M × H × M OS : Fear and Frolic

Posted: 4 years ago

The adorable camaraderie of Mickey HS and HS Mini gets me to write this!


...


"Mujhe koi darr varr nahi lagta tere Hanuman uncle se," he said, confidently. Perhaps, overconfidently.

A pat on his back and slow shoulder pull was enough to turn him around and have his face pale in horror.

"Kya bola tu?" Hanuman Singh asked, sarcastically.

"Woh.. woh Hanuman uncle, sorry, Hanuman Sir," he blabbed. 

Mini chuckled from atop the balcony, getting the perfect dose of midnight fun.


"Main toh actually yeh keh raha tha, ki Mini ko AAPSE, Thaanedaar Hanuman Singhji se darrna chahiye aur so jaana chahiye. Dekhiye naa itni raat ko balcony mein ghoom rahi hai," he said, diverting the topic.


"Hawwww Mickey ke bacche!" she shouted, only to see him fervently holding his ears and begging to save his soul from the wrath of the father of Veer balikaa.


"Accha?" Hanuman Singh asked rhetorically and pulled his ear. 


...

Taking a sip of the hot piping tea, Hanuman asked, "Ib yeh bata tu itni raat gaye mhaari chori ke balcony ke neeche kar kya raha tha?"

Mickey had his gaze lowered in absolute fear.

"Main jailor naa hoon koi, thaanedaar hoon. Sirf thaari FIR karva sakta hoon, tujhko jail thodi naa jo jaayegi! Chal ab bol, bindass," he prodded.

"Woh, main Mini ko chocolate dene aaya tha," he said innocently. "Uska mood theek karne aaya tha."

He removed the chocolate from his pocket and handed it over to Hanuman.


"Ke? Chocolate dene aaya tha!", he burst out laughing.

"Haan toh?"

"Yeh chocolate dene se kya mood matlab ekdum theek ho jaata hai?" He asked.

"Arey yaar Hanuman uncle aap nahi samjhoge," Mickey said, annoyed. His tender feelings were being laughed at, and that really put him off.

"Arey kaise na samjhoonga? Ib main ek teenager ka father hoon, mujhe samjhane padenge yeh aajkal ke chonchle."


"Maine Babes ko promise kiya tha Mini ka main hamesha khyal rakhoonga. Toh bass isiliye main uske liye chocolate le aaya, jisse uska mood theek ho jaaye" he declared proudly.

"Accha? Yeh baat hai. Ib main keh raha hoon tujhse, Hanuman Singh vald Dashrat Singh vald General Singh and also father of my Veer baalika, ki tujhe ab tension lene ki koi zaroorat naa hai, ab Mini ka poora dhyaan main rakhoonga, thank you bery much," he said whilst joining hands.


"Yeh aadhi raat ko itna shor kyun ho raha hai?", Lovely came out of the room, rubbing her eyes.

"Haaye Mickey, tu itni raat ko yahan kya kar raha hai?!"

She stared at them with her narrow eyes. As if the two young children were Martians descended on Earth in a spaceship.

Mickey quickly hid the chocolate behind his back.

She got even more suspicious and walked towards them.

"Maine toh pehle hi poocha tha Mini ko ki Mickey tera..." she scrambled off.

"Bass Lovely bua! Please aap kuch mat bolo", Mini said, anticipating the talk.

"Ji, yeh ghar ke bacchein hain, koi gunde mawaali naa hain" Hanuman defended Mickey and stepped forward.

"Hmph! Hanuman bhaisahab aapko abhi nahi samajh aa raha. Baadmein jab kuch ho jaayega naa"

"Ji kuch na hoga. Raat bohot hogayi hai, aap so jayiye. Aur tu--- chal mere saath," he left with Mickey in tow. Mini kept smiling at her Hanuman uncle in admiration and respect.


After a brief chat on the wedding prep, Mini and her Babes, Hanuman finally said -

"Chal ab tu zyaada load mat le. Aur sunn, agli baar jo tujhe idhar dekh liya maine aise ghoomte ghaamte toh yaad rakhna, apni balcony ke neeche ghoomne layak bhi naa chodonga thaare ko," he said reasserting the power of a thaanedaar.

He giggled and left, not before tightly hugging Hanuman and making him blush a little.


....

Edited by Mishti_Dahi - 4 years ago
Posted: 4 years ago

Aww... So. Cute.... 

Veer balika ka father... Wow... 

Posted: 4 years ago

Beautiful OS. Please write more. I can't get enough of father- daughter .

Posted: 4 years ago

Awww so cute....

I always love HS and Micky ka bonding from the day when they first meet and then that Minni k balcony k niche he caught him.....

Tab se I love them....

Do write more dear.....

Posted: 4 years ago

awwwwwwwww

so sweet 

veer balika ke father. mini mickey are too cute

Posted: 4 years ago

So cute!

Bapu-chhori are the best!

Posted: 4 years ago

This was really cute!

I love the way you describe the characters' actions. It's very smooth and easy to read, lending it a refreshing quality. I'm also amazed by how well you're able to make the characters interact with one another. The dialogues flow nicely and seem very natural.

If I may, for the portion where Mickey and HS are having their conversation, there is no mention of Minnie, making it seem like she's not a part of the scene. Then, when Lovely arrives, she pops up as if she were always there. I was a little thrown off by that. Minnie didn't need to have any dialogues, but let the readers know at the beginning of the scene of all the characters who are present so that when they are given coverage, it's not a surprise.

Other than that, great job! :)

On a side note, I feel like this piece is longer than your regular ones. 😆

Edited by asmaanixx - 4 years ago
Posted: 4 years ago

Originally posted by asmaanixx


This was really cute!

I love the way you describe the characters' actions. It's very smooth and easy to read, lending it a refreshing quality. I'm also amazed by how well you're able to make the characters interact with one another. The dialogues flow nicely and seem very natural.

Thankyou so much Gur! <3

I am so delighted to read this compliment. Makes me feel so good :D

If I may, for the portion where Mickey and HS are having their conversation, there is no mention of Minnie, making it seem like she's not a part of the scene. Then, when Lovely arrives, she pops up as if she were always there. I was a little thrown off by that. Minnie didn't need to have any dialogues, but let the readers know at the beginning of the scene of all the characters who are present so that when they are given coverage, it's not a surprise.

I know what you're saying. But the fact is, I wanted to focus on HS Mickey and frankly, I didn't know what to do with Mini! Here is where I feel, writing lacks a certain dimension - the visual one. I wish I had lenses in my hand to capture such things, which are too trivial to write and yet important for the scene. 

I honestly didn't want to make her blush at Mickey or mention that she was just smiling there. But yeah, I should've mentioned her in the start of the scene, perhaps when I introduced the setting.

Other than that, great job! :)

Thanks Gur! I've never received such healthy reviews ever, on IF. It's just the praise all the time, only once or twice does anyone point out things. And you- are keeping me on my toes, sharpening my skills! Thanks a lot! Means a lot. Feels great.

On a side note, I feel like this piece is longer than your regular ones. 😆

Hahaha, see my span is increasing, ain't it? But I need to make better use of that span 🤣

Muahhhh!

Posted: 4 years ago

Originally posted by porankisrilata


Aww... So. Cute.... 

Veer balika ka father... Wow... 

Thank you! 

Yeah, he's so cute when he says that

Posted: 4 years ago

Originally posted by Jiarao


Beautiful OS. Please write more. I can't get enough of father- daughter .

Hahaha, none of us can! Thanks, I'll try! :D

Related Topics

No Related topics found

Topic Info

7 Participants 14 Replies 2642Views

Topic started by Mannmohanaa

Last replied by Mannmohanaa

loader
loader
up-open TOP