Because, he was the Anurag she had known for 10 years, and Prerna knew he was Anjali's crush. There
was no point in looking at him in that way. This was the way of their world.
So Prerna was struck dumb when Anurag's small act of aggression nearly bowled
her over.
Yes, he had threatened the political party workers in a similar manner, but he
was never going to throw that punch. That, like much of what he did that week,
was only meant to keep Prerna from resorting to similar violence. With them, he
was Anurag the Good playing at being bad, but on the surface he was still
exactly what they thought he was. He was still the eternal buddy, even with his
fist raised.
This time there was something thrumming under the surface that wasn't there
before. There was no humour in his eyes this time when he was facing Naveen Babu.
He was all seriousness and the air was thick with the hostility oozing off of
him. Everyone was seeing the scene play out, but Prerna was sure that no one
else was really seeing it except her. She could feel it, the buzz of barely
restrained fury. She was honed in on it, compelled toward it, because it was
the same beat that vibrated deep in her chest. And though, he didn't throw a
punch this time either, his control over himself and the way he dominated the
situation made her insides flutter.
Suddenly, Prerna could see herself seeing Anurag that way. It should have been
an unwelcome change, but, oddly, it wasn't. It was different, yes, but it
didn't change everything. He was still Mr. Padhaaku, first and foremost. He
played the part of her moral compass for far too long for him not to revert right
back to that role. Ninety-nine percent of the time, she ignored the ear to ear
grin that made other girls giggle, bat their eyelashes, and fan themselves. Now
that she knew about that other one percent though, there was a twinge of
attraction when he got a certain look about him. But it wasn't anything more
than that.
Anurag was still Anjali's daydream, hers for the taking when she was ready.
That was the way of their world. Besides, Prerna was still hung up on true love
for the most part. One unattainable thing to pine over was enough for her.
Even if sometimes her daydreams belonged to sparkly hazel eyes, attached to the
drawl, stopping her from making irrational decisions.
That was just where it started. It was not their beginning.
Part 2: Continued on Page 1
Part 3 & 4: Page 2
PART 2
The ambiguous, they said, that nothing was just black and white, good or bad, right or wrong. But Prerna was still young and, with a life like hers, it was easier to draw a line between the two anyway. There were two sides to every coin and things were simpler when a person understood which side he or she fell on. When Prerna drew the line between Affluent and Middle Class, she knew which side belonged to her and knew who was trapped on the other side. In her head, she was on the wrong side of the line while Chandrika and Anurag were on the side of wealth and goodness. That worked for Prerna. As long as Prerna was alone in this and stopped herself on time, she couldn't be hurt. The point was they were supposed to occupy opposite sides of the line. That was the way of their world.
Now she knew that they were more alike than she ever thought. And now that she
knew, it was hard to see how she had missed it? No one was one hundred percent
anything; they couldn't be packed into one singular box, no matter how hard she
tried. Prerna liked dichotomy because it made everyone easy to define, but easy
wasn't necessarily true. There was no set line between black and white, just
the gray area that they all occupied. Take Anurag, even when he was bad, there
was good in it. He got into fights because of her, true, but it was always to
protect his friends. He held back when the truly bad would plunge forward with
fists flailing. He couldn't even bring himself to say out loud what he was so
bothered about, he always had to investigate in private. The truth was, that
people had both sides of the coin in them; the key was figuring out which side
landed up most of the time.
Prerna didn't like that, because everything rode on people being either-or. As
long as he was Anurag, the righteous knight and she was Prerna, optimist but slightly
impulsive, then they were nothing alike. They had nothing in common. There was
nothing to bring them together. She needed their differences to be absolute,
because that was the only way that their similarities couldn't give her hope.
Because having hope on the wrong person was a heart breaker, a killer, an end
all to the way of their world.
For so long, she was blind to their similarities, but now that she had clarity,
she saw them everywhere. They grew and expanded to fill her vision. They were
squeezing even Anjali out of the picture and that was no good. It couldn't be
that way. Prerna wouldn't allow it.
As much as full on Prerna liked chaos, she knew there was a reason why they
needed order. They needed order because rules and structure were the thing that
was supposed to keep Anurag from following her out into the wild, unpredictable
yonder. Rules wouldn't allow him to be "just like" her. Order made it
so she didn't have to answer questions like, "what do I seem like to
you?" Because the acceptable answers are all lies.
Prerna was not allowed to say that she saw something of herself reflecting back
at her when she looked at Anurag that close up. She was not allowed to say that
he had the potential trapped in him to be persistent if that was what he
wanted. She wasn't allowed to say that because he wasn't allowed to want that
and she wasn't allowed to want him to want that. There was no use in creating
that possibility. It was better if he thought he was the meant for better, and
that was the only acceptable ending for their stories. It was as simple as
that. She had enough difficult in her life; she didn't need Anurag to
complicate things for her even more.
This was not their beginning, because they were never supposed to have a
beginning.
Edited by Tme0w - 5 years ago
Because, he was the Anurag she had known for 10 years, and Prerna knew he was Anjali's crush. There
was no point in looking at him in that way. This was the way of their world.
So Prerna was struck dumb when Anurag's small act of aggression nearly bowled
her over.
Yes, he had threatened the political party workers in a similar manner, but he
was never going to throw that punch. That, like much of what he did that week,
was only meant to keep Prerna from resorting to similar violence. With them, he
was Anurag the Good playing at being bad, but on the surface he was still
exactly what they thought he was. He was still the eternal buddy, even with his
fist raised.
This time there was something thrumming under the surface that wasn't there
before. There was no humour in his eyes this time when he was facing Naveen Babu.
He was all seriousness and the air was thick with the hostility oozing off of
him. Everyone was seeing the scene play out, but Prerna was sure that no one
else was really seeing it except her. She could feel it, the buzz of barely
restrained fury. She was honed in on it, compelled toward it, because it was
the same beat that vibrated deep in her chest. And though, he didn't throw a
punch this time either, his control over himself and the way he dominated the
situation made her insides flutter.
Suddenly, Prerna could see herself seeing Anurag that way. It should have been
an unwelcome change, but, oddly, it wasn't. It was different, yes, but it
didn't change everything. He was still Mr. Padhaaku, first and foremost. He
played the part of her moral compass for far too long for him not to revert right
back to that role. Ninety-nine percent of the time, she ignored the ear to ear
grin that made other girls giggle, bat their eyelashes, and fan themselves. Now
that she knew about that other one percent though, there was a twinge of
attraction when he got a certain look about him. But it wasn't anything more
than that.
Anurag was still Anjali's daydream, hers for the taking when she was ready.
That was the way of their world. Besides, Prerna was still hung up on true love
for the most part. One unattainable thing to pine over was enough for her.
Even if sometimes her daydreams belonged to sparkly hazel eyes, attached to the
drawl, stopping her from making irrational decisions.
That was just where it started. It was not their beginning.
PART 3
Prerna's innocence was so all encompassing that it followed her around like a tangible aura. This became clear near the beginning of their Final Year. Before then, through the years, there had been a few almost fights. Sid kept running his mouth and Anurag felt obligated to protect him. It never went further than Anurag showing a little aggressive flair. That was when he was dating Mishka, so even though Prerna would give a shiver every time she witnessed that little bit of bad in him, she didn't let anyone else see that. It was one thing to look at him like that when they were kids, and were all friends on an even field. It was an entirely different thing to covet her someone else's boyfriend every time he got a certain spark of fire in his eyes.
Then, suddenly, he wasn't Mishka's boyfriend. In the summer before senior year,
Mishka decided that, while he was her first great romance, Anurag was not her
forever love. What prompted this realization, even Prerna didn't know. Whatever
may have brought it on, Anurag seemed to agree. He even said that he was a
couple weeks off of calling it quits himself. As sudden as it was, it didn't
change much. The couple dissolved and they all went back to being friends all
around for the rest of the summer. It should have been fine, but everything
changed again.
That September, even Anjali expanded her social circle and starting dating someone
new, someone they hadn't known. Busier with other things, she left Anurag and Prerna
to their own devices. With the amount of time they were spending together while
he tutored her on Accounts in college, as colleagues in office, and when dropped
her home, Prerna feared she was too bad an influence on him. He was in a real
fight within a few weeks of the start of the semester.
Prerna never got
around to hearing what provoked the fight, nor was she around to see it. She
had been closed up in the library studying for her exam when the fist fight
broke out in the boys' locker room. Rumours spread like wildfire though and by
the time Anurag joined them at their lunch table sporting a shiner and split
lip, Sid had heard he had Kung fu'd his way through twelve guys, Anjali had
collected three separate accounts that said the other guy was in the hospital,
and Prerna wasn't sure who threw the first punch. Anurag evaded their questions
and kept his head down in a move eerily familiar to the way Prerna acted after
receiving a scolding at home.
"You're lucky you didn't get caught, or killed, or expelled," Anjali
said in between glances toward her boyfriend's table across the cafeteria. With
the lunch hour half over, it was almost time for her to head over there. She tried
to split her time evenly, but the boy always seemed to come out with a little
more of her.
"Think about your goals," Sid added. "You can't let someone
else's stupidity ruin your future."
"It's nothing," Anurag insisted, digging his fork into his plate.
"It won't happen again."
Anurag making light of the situation, like it wasn't a big deal, doubled with
the fact that Prerna's first thought after seeing him was that he could do with
looking a little less perfect, made it obvious that she couldn't let this
happen.
When Anurag walked with her to class after lunch, Anjali was with her boyfriend
and Sid's next class was on the other side of the building, so it was just the
two of them together everyday, he bumped his side against hers. She was still
like she had always been and the slight nudge almost sent her sprawling. She
would have gone over if his quick reflexes hasn't reached out and caught her by
her elbow, pulling her back in close to his side. He didn't apologize, just
matched her stride and kept going.
"You were quiet at lunch," Anurag said. His tongue poked out to probe
his split lip and Prerna wanted to pinch herself for letting her eyes fall to
watch it. "Is it because you agree with them? You gonna tell me I shouldn't
be fighting?"
Prerna stopped short of her classroom and Anurag pulled up to face her. She
squinted her eyes as she looked up at him. It was hard to meet his eyes; he
shone so brilliantly that it was almost like trying to stare at the sun. She
was almost blinded by him. Even with his battle wounds, there was no stopping
the inherent gorgeous quality of his features from shining through. Before she
could stop herself, she reached up and brushed her thumb over the bruise
forming under his eye. Maybe she imagined it, but he seemed to lean into her
touch. She snapped her hand back to her side before she could find out for
sure.
"You shouldn't be fighting," Prerna said each word carefully, because
if she didn't, her tongue might spit different ones out.
"You know what it's like, Prerna," Anurag licked his lip again, but Prerna
was not looking at his lips. "If you had heard what he said"
"It doesn't matter what the guy said about Sid" Prerna replied.
"Who said anything about Sid?" Anurag's eyebrows knit together.
"The fight wasn't about Sid?" Prerna matched his frown. "Isn't
it always about Sid?"
Anurag shook his head slowly. "You've always wanted us to stick up for
you. I've kept up my end of the bargain. You'd do the same for me, wouldn't you?"
"You know I would," Prerna fought off the hint of smile that
threatened to appear as she realized this was about her. She couldn't encourage
him. She took a step back and turned her eyes to the floor. "But the
others are right. You have a future to worry about. You can't be doing things
like this, especially for a nobody like me."
Before Anurag could see through her, Prerna pivoted around and went straight
into her classroom.
"You aren't a nobody, Prerna, that's the point," Anurag called after
her.
Prerna pretended not to hear him, because she had no other choice. The Mishka
on him might have been fading, but there were still traces of it. Even if Anurag
was throwing his first real punches in years for her, Prerna couldn't paint
herself over him. It would end up ruining them both.
This was not their beginning, because she couldn't let it be.
PART 3
Prerna's innocence was so all encompassing that it followed her around like a tangible aura. This became clear near the beginning of their Final Year. Before then, through the years, there had been a few almost fights. Sid kept running his mouth and Anurag felt obligated to protect him. It never went further than Anurag showing a little aggressive flair. That was when he was dating Mishka, so even though Prerna would give a shiver every time she witnessed that little bit of bad in him, she didn't let anyone else see that. It was one thing to look at him like that when they were kids, and were all friends on an even field. It was an entirely different thing to covet her someone else's boyfriend every time he got a certain spark of fire in his eyes.
Then, suddenly, he wasn't Mishka's boyfriend. In the summer before senior year,
Mishka decided that, while he was her first great romance, Anurag was not her
forever love. What prompted this realization, even Prerna didn't know. Whatever
may have brought it on, Anurag seemed to agree. He even said that he was a
couple weeks off of calling it quits himself. As sudden as it was, it didn't
change much. The couple dissolved and they all went back to being friends all
around for the rest of the summer. It should have been fine, but everything
changed again.
That September, even Anjali expanded her social circle and starting dating someone
new, someone they hadn't known. Busier with other things, she left Anurag and Prerna
to their own devices. With the amount of time they were spending together while
he tutored her on Accounts in college, as colleagues in office, and when dropped
her home, Prerna feared she was too bad an influence on him. He was in a real
fight within a few weeks of the start of the semester.
Prerna never got
around to hearing what provoked the fight, nor was she around to see it. She
had been closed up in the library studying for her exam when the fist fight
broke out in the boys' locker room. Rumours spread like wildfire though and by
the time Anurag joined them at their lunch table sporting a shiner and split
lip, Sid had heard he had Kung fu'd his way through twelve guys, Anjali had
collected three separate accounts that said the other guy was in the hospital,
and Prerna wasn't sure who threw the first punch. Anurag evaded their questions
and kept his head down in a move eerily familiar to the way Prerna acted after
receiving a scolding at home.
"You're lucky you didn't get caught, or killed, or expelled," Anjali
said in between glances toward her boyfriend's table across the cafeteria. With
the lunch hour half over, it was almost time for her to head over there. She tried
to split her time evenly, but the boy always seemed to come out with a little
more of her.
"Think about your goals," Sid added. "You can't let someone
else's stupidity ruin your future."
"It's nothing," Anurag insisted, digging his fork into his plate.
"It won't happen again."
Anurag making light of the situation, like it wasn't a big deal, doubled with
the fact that Prerna's first thought after seeing him was that he could do with
looking a little less perfect, made it obvious that she couldn't let this
happen.
When Anurag walked with her to class after lunch, Anjali was with her boyfriend
and Sid's next class was on the other side of the building, so it was just the
two of them together everyday, he bumped his side against hers. She was still
like she had always been and the slight nudge almost sent her sprawling. She
would have gone over if his quick reflexes hasn't reached out and caught her by
her elbow, pulling her back in close to his side. He didn't apologize, just
matched her stride and kept going.
"You were quiet at lunch," Anurag said. His tongue poked out to probe
his split lip and Prerna wanted to pinch herself for letting her eyes fall to
watch it. "Is it because you agree with them? You gonna tell me I shouldn't
be fighting?"
Prerna stopped short of her classroom and Anurag pulled up to face her. She
squinted her eyes as she looked up at him. It was hard to meet his eyes; he
shone so brilliantly that it was almost like trying to stare at the sun. She
was almost blinded by him. Even with his battle wounds, there was no stopping
the inherent gorgeous quality of his features from shining through. Before she
could stop herself, she reached up and brushed her thumb over the bruise
forming under his eye. Maybe she imagined it, but he seemed to lean into her
touch. She snapped her hand back to her side before she could find out for
sure.
"You shouldn't be fighting," Prerna said each word carefully, because
if she didn't, her tongue might spit different ones out.
"You know what it's like, Prerna," Anurag licked his lip again, but Prerna
was not looking at his lips. "If you had heard what he said"
"It doesn't matter what the guy said about Sid" Prerna replied.
"Who said anything about Sid?" Anurag's eyebrows knit together.
"The fight wasn't about Sid?" Prerna matched his frown. "Isn't
it always about Sid?"
Anurag shook his head slowly. "You've always wanted us to stick up for
you. I've kept up my end of the bargain. You'd do the same for me, wouldn't you?"
"You know I would," Prerna fought off the hint of smile that
threatened to appear as she realized this was about her. She couldn't encourage
him. She took a step back and turned her eyes to the floor. "But the
others are right. You have a future to worry about. You can't be doing things
like this, especially for a nobody like me."
Before Anurag could see through her, Prerna pivoted around and went straight
into her classroom.
"You aren't a nobody, Prerna, that's the point," Anurag called after
her.
Prerna pretended not to hear him, because she had no other choice. The Mishka
on him might have been fading, but there were still traces of it. Even if Anurag
was throwing his first real punches in years for her, Prerna couldn't paint
herself over him. It would end up ruining them both.
This was not their beginning, because she couldn't let it be.