Rudhita OS (Beginning of historical journey)

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Posted: 1 months ago

Hello everyone... So as I said my OS was gone missing last night. I have wrote it again for you.. I am new here. This is my first writing. Please give your honest reviews both positive and negative comments to improve my next attempt.. Do pardon if there are any errors... Love you all.

Here you go guys...Have a happy reading.

SITUATION: Scene after both anirudh and bondita returns from Widow ashram.

PART 1: In the Boat upon returning from widhwa ashram .
It's dark night at 3.30am...
(In the boat, there is only sailor along with ridhita. An utmost silence prevails. Both their minds are longing with lots of different emotions where anirudh is caught btw his guilt and awkwardness and bondita with her fear, displeasure, anger and disappointed notions..... The boat reached it's destination shore and sailor asking them to get down)

ANIRUDH : apka bahut bahut shukriya kaka. Apne itni raat mein bhi hamari madadh ki. (Gets down immediately from the boat with a fake smile)

SAILOR : kyu sharminda kar rahe ho anirudh babu. Yeh to Mera saubhagya hai ki main apki madadh kar paya. Saying this he turns to bondita, beta aap bhi uthar jao. Mujhe kahin aur bhi Jana hai.

BONDITA : In a angry and shaky voice, mujhe nahin uthar na, mujhe nahin Jana pati babu ke saath, ye bahut ghussa karte hain, Maine pukara toh bhi nahin suna, meri maa ko bhi nahin leke aaye. Mujhe nahin Jana. Aap mujhe kahin aur chodh do ya phir maa ke pass .

ANIRUDH : His heart melt with guilt as tears shed merely from his eyes. He couldn't even respond to her. But he held a firm desire to clear and withdrew her fear towards him. He gave a simple sign to sailor.

SAILOR : soon after getting sign from anirudh. Beta jaldi uthar jao iss pani mein bahut Bada magarmach hai, wo tumhe khajayega, jaldi Karo. Chalo uthar jao.

BONDITA : With a confused face, kaka yeh magarmach kya hota hai? Wo mujhe kyun khayega? Uss ki maa ne khana nahin diya kya use? Bhukha hai kya wo? Agar bhukha hai to mujhe kyun khayega? Wo paani mein kyun raheta hai? Ghar  nahin hai kya uska? Tandh nahin lag rahi use? Bolo na kaka.. Bolo (by patting sailor's shoulder)

SAILOR : Getting irritated with her cute innocent questions, beta wo jawab aap apne anirudh babu se lelo.mujhe baksh do. Bas ab jaldi se uthar jao. (By nodding a head towards anirudh )

BONDITA : Theek hai.. She looked down and could realize immediately that she can't get down without help. But she knew she couldn't lend help from anirudh babu as she is little scared of him. Immediately, kaka madadh Kardo na meri utharne main...

SAILOR : Nahin beta hum tumhari madadh nahi karsakte. Anirudh babu se kaho na. ( As it is considered sin to touch others wife even for lending help those days)

ANIRUDH: Soon realizing bondita helplessness and difficulty to get down, he lended both her hands towards her for help, Main tumhare har sawaal ka jawab dunga lekin pehle Haath do apne. Main madadh kar deta Hoon tumhari. ( But he couldn't face her, he just put her down and lended his hands)

BONDITA : She is so scared to lend his help. She slowly steadily gave her hands to her pati babu without even facing her. But her hands were shivering to a greater extent with fear.

ANIRUDH : As her hands placed in his , he could realize her shivering with trembling fear towards him. He could just shed his tears as he his anger and frustration made a huge impact on child. He made her get down gently. He hold her right hand firmly and asked her hold his hands firmly and not to withdrew it till he says...

BONDITA: with a shaky voice, theek hai..Lekin haath kyun pakdoon? Kya main chal nahi Sakti? Chal na to aata hai mujhe.. (She questioned him without facing)

ANIRUDH: Nahin.. Tum chal Sakti ho. Lekin yahan bahut andhera hai. To aise mein main tumhara haath kaise chodh sakta Hoon. ?

BONDITA : Aacha... (With a  low shaky voice) she hold his hand firmly and confidently as she knew and feel that she is and will be safe around him.

ANIRUDH : After walking for a long, he could realize and feel her tiredness and weakness as she didn't ate anything for past 24 hrs.. He also could realize that though being tired she couldn't tell it to him as he has rooted a seed of fear in her heart towards him... He decided to remove the seed of fear and un plant it.
( He stopped walking and turned towards her gently and asked her with a little bit of awkwardness)
Thakh gayi ho na... Tum kaho tho Mera matlab hai ke.. Kya main utha loon tumhe, ??

BONDITA : Nahin... Nahin bilkul nahin.. Mama ho kya mere? Wohi mujhe apni godhi mein utha lete thei remembering her past days.. Main chal Sakti Hoon na pati babu. (With shaky voice and without facing him)

ANIRUDH : Mama to nahin Hoon lekin unse zaroor aacha Hoon...kyu aacha Hoon na? Aacha theek hai hum yahan pe thodi der baith jate hain.. Thoda aaram karlo. Uss pedh ke niche baith jao.. (To his surprise he could see lassi store around) Aacha tum yahin par baitho main  tumhare liye lassi leke aata Hoon with smile...

BONDITA:  lassi...(notion of excitement and joy) but with low voice mujhe nahi peena lassi. (She tried sitting down the tree shade but can't as it is too tall for her.) Mujhe baith na bhi nahi hai iss pe..

ANIRUDH :  He lifts bondita and make her sit under the tree shade. Ab theek hai.. Kyun nahin peena? Peena padega tumhe.. Tum yahin raho hum aate hai.

BONDITA : With playful mind, she slowly sneaked out what her pati babu is doing. As soon as she saw him coming back, she pretends as to be too innocent by putting her down..

ANIRUDH : Bought two glasses of lassi and also borrowed a lamp as it too dark out there. While coming towards her, he has a firm motive to make her ease and comfortable. And more importantly to make her speak out to him without fear... He reached the place.

PART 2: A deep convo which marks the beginning of versatile journey...

ANIRUDH : Yeh lo lassi.. Peelo.. Pakdo.. Bondita pakdo

BONDITA : While receiving a glass from anirudh, she is about to spill out the lassi as her hands are still shivering with fear. .
Maaf kar dijiye na pati babu.. Aaindha se nahin hoga.. Ghussa mat karna..

ANIRUDH : He could feel his uneasiness and fear.
Koi baat nahin.. (By saying this, he kept the glasses on side and sat next besides bondita) . Kya huwa? He questioned in a gentle way.

BONDITA : As soon as he sat beside her, he moved little away from him where lots of thoughts encountering her as what would he do now to her for this mistake. She closes her eyes as she got ready for punishment. Says in a shaky voice, kuch nahin....

ANIRUDH : Kuch nahin.. Aise kaise kuch nahi. Aacha meri Taraaf Dekho ... Bondita meri Taraaf Dekho...

BONDITA : Gradually opening just of one of her eye, sees him and again closes it firmly but her feary heart refused to face him still. Kuch nahin... Kuch nahin. Main lassi peelungi. She replied.

ANIRUDH : Could understand her state of mind. Aacha theek hai, mat Dekho meri taraaf.. Main khud hi aata Hoon wahan.
He took the glass of lassi and went down his knees and sat down right beneath bondita.. Yeh lo lassi. ..
Ghussa ho na mujhse, darr lag raha hai mujhe dekh ke? isiliye meri layi huwi lassi bhi nahin le rahi ho, meri Taraaf dekh bhi nahin rahi ho, itna bura Hoon kya main??
Aacha chalo Maine apne kaan bhi pakad liye, ab to maaf Kardo mujhe... Mere to do choteeyan bhi nahin hai jisse keench kar saazha de sako mujhe... Hai na?? With gentle smile.

BONDITA : Finally with a huge smile.. Choteeyan.. Apke.. Ladki ho kya aap? Laughs out loud. Ghussa nahin main aapse, naraaz Hoon... Haq hai na Mera naraaz ho na kyu? Hai na Haq? Bure nahi ho aap, aache ho? Darr thi bhi nahin Hoon aapse main. Maa Kehti hai sirf bhagwann se darr na chahiye... Lekin thoda darr laga to tha, lekin ab nahin.. With huge smile ( finally facing him) . Ghussa nahin ho Sakti na main kyun ki aap mere pati babu ho...

ANIRUDH : With a huge smile is happy as if he had won something big by making her laugh, react normal and speak with ease and comfort.. His heart could have a breath of relaxation... He took the glass of lassi and gave it to her... Aur meri maafi.....???

BONDITA :  Receives the glass with full of joy and happiness. Maafi🤔... Maaf kiya 😁 ... Finished drinking her drink in haste immediately as she was hungry for a very long time

ANIRUDH : On seeing her, anirudh dropped a tear of happiness as he could able to a little for her... He offered his glass of lassi too to her...

BONDITA : Happily receives it... Shukriya pati babu.. Bahut aache ho aap with smile.

ANIRUDH : Got up and sat beside her... Suno bondita .. Ab jo main kehta Hoon wo diyaan se suno, theek hai.

BONDITA : By cutely nodding her head.. Sunoogi na... Dhiyaan se sunoogiiiiii. Aap bolo na.

ANIRUDH :  Jab tum pe koi ghussa Karen to karaan zaroor puch Lena use, darr na bilkul bhi nahi, aur bewaja kisii ko yeh Haq bhi na Dena ki wo tum par children.. Aaj ke band tumhe jo bhi chahiye, to tum mujhe kaho gi, Tumhe kisii bhi cheez ki zaroorat ho tho pehle mujhse kaho gi, agar tumhe kahin bahut jaana ho to sirf mujhse kaho gi, tumhe agar kahin bhi koi bhi cheez ki dhikat ho to wo sabse pehle..

BONDITA : Upon interrupting him... To sabse pehle aapse kahoon gi... With smile. Lekin aap ghussa kyu thei? Aur kisse?

ANIRUDH : smile.. Theek hai. Main tum se vaada karta Hoon ke aaj jo tumhare saath huwa wo aaindha kabhi nahi hoga.. Vaada.. Aur ghussa main apne aap se tha.. Bas ab filhal ke liye koi sawal nahi..

BONDITA : Meri maa ki yaad aarahi hai mujhe..

ANIRUDH : Mujhe dekh ke... He exclaimed!

BONDITA : Nahin.. Apni maa ki yaad.. Aap maa kaise ho sakte ho? Aap toh mere....

ANIRUDH : Upon interrupting her... Pati babu Hoon he responded.
He could see a tanga ( horse vehicle) coming by. He hired it for their journey..
Ghar chaley bondita..?

BONDITA : Kaunse ghar?
ANIRUDH : Apne ghar... Chalo..
(Lifted her and make her sit on the vehicle comfortably and sat beside her) chaliye bhaiya... Yaad rakna bondita, iss samaj mein ladka, ladki, mard, aaurat, pati patni sab ek samaan hai, koi badha, koi chotha nahi hota, sab ek hai, sab ke saath ek sa sulook karna, Saazha bhi ek honi chahiye and izaat bhi ek honi chahiye... Yahin hamare Hindustan ka law seekatah hai...

BONDITA : par pati babu... Yeh law kya hota hai....?????

ANIRUDH : Main tumhe samjhaonga ke law hota kya hai aur seekhaunga bhi... Vaada hai Mera tum se bhi aur khud se bhi..

BONDITA: Theek hai with huge smile...

The journey continues ...... Barrister Babu.

Please do comment guys...My next OS, ss or ff will be based on your reviews and comments. 

Please do give your suggestions too... 
















Posted: 1 months ago

This is freaking AWESOMEsmiley4

OMG OMG 

Do write more yaar

Posted: 1 months ago

Originally posted by Alexia_Wilson


This is freaking AWESOMEsmiley4

OMG OMG 

Do write more yaar

Thanks dear.. Will try for sure. But please give a brief review of OS. Negative comments too.. Any suggestion for next OS?? And thanks a lot dear.. 

Posted: 1 months ago

Originally posted by Home786


Thanks dear.. Will try for sure. But please give a brief review of OS. Negative comments too.. Any suggestion for next OS?? And thanks a lot dear.. 

Ok me being a critic

An I am happy that you are ok with constructive criticism

So firstly never I repeat never use Scripted text

It breaks the emotions

I being a FF writer wont mind it but it doesnt feel good TBH

Eg:

Samuel: crying Elena listen to me 

Doesnt sound well does it

But here

"Elena listen to me" Samuel said crying without any care for the world

Sounds better?

Other things were perfectly fine

The transitions lines were perfectly written and no mistakes as such in plenty

PS: Never break the story like part one and two it breaks the flow of the reader and then becomes tad bit annoying


I hope I didnt offend you

Posted: 1 months ago

Originally posted by Alexia_Wilson


Ok me being a critic

An I am happy that you are ok with constructive criticism

So firstly never I repeat never use Scripted text

It breaks the emotions

I being a FF writer wont mind it but it doesnt feel good TBH

Eg:

Samuel: crying Elena listen to me 

Doesnt sound well does it

But here

"Elena listen to me" Samuel said crying without any care for the world

Sounds better?

Other things were perfectly fine

The transitions lines were perfectly written and no mistakes as such in plenty

PS: Never break the story like part one and two it breaks the flow of the reader and then becomes tad bit annoying


I hope I didnt offend you

Thanks for your review.. I got it. Will definitely try to correct them. Thanks a lot frnd for your valuable review. 

Posted: 1 months ago

Originally posted by Home786


Thanks for your review.. I got it. Will definitely try to correct them. Thanks a lot frnd for your valuable review. 

Dost bhi bulate ho aur thanks bhi bolte hosmiley36

It was my pleasure

Feels great there are still people who take criticism sportingly

Posted: 1 months ago

Great one cannot stop myself from imagining different closures to ur story.. 😊😊😊

Posted: 1 months ago

The dialogues were lovely !!!

You have a great sense of situation , just try and describe the situation with more adjectives , and obviously what Alexis told was enough !!

I can already see a great writer in you !!

All the best 

Keep it up !!


Barrister Babu 


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