Your Savior No More
"Aaj rakshabhandan hai." Neel froze hearing Vyasji's words.
They were spoken slowly, as if they carried something heavy in them. Neel supposed they did. He doesn't know what the heaviness was for the man standing before him, but for Neel it was something he couldn't bring to words.
His breathing getting heavy, Neel marched out of the living room. Some part of his brain reminded him that there was a quarantine still going on, and if caught, he could be punished heavily. Unfortunately that part of his brain was outweighed by the part that wanted him to run to a place, any place really, that will make him feel like he was not drowning.
It was ironic really, that his feet carried him towards the river bank.
Stumbling over the steps, he must have come close to twisting his ankles. It didn't register in his mind though. He was too focused on getting his breathing right.
He stared at the flowing water, and simply listened.
It took a few minutes, but he was finally able to calm himself enough to form a coherent thought.
To his dismay, the first thought to take shape was the fact that his sister was no longer alive. She can't sit beside him and have long conversations with him like they used to. They won't take turns to cook their favorite foods for each other, nor try to come up with their own recipes. He won't be able to call her when he's having a hard time at work, and calm himself by hearing her soothing words.
He slaps his head cursing the world wherein he has to live while she doesn't.
How can he enjoy the little things in life knowing that she won't be able to do the same? The guilt he was feeling in sitting underneath the blazing sun was far too much. Part of him wanted the Earth to split open and swallow him. The irrational parts of him wanted all those superhero films and tv shows to be true. He wanted to reverse time and never set foot on that bus. He yearned for a moment, just one chance to be able to save his sister.
He's willing to give up everything to have that opportunity. His career, Meera, the very breaths he's taking right now - he'll give it all up. Somebody just needs to say the word and he'll give it all right then and there.
But who will say those words?
Sobbing, he crouched down, hugging his knees.
Who will tell him, Neelkanth, yeh le apni Bhags.
He cried until his sobs drowned out the sound of the roaring river before him.
He cried until he could feel the visceral ache in his chest that can only come from losing a large piece of your heart.
He cried with the knowledge that his wrist will no longer adorn the sacred thread that his sister would make for him.
He cried, and cried, and continued to cry.
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