I've been watching YRKKH since an odd three months now, to be specific, since the umpteenth separation track started. I have felt equal parts happiness, anger, horror, frustration and incredulousness for Kaira and the supposed "love" and unshakeable bond they have between them. I believe every shred of emotion the lead pair have managed to squeeze out of their eyes but also kind of not believe it.
I mean, how can anyone, when the equation between them is more volatile than a hand grenade? Especially Kartik's feelings that are more violent and fickle than tidal waves? He loves Naira, wants to have her around, wants to also do his duty towards Vedika, wants to not let Naira take a breather and speak or explain herself (he is more prone to cutting her out when she tries to speak), wants to assume the worst of her, wants to corner her, intimidate her, shatter her soul and spirit brick by brick and then still act like the indignant, enraged ex-husband (husband? kya bulaun use) in tomorrow's episode? Somehow, that is supposed to wash away his past transgressions - the very flaws that broke the spine of his marriage.
My heart was breaking watching him carry that insolent, cold face when he met Naira at their previous adda. He was impatient, it was almost like, he didn't want to even see Naira, let alone have a civil discussion with her. You could see Naira from a mile away and decipher the mental state she is in...she looks like someone who is clearly struggling with something. And yet, he did not have the patience or the civility to simply ask her why she'd called him there, without using phrases like, "mujhe bahut kaam hai, court bhi jaana hai", or bellowing "BOLO NAIRA, KYUN BULAYA MUJHE?", "bata hi do jo bomb phodne wali thi"...I mean...this is how you talk and you claim you ever loved this woman?
And if that was not enough, after being momentarily caught unawares post Naira's declaration of her decision to hand him over Kairav's custody without further stretching the legal battle, he STILL has the gall to ask her, "Agar apne bacche se itna hi pyaar karti ho, toh use abort kyun karna chahti thi?"
There are so many "isms" here that if I start listing them out, this will turn out to be an epic-long post. Did he forget that he himself had participated in something like this during Naira's first pregnancy, when there arose an apprehension to Naira's life? Even though he had accepted Naira's death and only recently has come to know that she had fled to Goa and was living there alone, I am guessing he'd have the sense to understand how Naira may have birthed and brought Kairav up. It is NOT easy for a woman to opt for abortion. She is the one who's carrying the child and if she even thinks of something like this, then it is a decision only she can take. It is her body and she holds the right to make decisions for the same. I will not even go into the technicalities of what an idiot Damini looks like trying to peddle the "aurat hoke bhi unhone aisa socha" argument in the court, despite being a lawyer and a woman herself.
But Kartik? Hell, I expected better from him.
Today, when he questioned her once again about the abortion, something in me snapped. Like, I couldn't see him the same way anymore. It's like - he wanted to break Naira...every shred of her, crush her, humiliate her...she was his property. Sort of. She was a plaything and he could do anything he wanted to her, with her. But if any third person (be it his lawyer) pointed fingers at her, he wouldn't take that lying down. This only applies to outsiders, definitely not the Goenkas, because it's been two months Manish has been addressing Naira as "woh ladki" and Kartik looks on stone-faced, no protests there. It's been YEARS that dadi has been doing everything possible to drive a wedge between them and he has allowed it. Heck, he even allowed Swarna's delusions break his marriage. He is a Goenka when he's dealing with Naira. Strangely, he slips back into the old Kartik if a third person, an outsider in the actual sense, even came close to hurting Naira.
I can only smell a controlling, cruel, violent, impulsive, insensitive man here. Oh, add in the hypocrisy too. I fail to see where the love is. I can't see it in his eyes, his demeanor.
So tomorrow if he stands up yelling at Damini for saying mean stuff about "uski Naira", well, I ain't buying it. Because then it's going to look forced to me.
Kartik, what are you? A human ticking bomb? All these months watching Naira walk around eggshells whenever she's around you made me think - the equation between you two is so skewed. She is always, always adjusting to your whims and fancies, and you're always, always demanding more than she can or should give. It's a never-ending cycle, nothing she does it good enough for you. What, then, makes you think you really love her?
I am not advocating for Naira - she needn't have walked out of the court in yesterday's episode. She could do with a little less running away from situations and people. But to ask her about her decision to abort which btw she did not follow, repeated accusations about her worth as a mother and as a human being - without taking into account she spent five whole years alone - and many, many more years feeling lonely despite being surrounded by everybody - this is tragic. How did all the Goenkas and Singhanias come to this?? My sympathies are certainly more on her side.
She need not explain herself to anyone, anymore. Considering her life has been wrecked many a time by her own near and dear ones and she's had to start from scratch -every single time. She's had to wait endlessly, compromise needlessly, forgive undeserving people - and yet, nobody's has had to face as many questions as she now has to. And always has.
Today, when Naira and Naksha were talking, and she said, "past ko change toh nai kiya jaa sakta", I saw a flash of resignation in her eyes. She looked tired. Done fighting, dodging questions, explaining, sacrificing. Numb. It reminded me of Sita - and the portrayal of the epic character in the 2015 version of Ramayan (Siya ke Ram).
Towards the end, there comes a point when she is done carrying all the burdens, wearing all the blame cast on her despite her innocence. Lord Ram has decided to bring her back, after "consulting" with the citizens of Ayodhya and his family. But of course, Sita, wronged and impossibly tired, refuses to be a part of this charade anymore and willingly lets the earth swallow her up.
I am not entirely sure, but in today's episode, I saw the same resignation in Naira's eyes. She was done. She wants to be alone now. I'm not sure if she has suicide on her mind or just moving away permanently from this life she now knows and building a new one elsewhere, but she looked least interested in continuing this blame-game and torturing her kid and herself further.
This brings me to my next point - Kairav overhears both BhabhiMaa and Naira-Naksha talking. He definitely knows there's something called "Tuscody" and he has an inkling that his father may be troubling his mother. If Naira does decide to leave Udaipur, handing over Kairav's custody to Kartik, will this be a rehash of Kartik's life? Will Kairav grow up resenting his father and his whole family, just like Kartik had? Will there be a leap?
Personally, I am done with Kaira ...Kartik needs to exorcise his body and mind of demons first. To be loved by any woman on earth. Naira needs calm, peace and stability in her life. Independence, and yes, love too from someone who will value her the way she is and not ask her pesky questions at every opportunity, drilling holes into her self-confidence and dignity, making her feel small. And I want Kartik to rue what he lost. The five years he cried for Naira should look like a trailer when compared to see her fly away, and reinvent herself in every conceivable and inconceivable way possible while being cherished by a man who's better than Kartik in every possible way. I want Goenkas to get ruined and regret their behavior towards Naira every single day. I want Singhanias to experience some heartburn too, considering they too did not stand by Naira when most needed. Yes BhabhiMaa, your pleas to Krishna Bhagwan are going unanswered because guess what, you're praying much too late for Naira's soul to have some peace! She f***ing needs NONE of you losers in her life.
The icing on the cake - a grown-up Kairav giving hell to all of them. And a lesson to all of them - that when you try to control who/what you love, it slips away from you.
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