Radhika Apte - don't believe in the institution of marriage - Page 5

I used to be a big believer in marriage. Still am. have this conventional dream of husband and kids .

The more I grew up the more I saw how demanding it is, the less thrilled I felt abt arranged marriage

It felt like, ur making all these compromises and sacrifices for someone u don’t even really love...feels moot

..

U wouldn’t think twice abt making those compromises for someone u love like ur mom, dad, sister etc...it makes sense when the person u are getting married to has the same position in ur heart and mind as them 

Now u could genuinely fall in love with the person during the arranged marriage process that’s fair.

But most people get married if the person is “good enough on paper” or if the person “isn’t bad” in the arranged marriage process

It feels a lot like “make all these compromises and sacrifices first, then hope some day there will be love to not make it seem like such a drag”

I just cannot wrap my head around it 😐

Also why does society think a person isn’t settled till he/she gets married? Given there is no promise things will always be fine after marriage? Is anyone ever settled ? I don’t think anyone ever reaches a stage in their life where their problems vanish and they have nothing left to accomplish / no struggle 

People who are successful worry themselves sick Trying to maintain the success...add to that a whole host of problems like health issues, issues having children, issues with children themselves , family politics

Kya settle bhai? 

This content was originally posted by: Bakugo

Not really. My sister had an arranged marriage not because she couldn’t date  or talk to guy. She had guy friends and even dated but she never felt that connection. My parents brought the rishta and they hit it off quite well and she knew he was the one. They are very much happy and in love  even 8 years and 2 kids.

You might say this is an exception but I have seen a lot of people going for arrange marriage not because they can’t date , they just think this as a way to find your perfect match.

It is not an exception. The concept of having an "arranged" relationship exists even in the west where there is a dating culture. The theory is that people close to you and who know you well will help you sift through all the options to find people you will be most compatible with. In dating cultures, people will ask friends, coworkers, and even family to set them up. Some people rely on church groups or other social/religious groups and there are even matchmakers. In India, this arrangement is primarily done by parents and/or families and/or matchmaker. 

The problem with "arranged marriage" in India is that even today many people believe that it is the better and more acceptable means to marriage. It is still steeped in many discriminatory practices. And many people feel pressured into their choices. 

The ideal practice would be that people are free to date, make their own choices and date and have the option to request arrangements when they want assistance. 

This content was originally posted by: return_to_hades

It is not an exception. The concept of having an "arranged" relationship exists even in the west where there is a dating culture. The theory is that people close to you and who know you well will help you sift through all the options to find people you will be most compatible with. In dating cultures, people will ask friends, coworkers, and even family to set them up. Some people rely on church groups or other social/religious groups and there are even matchmakers. In India, this arrangement is primarily done by parents and/or families and/or matchmaker. 

The problem with "arranged marriage" in India is that even today many people believe that it is the better and more acceptable means to marriage. It is still steeped in many discriminatory practices. And many people feel pressured into their choices. 

The ideal practice would be that people are free to date, make their own choices and date and have the option to request arrangements when they want assistance. 

Absolutely agree with you

@bold- yes that is problematical. When a love marriage ends up in divorce, people don’t leave  a chance to taunt them but same thing happened  in arrange marriage.. yeh toh bhagwaan ki marzi thi.

This content was originally posted by: pathaka

I used to be a big believer in marriage. Still am. have this conventional dream of husband and kids .

The more I grew up the more I saw how demanding it is, the less thrilled I felt abt arranged marriage

It felt like, ur making all these compromises and sacrifices for someone u don’t even really love...feels moot

..

U wouldn’t think twice abt making those compromises for someone u love like ur mom, dad, sister etc...it makes sense when the person u are getting married to has the same position in ur heart and mind as them 

Now u could genuinely fall in love with the person during the arranged marriage process that’s fair.

But most people get married if the person is “good enough on paper” or if the person “isn’t bad” in the arranged marriage process

It feels a lot like “make all these compromises and sacrifices first, then hope some day there will be love to not make it seem like such a drag”

I just cannot wrap my head around it 😐

Also why does society think a person isn’t settled till he/she gets married? Given there is no promise things will always be fine after marriage? Is anyone ever settled ? I don’t think anyone ever reaches a stage in their life where their problems vanish and they have nothing left to accomplish / no struggle 

People who are successful worry themselves sick Trying to maintain the success...add to that a whole host of problems like health issues, issues having children, issues with children themselves , family politics

Kya settle bhai? 

The societal standard follows the birth-education/work- marriage-children-retirement cycle. This is the success measure for every child to thrive in the pressure of the society. Anything amiss or delayed makes them question as they do not know better. The goal post keeps moving and not the problems. From worrying about grades to college to work to spouse and in laws to kids and the cycle continues. Settling is a state of mind. 

This reminds me of one of my favorite Oscar Wildisms...

I think I’ve posted this one here before :)