The Fire Within
Flames- heavy, high and warm. We wonder how the earth shall perish. Ice? Fire? . Anything would work, because people are full of both.
Bondita sat in her dorm room-better to say a lavish accommodation arranged by Mr.Anirudh Roy Chaudhary, who in person is still busy singing in the bathroom. Bondita scrunched her eyebrows in an attempt to hear the old British tune her husband hummed, which certainly took her back to a field trip around the Nottingham estate.London had received its first snowfall this year a few hours ago, but Bondita could scarcely tell any difference. ‘Its always cold’ she wrote in her all letters as she missed the rain and the sun back in her country.
Anirudh came with a towel around his neck his wet hair dripping water. He was in a mush. Bondita had graduated with a gold medal.”What are you doing?” he asked Bondita.”Setting up fire.” Bondita answered indifferently as she fiddled with some wood in the fire place.She thought of what it would be like to burn in it? Will it be warm anymore? And then she remembered her friend Lolita back at the Calcutta university. She was studying Chemistry. Latent heat- or say-hidden heat. The temperature doesn’t show any hike until all the bonds are broken for a transition. Maybe it might feel the same-like breaking each part of your body until you stop screaming anymore.
“If you like to stay here more and practice a bit- I am up for it !”Anirudh took up a wine glass.Bondita wasn’t pleased with the suggestion. “ What’s the date today?” Bondita asked ghostly. Anirudh kept his wine glass aside and huffed. “ 13 April 1921, the second year after Jallianwala Bagh Massacre.” Anirudh announced. “You are wrong.” Bondita implied calmly.”Its the day when you realised that I should not ever come back to India. Its the day when London reported its biggest victory over the dogs they fed in their colonies.” Bondita said with utter displeasure.
“You never outgrew that, Mishti- its not the same anymore.” Anirudh rubbed his forehead.
Bondita turned over the wood- for the other side to burn.
“I wasn’t able to sleep well since that day- I realised the worth Indians held in the world- we are nothing.” Bondita closed her eyes for a while. “12 years ago - everything was so different Bondita - I never thought it could get so ugly- I am just..” Anirudh sat defeated.
“You’ve changed.” Bondita said looking at her husband to find the silver lining of that rebellious man who once saved her life.He had outgrown that boundary. He is more handsome- but something inside him has made him scrunch his toes in an invisible limitation.
“I didn’t Bondita. I do everything in my limit to help people - I practice in Tulsipur, you know that. I just don’t want you to come there, it’s not safe anymore.” Anirudh said remembering his friend Jayprakash’s murder a few months ago. He was found supporting the INA by the British - who thought him as their faithful servent. It didn’t occur to him - but Jay surely looked unearthly the night before the event , as if dying before he stopped breathing.
“Making futile attempts at justice is not your cup of tea. Your success rate is known to everybody Anirudh Babu. It’s not about presenting facts - it’s about the dominance of a certain side. Batuk told me that you end up helping the victims at the end of the day.Money won’t quench the thirst of freedom - it shall germinate the uncertainty of unborn.” Bondita sighed.
“You remind me of someone.” Anirudh smiled to himself.
“Who?” Bondita asked.
“Me.” He said and closed his eyes. In those few moments he found himself drowning in an awful oblivion.This was not what he had thought he would end up doing.
“I could have stayed here, unless you don’t wish to see me anymore.” Bondita cried like a kid. She tried waving her hand in the balcony of her bungalow in tulsipur - to see if she could gather the heat and store the fragrance of the air in her mind.
“I thought you were intelligent.” Anirudh complied.
“Prejudices.” Bondita muttered.
“I heard it.” Anirudh huffed looking at the books which needed to go with her.
“I wasn’t this unhappy when the last time Kaka beat me up for a felony !” Bondita wailed.
“ Felony? You were mensturating.
Period .”
“Fine. You win.” Bondita inferred.
“We were never competing. It all ends in your favour.”Anirudh implied as he took silent glances of his wife- who had outgrown on himself. He couldn’t imagine this separation without dying a bit on the inside.
“You don’t need me their anymore.” Bondita stood up.
“No, that can’t be the case .its the fact that I know that you won’t sit quite once you go their.” Anirudh shook his head.
“Good lord! Why did you educate me then.” Bondita stood flabbergasted.
“It’s not the old British India which you left 5 years ago. It’s a battleground now . Every topic is a landmine and the one who steps in to put his or her view are the martyrs.Not in my wildest dream I could imagine you to walk on that path.”Anirudh reasoned.
“ why?” Bondita asked tears rolling down her cheeks. “It’s not fair. You can’t limit me like that .” Bondita hissed in anger.
“ I can.” Anirudh raised his voice for the first time. “ you know why? Because I LOVE YOU.” Anirudh announces taking Bondita by her shoulders.
“What does love mean? Limiting my dreams?.” Bondita told her teeth shut. She could feel an unexpected warm ness spreading in her body under his touch. For a moment she felt like flying. Finally what she had thought all this while was reciprocated.
“Protecting you.” Anirudh spoke inches away from his wife’s lips.
“What about the nation then.” Bondita muttered under her breathe.
“The nation is not in my hand - I don’t know when it shall be.But I couldn’t let something ruin - which is still under my possession.” Anirudh complies spitting fire from his eyes.
“What more have you decided for me?I must ask for an itinerary for the rest of my....” Bondita shivered from anger but was interrupted .
“Just shut up for a while , will you ?” Anirudh smashes his lips hard on Bondita’s ,tasting vanilla and strawberry at the same time.
Bondita could not decipher what was going - but it felt nice- to be touched and kissed. She didn’t know that love felt like a blind rush on your mind. She didn’t know that for a moment you could dissolve in the person standing before you- that you could forget what it was like to have your own mind.
Anirudh scraped aside for breathe. He touched his wife’s forehead- and continued to feel the bliss of togetherness .
“I am sorry if that wasn’t what you had expected...”
“Shhhhh...” Bondita kept her fingers on his lips. She wanted to remember each moment of this- maybe sketching it in her mind shall do the job.
“It was amazing.” She smiled to herself.
—
“I will take you to India .” Anirudh said as he moved his fingers in her tresses.He couldn’t see her in pain. He was her saviour and shall remain to be.He didn’t know how to upset her or make her cry . He could bear the burn of any pain in this world because he knew he was stronger- has always been.Not taking Bondita to India shall be like killing her.Anirudh couldn’t afford that. He shall be standing in front of her to take the hurt before she could - but won’t let her soul die of a silly fear.
There is no action without reaction. No fire without ice. Because for something to burn-it needs oil, and for something to extinguish it needs ice.The next time you see oil on water- imagine the oil burning and the water bearing the burn of the cause.
~Blithe
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