Thank you for reading and commenting! <3
Thank you for this chapter. Tsunami of Abhir's emotions are penned so nicely.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
Please take a 🙇♀️ and I also take my 🎩 off to you for this wonderful story.
This is so real every word and description whole story is in front of your 👀 and you can’t have enough, you just want to read more.👏
The feeling of heartache, losing someone who is a part of your existence, understanding yourself before others is a very slow process, it takes time maybe the whole of your life just to make a start but some how you learn and process where you are going wrong and correct it before it is too late.
Abir and Mishit have just started life together but there have become one person in front of the world 🌍 and nobody can break them as long as they stay true to themselves.
Your writing ✍️ is so good 😊 that I have 😶 other than please continue because I have become a very big fan of your stories in a sense that it 💡 up the page when you read and you just don’t want to ✋
Please take a 🙇♀️ and I also take my 🎩 off to you for this wonderful story.
This is so real every word and description whole story is in front of your 👀 and you can’t have enough, you just want to read more.👏
The feeling of heartache, losing someone who is a part of your existence, understanding yourself before others is a very slow process, it takes time maybe the whole of your life just to make a start but some how you learn and process where you are going wrong and correct it before it is too late.
Abir and Mishit have just started life together but there have become one person in front of the world 🌍 and nobody can break them as long as they stay true to themselves.
Your writing ✍️ is so good 😊 that I have 😶 other than please continue because I have become a very big fan of your stories in a sense that it 💡 up the page when you read and you just don’t want to ✋
Thank you so much reading and leaving a lovely comment for the chapters <3.
I am glad to know that you get the visual treat while reading it.
And you are absolutely right. Understanding yourself is the toughest job. The extreme situations brings the best and worst out of you and shows you the mirror. Thats when one even realizes that these feelings even existed somehow. You caught the very right chord of this short story <3.
I will definitely continue soon. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
Chapter 5: Resonate
“Coffee” Abir looked in that direction and saw Mishti standing next to him, extending her arm to offer a hot cup of coffee to him. Abir looked towards her and smiled. “There she was” he thought to himself as he kept looking at her lovingly. As soon as he looked at her, he smiled with relief. She was his answer to everything. Ever since she has entered his life, every answer to his question has always led him to her. To his angry chorni. To his Cinderella chorni. He extended his arm and took the coffee mugs from her hand and kept them on the floor. He again extended his arm, this time for her hand. She sat right next to him and rested her back on the wall.
Abir handed over one mug to Mishti and kept one for himself. They both silently sipped on their coffee. To break the silence that had awkwardly surrounded them, Mishti asked
“How is the coffee?” asked Mishti.
“Coffee is koffee good” said Abir with a smile on his face. They both recalled their fond memory of their coffee date and smiled, while looking towards each other. Abir placed his coffee mug on the side. He placed his head on her lap and kept looking at her. Mishti lovingly caressed his hair. Abir held Mishti’s other hand and kissed her palm lightly.
“Mishti! I know we never spoke about our breakup after the last confrontation we had regarding it. We both know why. We never wanted to relive those days again. That pain and suffering was unbearable for us. And hence, even though it was unsaid, we both just decided to remember the lesson and never look back. We decided to move on and never talk about it.” said Abir while constantly looking towards Mishti. He was trying to make sure she was with him.
He continued. “And I will totally understand if you don’t want to talk about the miscarriage if its equally painful for you to remember. I just wanted to… you know…”
“It’s ok Abir. Ask whatever you want to. If I feel that I won't be able to answer anymore, I will stop”. Said Mishti with a smile. Abir kissed her hand again.
“Mishti!! I was wondering about Kunal Kuhu. Didn’t they reach the hospital on the same day? How come they never found out?” asked Abir.
“They left for Vapi after we got to the hospital. There was no train available until after a few hours. So they both decided to drive instead. And it took them about 10 hours to reach. So by the time they got to the hospital, doctors were pretty much done with me. The painkillers had kicked into my system. So I was fine. Of course, I had a weakness. But at the time your condition was so critical that no one including me even noticed or thought about that. And you know Kunal. How he is when it comes to you. Nothing else matters to him. Kuhu did doubt. But Alpa covered it up for me by saying that I wasn't eating well. And she bought it. And that's how…..”
“They both never found out. Nankoo!!!!” Abir finished Mishti’s sentence and sighed, rolled his eyes over his brother’s extra care for him. He wished at least both of them would have noticed properly and poked Mishti more. He just closed his eyes feeling guilty again. He blamed himself for Mishti’s condition. He thought had he not been in this condition, people would have noticed Mishti’s condition and everyone including him would have taken proper care of her.
Mishti noticed Abir’s pained expressions. She cupped his face using one of her hands, while the other constantly caressed his hair. “What happened Abir?” she asked worriedly.
“I feel guilty Mishti.” Abir ran his fingers through his hair.
“About what Abir?” asked Mishti while tightly holding his hand.
“I couldn't take care of you. No one could take care of you. No one even noticed you were in so much pain. I didn't notice that you were in so much pain. I just wished I knew. I just wish I could take care of you when you needed me the most. I am just a bad husband” Abir was about to smack his head with his hand but Mishti stopped him.
“Shut up Abir! Dare you say anything like that. Why do you think you haven't taken care of me?” Mishti raised her voice as she couldn't take Abir berating himself. She quickly calmed down as well as she knew it wasn't the time to lose her cool.
“Common Mishti!” Abir rolled his eyes again as he felt Mishti was just trying to make him feel better.
“Abir! I am not saying this to make you feel better. You don't even remember how much you have helped me through this. Let me remind you.” said Mishti while tightly cupping his face. Abir looked towards Mishti with confusion.
“Do you remember all the times that I was getting angry and emotional? The moment I would lose it, you would do anything and everything to make sure that my mood was better. You did everything to distract me. You were yourself going through so much. But you also tried staying strong for me. Whenever I felt overwhelmed, I sang. And you used to join me for my weird musical escapades. You did meditation with me. If I made sure you were eating on time, so did you for me. You wouldn't let me go until I would finish eating in front of you. I remember I would just randomly just sleep in the afternoon. I used to sleep because of fatigueness. And you kept caressing my head until I slept. Remember that one time, I had this breakdown at the doctors office.” Mishti asked with tears in her eyes and Abir nodded in agreement while recalling it. “You got hurt during your physiotherapy. And I lost it. I don't know what took me over. Probably the fear of losing you. And that fear, after losing our child like that just got the worst out of me. I got so mad at them and cried so much after that. You were confused as well. You hugged me tightly. Kept kissing me and telling me that you were ok. You held me tightly until I stopped crying.” Abir teared up as Mishti continued to remind me of everything he kept doing for her.
“I probably scared the doctors that day. And from that day, you became even more careful. You started paying more attention to me. You started working hard towards getting better. Maybe also to save anyone else from my wrath.” Mishti laughed while saying this and Abir left a light chuckle.
“Yah! I didn't want anymore victims of my angry chorni. Do you even know how scared my doctor was to talk to you after that day?” said Abir. Mishti smiled.
“I know I did” acknowledged Mishti with tears in her eyes. She brushed off her tears and looked towards Abir to tell him to not feel guilty anymore. She knew he did everything for her.
“You did everything Abir. The only thing is that you didnt know the whole truth. I am standing strong right now, with you, in front of everyone is because you were there with me. I wouldn't have been able to do it otherwise. So don't you dare say anything like that. You are the most loving and caring husband I could ever ask for”. Mishti warned Abir and Abir smiled lightly. He got up from her lap and rested his back on the wall again. He extended his arm around her shoulder and kissed her forehead. She kissed him back on his cheek.
“You know what I am feeling right now Mishti!” Mishti looked towards Abir with curiosity as Abir continued.
“I am relieved to know that I could unknowingly help you Mishti. But if I had known, maybe I could have helped you in a better way.” Abir stressed being concerned about Mishti’s condition.
“Maybe Abir. But there are two sides to the same coin. Maybe, you not knowing was my biggest help. Sometimes in situations like these, the slightest act of love and concern can be interrupted as sympathy. It might not be the person's intention. But for someone who is in distress, who is constantly surrounded by questions, can interpret that way. And it is no one’s fault but the situation. Sometimes that care and concern can even break the person deeper. I have heard this Abir. Especially in cases of miscarriage, sometimes a woman is not able to understand what is really going on with her. And it gets difficult for her partner to understand it too. If a pregnancy can bring a couple closer, miscarriage also sometimes does tear them apart. Maybe! Maybe you could have helped me in a better way. But there was another possibility too. Had you known, you might have changed your behavior in front of me too. You might have gotten more careful. It could have led to a lot of possibilities Abir. Even if you wouldn't have, my confused mind would have concluded various conclusions. But the fact that I knew you didn't know, that no one knew, helped me the most. I didnt jump onto any stupid conclusions. I kept going and going until the day I was ready to tell you.” said Mishti with honesty and made straight eye contact with him.
Abir was still not convinced with that. “Mishti! We cannot lead our life with what if’s! Right? The fact that you were right in front of me, suffering, going through so much emotional baggage and I didn't doubt any of it. I just thought of that as your worry for me. Mishti! You should have told me beforehand. I understand you were looking out for me, given my PTSD. But still!”
“Abir! This wasn't something that we could have easily guessed. We weren't even planning a family right now. If we were, that would have been a different story altogether. Maybe I should have told you beforehand. I know! I know we both have promised each other with honesty. But whenever we have been put in situations like these, we have always reacted first based on our instincts. And Abir, our first instinct has always been to protect each other from anything, from any truth. I was really worried about your condition. I know I didn't get a chance to be attached to the baby. But somewhere I kept fearing losing you like our baby. You are much better right now with your PTSD condition and you are still blaming yourself for this. I am not sure what would have happened if I had told you then? I was just trying to protect you. Are you telling me that you haven't hid anything from me just to protect? That you have always been honest with me! That even now, there is nothing that you have hidden from me.” questioned Mishti with as much calmness as possible.
Mishti’s question took Abir back to his memory lane. The times he had lied to her to protect her. Especially for Kunal and Nishant. Later, Mishti pretty much found out everything about Kunal. But Nishant? She still doesnt know he faked being drunk that day. He hid that from her to make her she didn't lose a friend. A family didn't lose a son. He somewhere knew what Nishant did was unforgivable. But the fact that Nishant at least found his lost way back that day was enough for Abir to give him a second chance. It was enough for Abir to not break her trust. Trust meant everything to her. He knew somewhere it could make or break her. And he didn't want to do that. So he protected her by protecting her trust. He was finally understanding what Mishti was trying to do. She was trying to protect him. She was trying to protect herself and most importantly she was trying to protect their relationship. Both of them being in distress would have done two things: Either could have brought them closer or tore them apart. And the fact that there were still closer than ever was enough for Abir to not question it anymore. He trusted her. She trusted him and that is all that mattered. And that was the beauty of their relationship. Even if they wouldn't have agreed with the person’s action, they would always understand the situation and would always give benefit of doubt.
Whether it was Mishti succumbing to Meenu’s blackmail or him, they both at the end understood the other situation. Even if they were blackmailed, they both very well knew that they did choose to get blackmailed and do the unthinkable in distress, which hurt a lot of people. Had they not done that, things would have been a lot easier and simpler. The lesson they learnt from that was to not make a decision in distress, especially those which they are certain can hurt the people they love. And the decision Mishti took, didn't hurt anyone. But it did hurt her. Was it still right? Even when he thought he got all his answers and he understood where she was coming from, he still couldn't find any answer to why did this even have to happen?
Mishti kept looking towards Abir as he kept thinking. She wanted to give him as much time he needed to understand this. Abir snapped out of his thoughts and looked towards Mishti. He bent his head and touched his forehead to hers and had a small smile.
“You know Mishti! You always have answers to all my questions. Always! I get it. I understand. But there is one question I am still not able to answer.” asked Abir.
“Why did this happen?” Mishti interrupted and completed his question. Abir was shocked as she knew what exactly he was thinking about. As if she just read him.
“Don't be confused Abir. This is the same question I have been dealing with ever since this happened. I dont know why this happened to us. If I didnt know that I was pregnant, why did I find out about the miscarriage? Why did it not stay hidden? I dont know Abir. I dont know what to feel. There is no one to be blamed here. I dont know whether I should be relieved that it happened really fast even before we knew or should I be sad that it went away from us before we could even celebrate this happiness.” Mishti’s voice cracked by the hand. Abir made his hold stronger on her.
“In a day to day life, it is hard to find people to blame for different situations. It is harder for people to accept their own fault for different situations. And the hardest part is for them to move one when they dont have anyone to blame. When they have so many unanswered questions. It is very damn hard to move on and accept that it was just meant to happen.” Mishti constantly teared up as she said this.
“Then what's easy Mishti?” Abir asked curiously
“Nothing is easy Abir. Life isn't easy. Giving up isn't easy. We have to make it easy with our efforts. They make it easy by finding people to blame or working on correcting their mistakes.” responded Mishti as she remembered this lesson which was taught to her by her bade papa. Abir kissed her head again and Mishti closed her eyes. They stayed in that position for some time and tried to gain back all their strength possible. Abir then just embraced Mishti in a hug and Mishti hid her head beneath his neck and held him tightly. Abir knew now wasn't the time for him to fall weak. He had to be strong for her. She fought this fight alone for two weeks. She stayed strong for him. For his family. Now it was his turn.
“Mishti! You started this fight alone. But now I am with you. We do have a lot of unanswered questions. But we will find a way. We will get through this. I am not going to let you fight this alone.” Abir caressed her back as he continued to boost her morale. Mishti composed herself and broke the hug.
“Mishti! We left that discussion in between. I strongly feel we should tell your parents and not my mom. I hear you that if she finds out later, she might just create more problems and havoc. And trust me, if she does, I am not going to stand it. If we have to, we will move out. But I won't let her trouble you. Mishti! We do need guidance here and Badi ma and bade papa would be the best support we will ever have.” Abir tried to stress on how important this was.
“Abir! Badi ma is my mom. Do you think I never thought or wished to share it with her? There are so many times I just wanted to run to her and cry my heart out.” cried Mishti
“Then why didn't you?” asked Abir with concern.
“Because a lot of such incidents happened in the family…… I read my Taiji’s book which she wrote during her pregnancy. She had also miscarried. She mentioned how badi ma and other family members got over concerned about it for her later pregnancies. It was very evident on her face. Badi ma's biggest weakness is her worry. She could just have a slip of tounge moment. Fine we can ignore if its your mom. What about other family members? Is that the way you want them to find out? I know… I know you will say that time has changed. So has she. Maybe she has. But the same thing happened with Kirti bhabhi and Badi ma was heartbroken again. And then after a few years we got to know that Naira di lost her first born. All of us were devastated Abir.. And badi ma!! I can't even tell you after it affected her. She stopped talking to us. She barely ate. We really had to hospitalize her. Abir, I don't know how she will react. I know… I know we won't know until we test the waters. But I am really scared to test it. I don't want to stress her with this again. There is a part of me that really just wants to tell her everything and a part of me is just scared. What if something….. Abir remember you once told me during the sleeping pills fiasco that there was no point in involving the family for something that had already happened some time ago. Doesn't it apply here?” asked Mishti
Truth to be told, they both were in extremely precarious situations. Abir gave some thought about Mishti had just said and responded “Fine! We won't tell anyone. But I want to meet your doctor and know anything and everything regarding this. Your health is my top priority. It will always be. And we will follow everything. And if at any point, I feel like I am not able to handle it anymore or I need more guidance, we will go to badi ma and bade papa. Please Mishti” said Abir sternly.
“I wouldn't have it any other way.” Mishti nodded with agreement. Abir felt relief as Mishti finally agreed onto something. He decided to make this situation light and change the topic.
“Soooo..! The random music sessions that we had in these two weeks were your way of distracting and easing off your pain” asked Abir with curiosity.
“Yah. That's what I have been doing ever since I came to Maheshwari house. That way my way of dealing with my pain.” affirmed Mishti and recalled her times at Maheshwari house.
“I used to leave this house every time i felt suffocated. Everytime I felt like I needed answers” said Abir and recalled his time again of being a nomad.
“I didn't have a house to come back to.” Abir looked towards Mishti with sadness. “Atleast that's what I felt then. So I sat down, cried about all my issues, faced them and sang them away.” said Mishti with tears in her eyes.
“This is probably why you are stronger than I am. I ran away from my house instead of staying and facing it. You stayed home and faced it head on.” accepted Abir with honesty.
“Strength cannot be defined based on how people decide to face it. Their decision to face the issues is their biggest strength. You are not weak Abir. You are strong. Very!!” Mishti again warned Abir to not berate himself.
“Mishti!! I know we were not attached to the baby. But just that the feeling that it was a part of us, is not leaving me. It is causing…” confessed Abir.
“Pain…. I know. And I am still not sure what to do about it” interrupted Mishti.
“Let's sing the pain away” suggested Abir. Mishti was confused by this suggestion and looked towards him. “We don't need to run away just yet to deal with our pain. Lets see if your way can help both of us. Would you join me?” Mishti smiled with tears in her eyes and nodded in approval. Abir took his guitar which was lying at a short distance from him. He started playing his and both of them started singing, trying to sing their pain away. With this, they both promised eachother to yet again face this another storm of answered questions. They didnt whether they would be victorious but they knew they had to start!
Naata mera teri rooh se
aise juda hai yeh
ke kya kahein
bhaye koi aur naa re
dono milke chalte hain naa
sapno mein hi rehte hain naa
sirf tu main hao jahan re
hath mein ho hath tera
chutate kabhi naa saath tera
mujhko aisa tub hi vaada de
saathiya mere main to tera
deewana hoon saare jahan se
begana hoon meri dhunon ka
tarana tu..
saathiya mere main to tera
deewana hoon saare jahan se
begana hoon meri dhunon ka
tarana tu..
khoobsurat raat yeh
hai saath tera mange
dil yeh mera khush rehta hai
bas saath tera paake
teri khushboo jaise jadu
tere baad bhi reh jaati hai
main mangun uss rab se
tujhe har dua mein hi har dua
saathiya mere main to tera
deewana hoon saare jahan se
begana hoon meri dhunon ka
tarana tu..
****The End****
Edited by .IamShonali. - 3 years agoThis was so good. MishBir sitting and talking things out. That's what I love. It's who they are. They always talk it out. They always try to understand each other and do things to make the other feel better. It's who they have always been and it felt so nice to see them sit and share everything with each other.
Mishti went through so much in such a short time and then her listing all the ways Abir helped her made me so happy. And her logic about how things may have been bad if Abir knew... I understand where she's coming from. And the important thing is that she finally told him and didn't hide it forever.
They'll both figure it out together and come out stronger from the whole thing... I know they will. I'm so proud of them. <3
This was amazing! Thank you so much for sharing, Shonali! :D
