, she left.
“Miss Bhalla what does she even think of herself?” Mumbling under his breath, Shaurya dragged his laptop and started working again. He somehow felt relieved.
Anokhi crossed the corridor wanting to kick everything that came in her way. What was wrong with this man? Anokhi felt like pulling her own hairs.
“You got the books?” Reema jogged beside her.
Stopping with a jerk, Anokhi dropped the books to Reema and smiled her widest before scoffing, “I even got a personal class”
What happened to her? Reema kept thinking as she watched Anokhi leave.
____
A/N- Now you all believe how random I write. I mean this kind of made no sense. But just wanted to show Shaurya being habitual of letting it out to Anokhi even when she doesn’t pester him. Tbh I am not sure if I did justice with the essence I wanted to keep underlined. But you see I do want to write at them and I can’t hold myself back even when I don’t have any idea what to write.
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