Maya sitting in her balcony looking at the outside landscape. It’s so beautiful. She can see everything from her spot & everything around her looks so Small & vulnerable. This is the benefit of holding so much power over something or someone ,you feel like you are above everything & nothing can touch you . It’s like she is reading her biggest enemy’s mind right now & feeling how he feels like a king . Even before her understanding she is slowly becoming like him more isn’t she ?
She looked at the night sky . A smile came over her lips “ How Beautiful is the relationship between the moon & the dark night sky. So contrasting , yet so incomplete without each other.” Maya thought.
She remembered her & Rudra’s relationship & chuckle. It is exactly like this moon & dark night contrasting yet incomplete without each other . She & Rudra are incomplete without each other she knows that yet really not ready to accept it . Rudra Roy getting married tomorrow & here she is sitting trying to deal with her feelings & conflicts . There is some pain in her chest , her eyes are moist thinking about Rudra’s marriage. She is asking herself again & again why it’s making her so upset ? Honestly she has no answer for her own questions anymore. This things were never meant to happen, she was so sure about it . When she came for her revenge she knew what she wants , her plan was sorted , her life was sorted . She already decided her goal. She just wanted to ruin her destroyers those 8 people. She wanted to ruin them , she wanted to ruin Mritunjay Roy & his family. Falling in love or feeling attached towards someone was really not her plan. She thought it would be easy to use his sons & kill them . Honestly ? It was easy till she met Rudra Roy. There was something about the guy she never understand. He is so simple yet so complex, She felt an attraction towards him , there was a undeniable bond between them . You will think it was love at first sight ? Nope big nope . 10 years before Maya was stupid, she used to believe such silly things, used to believe in fantasy stories but this Maya Jaisingh don’t do that .Her& Rudra’s relationship wasn’t love at first sight . They hated each other when first met , they hated each other's guts , behaviour, nature everything. She hated the thought of being with MJ’s son . At first She wanted to destroy MJ using Rudra for that only she needed him , she thought she was playing him , tasting his patience , his guts but she didn’t even understood when she started to get attached to this guy . Wasn’t that sick to get attached to your enemy’s son ? Feeling sympathetic towards him ? Yup it is but what she is supposed to do ? She can’t help but to feel something for this guy. she can’t ignore the feelings . It’s like he came into her life & shake everything around her. He wakes up that sight which she was suppressing from last 10 years. Every time she was realizing what’s going on she was trying hard to run away from it . She was convincing herself it’s only for revenge , she just wants to kill him , destroy him , she was lying to Rajeev , her mother, to the entire world but how you will lie to your own self ? She is just so tired from everything , she is running away from so long ,she can’t run anymore from her feelings . She just wanted to go to Rudra & beg him for not marrying Anayana , she wanted to hug him tight & say how much it’s hurting her heart , how much his rejection paining her soul , how much his ignorance ruining her peace but she can’t say it . She doesn’t have the guts so .she knows that she is a Coward but She wanted him to accept his feelings , she wanted him to say that he loves her but he didn’t do any such thing which making her frustrated & hurt more . She know it’s selfish of her to expect him to say everything & make an effort when she herself isn’t ready let herself go . But she needs him, she wants his confidence , she needs him to hold her & say he will protect her from everything. For once she wanted to feel loved , wanted to feel protected , she is just so tried being strong all the time , fight with everything from so long for now she wanted to take rest . When Rudra patched up with his father & said yes to marry Anu , she felt rejected & betrayed . She really don’t know why but Somewhere she was expecting him to be with her , she already was feeling he belongs to her , he was her territory , he was her heart & soul without her understanding she became addicted to Rudra Roy , his pain , his light , she wanted to mend herself with his broken pieces , she wanted him to drag her from the darkness even though she will never accept it . Isn’t it strange ? Sometimes you come across someone in your life who is as f***Ed up , as crazy , as broken as you in there life, you feel some Sadistic pleasure seeing them , they make you feel if you are not the only one who is hurting there is someone like you too . You don’t even understand when their pain drawn you towards them , you go closer to them like a magnet attracting another magnet. The truth is “The only way to mend a broken heart is with the pieces of another one”
I am trying to heal myself but only for him. I was already mentally prepared to destroy everything & getting destroyed in the process. I really didn’t have any hope left for myself , I didn’t want to live. Didn’t want to dream , didn’t want to love , but then he came into my life ,made me re- think everything in my life only to left me rejected , broken , more shattered & scared than before. Why this always happens to me ? What I ever do to deserve this shit every time ? Maya break down in tears . Maya know they are toxic for each other , they will only destroy each other in the process , they will be death of each other, Rudra is like a drug to her , she is an addict, she knows the drug will slowly but steadily kill her , ruined her but yet she can’t stop consuming it more & more . She can’t live with him , she knows their love is forbidden , it will only meet with some tragic ending but she can’t live without him too . Her system don’t really work now without him . She needs him the most. She meds him like a patience needs there medicine , like a addict needs their drugs. He become her ' Sanak' , her 'Junoon' , her ' obsession'. Rudra become a poison in her blood , he is flowing in her only with her death she will get rid of him. She wanted Rudra feels the same for her , her poor selfish heart wanted it so badly , little did she know he feels the same for her but he isn’t ready to accept it, he isn’t ready to tell her , he still wants to get married to someone else. She can’t see him marrying someone else, how can you see the person meant the world to you , you love like crazy getting married to someone else ? I'm feeling the same . She tried everything but couldn’t convince the stubborn boy . Now she really doesn’t have hope left , she again felt like a failure , Rudra came into her life like a Strom & ruined everything. She can’t sit here & see him marrying someone else that’s why she is leaving tomorrow for Rishikesh. She will go far away from him . She closed her eyes & started breathing heavily. She was feeling those darkness again in her mind which is engulfing her , hearing those voice saying her “how pathetic useless she is , saying her nobody loves or need you , you are an unwanted baggage. End it , finish it , kill yourself , finish it Maya !! There is nothing left for you in this world , kill yourself !!! Take the blade & cut yourself !! Hang yourself do something end yourself do it !! Do it now !!’’
She needs them to stop , she needs these voices to go away !! She was breathing heavily , she stood up from her place , her legs & hands are shaking. She went to the drawer & started to look after for the container. “ I need those pills , I need it right now '’ after few minutes of desperate struggle Maya found the container took out some pills & swallowed it .After few seconds her breath came out normal. Her hands stop shaking , she started to feel better. 8 years , after 8 freaking years later she again needed those medicines to survive. She felt like that old broken , fragile ,vulnerable Maya.
She looked at herself in mirror , her eyes are read puffy full of tears , her hairs were mess & lost it shine , her lips r dull , she was looking weak & helpless . Maya took a deep breath . Anger & hurt filled her heart again
“ Dam you Rudra !! dam you for make me feel like this , dam you for bringing all my dark memories again , dam you for making me feel like dead again '’. Maya broke down in tears while saying them . She still can remember little bit of that night 10 years before lying in her own pool of blood , she felt like everything will be end , she will be saved from everything but next moment she opened her eyes in hospital bed , her mother & few other people save her that night , her mother was looking devastated & that fear stricken face , the fear of losing the only daughter. That day Maya Jaisingh born .she promised herself she will not kill herself but kill those people who destroyed her life . She promised herself she will not let anything make her weak & Vulnerable . It took her 3 years of counselling & medical help to deal with her depression , deal with her anxiety attacks , panic attacks , those scars her still their in her body which make her remember what she went through & come out stronger from them. She stopped taking those pills 8 years before. But again started just few weeks back when she saw MJ in Rudra’s office & face a server Panic attack she decided to meet her old psychiatrist. She suggested her those medicines . She really didn’t needed it after that day but again today because of Rudra she needed them . She needs to go far away from this guy before he ruined & break her again than already she is . She mentally prepared herself to leave Mumbai tomorrow & cleaned her flowing tears . She took the book which were lying over her bed . She remembered that book was gifted by Rudra few days back . A smile come over her lips . She cares her book & was going to put it in the book rack suddenly something fall from it . She looked beneath & saw a letter . She took & sat on her bed. Maya opened the letter & saw it was written by Rudra . She started reading.
“ If you think I might have given up on you one day then the secret should be reverse judgment and I said you should open this letter . You are my secret Maya , the thing on my left side I hide as a heart is you actually. The days I was longing for you , since your scent has settled inside me , the air that I breathe is you , now you tell me , you think I can give up on you ? I have never able to get over you , I stayed over and over with you to be able to keep on loving you , it was easy to give up on you , but I choose to stay with you , I haven’t kill the woman I love inside me , I love you more than it would fit in one lifetime , if one day , you think that I may have given upon you , then Know that I have killed the Rudra who loves you and become someone else in order to not give up on you. I will have kill Rudra , Don’t be sad it’s okay , it’s like the poet said ‘The bird dies but you remember the flight'. I wish I could have stand front of you & say these words , I wish I could explain your eyes , and how the sound of your voice gives me butterflies , how your smile makes my heart skip a beat and how every time I am with you feel so complete. But I can’t that’s why I am writing this to you . Good bye love maybe we will meet again when the road decides it’s time for our paths to cross again
- Rudra Roy 💓”
Maya hugged the letter tightly & broke into tears . She can’t explain her emotional turmoil. She laid down in her bed , drifted into sleep while hugging the letter tightly hoping for a new beginning. She is going Rishikesh tomorrow and from there she will begin a new chapter of her life .
“ Meet me where the end begins, in echoes, where your world is me and my world is you '’
PS : hello guys ! This OS is focus on Maya's feelings mostly . Hopefully you guys like it .
Thanks for reading & leave a review if you can 😳 ignore the mistakes.
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