There were a great many many shared coffees, numerous visits to the cinema, and strolls in the park and countless accumulated hours of conversation on the phone after that first one-to-one meeting four months earlier. While they shared some common interests neither of them could be really sure what drew them together. With each meeting they learned more about each other and grew closer. This latest instance of coffee and a shared piece of pastry was no different.
"I thought you might be interested in these, said Pervaiz pushing the two tickets across the table towards Sukhi.
"A celebration of Lata and Rafi duets, she said reading from the tickets. "Seems like a fun night out. Who you going with?
The question surprised him. He wasn't sure if she was being evasive.
"Given your love of old Bollywood films I was rather hoping you'd accompany me.
"Any other day and I would've jumped at the chance. But the thing is I can't go this weekend. It's the anniversary of my father's death and I want to visit the Gurdwara. I really miss my Babaji.
Having suffered the loss of his own parents and siblings only a few years ago, he could relate to her feelings. There was a great deal of comfort to be drawn from such ceremonies. However he didn't want to see her maudlin and tried to steer the conversation in a more pleasant direction.
"It was your father who encouraged your love of Bollywood films, wasn't it?
There was a momentary cloud of sadness in her eyes before she regained enough emotional control to say "Yes. We used to watch them together more so when he became wheelchair bound. Even after he partially recovered from his stroke, despite being paralysed down his right side and unable to communicate very effectively, we used to spend time together watching movies.
Pervaiz reached across the table and squeezed her hand in sympathy.
"Do you want us to talk about something else? Something less painful.
Sukhi shook her head and forced a smile to show him she could cope.
"No, it's OK...Did I ever tell you that Babaji was quite an accomplished poet? Even though he was a good few years older than my mother, he wooed her with his shayari.
"I'd follow his example if I could make anything rhyme, Pervaiz joked. "Unfortunately my talent only extends as far as roses are red, violet are blue.
"It was an arranged marriage but my mother was nearly twenty years younger than my father. My mother's family situation was difficult and the marriage seemed a way out. They did that sort of thing in those days. In any case, Babaji did all the wooing but only after they were married.
"So what I'm hearing is that poetry wouldn't get me anywhere with you.
While they had become close, Sukhi had always avoided discussing exactly where they were with each other. It was easier to deflect such matters.
"The lack of a poetic soul is the least of your problems.
"Really?
"Yes, really.
"And what exactly are the prominent problems standing in my way?
She looked him up and down in a very deliberate manner before announcing with a smirk "Your looks and your age. In that order.
"Plastic surgery could solve both those problems, don't you thing?
"Maybe.
"How much d'you think I'll need to spend?
She sucked air in through her teeth and shook her head pityingly. "It's gonna be expensive, old man. Besides, there's no guarantee your new look would turn out any better than the current one. I'd save my money if I were you. It might come in useful for other expenses.
"You might have a point there. Last time I checked care, homes for the elderly are surprisingly expensive these days.
His ability to brush off her regular ribbing about the ten year age gap between them only endeared him to her. Sukhi found his sense of humour and frequent self-deprecation appealing.
"I'm sure you'll be popular with the ladies at the old peoples' home.
"And why not some younger women too?
"Really? You and younger women?
"Why not? It could be like that classic Bollywood song about falling in love with an older man.
"You mean the song Main Kaa Karoon Raam Mujhe Buddha Milgaya from the film Sangam?
"Yes that's the one. You're like a walking talking encyclopaedia of Bollywood films, he commented with genuine admiration.
Pervaiz could have sworn she blushed a little at the compliment.
"And tell me what Hollywood film were you quoting when you tried to seduce me at the dinner party wearing that long slinky dress with the daring neckline?
There was an unmistakeable twinkle in her eyes that cast doubt on the veracity of what she said in reply.
"I wasn't trying to seduce you and the dress wasn't slinky.
"Use whatever word you like but the dress was sexy and tight in all the right places. It certainly caught my attention.
"That's because you're just a lecher.
"Even the Pope would've been shaken to his core in the presence of a femme fatale like you wearing that dress.
She blushed and just couldn't hide it.
"I think you've mistaken me for someone else. I'm just a simple Punjabi girl. And what's with this fixation of yours with that dress?
"What can I say? It was a very sexy dress. I'd like to see you in it again or should I say out of it? he joked and gave Sukhi a lascivious look.
She playfully punched him in the arm and called him a dirty old man.
Given the subject of their conversation, Pervaiz couldn't resist asking,
"All joking aside, why is the bright, charming but simple Punjabi girl not engaged or married?
"Are you proposing, old man?
Why was she always so evasive? It was clear she wasn't going to give him a straight answer so he played along for few moments.
"I wish I could, but I already have four wives and that's all I'm permitted under Islamic law.
"Four wives, heh? No wonder you've aged prematurely.
Why did she fence with him so much instead of giving a straight answer, he wondered. What is she trying to hide? Pervaiz again tried to steer the conversation back to his original line of inquiry
"Sukhi, you're smart, educated and attractive. Surely your family must have been approached with lots of marriage offers.
"Of course, but I don't like talking about it. It opens up old wounds of why I fell out with my mother and other members of my family.
He felt guilty for raising what was clearly a painful subject.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you. Just forget I asked.
"No, it's OK. You've shared a lot a lot about your family. Perhaps it's time I did the same. To be honest, there aren't many people I know who I can share it with that won't be all judgemental about it.
He nodded his acknowledgment of her confidence in him and waited silently for her to start in her own good time.
"Just two days after I'd received my diploma in management and business administration Amma raised the subject of marriage. It's not as if the subject hadn't come up lots of times before. As a woman you're constantly reminded that one day you'll leave the family home and go off to a new life with your husband. Well right after I graduated, Amma told me bluntly now that I'd completed my studies, it was time I focussed on getting married.
"Did your father back her up on that?
"Babaji had passed away about fourteen months earlier. Had he been alive, I'm certain he would have been on my side. He'd always encouraged me to get my diploma and be ambitious in terms of jobs. But you can't really do that easily if you're married to some pindu who wants you to cook, clean and pop out babies. But with Babaji gone, my mother, uncles and aunts all descended upon me one day, pushing for me to get married. And they weren't taking about a wedding at some vague time or other in the future.
As Sukhi continued with her story, her matter-of-fact tone faded and progressively more and more emotion began to creep into her voice.
"To keep my family happy, initially I agreed to meet a few boys. I hated everything about it. It was like a cattle market with me the beast on display. The brief one-to-one talks after the initial meet and greet, were awkward. Frankly I didn't really learn much about the characters I was possibly going to spend the rest of my life with. Some of them just wanted someone to cook and clean for them and others when asked about women having careers were evasive. One of them didn't mind me having my own career but after only a brief discussion, how could I be sure he really meant what he said?
"Then what happened?
"As far as I was concerned it was too big a leap in the dark. I wanted someone who cared about me, my feelings and my ambitions. So I turned down all them. That was when I was told I was being unrealistic and too fussy about my choice of partner. I mean it wasn't as if was choosing an outfit at a store. I was trying to find someone I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with.
"After you turned them all down what happened?
"Just because I turned that lot down, that wasn't the end of the matter. The family found more boys to parade me in front of. Eventually due to the relentless pressure to conform and for a quiet life, I agreed to get engaged.
"The Sukhi I know is too feisty and would never agree to anything under duress.
"Well the old Sukhi did, and rather late in the day she recognised the error of her ways.
"How late exactly before you realised your mistake?
"The day of the mehndi I ran away and holed up in some cheap bed and breakfast for the next few days.
"That must have taken a great deal of gumption.
"What you consider as gumption, my mother called stubborn ziddi.
"What some people call determined and assertive, other people call stubborn.
"Tell me about it. Anyway, to cut a long story short, when I returned home, there was a big hungama. I was an ungrateful daughter. I didn't respect Indian culture and traditions. In a nutshell, I had brought shame on the family with my antics. Amma was even cruel enough to say no man would marry me because of my stubbornness.
"People say things in the heat of the moment that they don't mean, said Pervaiz sympathetically when he noticed she was holding back tears.
Then quite unexpectedly, he noticed another shift in her attitude as a steeliness crept into her voice.
"No she meant every word. Amma said that had Babaji been alive, he would've been ashamed to call me his daughter.
That particular memory was especially painful for her. Sukhi's dammed up tears finally overflowed. Pervaiz reached across and clasped his hands over hers. Quickly she extricated herself to search in her handbag for a tissue.
Wiping her tears, she sniffed and added, "She even said that I would die unmarried and alone.
In his mind he berated himself for reducing her to this state because of his own selfish curiosity. But now that he had, there wasn't much he could do but to be supportive to the woman he had grown to care deeply for.
"Sukhi, your mother was flat out wrong. With your personality and good looks you'll have your pick from lots of eligible men. My assessment is you'll live a long and happy life.
"You're a good cheerleader Pervaiz, but things got worse when I made my next move.
"Oh-oh. What did you do?
"A week after that fight with my mother, I moved out of the house I had grown up in. That of course only added to the shame heaped upon me by my family.
"Has there been any attempt at reconciliation with your mother?
"After four years, we still hardly talk to each other. Mother and other members of the family annually attend the Gurdwara to mark Babaji's passing. Of course I'm always civil towards them but there's been no attempt to close the gulf between us.
"And do you think it's going to stay that way for ever?
"Probably. Besides, I'm slowly getting used to it. The hardest part is knowing my family lives only on the other side of town but Amma won't come to see me and I can't set foot in her house. To be honest, if a good job in some other town came along tomorrow, I'd probably take it. It would be good for my career and make the family situation easier for me to bear.
"If you do move to take up another job will I be expected to play Ranjha to your Heer and follow you? asked Pervaiz to lighten the mood a little.
Deep down he had hoped he might prompt her into saying something positive about her feelings towards him but instead she had devastated him with that last piece of information about her intentions.
Instead of a straight forward answer to his question about Ranjha, true to form, Sukhi chose to sing some of the lyrics of an old Bollywood movie even he recognised.
"Babuji dheere chalna na, pyar mein zara sambhal na, Ha badhe dhohke hain is raah mein. Babuji dheere chalna na.
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Based upon the time they spent together and from their interactions, a casual observer would have surmised that Sukhi and Pervaiz loved each other. However, even after five months of being in each other company a great deal, hand holding, long affectionate hugs and sometimes kisses, there had never been any discussion about feelings or where their relationship was headed. Both of them reasoned subconsciously that if questions weren't asked, problems or obstacles to their deepening relationship wouldn't emerge. To ask questions about where they were headed might risk jinxing what they currently had. As much as Pervaiz was enthralled by Sukhi, he remained cautious because he didn't want to scare her away with any open declaration of his feelings. Sukhi was reluctant to say much about her feelings for him because if the word got out, more disgrace would be heaped upon by her family. The two of them were all too aware of the prospects of harsh criticism and censure from both their communities if they publicly declared they were romantically involved.
Fate however played its own hand and a tipping point in their relationship came when Pervaiz took a week's leave from work to go visit extended family in Chicago, USA.
For the whole week that he was abroad, they were incommunicado. The unspoken understanding was that it would be better all-round if his extended family did not know about them. Sukhi felt certain that the week would pass quickly and that on his return matters would pick up from where they had been left. She was wrong on both counts.
The temporary separation crystallised in her mind how emotionally dependent she was on him. It had been an epiphany how much she had missed his company. Whatever activities she distracted herself with, she found her mind wandering back to Pervaiz. How on earth had she managed before he had come along? With him, she could talk about her views about politics, social issues, religion, culture and identity without fear of criticism or condemnation. One thing she was thankful for was that his views about women were progressive and not tainted by old traditions. When they had first met, she too had harboured the prevalent stereotypes about Pakistani Muslim men and their attitudes towards women. She now felt comfortable around him and him around her. Sukhi liked the fact that he was reliable, supportive and generous, but Pervaiz was far from perfect. While his sense of humour endeared him to her, she often wished he didn't hide behind his jokey persona when it came to his true feelings about things. If he loved her why didn't he come right out and say it? It's not as if they were strangers any more. She sometimes wished he was more forceful and less willing to compromise. That came across as weakness to her. He probably in his own turn thought her a bit bossy, but being who he was he would never say that to her face. Instead he was always careful about not setting a foot wrong with her.
When on the edge of falling asleep, often certain thoughts plagued her. Those were the moments when her emotional inhibitions were weakest and her real feelings were likely to bubble to the surface. What if he had met someone in Chicago that he really liked? She felt very proprietorial about him. The thought he might like someone else as much as he liked her upset her. What if his extended family used the visit to the USA as a ploy to raise the subject of Pervaiz remarrying? While she didn't dream of or plan to marry him, she burned with jealousy at the thought that some other young woman might. Whether she liked it or not she had become so bound up with him that she could not imagine a situation where he was not prominent in her life.
In his behaviour towards her it was abundantly clear he cared for her a great deal was probably in love with her. That was evident from not only the banter and the way treated her, but also his looks of longing when he thought she wasn't aware of his gaze. He was not the type of man to take liberties. At no time did he ever overstep the mark. Why couldn't he be more daring and impetuous? Sometimes she wished he would be bold enough to grab a hold of her and kiss her passionately for no reason other than that he wanted to. He still hadn't declared openly how he felt about her. She wanted and needed him to do just that. Surely there had to be a reason for his reticence. In contrast, other young guys she had met only once or twice had been quick to declare their undying love. Why couldn't he do the same?
Sukhi wanted to believe that while in Chicago Pervaiz missed her as much as she missed him. But if he missed her why hadn't he found the time and an excuse to phone? Surely he was smart enough to organise that discreetly. As much as she wanted to pick up the phone and call him, she didn't want to appear needy. That might put him off. And what if she called and his family found out? There would be hell to pay. His extended family wouldn't be happy with the idea that their Pakistan Muslim relative was romantically involved a young Sikh woman. And whether or not she lied about it, there was no getting away from the fact she really was romantically involved with him.
In the seven days that he was away, Sukhi had been forced to be honest with herself about their relationship and what she wanted from him. In other respects the short separation was a difficult experience for her. He on the other hand was probably having a wonderful and busy time with his extended family, visiting tourist attractions, eating out and renewing old relationships. She felt guilty that she resented him for that instead of being happy for him.
Not surprisingly, after a couple of hours of his plane's arrival in Birmingham airport, an impatient and worried Sukhi phoned him. When she realised his phone was switched off, she waited some more before phoning again. When she received the same message, she began to be concerned about his welfare. She double checked that his return flight hadn't been delayed for any reason. When she had satisfied herself the problem was not with the flight, she was panicky and tried contacting him again. This time his phone was switched on but her call was routed to voice-mail. Scared and angry in equal measure, she jumped in her car and headed out to Pervaiz's address.
Jet-lagged, exhausted, bleary eyed and in his pyjamas he answered the door because someone was inconsiderate enough to keep ringing his doorbell.
"Oh it's you Sukhi.
There had been no hug nor "good to see you again as she anticipated and that really angered and hurt her.
"I'm surprised you still remember who I am.
He was so tired that he missed the scorn dripping from her comment.
"Why wouldn't I remember you?
"You go away for a week and I don't get a peep out of you all that time. That's why not! Not even a bloody text!
Her anger was even less fathomable to him but he did wish she didn't speak so loudly. His head was throbbing.
"I "
"Then, when you do get back, you have your phone switched off! Or worst still, you don't pick up when I call and call.
As he became more alert he sensed frustration in her voice.
"Sukhi I'm half asleep and jet-lagged and not following much of what you're saying. If you slow down, stop haranguing me and start again, then you can come in.
Although she nodded in agreement, her face retained its scowl. He opened the door wider to let her step inside. When he turned and wandered into his bedroom, without thinking she followed right behind him. He turned to face her so he could hear her out. It didn't take long for her to start on him again.
"Do you know how inconsiderate it is to not answer your phone? You had me worried sick. I thought something awful had happened to you.
"Sukhi, can this not wait? I need some sleep. I've work in the morning.
"I understand that! she snapped at him.
"So why are you so angry and shouting at me?
"Because you make a bloody lousy friend and I hate you.
"Whaaat?
Then for good measure she banged her fist on his chest and called him a lafanga'. It became obvious to him that there was more going on than his failure to let her know he had returned home.
"What did I do to deserve that?
She banged her other fist on his chest, again complaining "You should've called me when your plane landed.
He grabbed her by both wrists to stop her doing that again. She wasn't having any of that though and tried to free her hands. He just pulled her closer to him so she couldn't take another swing at him.
"Gustakhi maaf for not answering my phone. Now, d'you mind telling me the real reason why you're mad at me?
"I just told you.
"No that was just the excuse for being mad at me, not the actual reason. So what gives?
"Isn't it obvious?
"If it was, I wouldn't be asking.
"If you must know, I missed you, you dope.
Her admission was the lightning rod that dissipated her anger. However having made the admission she felt embarrassed by it.
"There are nicer ways of saying that, he pointed out finding it hard to keep a smirk from his face. Finally she had been honest about her feelings.
"How would you say it then, you awaara?
Since he was still holding her by the wrists, Pervaiz pull her tightly to him and kissed her decisively. Not only did she not resist, she felt herself returning the kiss with equal passion.
When he finally broke the kiss, she asked "Just so that we're clear. Was the kiss your way of saying you're sorry for not calling me, or was it your way of showing me you missed me too?
"It was my way of saying sorry. To show you how much I missed you requires more than a kiss.
"How much more? she teased.
"A great deal more.
"Then you had better get started, hadn't you?
"What if I need a little help?
"I'm always willing to help out a friend, she said and pushed hard against his chest with the palm of her hand. He fell backwards onto the bed.
(End of Part 2)
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