Posted: 3 years ago

So today Aastha revealed her story to Shaurya, but I felt that perhaps because she was injured and in so much pain and Shaurya being vehemently refusing to believe, she could not explain everything properly. Therefore, I decided to write a letter to Shaurya on her behalf.


Dear Shaurya, 

 I know you are worried about my whereabouts so I wanted to assure you that I am fine. It is true that your words that night hit me like shrapnels and I felt my whole world crashing down. What could be a worse punishment for a mother when the one person who she loved the most said he did not care if she lived or died.

You must be thinking what kind of a mother is this who claims to love her child yet ran away from her responsibilities when he really needed her. I know I made a mistake. The guilt of not being there for you had been eating me away. 

I did not want anyone, neither you nor your father to get into trouble because of my decisions. It is true I married into that house with the knowledge that the women in your family are not allowed to work. I loved your father so much that I willingly gave up on my ambitions to be with him. What I did not give up was my self respect. I had no idea that within the four walls of Sabharwal house, my self worth would be trampled upon on a daily basis, my identity reduced to an adornment in one corner of the kitchen. I had no say whatsoever in the decisions of the house. I had to live on the whims and fancies of the men in the family. Every time I tried to question their unjust practices, I was humiliated badly and silenced. Slowly I realised the real Aastha was getting lost in all the opulence of the Sabharwal house. It was a situation worse than death for me. I stayed there for as long as I could only for you. I tried to be happy for you. But there is so much a person can take. I had reached the end of my tether when my brother died and I was not allowed to look after my parents. Your Bade papa offered to take their responsibility but I did not want your grandparents' life to be dictated by the Sabharwals. Therefore I decided to work and your bade papa asked me to leave the house. I wanted to take you along but your Bade papa threatened to take me to court. I did not want you to face the court at such a tender age. I did not want you to be a witness to the vicious character attacks, accusations and counter accusations that come with a court case. 

 

I had thought you would not miss me when you were surrounded by a house full of people to love you and take care of you. There was your father, your Badi ma and Bade papa who doted on you. Being a Sabharwal was your identity, I did not want to take that away from you. A woman who has been separated from her husband is looked down upon by society even today and 25 years back the situation was worse. You won’t believe me when I tell you that I still have to face the judgemental glances and awkward questions of people. I could not dream of putting you through the same. I thought I was doing what was best for you.

Alas, I could not have been more wrong. I failed to realise that no one can take a mother’s place. I failed to consider those unreasonable demands that you could not put before anyone but me. I failed to think who you would hug tightly when you woke up from a nightmare. I failed to take into account that in addition to giving you love, they would also give you their thinking. They would make you feel indebted for what they have done for you. I honestly did not foresee that. All I can say in my defence is I never stopped loving you. Every night after your Nana-Nani went to sleep, I would close the door and quietly weep. Weep at my guilt and helplessness. No one was there to witness my pain.

 I never thought I would not even be allowed to see you. I failed to reach you even after several attempts. They told me that you hated me, that my presence would cause you more suffering. After a while I started believing them. So much so that I hardened myself to any motherly emotions. I stopped trying to contact you. But I could not stop myself when I saw you in Gurdaspur. All the suppressed feelings of motherhood came rushing back. I thought you were now old enough to see things from another perspective. But you refused to talk to me, and this cemented my belief that you hated me.

Then I came the night you visited me in the hospital. I may have been in a coma but I felt your touch. That moment I realised that I had misjudged you all this while. You never hated me. When you shouted at me in support of your Badi maa, all I could see was a hurt child opening up his deep wounds to his mother. I thought perhaps life has given me a second chance to make up for the wrongs I did to you, my only child. That is why I came to you on your birthday. I had to tell you my side of the story because I thought it was your right to know. I thought you might forgive me and accept me. I was not expecting such a vicious attack from you in return. I was weak both physically and emotionally. I walked away from there, your words still ringing in my ears. Life suddenly felt meaningless. I will be lying if I say the thought of ending my life didn’t cross my mind for a second. Then I realised I was being selfish again. I know if I had killed myself you would never be able to forgive yourself. No, I could not let you down one more time. 

I needed some time to introspect, away from everyone. I know Shaan and Anokhi would be dead worried. Kindly do me a favour and tell them I am safe and sound. I am going back to Kapurthala. Your Nana Nani have been alone for too long. Please don’t feel guilty for letting your emotions get the better of you. I can understand that my presence reminds you of all those years of neglect that we put you through. Nothing I say or do now is going to undo that. I will not disturb you again. I won’t ask you to accept me as your mother but a little hope will forever live inside me that perhaps one day you will be able to move past your pain and allow me into your life, possibly as a friend and well wisher. All I want is for you to know that I will always be there for you, without any expectations. 

Oh, one more thing, please don’t take my anger out on Anokhi. I know she pesters you a lot about me, but her heart is in the right place. She loves me a lot and it makes her overstep her boundaries. I have not seen a girl like her. When she loves someone, she gives it all. 

                                                                                                                                                          - Aastha


P.S. - It is no secret that despite all her flaws, I have a soft corner for Aastha. I cannot see her groveling like that. I wanted her to reveal her story to Shaurya but in a more stoic manner. I liked it when she was a confident, badass woman who would not take any sh*t from anyone. Hoping she moves out of Shaurya's life graciously after this incident and help Shaurya and Anokhi from a distance without him knowing anything.

Posted: 3 years ago

The letter was so emotional and to the point! 

Though I think Shaurya will read it then tear it into pieces saying 'I don't care!' And he is right at his place though! 

Posted: 3 years ago

This one is just amazing.

I loved how you portrayed Aastha's inner dilemma, her love and suffering.

This was just amazing.

Posted: 3 years ago

Originally posted by TunesOfHeart


The letter was so emotional and to the point! 

Though I think Shaurya will read it then tear it into pieces saying 'I don't care!' And he is right at his place though! 

Thanks.

The good thing is that he will read it before tearing. That is some good progress on his part.

Posted: 3 years ago

Originally posted by RaarA


This one is just amazing.

I loved how you portrayed Aastha's inner dilemma, her love and suffering.

This was just amazing.

Glad you liked it. 

Posted: 3 years ago

Shaurya has been fed with ton of poison that he refuses to believe anyone except badi maa & kaka. This letter was a good piece of writing & if such a thing took place in the show, Shaurya could've either wept like a child or torn the letter or worse, vented his frustration on Anokhi for making Aastha enter his life again indirectly so. 

But one day everything will make sense. This was tremendously good 👍🏼

Posted: 3 years ago

Very emotional 😭 

Love the perspective of Astha 

Posted: 3 years ago

This is soo beautiful!

Whole journey of Astha, the steps she took,the roads she travelled,  the roads she deserted, the roads she was forced to leave behind everything is penned soo beautifully here. 

Its heartbreaking how even after being right and doing the right thing she is the one who is at loosing end💔

Whom to blame here, Shaurya Or Astha...

Or those Sabharwals. Whoever they blame its these mother-son duo who have suffered.😭

I totally loved this. ❤️❤️

Posted: 3 years ago

Originally posted by Coffee_Chips


Shaurya has been fed with ton of poison that he refuses to believe anyone except badi maa & kaka. This letter was a good piece of writing & if such a thing took place in the show, Shaurya could've either wept like a child or torn the letter or worse, vented his frustration on Anokhi for making Aastha enter his life again indirectly so. 

But one day everything will make sense. This was tremendously good 👍🏼

Thanks 

Aastha had to enter Shaurya's life for him to get a closure and move on. Shaurya had a right to know what happened with his mother. Initially it will put him in turmoil but slowly he will come to terms with his past and become a more mature person in future 

Posted: 3 years ago

Originally posted by Gurveen


Very emotional 😭 

Love the perspective of Astha 

Thanks you for reading.



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